Not every sexual experience unitarian sexuality
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Not every sexual experience unitarian sexuality: As i said before not every sexual feeling comes from a healthy place and not every sexual experience is a good or positive one.
- 2022-06-08 06:03:36
- Internet Archive Python library 3.0.1
- Ahead of ourselves cuz we haven't covered miss number one. The first myths about sexuality is that it's all about the physical act of sex. You'll hear me intentionally using the word sexuality today instead of sex. Because that's we heard in a reading sexuality encompasses far more than any simple simple physical. Sexuality involves relationships gender roles and gender identity reproductive health. It's annecy. Body image emotions spirituality. And more. In addition to the physical component. To reduce all of sexuality then to the physical act of sex diminishes the conversation and it diminishes sexuality itself. Number to now if you've already mentioned. Religions in churches shouldn't talk plainly and directly about sexuality. Does harmful because sexuality is an important and some would argue essential part of the human experience. Contrary to some religious perspectives. Unitarian universalism do you sexuality as being about far more than procreation. Thoughts about pleasure connection intimacy and more. A healthy theology a healthy religious journey. Healthy free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Has to have some sort of exploration in consideration. Of what a healthy sexuality looks like. Otherwise it's simply incomplete. And so if a healthy faulty ologies only arrived at by exploring different ideas about sexuality. Our religions are religious traditions and congregations sure as heck better be helping us. Find meaningful inappropriate ways to do that exploration. Because of course can always find good information on our own. There are so many myths lies and outright distortions floating around in our culture. It can be hard to separate the wheat. Furniture. Avoiding direct conversations about sexuality in a religious communities also tends to imply that there is something wrong with sexuality. Which brings us to miss number 3. This number three. Sexuality is bad. This is probably the most harmful meth that exists in much of our culture. Because sexuality is unhealthy normal part of the human experience. When we are told otherwise it can lead to feelings of shame. That there's something wrong with us. Simply for having sexual feelings. Desires or experiences. And nothing. Maybe farther. From the truth. But every sexual feeling is coming from a healthy place of course not every sexual experience as a positive one. But i'm hole. Of the human experience. The shame. That's the worst. Remembering a shame is not being made to feel bad or wrong about who we are as human beings where the guilt is about feeling bad about our actions and behaviors. Sexual shame is insidious. When you need to feel shame. If you're bad and wrong about who we are as a person simply because we've chosen to masturbate. When are made to feel shame because who were attracted to. I don't need to feel shame about how we look. When were made to feel shame just for having sex outside of marriage. Those are missed lies and distortions that cause real harm to us. And the cause real harm in the world. And we made some significant cultural progress on many of these issues. But the negative beliefs persist. He won't fully transition and having a healthy relationship with sexuality in our country. Until no one is made to feel bad. Either implicitly with subtle cultural messages or explicitly with words or actions. You won't fully transition to that hollywood the healthy relationship until no one is made to feel bad about how they look. Who they're attracted to or what sexual acts they choose to engage. How to be clear context matters. As i said before not every sexual feeling comes from a healthy place and not every sexual experience is a good or positive one. Sexual assault in draper to easy examples. But it doesn't have to be a crime for a sexual experience not to feel good. We'll talk more about that in a moment with miss number 5. But the short version is. Sometimes even sex with someone we care about simply isn't good for a variety of potentially. Sexuality as a whole.. Is a normal and healthy part. The human experience. Next up is miss number for. Every sexual encounter should go smoothly and easily. Popular media helps to perpetuate the smith. What's tv shows and movies tend to follow a similar script around sex scenes. Clothes come off easily no one ever has a problem on doing a bra clasp or with stubborn buttons and no one zipper ever get stuck. There's usually lovely music playing in the background. And rarely any talking. More on that in a minutes. Typically in the script of the characters involved don't get scared in the middle and want to stop. Typically if the scene involves a man things don't come to a screeching halt because he lost his erection. Typically both partners achieve orgasm at approximately the same time. Because you know that's what happens in real life. Both people always orgasm at the same time every time. Oh yes. Real life. Sometimes everything goes smoothly in real life. Perhaps even often if we're lucky. But there's always at some point there was awkward moments. Times where everything doesn't go quite as we hoped or planned. And the flow gets interrupted. Logistics are complicated sometimes. Directions. Most people don't always orgasm in the same actual sexual act. And sometimes even then the same sexual encounter. And all of that is okay. And perfectly normal. The thing is this myth is not just perpetuated by tv's and movies. There isn't a lot of erotica or pornography made about sexual experiences that are awkward or bad. Because of course no one using erotic or p*** once that. They wanted something that enhance their sexual experience not limits. All of this token lead to the idea that every sexual encounter should be smooth and easy. And that's just simply not always the case. If we think it is though when we experience these awkward moments. It can lead to feelings of shame or create pain within. Which brings us to miss number 5. But every sexual experience is wonderful and feels great. Which again simply isn't always true. Sometimes a particular way a partner touches us triggers a memory of a bad experience. Sometimes i partner baby really into it and we participate in the sexual encounter for them even though we're not really feeling it for ourselves. Sometimes a particular sexual position feels good at first but then starts chasing and ends up not feeling so good. There's any number of things i can have on that can result in a sexual experience not feeling the best. The important thing is how we address those situation. We'll talk more about that in a second. But first one of the most challenging myths in our final dignity for today miss number 6. Sexuality doesn't involve talking or communication. There are two parts to this. Our overall conversations about sexuality. And talking about and communicating during sexual acts themselves. Asako overall communication about sexuality first. Starting by examining a true story. Benny years ago in a denomination michelle remain unnamed. Alyssa was asked the preacher sermon on sex. And yes it was enlightened times it was on sex not on sexuality. Being somewhat reserved this minister found himself embarrassed when he came to write the word sex in his notes while preparing his sermon. So to remove this discomfort. He decided to simply put the letter s wherever the word sex was supposed to be. Do during his preparation his wife came in and looked over his shoulder. She noticed the letter s canton liberty throughout the text and ask him what the topic for the sermon was. Embarrassed even to tell his wife what the topic was the minister said so sailing that's what the sermons about it's about stealing. It's a bit of an odd topic for a sermon but guess sailing might form a reasonable analogy of some kind of making a good point about life. And she continued on her way. Come sunday. The minister's wife she was sick though and she missed the church with the flu. Her husband however preached a terrific sermon. Although he started nervously he warmed the topics the sermon progressed. And handle the matter most tactfully and hopefully. During the following week i member of the congregation was speaking to the minister's wife. Oh your husband preached a beautiful sermon last sunday he handled a difficult topic most sensibly and i found what he had to say most helpful. Well that is a surprise at the minister's wife. I'm afraid i didn't think he'd be of much help to anybody. After all he's only ever done it twice. And neither experience was particularly good for us both times he thought he knew exactly what he was doing when he didn't. And he ended up going overboard both times. That's funny right i could joke. And hopefully when it actually happened it wasn't too damaging to the minister his wife or the member of the congregation who likely walked away fairly scandalized. But our taboo against talking about sex is very real. And can have some significant negative repercussions. The biggest. And we don't talk about sexuality when we aren't able to have honest genuine conversations. About what sexuality means and it is. We don't know what's normal. We owe much to our understanding of what is in fact normal to some pioneering researchers names you might be familiar with. Alfred kinsey produced what might expect what has become known as the kinsey reports on male and female sexuality in the late 1940s and early 50s. These reports help change what are understanding of what normal sexual experiences were. Be more in line with what we understand today. Following on his heels williams william masters and virginia johnson did their own pioneering research in the 50s 60s and even 70s. Further debunking myths and misconceptions held by the public about the basic functioning of human sexuality. Thanks and perks to these folks and many other researchers we've gotten much clearer about the realities of biological sex. I'm off course there's still some misinformation out there the mists we generally generally struggle with these days are less about biology and more about emotions relationships and process. It shouldn't understood now for example that masturbation in and of itself is not bad and wrong. But we're still working on issues like communication and consent. And while the challenges we face about having honest conversations about sex or significant it's only one part of the communication challenge. Because the other major communication challenge facing us is about talking with our partners about sexuality. And our shared sexual experiences. Whether it's before. After. Ordering. Two related subnets in the communication areas that were all automatically good at sex and that we can read each other's mind. Some of us may indeed be naturally skilled when it comes to sexuality. But like in the real world many of us learn and improve our skills overtime. One of the easiest and best ways to learn. Is by having conversations about what worked and didn't work in previous encounters. Or and this can be really hard. Talking and providing feedback in real-time. Just bumped into miss number for that sexual encounters should be smooth and easy and not involve a verbal suggestions or adjustment. It can be particularly hard to receive feedback. When were in the middle of a sexual experience. Or open for very vulnerable. That's easy for feedback or suggestions. To bring up feelings of shame. To simply skip communication though. To not talk at all springs in the mind-reading mess. Because as much as if we act like this isn't true in our relationships and areas related to sexuality and otherwise. We are not mind readers. Enter talking about what works for us and doesn't. Before during or after. Can make a big. We've covered six myths about sexuality and truthfully there are many many more we could talk about. For example as much as we've been talking about how human sexuality as a as a normal part of human experience. There's a subset of the population perhaps up to 1%. Or asexual. We simply don't have sexual feelings or desires. At all. And that's perfectly normal to for them. Another example. The all sexual experiences should always be natural and spontaneous. Has any parents can attest. Sometimes you have to plan a specific day and time and make it work whether you're into it in the moment or not. Other sexuality missed include the idea that physical attraction is only or primarily about looks for everyone. For that men always want sex no matter what. But women have much lower sex drives. Or that abstinence-only sexuality education works. And there are many many more. The biggest danger with these myths and for us as bernie zilbergeld notes in his book male sexuality. Is that we succumb to yet one more miss. Sonesta in this enlightened day and age when we know so much and are so educated. But all these missed that we've talked about. No longer have any impact on. Because they do. Business are all currently or all have been cultural norms. And even if we're aware of them even if we think we're trying to combat them in our heads even if we disagree with them. They still do have an impact on us. Usually and harmed. Waze. How do we find our way forward then and try and create a healthy sexuality for ourselves our relationships. And our lives. One easy way is through educating ourselves as well as our children and youth. Because sexuality education is such an important part of a healthy religious life. At the unitarian universalist association our unitarian universalist association has worked hard to make sure that all unitarian universalist have access to quality and meaningful sexual education curriculum. The most recent curriculum they've created in conjunction with united church of christ. It's called our whole lives or owl for short. In the very title you can see one of the key values of the curriculum. That sexuality education is important across the entire lifespan. Have our youngest to our oldest. Sol will offer specific developmentally appropriate curriculum starting with the kindergarten to first grade range including our fourth through sixth graders and onto middle school high school young adults and adults. We offered high school owl here last year were offering k through second owl this year this year right now. I'm hoping to offer middle school al next year if the budget permit. Brought children and youth this is a terrific option especially because in addition to the biology. I will focus on teaching our kids how to handle the emotional spiritual and relational aspects of sexuality. And of course in addition to the programs themselves one of the core tenets of owl is that parents are the primary sexual educators of their chill. And so having conversation with our kids is vitally important. Which brings us to the second transformative thing we can do. Communicate. This is harder. Much harder in many instances. Because it usually involves vulnerability. And might brings up might bring up feelings of shame or fear. It's also hard because it goes against what our culture teaches us. Hyper-sexualized as our culture is in so many other ways. Sex cells as they say. Abc sexuality everywhere. And you're not supposed to talk about it in general or with our sexual partner. Talking isn't generally radically countercultural and another itself. But in this case with sexuality. It is. Having honest conversations about sexuality with others and safe. Healthy environments is important. Having careful loving conversations with our sexual partners before during or after sexual experiences. Also vitally important. If we communicate we can figure out what might have gone wrong during a sexual experience that was less than positive for us. If we communicate we can figure out ways to make the experience better for everyone involved. Most importantly if we communicate we can make sure our sexuality in our sexual experiences. Are in line with our beliefs and values. Healthy sexuality with ourselves and especially when it involves involves other people. Means bringing respect. Care. And i don't mean love isn't as in being in love. Some sexual experiences are with ourselves and some sexual experience with are not with romantic partner. But all of our sexual experiences hopefully. Involve bringing in intention of love. Of relating to the other person as if they were an equal human being. And equals human being with needs and wants of their own. An equal human being was also being vulnerable in some shape or form. An equal human being deserving of respect. If we do this. If we communicate with one another and bring an intention of love. The amount of fear we can overcome. The amount of shame we can heal. Eventually we can bring to our experiences of sexuality. Is truly amazing. Friends as we go about our days. As we go about our lives. Baby educate and communicate our way into a healthy sexuality. That reflects our unitarian universalist beliefs and values. Baby remember that sexuality is about more than just the physical act of sex. Better than compasses intimacy identity emotions. Maybe remember that sexuality is a healthy and normal part of the human experience. Maybe remember. But not all real-life sexual experiences occur as beautifully scripted as they do in the tv and. Most of all. Maybe educate and communicate about sexuality. So that we can heal ourselves and each other. So we can transform these harmfulness into positive realities. So that we can appreciate. Hillary can all appreciate and enjoy the full spectre. Of our sexuality. May you bring healing to yourself in your relationships. May you help transform these myths in our culture. May you appreciate and enjoy the full spectrum of your sexuality.