>> frankincense and myrrh and gold. >> what's frankincense? what's myrrh? >> i don't know. >> what's gold? >> gold is gold! >> what is the virgin mary do on the first christmas? >> she left out cookies for santa. >> what kind of cookies were they? >> gingerbread. >> what did jesus do when he grew up? >> he -- went to heaven. >> what did he do before that? god bless you. >> he told everyone that he's a miracle maker. >> what kind miracles have you seen? >> there's only one. it was today. >> what happened? >> i put a napkin, i put it on this eye. was it this eye? which one? this eye. because you see from the side, it looks a little swollen? >> yeah. >> it's a sty. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, kids. he's right, it is a sty. tonight, there is a tribe called quest here tonight. we have exclusive clips from "rogue one." be right back with the cast of "rogue one: a star wars story." walked around the shelter, no intention of adopting. he was the very last kennel in the very last row. emaciated. he was skin and bones. usually what you see

frankincense and myrrh and gold. what's frankincense? um... what's myrrh? i don't know. what's gold? gold is gold! what did the virgin mary do on the first christmas? she left out cookies for santa. did santa like mary's cookies? uh-huh. what kind of cookies were they? gingerbread. what did jesus do when he grew up? he...went to heaven. what did he do before that? ah-choo! god bless you. he told everyone that he's a miracle maker. what kind miracles have you seen? there's only one. it was today. what happened? i put a warm-water napkin, i put it on this eye. was it this eye? which one? this eye. because you see from the side, it looks a little swollen? yeah. it's a sty. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thanks, kids. [ laughs ] he's right, it is a sty. tonight, there is a tribe called quest here tonight. we have exclusive clips from "rogue one." we'll be right back with the cast of "rogue one: a star wars story." [ cheers and applause ] we work here in hollywood every day, agine a world where the holidays are about joy again. where days are filled with magic instead o

gold, frankincense and myrrh, just what a baby wants myrrh. honey, the baby is crying, get the myrrh. did you forget you were buying for a newborn? next time just hook a brother up with a binky, a blanky, and a baby bjorn. i'll see you guys wandering around all night trying to find a baby? that's not a bible story, that an episode of "law and order: svu." three wise men wise up to this. ya burnt. mistletoe, the bill cosby of plants. side burn cosby. >> sideburn. >> seth: mistletoe is the tradition that answers the question, what if tinder was just some leaves. also this is the holiday spent mostly with extended family, do we really need to incentivize on the mouth kissing and no one has gone to the bathroom for 45 minutes because weird cousin gary has been lurking in the door way. mistletoe? more like mistle-no, you're burnt. christmas carolers, so wait. you're telling me i get to pause the basketball game i had on and watch an a cappella concert i didn't ask for? sign me up. [ light laughter ] also, carolers, can someone please tell me what i

. >> coal, frankincense. [bell] >> wings, chicken, i don't know. >> want wingy. >> franken since, miles an hour and somethin -- myrrhand s. >> what's myrrh? >> myrrh is something they use in making perfume. >> are you wearing cologne. >> you are can i smell it from here. >> stings the nostrils. >> what was jesus' profession. >> he was a carpenter. >> he was a carpenter. >> yes. >> so what got you into carpeting? >> i guess i would have to say joe's. >> the christmas tree itself, what country did that originated from? >> i believe it was in russia. >> u.s.? >> buffalo? >> buffalo is a city. >> china? [ buzzer ] >> probably not the middle east. [bell] >> sweden being maybe? >> close. >> norway. >> closer. >> finland? [ buzzer ] >> i don't know. i'm out of guesses. >> we can stop now if you want. >> i believe it was germany? >> maybe germany? >> germany. >> unbelievable. >> wait, was that real? >> that's exactly the way i feel. >> do you know who i am? >> no. >> i'm watters. >> what? >> and this is my world. >>

. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, frankincense and myrrh, for sounding like a law firm in bethlehem. [ laughter ] [ applause ] "i'm terry myrrh and if this happened to you, then you call me at 1-800 --" [ applause ] terry myh. ♪ thank you, coffee filters, or as shaq calls you, cupcake wrappers. [ laughter ] >> steve: have a cupcake. >> jimmy: i want a cupcake. >> steve: it's a cake in a cup. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a cake -- i put it in a cup and i call it a a cupcake. ♪ thank you, used towel on the ground. i could pick you up in one second with my hand, but i'm going to spend five minutes trying to pick you up with my toes. [ applause ] why am i doing this? ♪ thank you, the combination of a a golden retriever and a a dachshund, for being called a a golden dox, and not a wiener retriever. >> steve: hey-oh! [ laughter and applause ] hey! oh! >> jimmy: cute dog. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: cute dog. >> steve: wiener retriever. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, family newsletters during the holidays, for being the original fake news. there you go, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] those