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UNsoulmated 2 (or How to Survive a Divorce By Burning A New Path For Yourself)

Calvin Maximilian

NOTE: Days # 237+ are available on this Soundcloud profile. To listen to past episodes, Days # 1 -1 236, go to https://soundcloud.com/user-808459452 .



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Day 265. I get an unexpected text from my ex that is a positive milestone in my journey, but the cautious side of me wonders what prompted the message and if I should be concerned about a hidden agenda.
Day 261. I do a midday check in because of the number of odd happenings in the first half of my day from my Lost Soulmate explaining to me how she plans on joining an evangelical group which sounds more like a cult, and my 5-year old daughter telling me how she saw NP Douche's wiener.
Day 278. My daughter tells me once again that she does not love NP Douche. This makes me wonder how he feels about this. It also makes me wonder what he could be doing to make her not love him. Also, I address the difficulties of dating for men vs. women based on a comics point of view of the situation.
Day 274. I used to be quick to defend the actions of "white people" as a show of support for my Caucasian wife. But now that I am divorced, I find that I can easily just sit back and let people sort out their own stupid mistakes and not have to get involved anymore.
Day 307. My friend's grief over the suicide of her daughter's peer has me thinking about the time I considered taking my own life, but then I reflect on the fact that even though I no longer want to commit suicide, I really do not have a problem with accepting that I will one day die, and would not be too disappointed if it happened to me tomorrow.
Day 271. In response to some feedback I have gotten, I elaborate more on my decision to end my relationship fully with my Lost Soulmate. Where some see it as me giving up on her, the truth is I have to do this in order to not give up on myself.
Day 281. I had thought I was done with having to think about the crazy white guy I had to block on Facebook but now people are coming forward to inform me of other heinous things he has done and some of it is surprisingly psychotic.
Day 296. To wrap up my dealings with my Facebook troll, I address a subject that he obviously has no clue about: rape culture.
Day 299. I see how life this time last year was drastically different in how I have to do family planning this year and ponder how some difference in a broken family's households may affect the children.
Day 282. Another great couple of nights emceeing for some great headliners, I get some important tips from the professional comics about networking and how that will land me more work down the road. Also, my ex makes a request that I agree to but wonder if it was the right thing to do.
Day 270. My train of thought leads me back to the night I had contemplated ending it all and the motivations as to why I climbed up onto that stool and the motivations that brought me down off of it.
Day 363. I dissect what could have been going through my then-wife's mind this day last year when we, as a family, was having a regular family outing, and come to the conclusion that it was my character that made it easy for her to finally come forward and end our marriage.
Day 318. As I prepare for my first feature set in two weeks, I revisit the advice I had gotten to date from other comics and non-comics and consider what I should listen to and what I should ignore.
Day 351. The month of December will be a very emotional month for me, especially as I wind down my 365 day journey and reflect on the things that happened to me since this time last year. The first thing I felt I needed to address before I reach day 365 was to give my Lost Soulmate another chance.
Day 364 (12/13/18) Evening Job Confirmation, Faulty Alternator, & One-Minute Movies by Calvin Maximilian
Day 319. After 318 days of podcast episodes, I look back at the reason why I started recording my daily journals and go into more details about why day 365 will be my final episode.
Day 324. While setting up the Christmas lawn decorations, I am reminded of an incident that occurred last year, resulting in one of the décor pieces being missing, and the conversation I had with my then-wife when it happened.
Day 253. What appears to be efforts from my Lost Soulmate to mend our relationship (although I am still very wary), our dialogue today shows the difference the two of us perceives the idea of giving over to God control of our lives, where I see it as complete control where I don't think about what I no longer control, whereas she focuses on all the examples of her how she is giving over control.
Day 263. As I prepare for my first paid hosting gig this coming weekend, the club owner has an odd bit of censoring he wants to enforce with my act. Also, I talk about a hypothetical scenario in which one of my former in-laws could end up very annoyed by the prospect if it were to ever happen.
Day 297. It seems there is more to the story regarding why my ex and her best friend broke up and it looks like her ex-best friend is ready to talk about it.
Day 302. With less than 24 hours before my ex-wife and MP Douche get married, I spend an evening with the two people who were closest to my ex during my divorce but who are now not invited to the wedding. Needless to say, more details are shared with me about the mess that was my ex's re-telling of why our marriage fell apart.
Day 295. My troll "friend" just can't stop so I have to make a decision on how to deal with it. Also, I completed my first roast battle and I share the outcome of that.
Day 332. After completion of my first feature weekend, I take some time to reflect on what I learned from the experience and part of the learning was to define who I am as a comedian and what is my voice that I am strongest at conveying.
Day 361. I reflect on how my then-wife had so many reasons for being with me, a list that she repeated throughout our 14 years of marriage, only to later leave me for someone with none of those attributes.
Day 352. I am getting some critical backlash from individuals who think that the chance of me not doing comedy anymore is a waste of an opportunity. I reflect on the whole situation and realize a large part of it has to do with my newfound fear of commitment, which has come about due to the sudden end to one of the things I had committed to for the rest of my life.
Day 353. My recent conversations with my Lost Soulmate makes it very clear that her personal hate is much stronger in her soul than God's love, which is a problem for someone claiming that she is witnessing truth to unbelievers.
Day 334. It's an odd phenomenon the way friends and family cannot see a single person interacting with someone of the opposite sex without wondering if there are plans for you to get together. Even when that person is a married person.
Day 255. I knew my Lost Soulmate would eventually bring up her view on Christianity again but I didn't expect it to be this soon, which leads to the potential of things ending again, sooner than expected. Also, some recognition from last night's comedy performances brings up old performance anxieties.
Day 254. I had a successful comedy set opening for a long-time professional, who later gives me inspiring feedback that helps me know that I am on the right path. Also, I get to try out a method of interacting with girls that I had not done before and it proves also successful.
Day 251. One thing I am starting to hear about are the vermin of the underbelly of the comedy circuit and I am beginning to see how different people are responding to these different elements of the comedy world. This helps me use my own personal way of managing my feelings to an advantage over some of these club owners.
Day 237. I continue to dip my toe into new waters with some low hanging fruit and some long view prospects. Also, someone from my past also suddenly reappears with no explanation and I'm curious what this could mean.
Day 246. I now understand the reasoning behind why grandparents tend to spoil their grandchildren. This understanding will remind me to try and be more patient with my grandparents when they do it.
Day 241. About this time last year, my then-wife and I read that Hollywood darling couple Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were getting a divorce. This shocked us. A Few months later, we became them in that we shocked all of our friends in the same way. PLUS: If Anna Faris would be willing to go on a date with me, I will happily end my dating ban to do so.
Day 266. This seems to be the week of women who I thought were in my past resurfacing all at the same time. Some of it good, some of it not so good. All of it is unexpected and I am not so sure what all of this means and how it will play into my future.
Day 280. In the continued saga of me and my love/hate relationship with some choice white acquaintances, one representative proves that he is truly the poster child for the very version of the white man that the media wants us to hate.
Day 294. I get harassed by an acquaintance who has a bad habit are inciting debates with people just for the sake of debating. Unlike the other two people I had to recently block on Facebook, I have history with this person and that makes it harder for me to just cut him off. But apparently, I'm not the only one who he gets under their skin.
Day 314. I learn some new things about what one should really do if they win the lottery. Also, I am reminded of a point that my ex made when she was trying to get the house from me and thinking about it more kind of pisses me off.
Day 277. As more opportunities present themselves, I start to feel the pressure of expectations and follow-through. Although I want to stay on this path and feel like I am here for a reason, I had not expected things to move as quickly as they have and am starting to be a little stressed by it.
Day 310. The over critiquing comic changes his tune after he is able to see my second night as the emcee for his gig, which reaffirms my feelings that he is just the type who likes to insert himself whether it is needed or not. At the same time, I observe the headlining comic and her concern with some guests who judge her level of taste tonight.
Day 303. I finally have the closure on my ex's plan to end our marriage and that is the official marriage she just entered into with NP Douche. She is now officially his responsibility and I can at least feel safe that she won't be hitting me up for any alimony or attempts at taking anymore property. It's a good thing.
Day 336. Someone I had blocked on Facebook multiple times rears her ugly Facebook face again and, thus, another day, another blocking.
Day 256. Having had opportunity to work more closely with the comedy club owner, I am starting to rethink my previous perceptions of the man and am wondering if I was a little misled by the other comics regarding doing business with him.
Day 258. I am reminded of some of the things my ex said to me in her scolding letter about my behavior online and onstage. One point she made has me wondering if she has more surprises for me coming up in the legal sense if I ever am successful.
Day 252. Today ends up being a crazy day with me being spread thin over my Lost Soulmate's sudden resurgence of involvement in my life and my ex-wife lecturing about how I should be acting as someone who is divorced.
Day 248. Breaking news of one of the #MeToo movements founders, Asia Argento, having potentially paid off an accuser of her sexual assault misdeed against the accuser, brings up whether or not we need to restructure how we react to the slew of accusations that have come forward since the movement began.
Day 257. In recent news, further development in the Asia Argento sexual misconduct story that may bring her down. Meanwhile, Louis C.K. makes a sudden public appearance and the public reaction is very mixed. How does any of this apply to my life?
Day 240. An oversight may be the reason my ex seems to know more about my current life than she should, but my possible spy did not fully cover her tracks, so I think I have eliminated the culprit. Also, I realize why I had been in a funk of late and am now working on resolving that issue.
Day 287. Some Facebook activity brings back memories of a girl I had pursued at one time. I had not thought of her in ages so seeing her name suddenly woke that side of my brain that had stored her memory away for quite some time. I revisit the time I had pursued her.
Day 283. As I had suspected, there does seem to be some resentment building between some of the comics towards the idea of some comics getting work while others do not. I have not heard of any backlash towards myself yet but there is some criticisms of the kinds of comics the club I have been working for books.
Day 301. A film that was much talked about in our area for being a major studio production being filmed solely in our part of the country is finally released. But only on DVD and not in theaters. I get to finally see the film and now understand why, and wonder what it is that makes a project like this not able to compete with the big leagues.
Day 354. As I listen to some local comics be overly critical of the club owner I have been doing work for, I realize they only say what they say because they are not in a position to work for him. If circumstances were different, most of them wouldn't think twice before accepting work there if it benefited them.
Day 357. I am having a good day with some good progress with projects and even with my Lost Soulmate, but it all goes to heck when an acquaintance that I barely knows goes head-to-head with me online regarding his inappropriate dialogue towards some of the women I am working with on a project.
Day 321. Today, I realize a memory that I had was not a true occurrence after all, in doing so, I consider the concept of the Mandela Effect and it suddenly occurs to me that there could possibly be a form of that in my ex's memory that may have caused her to feel so strongly about getting a divorce.
Day 350. I had to get a root canal done today but, crazy enough, that wasn't the most painful part of the treatment. The part that was frustrating for me was the emotional trauma I was put through due to the bad day the dental tech was having.
Day 365. My second to last night of doing stand-up comedy for a while is also my second to last night to record my daily journal on this podcast. I get to spend the evening having a good night of comedy performances and learn a little from another professional comic.
Day 338. My son asks a series of questions that go much deeper than that of a 9-year old so we ended up having some lengthy discussions about existence and nature vs. nurture.
Day 346. I reach the anniversary of the window of time when my ex and Douche decide that they will indeed be together and begin discussing how my ex should go about telling me that my marriage was coming to an end. I reflect on what must have been going through their heads then and how the greatly underestimated my ability to see beyond my ex's deceitful tactics.
Day 335. I reflect on this time a year ago, when my son, daughter, and myself were living our normal, everyday family life, with no clue about the shocker that would shake up our family dynamic a mere month from this time last year. Only one person had the knowledge that this family was about to have a rude awakening and she made sure to keep it that way even up to the last minute.
Day 362. Today my ex calls me to give me an update on her newfound friendship with her psycho sister and the update comes as no surprise to me, but it should not have come as a surprise to my ex.
Day 337. I am trying to be less defensive about people wishing for me to find someone but I wish that I could make them understand that I am not unhappy being alone.
Day 344. My kids come to me with more reasons why they do not like their stepfather and I wanted to console them that things will get better in time...but I know they will not, and I'm not sure how best to tell them that.
Day 331. When it is about time to drop my kids off at their mother's, my son starts to get down. I have a talk with him and help him to feel more comfortable about sharing specifics about why he does not like going over there through some acting exercises.
Day 317. I revisit my feelings about why my children are always not too anxious about having to stay with their mother, and I come to the conclusion that it is not solely their douchey stepfather's fault, and that their mother has her part in making it not so ideal for them over there.
Day 343. My first Thanksgiving in a long while in which I did not have to go to any in-laws and it's really refreshing. But of course, when is there ever a Thanksgiving where there isn't any drama at all?
Day 345. I talk comedy shop with another fellow aspiring comic. With different aspirations, it's interesting seeing how we view each other's prospects for our futures.
Day 239. I philosophize a bit on what it is I believe God really wants us to be doing down here on Earth. And it isn't what the very vocal "Christian" community would want me preaching but I feel very strongly about this belief, so much that if my Lost Soulmate knew I was preaching this, she would definitely not want me in her life anymore.
Day 262. Some continued communications from my Lost Soulmate has me thinking about how her friendship may not be worth the trouble when I already have someone in place willing to be the friend I have been looking for in these lonely days of being divorced.
Day 259. Today, I took my son in to be treated for his allergy issues and it turns out he is VERY allergic to many things but the cost to have him treated is way out of my budget. My ex, though, does come through showing the good side of her I don't get to talk about as much. Also, I come up with an idea that, if taken seriously, could score me a second movie role for the coming year.
Day 293. Having gone through my healing and being reflective of this time last year reveals a different view of what was going on last year when I was clueless that my wife was engaging in flirtatious dialogue with another man as I carried on as if everything was alright.
Day 286. Men today are under the microscope, but instead of fighting it and trying to defend ourselves, it would be better if we can just face the fact that we have some really crappy representatives out there and do what we can to separate ourselves from them instead of defending ourselves, which makes it worse.
Day 288. The biker rally comedy gig turns out to be a bust but I'm cool with it. I got a chance to peek into a culture I had not been involved with before and it helps me understand those who enjoy it and less critical of cultures that I am not interested in.
Day 306. Feeling off to day due to sickness so I spend today's journal entry pondering whether LOVE in its purest form is even obtainable at all. Or is it a thing of myths?
Day 300. I am able to finally meet up with my ex's former best friend and we have a very in-depth discussion about the things that were said and things that happened on their side of the world over the past 6-7 months, and, boy, was it a lot of stuff.
Day 276. I ponder the complexities of what it will be like to plan long-term travel around my joint custody of my children, which leads me to thinking about how to fulfill my journey in life around others who are not ready to give control over to the grand scheme.
Day 366. It's officially one year after my wife tells me that she is ending our marriage. I reflect on the roller coaster ride that was the last year, and set the roadmap for my future to come.