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2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

2homos@2homos.com (Roxanne and Virginia)

Ever wonder what two Lesbians talk about when they get together? Well...wonder no more. The 2 Homos Lesbian podcast is the show with two Lesbians sitting around talking about whatever crosses our minds. We're not always politically correct, and no topic is off limits. Come spend some time and get intimate with us. We're open-minded, we speak our minds...and sometimes, for better or worse, there's no "edit" button. Enjoy the random observations of the 2 Homos Lesbian Podcast.



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2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's been said that some of the most successful entrepreneurs started their businesses in times of a recession. All it takes is some out of the box thinking. If we can have Harry Potter jelly beans that sometimes taste like vomit, why can't we have a "scratch and sniff" vagina candy that most of the time tastes delicious, but then every once in a while you get the one that tastes like vaginosis? Why not?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It was an amazing day in Gay history as the proposition to ban Gay marriage in California was deemed unconstitutional by a US chief district judge. Although that's great news, it doesn't mean that it's time to trade in your U-Haul for a wedding ceremony. Just because she touches you down there in a way you've never felt before...it doesn't mean you've just found your soulmate. Trust us...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There is absolutely no need to worry about the possibility of marijuana becoming legalized in the United States. Legalization has about as much chance of getting passed as Gay marriage in California. It's not because people aren't supportive. It's just that the people that would support the ballot initiative will forget to actually get out to vote on election day.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Before you get into a new relationship, you may want to take a look at the new prospect's track record with breakups. It's not about how many breakups they've had, but more about how they behave during a breakup. You don't want to be the subject of the next Eminem song with all your blubbering voicemail messages crafted into the next hit song making it to the top of the charts on the radio.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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How surprised were you the first time you had sex with your wife when you found out she wasn't really a virgin after all? Now you can relive that special moment with your one and only with the replacement hymen operation. If that seems like too much trouble to go through, then you can simply order a hymen replacement kit online. Capsule of fake blood included with every order.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Next time you think about getting up out of your airline seat to check your luggage before the plane comes to a complete stop, you may want to reconsider. You never know when the gentle, smiling flight attendant will decide it's time to go out in a ball of flames after 28 years by calling you a nasty name over the PA system, grabbing a couple of beers and hurling himself out of the plane on the emergency slide.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Alaska is cold any time of the year, so the best thing you can do when you go up there to visit is to seek out a nice warm Klondyke to help you turn up the heat. Just beware of the faux Lesbians that show up with crew cuts and rat tails wearing overalls. They may just be straight women whose hairdresser thought that looked cute.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There's nothing wrong with wanting to do a good deed by helping out animals without a home. You can visit your local shelter and adopt all kinds of needy pets. It only becomes a problem when you think you have only a few pets numbering around 150, but it really turns out that you have over 250 feral beasts running around your home crapping on the carpet.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's tough enough to come out to your parents, but when your parents are ok with you being Gay and you have a problem with it...then you're in serious trouble. Fortunately, for those parents working hard to accept their LGBT family member there's a place they can go to meet other parents dealing with those same issues. It's called PFLAG. Google it.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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One thing is the absolute truth. Lesbians like to be comfortable. That's why our favorite summer outfit consists of cargo shorts, a t-shirt and some nice comfortable Lesbian sandals. The only puzzling thing is why straight men enjoy wearing the exact same outfit. It's really hard to say who thought of it first and who is just copying the other.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Now that we're older we look at young Lesbians clandestinely holding hands at the theater trying to steal a sweet moment in a crowded area, hoping that their friends don't see that they're really having sex together every instant they can steal away. Instead of being supportive and respectful, all we can do is stare and forget that we did exactly the same things when we were younger...and thought nobody was watching.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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So rare is the partner that will take it upon herself to go back to the store she hates more than anyplace else on earth to return an item to get a replacement while you sit out in the parking lot rocking out to the car radio watching all the young hotties walk by with their tramp stamps and moose knuckles hanging out. Instead of bringing it up on a podcast, you might be better served to simply keep your mouth shut and just say "thank you".
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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History may be as queer as a three dollar bill, but that doesn't mean you'll find much about Gay history in your school textbooks. Most people probably don't know a whole lot about their Gay predecessors at all, or even where to start looking. Out and About Tours is on a mission to change all that. Hop on board the bus and find out all the great history you've been missing out on.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Parable - noun [par-uh-buhl]. A short allegorical story designed to illustrate or teach some truth, religous principle or moral lesson. If you're a Gay man deep in the closet and ashamed of yourself for being who you are...then please stop bashing other Gay people! Just cut it out!
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Repetitive motion injuries can be incredibly debilitating and they can strike at any time with devastating impact to your everyday life. Instead of leaving things to chance, hire a personal trainer to get you in shape for those long sex sessions with your brand new partner before you start dating. Of course, if you do happen to throw out a hip or slip a disc having sex, you can just go into work the next day and blame it on your job.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Everyone needs someone they can count on when the going gets tough. You need someone that can provide the necessary air cover when you're trying to hit on that really cute guy that you've been staring at all night long at the club. Just be careful who you choose to be your Wing Girl, however. You don't want your creepy Lesbian friend hitting on the hot guy you've been checking out. In the end he might just wind up liking her better than you.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Now that Fall is here it's time to start thinking about staying in tune with all the new fashions of the season. It's not only important to look good, but you you want to be stylish at the same time. No more of those dated looks from the eighties for you, and that includes your bush. Styling your bush should be just as important as styling your hair. Although not everyone is going to see it, you still want it to look good when they do.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Nothing sucks worse than being a young Lesbian without your own set of wheels. You have to rely on your mom to drop you off at your girlfriend's house, only to have her pick you up a few hours later smelling like sex. All you can do is long for the days when you can take your girl out for a date in your own vehicle to a drive-in movie and a pizza in the back of your pick-up truck under the covers. How do you spell Klassy?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Americans are an adventurous lot. We like to go out and explore new areas, see new sights and try exciting activities we've never tried before. We'll try anything once and even twice if we like. New and interesting foods are no exception. In fact, the more exotic it is...the better. Just make sure it tastes like chicken, however, or else you can be certain that we're going to hate it. Other than that...bring it on.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Imagine a world where all the walls are tan and all the carpets are gray. Imagine a world where people actually think that plaid matches nicely with polka dots, especially when it's purple. And, imagine a world where all haircuts look like the Super Cuts special of the week. What you're imagining right now is a world without Gay men.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Just because you're watching a long movie and you've had a large soda at the beginning of the show, does not mean the answer is to wear adult diapers to the theater so that you don't have to get up to pee in the middle. The answer is also not to run into the bathroom, hover over the toilet like a UFO and then run out as fast as you can leaving sprinkles all over the seat. Piss in a bottle like everyone else and just leave it in the movie theater for someone else to clean up.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Everyday life can be very stressful all by itself. Just getting through a day can wear you down and make you crazy. Load on top of that a visit from your crazy Dad that you're trying to avoid and you've got a full on nervous breakdown waiting to happen. At that point there's only one thing that's going to work...sex and a valium.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Just because you're a Lesbian does not mean you a license to use tools. You may be a pro with the "tools" you use in the bedroom, but when you start to think that you can wield real tools outside of the house...that's when someone is going to get hurt. Don't even think about using power tools. That kind of work should be left to a licensed Lesbian professional.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Some people might say it takes balls to just waltz right in and crash a party that you haven't been invited to. If it's a party you haven't been invited to and the party is at the White House and it's an inaugural dinner for the new president of the United States it takes a hell of a lot more than balls. For that it takes an Adam's apple.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Eight seconds is all it takes to win a bull riding contest. Eight seconds is also how long it takes for you to notice the Tecate Girls at Fanzone, for you to pull out your camera to get ready to take the picture of your life, and then for your wife to walk in front of you so that you miss the shot entirely.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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If you're going to run for public office in America, you would think that a basic pre-requisite would be to have read the Constitution of the United States of America at least once. It's only a fundamental document that describes the role of government in the 50 states. If they did, they would know about a basic human right that all citizens are born with under the Constitution...the inalienable right to m********e.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's hard work keeping the country safe from evil. That's why we all have to step up and do our parts if we're going to succeed. If that means going through a full body scanner at the airport, showing up in a Speedo with a nut hanging out, or letting Roxanne's mom listen to this show...we just have to suck it up and do what we have to do.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Recent studies show that among eighteen to twenty-four year olds, 1 in 10 have had sex with partners of each sex. While young people are doubling their pleasure and increasing the number of sex partners they're having, they're also increasing their risk of STD's. The next time your friend brags about how many girls she has had sex with, ask her how many times she's had crabs. Maybe she also has stock in the company that makes RID.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Landmines used to be the affectionate name to call piles of dog crap in the backyard that needed to be cleaned up before the gardeners showed up. Then came Jersey Shore, which taught us that landmines were simply ugly chicks to avoid in a bar. Now we're back to land mines really being a danger for the gardeners, except this time a gardener really did get blown up.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Telling people that it's unhealthy to smoke, showing them ads of smokers talking through a hole in their neck or putting scary warning labels on packs of cigarettes doesn't seem to make a discernible difference in anyone's willingness to light up on a regular basis. The only way to really get people to stop smoking is to raise the price to $50 per pack and to have a case of dynamite explode in their ass every time they light up.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's true...bush is back. Even if you're not interested in growing a bush for yourself, there is still something you can do to help those in need. For all those ladies that lasered their bushes off back in the nineties and now can't grow a pube if they wanted to, you can grow your own pubic hair and donate it to Locks of Love for pubes. Feel good while helping others to feel good, too.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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The holidays are a time for joy and good tidings. It's the time of year to see your good friends, spread some holiday cheer and appreciate all that is good in your life. It's also the time of year to forge your wife's name on Christmas cards, to lie about what's in the packages you're sending through the mail at the Post Office, and the time of year that you hope the sexy UPS girl shows up at your door with boxes full of fun gifts for you.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Taking a long trip to some place new always seems like a good idea at the time...until you start looking at the news. It's only then that you're confronted with the reality that other cities have bed bug infestations, serial killers and inhuman weather conditions. Perhaps it's best to simply stay at home for the holidays.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Sometimes being a good partner simply means putting your own needs aside while you hold your partner's hand to help them through a scary or tough part of their life. It can be a gesture so simple as sitting calmly beside them talking about how hot Rhianna and Beyonce are while your partner is skidding down a treacherous snowy mountain about to careen off a cliff to her death. You can at least leave her with happy thoughts as she goes.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There's nothing wrong with looking in the local sex rag for some companionship and love for an evening. Just be sure to read the description carefully. When Sexy Natasha calls herself 36-24-36 and adds and extra 9" at the end...she may be bringing some extra parts that you were not expecting. At that point you can just roll up the newspaper and stuff it in your shoes and jacket to stay warm all by yourself instead.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Fifteen feet of fresh snow, freezing temperatures and gale force winds...dressed only in a short sleeved t-shirt, sneakers and a fleece. The unrelenting winter weather is no match for four Lesbians on vacation up in the mountains armed only with an economy rental car, a refrigerator full of beer and a snowblower from before World War II. We can win this even if we have to stay through Thanksgiving deep frying a turkey out in a blizzard.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's time to get schooled. Here's your list of true or false questions: 1. All Lesbians drive trucks. 2. All Lesbians have short hair 3. All Lesbians are sporty. 4. All Lesbians are vegetarians. 5. Lesbians like to drive motorcycles. 6. All Lesbians sleep with each other. How are you doing so far? Remember...70% is considered passing.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There are some things that guys will never ever have to worry about. They never have to think about wearing white pants in case they get their period early. They never have to worry about the weight of their suitcase going over the weight limit at the airport because they had to pack extra tampons and pads, and they never have to worry about the outline of a super-sized tampon getting rubbed into the back pocket of their jeans.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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We've said it before, but good advice always bears repeating. It doesn't matter if you have one vibrator or two. Everyone needs to have that one good friend that knows exactly what to do in case of an emergency. If something unexpected were to happen to you, they will simply race over to your house, collect up all your sex toys and secretly take them away to where they can't be found. Your mom will never even know they were there.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Not everyone was brought up with good manners. Some people don't know that it's appropriate to tip the mail carrier and the gardener during the holidays. They don't know to hold a door open for a lady. And, they are absolutely clueless when it comes to dropping a twenty down on the table after the nice lady in airport security gives you a full body pat down.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There was a time when you could find a doctor to cure your various STD's on the down low without letting your wife or partner in on your little secret. Today we need computer technicians that can do the same thing. Every once in while you need to find someone that can carefully clean all the viruses and nasty infections off your computer without letting the new girl you're dating know anything about it. All gone.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There are two important rules that should be followed when using tools. The first is to always use the right tool for the job. The second is to always wear safety glasses. You never know when a little piece of plastic from the store's theft control security tag will pop up and hit you in the eye.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Be careful what you offer to do for a friend just to be nice. There may come a day when you have to make good on that promise, and you might just run out of friends to offer up and throw under the bus in your place. The real test will be when it comes down to the last minute and it looks you may just have to go to the theater to see the live dancing show. At that point do you suck it up and go, or do you get a last minute case of the runs so bad that you can't even leave the house?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It's bad enough when Americans travel to other countries acting rudely and embarrassing every one of us living in this fine country. Now it's gotten so bad you can't even take Americans out of their own neighborhood before they start behaving badly. The best advice there is for Americans that want to leave their homes is simply to stay inside, sit on the couch and don't eat anything that doesn't taste like chicken.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Listen up, straight people. Just because you figured out that Jodie Foster is a Lesbian does not mean you have Gaydar. Even if your best friend is Gay, this does not mean you gain Gaydar by osmosis. This is a special super power that only Gay People are endowed with. No, George Clooney is not Gay, either.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Going for a massage is the same as having sex with your partner. It's important to have a good line of communication going throughout the entire experience where you talk to each other about what feels good and what's too much. In either case there's a possibility that you could wind up with a hand up your ass going for a deep tissue massage if you just lay there quietly like a dead fish not saying anything.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Just a reminder...the country is on Orange Alert. We're going to stay on Orange Alert just to make sure that you continue to live in a constant state of low level fear paranoia and chronic agitation. If you see something suspicious, such as an abandoned backpack on the street, take immediate action. Call your friend that's a cop so that they can tell you exactly what to do next in that situation...call 911.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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College today is so different today from way back in the day. Now instead of having a Chess Club to join for a little extracurricular fun, you have the Slut Club. At least you'll get an education in things that you can use. Everyone needs to learn how to have multiple orgasms, G-spot orgasms and how to do a little B and D the right way. You may as well get something useful out of that college education your parents are spending good money on.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Some things you expect to be dirty. The subway toilet, a dog's ass, the sewer at the end of your block and the bottom of your shoes. The things you don't expect to be filthy are produce at the grocery store, ATM keypads and the waiter's hands at your favorite restaurant. What you really don't expect is to find a tampon in your bag of fries when go out to eat.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Selling your old junk on Craiglist may not really be as lucrative as it first seems. Once you take into account the extra insurance you have to take out on your wife that's meeting all the weirdos and then divide the rest of the money you make by the number of hours you have to spend talking to the stalker in you house and cooking him dinner, your hourly wage only comes out to about 50 cents an hour.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Most people traveling by air these days will do anything to avoid extra charges for luggage, onboard food and anything else that might be considered civilized....even leg room. Instead we'll all pack and stuff our onboard bags so full that even if you had to buy a box of tampons the only way you could get them on the plane is to shove them all inside yourself at once.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Facebook is a like a pretty girl you see on the street. She looks all clean and nice at first, but when you get her home you wind up with an itchy, scratchy disease a few days later. All of a sudden friends you no longer want to know start propagating on your page like venereal warts, your belly needs flattening, your teeth need whitening and you can get insurance for seniors at a really good price.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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For some people it's important that the carpeting hides the nasty stains on the floor. For Lesbians it's important that the carpet matches the drapes. But for others, it's only important that your ass doesn't hurt every time you walk across the floor when you remember the screwing you got from the person that sold you the carpet in the first place.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Everyone should know the joy of owning a toy box. Having a toy box as an adult, however, comes with the same exact responsibilities that you had a as a kid. When you're done playing with your toys you need to clean them up and put them away where they belong. Nobody likes to come home after a long day at work to see a lube-soaked dildo drying out on the kitchen counter.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Some people are naturally more sensitive than others. There are those that cry when they see a sad movie. Others are moved by a missing pet getting reunited with an owner. Still others tear up when an 80 year old grandmother comes out to explain how much she loves and appreciates her Gay son. Finally, there are the kind of people that feel the need to write negative comments on the Web because this show wasted 10 minutes of their life.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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It used to be that going to the theater was a family friendly activity that everyone in the family could enjoy together. You'd take in a show with lions happily singing that get shot by hunters so that the babies have to live as orphans, or a show where everyone is a junkie, lives in sqalor and dies of AIDS. Now when you go the show all you get is straight men's junk parading around on stage, someone's naked but pumping up and down screwing some girl, and the horrified looks of young children...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Getting a Brazilian is not just about looking good in a bikini this summer. It's also a good way to help save money during the recession. With a Brazilian you'll need less toilet paper every time you go to the bathroom, which means you can not only buy less toilet paper overall, but you can also buy the single-ply as well. Just think about how many napkins a man with a mustache needs every time he eats...same concept.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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The average human passes gas at least 14 times every single day. Gas is a just a natural part of the digestion process and everyone does it. Still...you can rest assured that stinkiest toot you'll do each day will occur at the most inappropriate time possible. If it's not in the middle of the meeting with your boss, it will be right at the moment the new girl you just met goes down on you for the first (and possibly the last) time.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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No need to go through all the trouble and expense of seeing a doctor when you can perform simple medical procedures at home all by yourself. If your ears get clogged simply run down to the Lesbian Hippie drugstore and pick up some ear candles. Torch them on the kitchen stove until the flames are at least 6 inches high and then run through the house, lay down on the couch and stuff it in your ear. Wait for your hair, the sofa and the rest of the house to catch fire.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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A lovely three bedroom house or a multi-compartment Habitrail with lots of spinning wheels and tunnels. Whatever you call it, the dirty little hamsters inside work hard day and night to mess it up. Sometimes you just need someone to come inside to clean up all the sawdust and crap. Hopefully, they'll leave a nice bowl of fresh water, some dry newspaper and some carrots.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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We typically think of doctors as these super-smart intellectuals who have spent countless years in school studying science, math and all kind of subjects that we can only imagine. Apparently, the one subject they don't teach you in medical school is how Lesbians have sex. You would think with all that college education they would have spent at least one semester living in the dormitory.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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There's a reason why some self-help and support groups that help people with alcohol and drug addiction try to stay anonymous. Not everyone wants the world to know about their private business and all their dirty laundry. The last thing they want is to have some lecherous Lesbian showing up at a love and sex addicts meeting gawking and winking at the hot girls while handing out condoms to all the men.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Almost every little girl has gotten a training bra at one time in their life. Still the question remains...what on earth is a training bra helping you to train? If you don't have a any t**s there's no reason to be wearing a bra in the first place. Once you get t**s, it's really not that challenging to put on a bra after the first time you snap it in place. The only bra training that really might useful is for Lesbians to get some lessons on how to a quickly unsnap a lady's bra using only one...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
audio

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Southern California has two seasons, bone dry and flooding rain. During the dry season you can go out of the house any time of the day or night and never have to worry about checking the weather at all. When it rains, however, the National Weather service should not only issue an emergency alert that all of a sudden nobody remembers how to drive, but also to be aware that it's wash day for the homeless river lady. When wash day comes, everything gets washed...even if she's wearing it already.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Living with your new wife, having sex every night, your arms behind your back with handcuffs and swinging with other single ladies from time to time. It all sounds like it might be a lot of fun...until you realize you're in prison. Then, just when you think it can't get any worse, you get traded for a tampon to a pretty woman called Diabla.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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It's easy to tell the city mouse from the country mouse. The city mouse ignores all the loud noises and unknown sounds that go on at night and just continues sleeping. The country mouse has to get up out of bed, find out what's going on and attempt to save the world with a flashlight and a stepstool. One gets a good night sleep and the other goes from compassionate animal lover to the angry neighbor calling Animal Control when the neighbor's dog won't stop barking all night long.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Some things just never need to be unearthed ever again. Instead of being dug up and flaunted out in public, they should simply be burned and tossed in the trash. That goes for the flannel shirt you wore every day of your life from the time you were 4 until you were 10, the boots you thought were so hot every time you wore them to the club, and the dildo that you used on your very first girlfriend until the label wore off completely.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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As a parent you have a responsibility to talk to your children directly about the important things in life. That means telling it exactly as it is and not beating around the bush. This includes sex, masturbation, breasts and periods. There is no more horrifying a surprise for a 12-year old girl than to all of a sudden see blood shooting out of her vagina and coming to realize for the first time that this is going to happen every month of her life for the next 40 years.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Somewhere in the world there must exist an institution where Lesbians can go to learn how to be a proper Lesbian. There will be woodworking classes, workshops to learn all about the different types of denim and flannel, and an extra credit course you can take to help you make your work boots match your outfits. The one class that is required by all attendees will be how to shake hands properly without crushing the crap out of everyone you meet.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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After serving jury duty for just one day, you'll come to realize that the scariest words you'll ever have to hear are that you'll be judged by a "jury of your peers". It wasn't a courtroom full of Lesbians that showed up for jury service that day. Instead it was the man with his pants below his ass, the lady slumped over two seats out cold for the entire morning, the man with rampant melanomas on his bald head and the skinny queen with pants three sizes too small. Well, maybe him.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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They may be lurking in a neighborhood near yours and you don't even know it. It's the Lesbian counterpart to the Stepford Wives...the Lezford Wives. They drive their Gaybies to play dates in their understated, yet overpriced, family-safe Volvo. They're dressed neatly in perfectly pressed khaki pants and a delicately starched pink or baby blue polo shirt with a very comfortable pair of designer shoes with low heels. Of course there will still be football on the TV on Sundays and a cold six-pack...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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It's important for us as Lesbians to make sure that we always uphold the stereotypes people hold about Lesbians. You can do your part by making sure you sport a mullet at least once in your life, buy flannel shirts in three different colors and always be sure to wear comfortable shoes. Whenever possible, hold your wife's hand in public and give her a kiss on the lips in front of a crowd. Why do we need to do this you ask? Because it scares the crap out of straight people.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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When people think of cloning they worry about all the horrible things that might happen. Nobody wants to eat meat from cloned animals and we certainly don't want to think about cloning humans. Unless...instead of all the Lesbian clones showing up with the same hairstyles and the same type of blazers with rolled up sleeves they've been wearing since the 80's, the clones were smoking hot replicas of the hottest women you've ever seen. Then everyone would be ok with cloning.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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Professionals in all walks of life take care of the tools they use to do their job. Top chefs keep their knives protected and razor sharp, artists make sure they're brushes are in top notch shape for their next masterpiece, and musicians strive to make sure their instruments are tuned up perfectly. It's pretty much the same for Lesbians. We keep our nails trimmed, our hands clean and we declare a national emergency that must be taken care of immediately if the dishwasher breaks and it means we...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 30, 2019 2 Homos
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If one is good, then we'll take two. Two times the dirty diapers, two times the amount of food to buy, two times the pairs of shoes and two times the bill for college. Of course, It will only take one time to scare off the boys who try to date the twins before they've reached the age of 35.