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2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

2homos@2homos.com (Roxanne and Virginia)

Ever wonder what two Lesbians talk about when they get together? Well...wonder no more. The 2 Homos Lesbian podcast is the show with two Lesbians sitting around talking about whatever crosses our minds. We're not always politically correct, and no topic is off limits. Come spend some time and get intimate with us. We're open-minded, we speak our minds...and sometimes, for better or worse, there's no "edit" button. Enjoy the random observations of the 2 Homos Lesbian Podcast.



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2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 30, 2014 2 Homos
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If you're in law enforcement and you're trying to solve a major crime, here's a tip. If the killer uses duct tape, it either a straight woman or a man. Real Lesbians only use zip ties. Don't feel bad...I didn't know that either.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 24, 2014 2 Homos
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Out of ideas for a great new side dish for your next Super Bowl party? Here's a secret - follow around an 18 month old child, watch the foods they put together and write down all those special recipes. Who can resist blueberry yogurt and black olives. The best part is that there is absolutely no chance of anyone showing up at the same party with your super secret signature dish. Delish.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 17, 2014 2 Homos
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It's hard to believe that calling someone a douche is a bad thing. If you're a douche you get handled gently by a nice woman, you get inserted snugly inside a warm vagina, and you become all slippery and wet. What's not to like? Oooh...forgot about the part that the reason you're being used is because that vagina smells like the tuna fish you left out for the stray cat last week.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 13, 2014 2 Homos
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The Internet has afforded humanity so many wonderful conveniences. We can find a restaurant in cities we've never been to before, we can find a date (or an f-buddy) right around the corner or pay all our bills online automatically without ever buying a stamp. It's all good until nobody knows you've been dead for the last six years because all your bills are setup on auto-pay.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 10, 2014 2 Homos
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When the DMV says online that the wait is only twenty minutes, what they mean is that it will take twenty minutes for you to reach the front door so that you can take a number and wait in a line that will take another three hours. Good thing they don't charge for parking.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 2, 2014 2 Homos
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Now that Gay marriage is legal in more than half the states in the U.S. we no longer have to worry about young Lesbians bringing the U-Haul to the second date. Now we have to worry about the long waiting list at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas and the scarcity of wedding cakes all over the country. At least the wedding flowers can be recycled, since the divorces will be happening before the flowers lose their scent.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 26, 2014 2 Homos
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Chalk one up for the Girl Scouts and their entrepreneurial spirit. Instead of trying to hawk cookies outside the grocery store where someone has just purchased two boxes of the generic cookies that were on sale for 99 cents, they decided to take their business right to where their customers are. The Girl Scouts have set up shop right outside the pot store, and sales have never been better.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 23, 2014 2 Homos
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Now that football is over for the season, Lesbians hardly know what to do with themselves on a Sunday afternoon. Well, we have the solution. It's called Lesbian Grocery Store Sunday. Instead of trolling the online dating forums, simply don your best looking pair of sweats and head to the grocery store. Find a hot chick, check out her cart to see if you're compatible, and she could be moving in with you by next weekend.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 19, 2014 2 Homos
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You can brag about the length. You can take pride in the girth. You can brag all you want about how you know how to use that thing to its maximum advantage. You might even think you're awesome because you have two. Well, you've got nothing on us Lesbians. Each Lesbian has an average of 3.5 in a drawer next to their beds...and they never go limp.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 16, 2014 2 Homos
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There's a reason the human brain chooses to repress certain memories. It's a protective mechanism so that you can live with yourself and the people around you by conveniently forgetting the most traumatic memories of your life. Not just any memories, but the kind of memories where your mother walks in on you and your iPad while you're sitting on the toilet taking a crap.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 12, 2014 2 Homos
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Bigfoot used to be no big deal, but once there was a $10 million Bigfoot challenge...now it's on. For $10 million you're ready to have Bigfoot's baby, and you'll go down on Mrs. Bigfoot just to make sure you clinch the deal. Who cares if she hasn't shaved that bush in the last two decades? For $10 million...it's all worth it.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 26, 2014 2 Homos
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Fund-raisers are a dime a dozen these days. Everyone is riding their bike, running a marathon or dancing all night long to raise money for one charity or another. If your friends are suffering from fund-raising fatigue and they don't want to donate money for another cause, it's time to big out the big guns. Invite them to an event where women are removing their clothes and dancing on poles, and you'll be able to meet your fund-raising goal in one hour or less.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 22, 2014 2 Homos
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If you're going to throw a loud party that lasts all night long you want to make sure nobody in the neighborhood spoils your fun by calling the cops. Don't take any chances. All you have to do is to bring the Grilled Cheese truck and invite a couple of token Lesbians to your party. If you don't know any token Lesbians just contact us. We'll hook you up. Don't forget the tater tots.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 18, 2014 2 Homos
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If you want to avoid the flu this season you can install hand sanitizer stations in every room in your house, you can carry anti-bacterial wipes with you everywhere you go, and you can choose only to give fist bumps instead of handshakes or hugs. Or, you can simply get a flu shot and stop whining.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Dec 11, 2013 2 Homos
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As you get older and start losing your vision, it doesn't become any less important to continue keeping up with good vag-scaping habits. Just because you can't see your bush, doesn't mean it doesn't require some regular grooming and upkeep. You can go out and get yourself a good bush-trimmer with all the accoutrements...or you can take your chances with some unscrupulous young lady from Craig's List. Just don't be surprised if she carves a pentagram in your bush and dyes it blue.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Dec 8, 2013 2 Homos
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When we invite them into our homes, our dogs become part of our family. Or, maybe we really become part of their pack. They share their lives with us, they show us unconditional love and they are loyal to the end. So, when a dog passes over we feel that we've lost a little piece of ourselves in the process. Not so for cats....just kidding, Lesbians!
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Dec 4, 2013 2 Homos
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Sometimes you just want to kick back and enjoy a good movie. You want to sit in the movie theater, relax and enjoy some passive entertainment. It's all good until you realize the move is subtitled and you have to work at reading the movie instead of watching it. If I wanted to read the book...I would have stayed at home. Then the sex scene starts....
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Dec 1, 2013 2 Homos
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Family traditions are a beautiful part of celebrating the holidays. These are the moments that create memories that will live on forever as part of your family heritage. The only reason that family traditions carry on is because the holidays come around only once a year. It takes an entire year to recover from the shock, the anger and the stress that occurs when all the carefully laid plans breakdown, somebody gets pissed off, somebody has a meltdown, and more than one person winds up needing a...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 27, 2013 2 Homos
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With Thanksgiving right around the corner, it's time to kick off the holiday season in style. It's time to sit in front of your computer to type that annual holiday letter to all your friends, family and people you care about to tell them what you've been up to all year long. Of course if you really gave a s**t about them you might have actually picked up the phone once or twice throughout the year instead of contacting them once a year with some ridiculous form letter that nobody wants to read...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 20, 2013 2 Homos
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Mommy and Me classes used to be a nice safe place to bring your babies and toddlers. You could relax in the company of other moms and their kids while you learned new things about having children and raising a family. It was a protected space where you knew nothing would go wrong and you would have to worry about anything. And then one day...the Lesbian showed up.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 17, 2013 2 Homos
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There really is a place where it doesn't matter which ethnic background you come from, which religion you are, your gender or your sexual orientation. Try calling a government office to make an appointment and everyone from any walk of life will suffer equally. You'll be stuck in a voice telephone system that's impossible to navigate and then after waiting on hold for hours, you'll be disconnected as soon as someone comes on the line. Equality for all.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 13, 2013 2 Homos
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Lesson learned. Buy American and you won't have to worry about importing all kinds of foreign bugs and larva that will burrow into your skin and erupt with millions of babies that you now have to raise and take care of as your own. One baby is just plenty.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 10, 2013 2 Homos
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When the Gaybee of the neighborhood wants to go trick or treating on Halloween, the neighbors better not have anything to say about the Gaybee coming to their door twice for candy. Not unless they want the Lesbian Mom to pull out a can of Dyke-Ass on them. And...nobody better have anything to say about Superman wearing a diaper.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 6, 2013 2 Homos
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Pedophiles have become very clever in the means they use to try and lure kids away. That's why it's important for your kids to have a safe word they can use with a stranger that approaches to offer them a ride or some candy. The only parents that don't need to worry when a stranger comes up to their kid and says, "Your mom asked me to pick you up from school today" is the kid with two Gay Dads.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 3, 2013 2 Homos
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It's not that Lesbians don't like Martha Stewart. We enjoy a nice afternoon of crafting as much as the straight girls next door. It's just that "crafting" for Lesbians includes putting up shelves, building a new addition on the house, and installing a pergola and a fire pit in the backyard. "Dykes on a Dyme" will show you how at: youtube.com/dykesonadyme.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 30, 2013 2 Homos
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Smart phones in the hands of stupid people - it's either an oxymoron or just a really bad idea. Before anyone is allowed to leave the Verizon store with a new phone they should be forced to take an IQ test and then be mandated to download, and register for, the Common Sense App. If you refuse to take the test, then you get a Blackberry instead.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 27, 2013 2 Homos
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Conventional wisdom says that you should never pay for your whores with your credit card. Not only does it leave a tell-tale paper trail, but you also run the risk of your wife finding out about all your extracurricular activities. Then again, you're missing all those frequent flyer miles and rewards points you could be accruing with all those expensive purchases. It might be a worthwhile trade-off.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 23, 2013 2 Homos
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One of the most altruistic gestures a human being can do is to donate their organs to another person when they die. Why should fake boobs be any different? There must be some needy, flat-chested young lady that can't afford fake boobs by herself. You could change her life forever by allowing her to take over your boobs once you're gone. Besides, the coffin isn't going to close if you leave them in.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 20, 2013 2 Homos
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The Affordable Care Act is a wonderful thing. No longer do you have to walk around with a mole the size of a quarter on your face, just waiting for it to turn into a cancerous mass. Instead you can choose to groom the hairs coming out the mole and style it in the theme of the nearest holiday. Who doesn't look good with mole hairs dyed green for St. Patty's Day?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 16, 2013 2 Homos
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When you were a little child your parents thought your were The Gift. You were the perfect child, you could do no wrong and you could get away with anything. Now that the Grandkid has come along, you've been regifted. The only reason you're invited on family vacations now is so that you can bring the New Gift...and to do the cooking.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 13, 2013 2 Homos
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Being a parent is like being abducted by aliens. You have lapses of time that you just can't account for and you're not at all sure what's happened during that time. One minute you were all packed and ready to to go somewhere, and the next thing you know it's an hour later and the baby has vomited all over himself while you're on the freeway in rush hour traffic in the car pool lane. You don't really have an explanation for all the lost time, but you can't guarantee you weren't anal probed...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 31, 2013 2 Homos
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Cigarettes are not addictive. Tell that to you mother who is recovering from nose reconstruction surgery and needs a cigarette so bad that she tapes her glasses to her forehead and drives her car to the farthest 7-11 she can find so that she can pick up a pack of cigarettes without any of the regulars at the store seeing her with raccoon eyes.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 28, 2013 2 Homos
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Just as Batman has a Batmobile, MILF's need to have a MILF mobile. The only problem is that MILF mobile has to go when the kids come along...unless you have a few hot au pairs that drive your kids around in the Range Rover with the car seats while you head down to West Hollywood in your convertible. All this happens while the wife is at work...of course.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 19, 2013 2 Homos
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It might be worth it to go to a restaurant you're not terribly fond of to each cubed meats and vegetables if you were able to grill your wife's friend about her sex life when she was married to a Gay man. Hell, it might even be worth paying for the whole dinner. Suddenly, iceberg lettuce with strange orange salad dressing got a whole lot more interesting.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 14, 2013 2 Homos
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If you want to take your baby to Hooters to celebrate Mother's Day just because they have $10 off Mom's meal when you bring your children...that's on you. It's probably safe to say that the church ladies in the mall parking lot with Grandma, the Mom and the 4 month old baby probably don't care that they can save $10 when the scantily clad girls in underwear and tank tops serve them sliders with blue cheese. You'll probably get what you deserve for that transgression anyway.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
May 7, 2013 2 Homos
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It's important to be a good role model for our kids and to help our community. When someone needs a helping hand, it's an opportunity to set a good example by doing whatever you can to reach out and help. It's in that spirit that we're gathering friends and family together to help us send 100 cases of Clorox Urine Cleaner to Connecticut to help clean up the hundreds of jugs of urine that the State doesn't know what to do with.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Apr 28, 2013 2 Homos
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There's nothing like some comfort food to make you feel all warm and happy inside. Fresh out of the oven chocolate cookies, a steaming plate of homemade macaroni and cheese or a piping hot chicken pot pie. It seems almost impossible to screw that up, unless you decided to use the generic, dented can of vegetables with botulism oozing out, topped it off with a cup of black pepper, and then served it all wrapped up in a frozen Pillsbury croissant the size of a football. Delicious.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Apr 24, 2013 2 Homos
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Everyone has price. So what if you have to walk around on a disabled cruise ship for a week with feces up to your ankles and no chance of getting soft-serve ice cream 'round the clock for the entire week. Throw in a good, heavy period with no tampons or pads, so that you have to walk around wearing a red bag like a diaper all week. Give me two or three free cruises plus $500 and we'll call it even. But...I am going to need a balcony upgrade.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Apr 21, 2013 2 Homos
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When living without sleep becomes a way of life you get used to. When you can get up 5 times in the middle of the night and learn how to go right back to sleep. When you can run the gauntlet of children's toys in the middle of the living room without twisting an ankle. And, when you can start to imagine your wife as the hot au pair sleeping next to you in the bed at night...that's when you realize it's official. The tiny little baby you brought home 7 months ago is now officially your legally...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Mar 6, 2013 2 Homos
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A Super Wife is not your ordinary wife. This is one that still takes you out for a romantic Valentine's Day affair, even after 14 years. She's the one that takes you to that special restaurant at the strip mall where you play a sexy game of "spot the Dyke"...just like when you first met. Next time, Ladies, don't make it so easy by putting a "Yes I Am" license plate frame on your car.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 13, 2013 2 Homos
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Four more states that now allow Gay marriage, the first out Lesbian Senator, a President of the United States acknowledges Gay history for the very first time, and we have two challenges headed to the Supreme Court regarding DOMA and Gay marriage. A couple of months in, and 2013 is already a great year. Of course, Ethan won't be happy until his moms can be legally married in every state in the US...and he is going to let everyone know that he is not happy until that happens.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Feb 10, 2013 2 Homos
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Groupon is great for a lot of things. You can get great discounts on a dinner for two, a relaxing massage or a fishing trip with friends. What you never want to buy on Groupon is the offer to buy one plastic surgery and get one free...unless you want to have two soup bowls implanted in your butt cheeks. Sexy.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 31, 2013 2 Homos
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If you walked up to a straight woman with a baby before you had a baby of your own, you would just be seen as a creepy Dyke trying to hit on a straight woman. Once you have a baby of your own, however, all the tables turn. Now you're a thoughtful mother who is interested in swapping baby secrets with someone else from the in-crowd...even if you spend the entire time staring at her cleavage.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 27, 2013 2 Homos
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These days it's just too dangerous to play the lottery and win. Friends and family drain your bank account, a new girlfriend moves in and suddenly you end up missing, or they find your dead body in a lake a few days after you collect your big check. It's much easier to get ripped off and lose all your money the old fashioned way. Let the tweaker move in, let her slowly drain all your bank accounts and max out your credit cards until you don't have anything left. Once she's done she simply moves...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 23, 2013 2 Homos
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The best way to further the acceptance of Gay people in society is simply to be yourself and show people that you're a regular human being just like they are. The more people that know Gay people, the more people will realize being Gay is perfectly normal. Or, you can use the Roxanne method - next time you're in a group of straight people, make sure you put up your guard, decide that they are nasty, uptight human beings before you know anything about them, and then imitate their voice and make...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 20, 2013 2 Homos
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Any good parent wants to make sure that their kid has a positive childhood filled with lots of interesting experiences that they'll remember for the rest of their life. You want to enrich them with educational outings and fun-filled family trips. As you're thinking about where you might go and what you might do with your child, for most parents that might not include a visit to a Hookah bar or teaching them how to light things on fire so that you have a 20-foot bonfire.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jan 16, 2013 2 Homos
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Straight people have ruined Sesame Street for everyone. Our son's best friend used to be Elmo, but now we have to find him another favorite toy because Elmo turned out to be a pedophile. Cookie Monster promotes childhood obesity, so that's out. Oscar the Grouch is rude and promotes bad manners. Big Bird may actually be the saving grace of Sesame Street, however. If Mit Romney hates Big Bird, then BB is my friend!
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Dec 2, 2012 2 Homos
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Somehow the quality of the cleaning job no longer seems to matter once the topless maid service comes over to do a cleaning. You no longer care about the fact that the cobwebs are still hanging from the ceiling, the toilet doesn't look like it's been cleaned in months and the kitchen floor looks like it's been scrubbed with a napkin. Then you realize that they sent over the topless grandma with her pancake t**s down to her knees. Now you'll pay extra just so that she doesn't clean topless.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 25, 2012 2 Homos
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Gone are the days when you'd meet someone at a bar, have a few beers and take them home. Now the dating world mostly happens online through dating web sites. That seems like a good way to meet someone until you realize that they're missing a very important check box for the Lesbian profile -- "will U-Haul on the second date". Check.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 14, 2012 2 Homos
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It's important for businesses to market their products directly to the target audience to help increase sales and to become profitable. Take the Wet Lube company for example, they donate free trash cans at Pride events all over the country and also hand out free samples. Now that we have Viagra, however, Wet may be missing a key market segment. It's time to start putting the Wet trash cans at senior retirement communities all over the country now that old people are having sex again. Wear a...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 11, 2012 2 Homos
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Congratulations to all the states that have now legalized Gay Marriage. As you bask in the euphoria of this incredible decision it's imperative that we reiterate our warning to all the young Gay couples...especially the overzealous Lesbians. Just because you are allowed to marry, doesn't mean you have to. I know you met her last week and she's the love of your life. Before you say "I do", make sure you've lived through a minimum of twelve menstrual cycles with her...and that's only...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Nov 4, 2012 2 Homos
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Halloween is the best holiday ever. On what other day can you walk an attractive cop into your house, wearing a smokin' hot, sexy uniform with a super-short skirt, in front of your wife and into your office, where you have a pull-out futon matress...and nobody even thinks twice about it?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 31, 2012 2 Homos
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The truth is finally out about global warming. After all the talk about what's causing global warming, we realize it's not really about car emissions, cutting down the rain forest, or the fact that you refuse to recycle your plastic bottles. The real cause of global warming is all the lazy new Lesbian moms and Gay dads stuffing disposable diapers into landfills all across the country because they don't feel like cleaning out dozens of cloth diapers filled with smelly feces and urine every day.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 28, 2012 2 Homos
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Now that the Lesbians have adopted the cute baby that you don't have to lie about and say, "what soft skin your baby has", or "he has such a pretty eye"...the straight couples are now going to have to choose from the ugly babies that are left. The good news is that the baby with the beer belly and the buck teeth is still available for adoption.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Oct 14, 2012 2 Homos
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So many questions, so little time. But, if there was just one question that absolutely had to be answered, it's this one. If one of the conjoined twins is straight and the other one is Gay, who gets to use the g******s when they're out on a double date? This is not about being politically correct. These are real problems that real people have.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Sep 30, 2012 2 Homos
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We have a new addition to the pack. It's not a gerbil, it's not a puppy, it's not a cat and it's not a baby chimpanzee. The new pack member comes with lots of cool new things to buy, magazines to subscribe to and endless fun for the relatives that can simply walk away when dirty diapers need changing. We may not be sleeping, but we couldn't be happier.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Sep 9, 2012 2 Homos
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All straight men should be required to get a back wax at least once in their life. It's not because they need it and it's not necessarily because back hair is gross. It's more for the amusement of Lesbians and their friends. We're just freaky that way...and we like to watch.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Sep 6, 2012 2 Homos
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Which Lesbian has street smarts? When the zombie dripping with blood comes up to your tent on the beach and tries to get in to eat your brains, is it the Lesbian that tells the zombie to beat it and then goes rights back to sleep? Or, is it the Lesbian that decides she has a 50-50 chance if she jumps out of the tent, runs down the beach and leaves her friend to fend for herself? After all, the zombie can only eat one person at a time.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Sep 3, 2012 2 Homos
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Neighborhood watch doesn't mean that you get together with a few neighbors for a few beers every night and check out all the cute girls and guys in the neighborhood. It also doesn't mean that you stay in the house and peek through the blinds when you hear something strange going on outside. What it does mean is that once trouble starts, you go get the Postal Service Lesbian down the street that can hold her little dog in one hand and kick the crap out of any perp that comes into the...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Aug 25, 2012 2 Homos
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It's hard to believe how far technology has advanced, especially in the last few years. Despite all that forward movement, there is still one thing you can count on to stay exactly the same. If you need to mail something at the post office, you may as well hop in your car and drive across town to deliver it yourself. If the package has to go across the country, you may as well just hop on a plane and take it with you. The cost of the parking ticket, the time you'll spend waiting in line, and...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Aug 22, 2012 2 Homos
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Roxanne is going straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Virginia is going with her as an accomplice. There really isn't anything more to say. At least we now know that hell is located in Van Nuys, California. They might have a cafeteria, or they might have a buffet. Nobody is really sure.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Aug 19, 2012 2 Homos
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We may still be pissed that Womens' Softball is no longer part of the Olympics and that some American dykes were forced to wear a skirt in the Opening Ceremonies, but at least most countries kept to the tradition of wearing skimpy bikinis for Beach Volleyball. Having Brazil host the next summer Olympics is not too bad either. Start stocking up on the razors and Nair now.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Aug 12, 2012 2 Homos
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Everyone likes to have good neighbors that they can rely on when you need a little help. Someone to borrow a cup of sugar from, someone to help cut down tree branches, or just someone to chit chat with while you're out walking the dog in the neighborhood. But, when being a good neighbor means stroking your dog's dick...in some cultures that may be considered crossing a line.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Aug 1, 2012 2 Homos
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It's always nice to have visitors come over and stay for a while...until they start camping out at your house, eating all your food, bugging you to drive them everywhere and practically start moving in. It's times like these that you start to yearn for the good 'ol days when visitors came to you in the middle of the night, they gave you a quick anal probe and then hopped back on their ship in a beam of light never to be seen or heard from again.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 29, 2012 2 Homos
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Your mother brought you up to have good common sense. No matter how much fun someone tells you it will be, and how much it will change your life, you would never walk across burning hot coals in just your bare feet. Of course not. You would, however, do a bungee jump dangling from a rickety crane in a parking lot in Mexico after a few shots of tequila.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 19, 2012 2 Homos
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There should be a general moratorium on when during the year people are allowed to move. During the winter when it's icy and snowing, or when it's the rainy season and wet all the time, those periods of time are off limits for moving. This is simply a public service for all the people that have to come out in inclement weather to help you move...with their high hopes of being able to "stick it in" one day by being a good friend helping you move.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 11, 2012 2 Homos
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You should always strive to your best in everything you do. It's important to give it your all and really put your heart into it to be the best you can be. Once you've blown your wad and put forth your very best effort, even if you didn't come in first you can still feel good about it...until someone tells you that you're second best...out of two.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 8, 2012 2 Homos
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It's not a neuroses, it's a strategy. When you go to the grocery store you have to know how to size up the different checkout lines. You have to be a able to quickly decide which line will move the fastest, which one has the cashier with the most nimble hands, who knows the code for Belgian Endive without looking it up, and which line has the grenade that will pull out 100 coupons and pay in pennies. It may look neurotic to the uneducated... when really it's a finely honed skill that takes...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 4, 2012 2 Homos
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New trends tend to spring up overnight. Most people are fickle, and they don't stick with any one thing for too long before they start looking for something new and exciting. The one trend you don't want to hear about, however, is that people are starting to eat other people. Can't we just go back to simpler times when the latest trends were hoola-hoops, Squirmles and French Star jeans?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jul 1, 2012 2 Homos
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If you really want to fight obesity in America, and you're really serious about it, the answer is not to force stores to sell carbonated drinks under 16 ounces in size. The answer is first to shut down all the McDonald's in America, secondly to stop the Little Caesar's two for one pizza deal, and the third is to replace all the Coke and Pepsi on store shelves with look-alike cola that tastes like crap. That will cause all American's to stop drinking soda altogether. It's not a...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jun 28, 2012 2 Homos
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The Glendale police department are out wasting their time giving tickets to cyclists who are just out enjoying a peaceful bike ride while blowing through stop signs. What they should really be doing is something that will keep the streets safe for everyone. How about giving out moving violations to cyclists that really shouldn't be wearing spandex at all. $350 for the spandex muffin top. $500 for wearing the white spandex shorts.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jun 25, 2012 2 Homos
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Some friends are just your party friends, others are your movie and dinner girlfriends, and still others are just your regular hanging out type of friends. Then there are those friends that you can really count on. Not just the ones that will be there if you need a shoulder to cry on, but instead the type of friends that will not only wipe your vagina, but those that will change a tampon for you. Not just any tampon...but an honest to goodness O.B. without the applicator.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jun 14, 2012 2 Homos
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Just because the neighbor pretends to be a straight lady living quietly with her husband next door, doesn't mean she doesn't secretly fantasize about going down on your wife. Maybe she lays in bed at night creating elaborate fantasies about how she passive aggressively allows her dog to crap on your lawn so that you'll come out of the house all hot and bothered to yell at her. She'll try to make it up to you by inviting you over to her house for a massage and some girl talk...all before she...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jun 10, 2012 2 Homos
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It's great to be a guy. Whenever you need a little pleasure you can just go to the local public restroom, find a glory hole and stick it right in. Never mind that you don't know who is on the other end, if they have tongue herpes, no teeth, a sharp object or other incurable diseases. You always run the risk of leaving without a body part, but at the end of the day...it's all worth it.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
Jun 6, 2012 2 Homos
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These days there are so many ways to pick up women. You can browse the personal ads, go on match.com or even do it the old fashioned way by picking up some drunk chick at a bar. Why would you even think about tossing some chicken bones down on the ground in front of some lady walking her dog just so you can save her dog and be her hero by giving her dog mouth to snout resuscitation? It just seems like so much more work than is really necessary.