Skip to main content

2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

2homos@2homos.com (Roxanne and Virginia)

Ever wonder what two Lesbians talk about when they get together? Well...wonder no more. The 2 Homos Lesbian podcast is the show with two Lesbians sitting around talking about whatever crosses our minds. We're not always politically correct, and no topic is off limits. Come spend some time and get intimate with us. We're open-minded, we speak our minds...and sometimes, for better or worse, there's no "edit" button. Enjoy the random observations of the 2 Homos Lesbian Podcast.



rss RSS

299
RESULTS


Show sorted alphabetically

Show sorted alphabetically

SHOW DETAILS
up-solid down-solid
eye
Title
Date Reviewed
Creator
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 26

favorite 0

comment 0

There is absolutely no need to worry about the possibility of marijuana becoming legalized in the United States. Legalization has about as much chance of getting passed as Gay marriage in California. It's not because people aren't supportive. It's just that the people that would support the ballot initiative will forget to actually get out to vote on election day.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 14

favorite 0

comment 0

Some people might say it takes balls to just waltz right in and crash a party that you haven't been invited to. If it's a party you haven't been invited to and the party is at the White House and it's an inaugural dinner for the new president of the United States it takes a hell of a lot more than balls. For that it takes an Adam's apple.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 26

favorite 0

comment 0

Next time you think about getting up out of your airline seat to check your luggage before the plane comes to a complete stop, you may want to reconsider. You never know when the gentle, smiling flight attendant will decide it's time to go out in a ball of flames after 28 years by calling you a nasty name over the PA system, grabbing a couple of beers and hurling himself out of the plane on the emergency slide.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

Not everyone was brought up with good manners. Some people don't know that it's appropriate to tip the mail carrier and the gardener during the holidays. They don't know to hold a door open for a lady. And, they are absolutely clueless when it comes to dropping a twenty down on the table after the nice lady in airport security gives you a full body pat down.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Getting a Brazilian is not just about looking good in a bikini this summer. It's also a good way to help save money during the recession. With a Brazilian you'll need less toilet paper every time you go to the bathroom, which means you can not only buy less toilet paper overall, but you can also buy the single-ply as well. Just think about how many napkins a man with a mustache needs every time he eats...same concept.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

No need to go through all the trouble and expense of seeing a doctor when you can perform simple medical procedures at home all by yourself. If your ears get clogged simply run down to the Lesbian Hippie drugstore and pick up some ear candles. Torch them on the kitchen stove until the flames are at least 6 inches high and then run through the house, lay down on the couch and stuff it in your ear. Wait for your hair, the sofa and the rest of the house to catch fire.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Congratulations to all the states that have now legalized Gay Marriage. As you bask in the euphoria of this incredible decision it's imperative that we reiterate our warning to all the young Gay couples...especially the overzealous Lesbians. Just because you are allowed to marry, doesn't mean you have to. I know you met her last week and she's the love of your life. Before you say "I do", make sure you've lived through a minimum of twelve menstrual cycles with her...and that's only...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

It's been a long time since Crayola packed a Burnt Umber crayon inside one of their boxes. In fact, it's been so long that some people have gotten quite nostalgic about this beautiful shade of crayon and have decided to do something about it personally. One thoughtful New Jersey mom decided to take herself beyond a nice pleasing bronze color and go all the way to burnt umber without passing "go". She liked it so much that she also decided to take her red-headed 5-year old daughter...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

So many questions, so little time. But, if there was just one question that absolutely had to be answered, it's this one. If one of the conjoined twins is straight and the other one is Gay, who gets to use the g******s when they're out on a double date? This is not about being politically correct. These are real problems that real people have.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Some friends are just your party friends, others are your movie and dinner girlfriends, and still others are just your regular hanging out type of friends. Then there are those friends that you can really count on. Not just the ones that will be there if you need a shoulder to cry on, but instead the type of friends that will not only wipe your vagina, but those that will change a tampon for you. Not just any tampon...but an honest to goodness O.B. without the applicator.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Lez by honest...our pets bring an enormous amount of joy and happiness to our lives every day. We wouldn't be the people we are today without them. They not only enrich our lives, but they also enrich our vocabulary. Tonight for dinner we're having a big bowl of Bordatella with a side of Rabies. For dessert it's two scoops of Parvo with a Giardia sauce drizzled on top.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

For the first time in history an American president comes out in support of Gay marriage publicly. More proof that the Aztecs might have been right after all...the world might really just end on December 21st of 2012. Only one thing to do now...party like it's 1999. Game on.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

In this modern day and age it's almost unbelievable to imagine that people could have actually cooked a meal before the advent of microwave ovens. It's hard to even fathom that people used to really cook on a stove and wait patiently for water to boil. It's a good thing there are still drive thru's or else we'd all die of starvation.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 12

favorite 0

comment 0

Sooner or later everyone steps in it. Try as we might to maintain our composure in every situation and to always do the right thing, it's going to be unavoidable at some point. May as well get that apology together right now so that you can sound sincere when you really need it. Take a moment now to record your apology in advance, loop it so that it plays over and over again, and then pull it out when you really need to make an apology and you just don't think you can sound sincere. You'll...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Monogamy is not a bad thing...unless you're having a long-term monogamous relationship with yourself. We're not just talking about a personal time-out, that you're just in between relationships, or even if you're waiting for the right time. It's when you're approaching 50 and have never had sex with anyone but yourself that it's time for a tall bottle of rum and $150. Don't forget the tip.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 13

favorite 1

comment 0

We put a lot of trust into our doctors when we go in to have some sort of procedure done in the hospital. Once you're asleep on the table with a crowd of people around, wearing only a hospital gown with a slit all the way up your back, anything can happen. Before the anesthesia kicks in, check around for anything suspicious looking, such as anal lube, a six-pack of condoms or instructions about how to upload videos to YouPorn.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

Just because more states are starting to allow Gay marriage, it doesn't mean you should just rush right into things. There are more things to consider than just whether or not your new spouse will love you 'til death do us part. Now instead of just tossing your crap out on the front lawn, you have to worry about your new spouse getting mad and chopping off your jewels. Better start sleeping with a steel chastity belt...and make sure it's locked tight.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Straight people have ruined Sesame Street for everyone. Our son's best friend used to be Elmo, but now we have to find him another favorite toy because Elmo turned out to be a pedophile. Cookie Monster promotes childhood obesity, so that's out. Oscar the Grouch is rude and promotes bad manners. Big Bird may actually be the saving grace of Sesame Street, however. If Mit Romney hates Big Bird, then BB is my friend!
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

The best way to further the acceptance of Gay people in society is simply to be yourself and show people that you're a regular human being just like they are. The more people that know Gay people, the more people will realize being Gay is perfectly normal. Or, you can use the Roxanne method - next time you're in a group of straight people, make sure you put up your guard, decide that they are nasty, uptight human beings before you know anything about them, and then imitate their voice and make...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

When we invite them into our homes, our dogs become part of our family. Or, maybe we really become part of their pack. They share their lives with us, they show us unconditional love and they are loyal to the end. So, when a dog passes over we feel that we've lost a little piece of ourselves in the process. Not so for cats....just kidding, Lesbians!
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

These days it's just too dangerous to play the lottery and win. Friends and family drain your bank account, a new girlfriend moves in and suddenly you end up missing, or they find your dead body in a lake a few days after you collect your big check. It's much easier to get ripped off and lose all your money the old fashioned way. Let the tweaker move in, let her slowly drain all your bank accounts and max out your credit cards until you don't have anything left. Once she's done she simply moves...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

There's a reason the human brain chooses to repress certain memories. It's a protective mechanism so that you can live with yourself and the people around you by conveniently forgetting the most traumatic memories of your life. Not just any memories, but the kind of memories where your mother walks in on you and your iPad while you're sitting on the toilet taking a crap.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

Here's an idea. Why not have a "dollar menu" at the vet? Instead of the vet telling you what the treatment for you sick dog or cat is going to be, you simply choose what you want to have done from the dollar menu. You can have the five thousand dollar surgery for your dog's eye, or you can buy an eye patch from the 99 cents store. Your choice.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

There's are reason some children are fearful of clowns. They go to parties with clowns that should have retired 20 years earlier. Back in the day they might have enjoyed clowning, but now they hate little children, they're sick of making balloon animals and the clown suit smells like sweat and vomit because it hasn't been cleaned in those last 20 years either.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

After you've tried several different tactics to get people to stop leaving dog crap on your front lawn, it's time to move to Def Con 5. Put in a surveillance camera, record the people leaving crap on the lawn and then edit together a loop tape of the culprits. Play the recording on a big screen TV out your front window and play the tape over and over again until the assailants have to move away from the neighborhood in shame.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

The myth of Santa Claus is designed around instilling fear in your child to make them behave. If you're not a good boy or girl, you won't get any presents for Christmas. Once your kid is too old to believe in Santa, it's time to move on to the next helpful lie. If you're having sex and you're not wearing a condom, your mom is going to know about it. That works until your kid has to tell you that you're going to be a grandmother.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

There's one way to guarantee that you, your partner and your baby can all sit in the same row of the airplane. Fill a ziploc bag full of baby crap and hide it discreetly in the diaper bag. If the airline tries to move you, simply pull out the bag of crap, insert it into your baby's diapers and then proceed to change the baby right there in your seat. Call your partner over to help so that everyone knows you're together. Guaranteed to work every time...straight or Gay.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

If you're 30 years old and you still feel the need to go trick-or-treating with a bag of your own, then don't have the audacity to lecture people about what type of candy they should buy. Take $2 out of your own pocket and go down to the store and pick up whatever candy bar you want. Or, just take a little child with you and take the candy out of their bag just like the rest of the adults in the neighborhood.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

We spend a lot of time inspecting a new house before buying it. People come in to look at the foundation, the plumbing, the electrical, and everything else that might go wrong. What we don't usually check is to see if some supernatural presence has already decided this is their home. Then, one day you're convinced the house is possessed when you detect an otherworldly smell so rancid that it can't possibly be human. That's when you realize the 3-year old just took an enormous, fetid crap in his...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 15

favorite 0

comment 0

The metamorphasis is complete. It took five long years. You started out as a card-carrying, black jeans wearing, country dancing Lesbian...and now you have become a baby bag carrying, play date organizing, suburban mini-van driving, Mommy. Almost all your freinds are straight moms, and you enjoy going to Mom's Night Out events. At least you still own a pair of black jeans.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

It used to be that a dick pic was something you'd see on the wall of a public restroom. Someone would artfully depict a cartoon of a penis using a black magic marker. We would either be horrified or chuckle to ourselves discreetly and then share the story about it with our friends afterwards. Now we have smartphones with digital cameras so that we can simply take a picture of our g******s and send to everyone we know. Life sure has gotten easier.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

It's not that Lesbians don't like straight people, and it's not like we don't want to hang out with them. It's just hard to get it out of your head that heterosexuality might be contagious.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

When you have a toddler in the house and unexpected things happen, it's time to think very carefully about the sequence of events that may have transpired. It's no longer safe to just ignore odd coincidences. Before kids maybe your toothbrush was wet because your wife used it. Once you have a toddler in the house, if the toothbrush is wet and you haven't brushed your teeth...you can be sure that thing was in the toilet.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

The true test of parenthood is when you fall down in the playground, twist your ankle around to the back of your head, hit the ground in the worst pain you've ever felt shooting up your leg....and you still don't let out a swear word in front of all the children. The good news is that instead of boiling eggs to color for Easter, you can just put your swollen foot full of special colors inside an Easter basket and call it good.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Now that Gay marriage is legal in more than half the states in the U.S. we no longer have to worry about young Lesbians bringing the U-Haul to the second date. Now we have to worry about the long waiting list at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas and the scarcity of wedding cakes all over the country. At least the wedding flowers can be recycled, since the divorces will be happening before the flowers lose their scent.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

It's important to be a good role model for our kids and to help our community. When someone needs a helping hand, it's an opportunity to set a good example by doing whatever you can to reach out and help. It's in that spirit that we're gathering friends and family together to help us send 100 cases of Clorox Urine Cleaner to Connecticut to help clean up the hundreds of jugs of urine that the State doesn't know what to do with.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Any good parent wants to make sure that their kid has a positive childhood filled with lots of interesting experiences that they'll remember for the rest of their life. You want to enrich them with educational outings and fun-filled family trips. As you're thinking about where you might go and what you might do with your child, for most parents that might not include a visit to a Hookah bar or teaching them how to light things on fire so that you have a 20-foot bonfire.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

You have a few drinks one night and you decide to pleasure yourself before you go to bed. In the morning you can't find your vibrator. There's either a mouse in your closet that is having the time of their life....or you had better go looking for that thing immediately. Immediately as in right now...not 10 years from now.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

If you want to take your baby to Hooters to celebrate Mother's Day just because they have $10 off Mom's meal when you bring your children...that's on you. It's probably safe to say that the church ladies in the mall parking lot with Grandma, the Mom and the 4 month old baby probably don't care that they can save $10 when the scantily clad girls in underwear and tank tops serve them sliders with blue cheese. You'll probably get what you deserve for that transgression anyway.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 19

favorite 0

comment 0

Just as Batman has a Batmobile, MILF's need to have a MILF mobile. The only problem is that MILF mobile has to go when the kids come along...unless you have a few hot au pairs that drive your kids around in the Range Rover with the car seats while you head down to West Hollywood in your convertible. All this happens while the wife is at work...of course.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Lesson learned. Buy American and you won't have to worry about importing all kinds of foreign bugs and larva that will burrow into your skin and erupt with millions of babies that you now have to raise and take care of as your own. One baby is just plenty.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Fund-raisers are a dime a dozen these days. Everyone is riding their bike, running a marathon or dancing all night long to raise money for one charity or another. If your friends are suffering from fund-raising fatigue and they don't want to donate money for another cause, it's time to big out the big guns. Invite them to an event where women are removing their clothes and dancing on poles, and you'll be able to meet your fund-raising goal in one hour or less.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Sometimes you just want to kick back and enjoy a good movie. You want to sit in the movie theater, relax and enjoy some passive entertainment. It's all good until you realize the move is subtitled and you have to work at reading the movie instead of watching it. If I wanted to read the book...I would have stayed at home. Then the sex scene starts....
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 10

favorite 0

comment 0

Once upon a time there was a little massage parlor close the edge of town, all the way at the end of an isolated strip mall. All the boys and girls who went there there had a magical experience and walked away happily ever after. The End.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

Haven't had any in a while and getting tired of doing it by yourself? Now all you have to do is to see the gynecologist and get a mammogram in the same week. That's enough penetration for entire month. Done.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

This week's forecast includes heavy rains and a high chance of flooding. Expect huge mudslides and big messes to clean up. Your best chance of success this week relies on lots of blue tarps, large trash bags, gallons of cleaning fluid and rubber gloves. It's time for potty training.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

It happens at the most inconvenient time. It's never when you expect it. It hangs around endlessly and it takes longer to leave than you planned for. There's never a good way to get rid of it and it never gets a clue. It's not actually herpes, it's just the lonely neighbor renting the guesthouse in the backyard.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

Fat pigs roasting in the sand...the sound of fat sizzling and cooking on the beach...the scent of coconut (suntan lotion) wafting through the air...Hawaiian shirts that looked good when you bought them, but that you'll never wear again... Is it a luau? Nope, its just tourists from the mainland on the beach getting sunburned in Hawaii. Aloha.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

It's the law of the land now -- Gay people can get married anywhere in the United States, and we have all the rights that go along with it. Just don't take your honeymoon in Hawaii or you might spend the rest of your vacation in jail just for kissing your wife in public.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Family-friendly used to mean that Homos were welcome. Now it means you can bring your 3-year old son and let him run around the restaurant to his heart's content and nobody will bat an eye. It also means that the drug addict prostitute taking a bird bath in the restroom is also welcome. After all, she's somebody's family, too.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 17

favorite 0

comment 0

Everyone needs someone they can count on when the going gets tough. You need someone that can provide the necessary air cover when you're trying to hit on that really cute guy that you've been staring at all night long at the club. Just be careful who you choose to be your Wing Girl, however. You don't want your creepy Lesbian friend hitting on the hot guy you've been checking out. In the end he might just wind up liking her better than you.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 12

favorite 0

comment 0

Before you get into a new relationship, you may want to take a look at the new prospect's track record with breakups. It's not about how many breakups they've had, but more about how they behave during a breakup. You don't want to be the subject of the next Eminem song with all your blubbering voicemail messages crafted into the next hit song making it to the top of the charts on the radio.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 15

favorite 0

comment 0

Be careful what you offer to do for a friend just to be nice. There may come a day when you have to make good on that promise, and you might just run out of friends to offer up and throw under the bus in your place. The real test will be when it comes down to the last minute and it looks you may just have to go to the theater to see the live dancing show. At that point do you suck it up and go, or do you get a last minute case of the runs so bad that you can't even leave the house?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Somewhere in the world there must exist an institution where Lesbians can go to learn how to be a proper Lesbian. There will be woodworking classes, workshops to learn all about the different types of denim and flannel, and an extra credit course you can take to help you make your work boots match your outfits. The one class that is required by all attendees will be how to shake hands properly without crushing the crap out of everyone you meet.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Southern California has two seasons, bone dry and flooding rain. During the dry season you can go out of the house any time of the day or night and never have to worry about checking the weather at all. When it rains, however, the National Weather service should not only issue an emergency alert that all of a sudden nobody remembers how to drive, but also to be aware that it's wash day for the homeless river lady. When wash day comes, everything gets washed...even if she's wearing it already.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Landmines used to be the affectionate name to call piles of dog crap in the backyard that needed to be cleaned up before the gardeners showed up. Then came Jersey Shore, which taught us that landmines were simply ugly chicks to avoid in a bar. Now we're back to land mines really being a danger for the gardeners, except this time a gardener really did get blown up.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 25

favorite 0

comment 0

It's true...bush is back. Even if you're not interested in growing a bush for yourself, there is still something you can do to help those in need. For all those ladies that lasered their bushes off back in the nineties and now can't grow a pube if they wanted to, you can grow your own pubic hair and donate it to Locks of Love for pubes. Feel good while helping others to feel good, too.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

The average human passes gas at least 14 times every single day. Gas is a just a natural part of the digestion process and everyone does it. Still...you can rest assured that stinkiest toot you'll do each day will occur at the most inappropriate time possible. If it's not in the middle of the meeting with your boss, it will be right at the moment the new girl you just met goes down on you for the first (and possibly the last) time.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 14

favorite 0

comment 0

Going for a massage is the same as having sex with your partner. It's important to have a good line of communication going throughout the entire experience where you talk to each other about what feels good and what's too much. In either case there's a possibility that you could wind up with a hand up your ass going for a deep tissue massage if you just lay there quietly like a dead fish not saying anything.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

As a parent you have a responsibility to talk to your children directly about the important things in life. That means telling it exactly as it is and not beating around the bush. This includes sex, masturbation, breasts and periods. There is no more horrifying a surprise for a 12-year old girl than to all of a sudden see blood shooting out of her vagina and coming to realize for the first time that this is going to happen every month of her life for the next 40 years.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

If one is good, then we'll take two. Two times the dirty diapers, two times the amount of food to buy, two times the pairs of shoes and two times the bill for college. Of course, It will only take one time to scare off the boys who try to date the twins before they've reached the age of 35.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

Professionals in all walks of life take care of the tools they use to do their job. Top chefs keep their knives protected and razor sharp, artists make sure they're brushes are in top notch shape for their next masterpiece, and musicians strive to make sure their instruments are tuned up perfectly. It's pretty much the same for Lesbians. We keep our nails trimmed, our hands clean and we declare a national emergency that must be taken care of immediately if the dishwasher breaks and it means we...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

Owning a vagina is a big responsibility. You can't just place that kind of responsibility in anyone's hands and hope for the best. It's important to clean it regularly, to dry it out properly and to make sure no bacteria or mold grows on it. Most of all it's important to pick out a pretty color when you first get one, and to make sure that the carpeting matches the drapes.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 15

favorite 0

comment 0

Halloween is the best holiday ever. On what other day can you walk an attractive cop into your house, wearing a smokin' hot, sexy uniform with a super-short skirt, in front of your wife and into your office, where you have a pull-out futon matress...and nobody even thinks twice about it?
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 9

favorite 0

comment 0

Countries are at war with each other, people are dying for no good reason, 50% of Americans are now obese, drug use is spiralling out of control, the worst recession this country has had since the Great Depression.... Doesn't God have enough to worry about without having to listen to you pray about making a touchdown? Just let God take a day off and enjoy the Super Bowl like everyone else.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 10

favorite 0

comment 0

The Glendale police department are out wasting their time giving tickets to cyclists who are just out enjoying a peaceful bike ride while blowing through stop signs. What they should really be doing is something that will keep the streets safe for everyone. How about giving out moving violations to cyclists that really shouldn't be wearing spandex at all. $350 for the spandex muffin top. $500 for wearing the white spandex shorts.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 8

favorite 0

comment 0

Everyone likes to have good neighbors that they can rely on when you need a little help. Someone to borrow a cup of sugar from, someone to help cut down tree branches, or just someone to chit chat with while you're out walking the dog in the neighborhood. But, when being a good neighbor means stroking your dog's dick...in some cultures that may be considered crossing a line.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

Neighborhood watch doesn't mean that you get together with a few neighbors for a few beers every night and check out all the cute girls and guys in the neighborhood. It also doesn't mean that you stay in the house and peek through the blinds when you hear something strange going on outside. What it does mean is that once trouble starts, you go get the Postal Service Lesbian down the street that can hold her little dog in one hand and kick the crap out of any perp that comes into the...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 7

favorite 0

comment 0

It doesn't really matter if you did pick up the individually plastic wrapped roses at the local 7-11 and arranged them thoughtfully in a bouquet for your lady for Valentine's Day. Let her just believe that you could not stop thinking about how wonderful she is all day long and that you just wanted to sweep her off her feet and surprise her with the most magnificent bouquet of flowers ever. Why destroy the fantasy by admitting that you simply picked them up like a supermarket rag at the checkout...
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 5

favorite 0

comment 0

If necessity is the mother of invention, then why hasn't someone invented a weapon that can kill mosquitos in the middle of the night as they buzz by your ears, bite you everywhere they can find an exposed piece of skin and keep you up to all hours of the morning annoying the crap out of you? I'm not asking for much. Maybe just a bedside flame thrower.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

It's important for everyone on this planet to do their part to protect the environment. Stop drinking water out of plastic bottles and instead drink it out of paper boxes that require trees to be cut down. Put it in a container that's so large that you need to use a glass that then requires hot water that uses fossil fuels to heat up and then detergent that contains phosphates that leak in to our water supply. Let's get serious and do your part, people.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

One of the wedding vows that most people completely skip over about is the one where the minister tells you that you've been entrusted with a vagina, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for all the days of your life. That means it's your responsibility to always make sure it's in good working condition, that it's not sagging and that nobody leaves a tampon up there and forgets to take it out. It's a lot of responsibility.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 14

favorite 0

comment 0

Motherhood sounds all nice and sweet like Winnie The Pooh and lollipops, until you realize that the best way to take a baby's temperature accurately is by using a rectal thermometer. It's bad enough to have your wife staring at you with the phone in her hand ready to dial 911, until you realize that the thermometer you're holding is actually the oral thermometer that you should have been using to take your own temperature earlier that same day.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 6

favorite 0

comment 0

There's a reason why wedding seating arrangements are so important, and it's not about putting interesting, fun people together. It's more about separating people that can't stand to be around each other or people that will cause drama when they are together. You have to be sure to separate the groom's former ex, who is also his aunt's ex together at the same table with the ex's current husband and her girlfriend on the side. It gets complicated.
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast
- 2 Homos
audio

eye 11

favorite 0

comment 0

What's not to like? You get three square (but very salty) meals a day, an enema every other day and someone to sponge bathe your g******s every couple of days. So what if people keep you up with their howling and screaming all night long, the lady next door comes in to your room to tell your visitors that you've been dead for two years or that the cleaning lady withholds toilet paper when you have to take a crap? You're living it up at the lovely Country Villa Convalescent Hospital.