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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 10, 2018 11:35pm-12:33am EST

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show with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes sarah jessica parker, pete holmes and musical guest jack black featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city it's stephen colbert! (applause). >> stephen: hey, everybody, please have a seat, everybody. you're very kind. hey, everybody, what's going on. welcome, welcome, welcome to the late show, everybody, i'm your host, stefer
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everybody, everybody, everybody is still talking about yesterday's unprecedented white house immigration, was it immigration bipartisan summit. why did donald trump let them keep the cameras on? people are speculating that president trump was just trying to show that he could do his job. >> i may not be a real president, but i play one on tv. oh, i'm also the real president? wow. trump clearly considered it a success because today he did it again with his cabinet meeting. and listen to how he kicked things off. >> welcome back to the studio. >> stephen: you're not in a studio! (laughter) that's the actual white house! we can't believe it either. then he waxed eloquently about yesterday's meeting. >> actually, it was reported as incredibly good and my
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performance, some call it a performance, i consider it work. but got great reviews. >> stephen: yes, this not a performance got great reviews. variety raved prez inks boffo deport deal nix mex kids. the "u.s.a. today" said the role trump was born to play sitting down. and essence gushed it's 2018, how come there are no black people in this? then trump had a strong message for the media. you're welcome. >> i'm sure the ratings were fantastic. they always are. which is why i think the media will ultimately support trump in the end because they're going to say if trump doesn't win in three years, they're all out of big. >> jon: >> stephen: yes, trump says the media will be out of business without trump. colbert says, colbert's fine with that. (applause)
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>> stephen: of course trump is still fuming about the release of michael wolff's tell-all fire and fury. i had not seen him get this angry about a book since he finished the monster at the end of this book. you read the whole thing, turns out it's just grover, fake news. and in response to this momentary aggravation he has a modest plan to destroy the first amendment. >> we are going to take a strong look at our country's libel laws so that when somebody says something that is false and defamiliar tore about someone, that person will have meaningful recourse in our courts. can't say things that are false, knowingly false and be able to smile as money pours into your bank account. >> stephen: okay, okay, strong
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false knowingly false and profit from it. that's interesting. i believe we have a rebuttal. >> it was the biggest electoral college win since ronald reagan. >> i am the least anti-semitic person you have seen in your entire life, the least racestist person. >> nobody qutd respects more than i do. >> i guarantee i have a vok ar lear better than all of them. >> he referred to my hands as small, something else must be small. i guarantee you there is no problem. i guarantee you. >> stephen: all right. we'll let history decide. trump, trump said this was really about protecting our national values. >> our current libel laws are a sham and a disgrace and do not represent american values or american fairness. >> stephen: and who knows more about american fairness than the man who was born a millionare and became president by losing the popular
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but-- (applause) but before trump puts together these new libel laws in place i just want to say donald trump is the illegitimate love child of a racei manatee and a deflated ba be loo. done alt trump set fire to the hindenburg and once told me on the record he enjoyed the movie "suicide squad." see you in court. but trump's immigration telethon may have been pointless after all because last night a federal judge in san francisco temp regard leigh blocked trump's decision to end the daca program. yeah, quite surprising. did not see that coming. >> jon: wow. >> stephen: i did not see that coming. trump got daca blocka-ed. and he was shocka-ed. tweeting it just sow shows everybody how brocken a
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our court system is when opposing side in a case-- always runs to the ninth circuit and almost always wins before being reversed by higher courts. is there a single institution in america donald trump has faith in. courts are broken. fbi is a disgrace. the white house is in chaos, have you read fire and fury, i'm terrified. nobody is in charge there. but trump has no one to blame but himself. in this decision trump actually cited trump's own tweets including this one from september. does anybody really want to throw out good, educated and accomplished young people who have jobs, some serving in the military. oh, i know that one. you do. yeah. just check on your hand. the answer is written down. (applause) looking at trump's tweets the judge concluded we seem to be in the unusual
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the ultimate authority over the agency, the chief executive, publicly favors the very program the agency has ended. he's right, on immigration trump has two personalities. he's dr. jekyll and mr. hide amigo, immigration is here! of course-- get down. and the white house is working overtime to make it look like trump is working any time. every day his staff puts out the president's schedule and it is packed with important and very real meetings like today's discussion with prime minister erna solberg of normay. now that's obviously a mistake. erna? that is not a name. irma-- ernie, something like that, this could be a simple typo that went overlooked by an alarming number of people which for thissed a mrgs is perfectly
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normay. or the answer could be this, i'm hoping this is the case, that to avoid international incidents his staff is now making up fake countries for the president to meet with. sir, you're meeting with the prime minister of normay followed by s-wemen. and denmork, really, all the countries of scandilabia. then you have a phone call with the vice president of afghamble-bamble. lunch with the 3r50eu78 of franch, and we have to prep you for your upcoming summit in the democratic republic of condo. he could still mess things up though. >> jon: he probably will. >> stephen: even if they are fake countries we could end up being bombed by north korena. also today, today? today democrats on the senate foreign relations committee issued a report about russia's worldwide election
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is an in depth followup to their initial report, yeah, they did it. and shockingly, shockingly-- no, thank you. and shockingly the democrats report is critical of donald trump. they say while russia is actively planning to meddle in our next election, never before has a u.s. president so clearly ignored such a grave and growing threat to u.s. national security. that is not true. obama saw this trump guy coming and did nothing. just let them-- (applause) let them. >> jon: i don't know if he did that, i don't know. >> stephen: oh, what am i doing. congratulations are in order because today is jared kushner's birthday. i can't believe he's already 14. (laughter) i dispt get him anything. what do you get the man who can't do everything? it turns out you get him another job because we just learned that in addition to all the other it
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to overhaul america's prison system. hmmmm. i wonder why he suddenly is so interested in prison conditions. (applause) guys, from now on i think prison cells should come with a tunnel to the outside for safety, in case of a fire or something. and oh also, a better wine selection. now if you do go to prison, jared, done worry, quirk tip, on your first day walk up to the biggest guy in the yard and marry his daughter. meanwhile, everybody still talking about kushner's arch-enemy and formerly starving prospector whose partner is missing, steve bannon. yesterday was reported that steve bannon lost his job at breitbart, which shocked me. you can lose your job at breitbart? they're casual friday is a
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but he had to go because his billionaire backers and the trump base had turned on him and i'm being told that we have obtained footage of the moment bannon learned he was fired. >> let me explain, no-- no i didn't -- no, no! >> stephen: i love a happy ending. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tonight, sarah jessica parker, sjp is here. when we return i talk white house secrets with melania trump. don't go away. >> in life. and in water. choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita.
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>> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, right there, ladies and gentlemen! (applause). >> stephen: check it out. jon, you know what i am excited about? >> jon: what's that. >> stephen: i'm excited about our friend john dickerson this morning started as part of the team at cbs this morning with nora and gayle, congratulations, john, he's going to be great. you know what i am looking forward to, folks? tonight i'm looking forward to a special performance by jack black in character, yeah. that's how i felt. that is exactly how i felt. >> jon: big jack. >> stephen: as young levon from his new netflix movie the polka king, i know what you are thinking, there is already too much polka on late-night television. but you want to see this one.
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everyone is still talking about the white house tell-all book, fire and fury, inside the trump white house because of claims in here that during the campaign no one believed trump would win and they didn't want him to. in fact t says that on election night melania was in tears and not of joy. first ladies, they're just like us. now the white house has vehemently denied everything in this book and melania's spokesperson said she supported her husband's decision to run for president. she was confident he would win and was very happy when he did. adding the book is clearly going to be sold in the bargain fiction section. right alongside stephen colbert's midnight confessions. so is anything, anything in wolff's book true? to tell us, please welcome the first lady of the united states, melania
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sorry, where were you? >> not digging, no, no, no. >> stephen: now madame first lady, thank you for joining us. >> thank you for having me, stefer en. >> stephen: so is anything in this book true? >> absolutely not, stephen. it is pure fiction, fake book, every single word is lie. >> stephen: so you didn't cry on election night. >> oh, no, no, that is true. but they were tears of happiness. you know, like you do at your wedding or every morning in the mirror. >> stephen: well, it sounds like you cry tears of joy a lot. >> no, not always. sometimes i have a dead eyed stare of contentment. >> stephen: now is it true as the book claims that everybody who knows trump calls him an idiot. >> not everybody. one of the grand children can't even talk
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eeh! (laughter). >> stephen: okay. well, what about the claim that you and your husband sleep in separate rooms. >> that is a lie. i haven't slept since the election. (laughter). >> stephen: okay, how about the claim in this become that your husband likes to be in bed by 6:30 with a cheeseburger. >> oh t is true. that is why we don't share a room there is no face for me with cheeseburger. which is why i always make sure there is cheeseburger. (laughter) thank you for your service. >> stephen: ma'am, ma'am, and, ma'am-- ma'am, ma'am, it's a family show. >> oh, oh, oh. >> stephen: and the book says that even before your husband ran for president you and he would go days without seeing each other and e
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were both in trump tower. >> oh, trump tower, so many good hiding places. (laughter) did you know i can fit my entire body inside a wine fridge? >> stephen: no, i didn't know that. >> yes, it's true, you can make room by moving the wine into your stomach. >> stephen: now the book-- stay hydrated. the book also says that you are so absent that staff referred to ivanka as the real wife. >> oh yes, but the staff has all sorts of funny nicknames for us. they call me flight risk. >> stephen: oh really, and why do you call you that? mrs. trump? >> i forgot my spoon. >> stephen: melania trump, everybody. we'll be right back with sarah jessica parker!
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>> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back. ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an emmy award-winning actress and fashion icon. she currently stars in divorce on hbo. >> i have no idea why you have three putters. and i am not an narcissist, i know because i read the book and i took the quiz. >> and yet you still thought it was about you. >> oh my gosh. no, i'm not doing this with you. i'm not doing it. >> okay. >> you shaved your moustache. >> i did. >> it looks good. yeah, cuz
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know, like less. >> is that a compliment? that sounds like a semicompliment. >> it is. >> stephen: please welcome sarah jessica parker. (cheers and applause) its. >> it's hard it to shall-- i'm all turned around because this is my first time here-- . >> stephen: this is the first time we have had a chance to talk. >> in the new. >> stephen: i had your husband on before you and i have never been on stage together before. >> correct n frob of other people. s
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>> stephen: the whole thing is discome bob lated. >> yeah. >> stephen: i love this outfit. >> thank you, you can have it when we're done. >> stephen: i don't think i have the hips for it. >> i think you might. >> stephen: what i like is that it kind of has got sort of a very subdued like sort of french, like, 19th century school master look to it. but it's got all this glamor and sparkle to it t is really wonderful. >> it's how you seduce the school children, it's how you hypnotize. >> stephen: which was legal back then. >> everything was legal back then. >> stephen: but you're a fashion icon yourself because of sex & the city. >> okay. >> stephen: which, you know, obviously-- (applause). >> stephen: no, it's true. yeah s that nice? >> what a fantastic feeling. it hypnotizes shall doesn't it. >> stephen: you are lacking up there because you don't want to ask me to ask i if there say sex and the city 3. >> speak into my good ear. >> stephen: i'm not going to ask you that bau
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the city 3 and i would just ask you, what part would i play. >> oh, well there's an opening. >> stephen: well, really, really? >> i mean aim know not-- . >> stephen: who do i have to act like? what would my character be like. >> according to very recent documentation of why we're not making it. >> stephen: yeah. >> it's because the part usually played by kim cattrell has been vacated. so that is what i mean that perhaps you want to play samantha. >> stephen: i'm kind of like, a little slutty, kind of fun. >> know we were in abu dhabi. >> stephen: you were fun, remember, was that the second movie. >> yes, we were a lot of fun in a blew dabbee. no, we weren't allowed in a you boo dabbee, we shot in morocco. >> stephen: pretending to be a beu dabi.
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word sex in the script, the title page, sincerely, i think was objectionable, just the title of the show or the movie was verbotin. i'm just guessing but maybe things have changed. i mean there has been progress. >> stephen: you think if we named it drunk white happy lady. >> we did think of that, but-- we tried to-- . >> stephen: and afterwards they go aha!. >> well, i don't want to take credit for any of the obfiscation that was plotted but i'm just saying that there was some thought about finding a more palatable way to tell the truth. >> stephen: aren't we all. aren't we all looking for that on a daily basis. >> but this was back in the day when truth matters, you know, where you hung your hat on honor. >> stephen: there was such a thing, my apologies.
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and just good old-fashioned reliable-- . >> stephen: fact checking. the new show on hbo is called divorced and you have been married for 20 years to the lovely and talented matthew broderick. (applause) yeah, give it up for matthew broderick. when. >> did you call him lovely and talented. >> stephen: is he love leigh and talented. we sung and danced tok on this stage. >> he's of much more time with you than i have. >> stephen: we're not done. you know you have been married to him for 20 years so doing a show on divorce is that like, you know, like trying outlining a fantasy camp? like what is it for you? what is it like to do a show about vons when are you not a divorced person? >> it is-- well, it is a nice way to learn that you would rather not divorce because it's not pleasant. it turns out that divorce is
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honest, it doesn't really affect what happens in my home. but i think it in some ways is sort of a sub versive-- i don't know, it seems sort of supportive in marriage in a strange way to talk about divorce and to examine it and to see what, you know, sort of how incredibly complicated and unpleasant and devastating, awful, often. i don't know, it just seems maybe easier just to stay married? >> stephen: until it's not. >> i guess, yes, but maybe the things that don't-- like the things that bother you that don't matter, maybe they actually don't platter. and maybe therefore-- this is-- you understand, you know, i mean that's really-- what i am saying is, that don't get divorced unless you really are bothered by the things that don't matter.
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>> stephen:-- before you get marry imagine the thing you like least about this person, multiply it by ten and think could i take 50 years of that, and i did that with my wife and i went-- got t i'm in, 100 percent and i was totally right, 25 years in. >> yeah. >> stephen: i think i got this one. >> you guys are at 25 years. >> stephen: 25 years are this fall. >> very impressive. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. >> yeah. so you know, yes, you find that you have a fairly high threshhold for the things that, you know-- eh. >> stephen: yeah, have a high threshhold for pain, that is the right thing for a marriage. you have been performing, how old when you first started performing. >> i was eight. >> stephen: wow. >> yeah, i was eight. >> stephen: my research people found something here and i don't know whether you know they found. this but they found that in 1983 you gave an interview it said actress 18 has some regrets. >> i am regretful that they gave my age in 1983, that is what a
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regret. >> stephen: get out your calculators. now 18 year old singer and actress who now lives in-- she missed prom. you never went to prom. >> it's true. >> stephen: and so why? >> well, you know why, actually, because i was shooting foot loose. i was shooting a prom scene while missing my very own prom. yes, and in fact, the fellow that i was going to attend prom with who i guess could say was pie boyfriend, he was, yeah, he was-- he was-- crowned prom king. he knows who he is. his name is. >> stephen: prom king. >> his first name is david. >> stephen: king david. >> yea yes, yes. and i intuited big things for him. and in fact he was prom king. and i think got a scholarship for college too, like a lot of good. >> stephen: he got a scholarship for promming he went pro. >> i think he stopped b
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to the prom and i think they brought my dress out on a hanger to show him-- what i would have worn. and i think it was like a sort of canteloupe-colored silk, either like a gunny sack or a laura ashley, you know dressment and i think about it now and it was like superchaises, like really covered, like really covered. like very proper. >> stephen: i heard that you never went to prom. >> i didn't go to prom. >> stephen: so i was wondering if you would go to prom with me. >> well, of course, on behalf of all the millions-- of americans. thank you. oh, how lovely. >> stephen: hold on, we need a prom photo. >> thank you. >> stephen: which side w oh, i don't care as long as you can see, this what is a prom photo typically like. oh, you know what, i should be
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my gosh. my mike, ready? is it this way? ♪ season 2 of divorced sunday on hbo. sarah jessica parker, everybody. we'll be right back with pete hold msz.
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my next guest is a standup comedian who created and stars in hbo's crashing. >> i would love it, i could use some help, obviously. i work in an ice cream shop. i just actually heard some of the guys were talking about colbert is looking for writers f we could submit i would love to submit a smitions. >> yeah, we can submit. >> you know those guys? >> no, but i'm good at guessing emails, you know, you just kind of watch the credits, take a crack at it, stephen colbert@colbert.com, you know, look who the producer is at colbert.com, try the gmails,ia huais, you go back to hotmail sometimes if we need to. sometimes they just have a.me. >> stephen: please welcome pete holmes. (applause)
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>> stephen: hey, good to see i gefn. >> are you worried? >> stephen: what. >> that we just leaked your email? >> stephen: not at all. why would i have an email that easy to find. good to see you again. >> it's wonderful to be here. >> stephen: the last time you were here you just-- you had got engaged. >> got engaged, that is what it is. >> stephen: in a way that was both interesting, exciting and terrifying, right, hot air balloon. >> hot air balloon. i don't know why i looked to you, hot air balloon. you know what to do. yeah, and now i'm married. look, i'm a married person. >> stephen: congratulations. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: congratulations. >> that's why i have a suit. >> stephen: oh, really. >> this is the suit i got married in. >> stephen: really. >> two months ago. still fits. >> stephen: i am a big fan of being married. how it is working out now. >> it does feel different we are let urge kal creatures, i think you can appreciate that. >> stephen: was it a traditional wedding? you are a comedian s your
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comedian? >> my wife is not a comedian. i will say a lot of my comedian friends are anti-marriage. i am glad to know you were promarriage. >> stephen: i was the first of my comedic friends to get married it was just not done, man. >> yeah, we're like carneys. >> stephen: a. >> a lot of my friends that are anti-marriage are protattoo. yes. yes. anticipating where the joke is going, that is what i want. they are protest-- i don't know, man. i don't know how you can make a commitment like that. (laughter) i'm like you have the word sub lime on your neck in old english. every job interview you go to that will be stairing them in their face, they're going to be thinking oh-- forever, the worst sub sz lime song. >> stephen: so
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comedy toasts? because those can be hazardous? >> yeah. you never know. we had some good toasts, john melany, friend of this ver program. >> stephen: lovely fellow. >> gave a lovely toases and some of the amateurs did toasts which is-- a mean thing tho say about my college roommate. he was great. but my mother had had a few slippery american cocktails and this is true. she heckelled at my wedding. she heckled the people giving toasts? >> stephen: yes. >> so my roommate is up there, i have known pete for-- you don't say pete, you always say this guy. i've known this gi and my mom is in the back going sit down, you're ruining it. (laughter). >> stephen: i like your mom. >> yes, you have my mom on. >> stephen: i would love to have your mom on. >> irenea. >> stephen: she would be great. next time you come are you booked. >> you are going to live to ru erckhe
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row ruining my mologue. sit down you're ruining it. give the president a chance! (laughter) no, no-- she is not a monster. (laughter) >> she has her limits. i was excited to do my one political joke, i only have one political joke. >> stephen: please. >> can i tell it to you. i think mike pence looks like the clear gumi bear, is that-- i think that's why he doesn't want to be alone in a room with a woman. too delicious. that's it. that is why i don't do political stuff. >> stephen: so marriage for two months. >> two months now. >> stephen: are the family members starting to say like how about the kids what do we have kids? >> yeah, we would like to have kids. >> stephen: yeah? >> it's a magical thing, sex, i mean. sorry, it is kind of a crazy thing, we're having sex. now with a purpose, we would like to have a l
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relate to this. not sex, i hope you can relate to sex. i know everyone once in a while you meet a person who picked as their personality, i hate kids. >> stephen: oh yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you know what i am talking about t i'm not interest really an interesting person, so,-- hate kids and they think that makes them interesting. i am like you can't, are you not allowed. that is us. it is not like another group. it's not like aliens invaded and infested the planet with children, that's just smaller us. and they're like they're annoying. i'm like yeah, they need help. do you remember when you were three feet tall and the world was just legs? feed the kid. i'm like are you not allowed to hate kids but they always say yeah, but i wasn't annoying when i was a kid. i'm like yes, you were. you know how i know? you are annoying now. (laughter) so i want to help have kids. >> stephen: good, i'm all for trk kids are great, kids are geat. your wife, she is not a
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>> no. >> stephen: does she engage, does she like the silly because i'm married to a noncomedian but she has gotten on board the silly train. >> is she a silly billy. >> stephen: she is now. not at first at first she is like why are you doing that. that makes no sense. and then i got her on before we were peculiaried. >> my wife is a very silly billy and i love that. >> stephen: you are a silly billy, we love colbert christmas, it is maybe our favorite thing. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> you guys should be cheering because you that is the best christmas thing there. is i love it, because like are you is the right mix of sentimental, christmassy and silly. >> stephen: okay. >> val and i are very silly. sometimes we don't even watch tv. we just play games like we like to play a game we made up call smallest smile. >> stephen: smallest smile. >> smallest smile. i'm not playing right nows because just hearing you sated it rye no is giving me the biggest smile. >> stephen: smallest smile. >> if the band is paying attention, maybe, joe, could you do like a drum roll because this is how we will play, can
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>> here is how it looks, you look down, come up with a neutral face and then you present your smallest smile. so when i look up we'll stop the drum roll and i will present my smallest smile. are you ready? >> stephen: and clang for a smile. >> clang is dealer's choice. here we g smallest smile. am i out of focus. i don't want to-- this isn't a nudie pique on c cinemax. >> stephen: are you in focus here, are you out of to us there. go, go ahead. (laughter). >> stephen: i like it. can i try? can i try? >> yes, i want to you try. >> stephen: okay. (applause) lovely to see you, i'm going to start playing with that with i my wife, crashing
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pete holmes, everybody. up next a performance by jack black. (applause) jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. all because of a burst water pipe in their house that ruined the hardwood floors in their kitchen. luckily the geico insurance agency had helped them with homeowners insurance and the inside of their house was repaired and floors replaced. jack and jill no longer have to fetch water. they now fetch sugar-free vanilla lattes
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with almond milk. call geico and see how affordable homeowners insurance can be. thit works with smart lights, smart plugs, and over 1,000 other smart home devices. which is... ...just smart. like instead of always turning on the garbage disposal by mistake, just say, "hey google, turn on the kitchen lights." or that moment you realize, oh no, the iron! hey google, turn off the bedroom plug. you can even say, "hey google, make it cooler." but then your wife can say, "hey google, make it warmer." it's google home mini and the rest of the google home family. ♪
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♪ ♪
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feel tired, and have difficulty concentrating. trintellix is a prescription medication for depression. it may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. do not take with maois. tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. may cause low sodium levels. the most common side effects were nausea, constipation and vomiting. ask your healthcare professional if it's time for a change to trintellix. tha...oh, burnt-on gravy?ie. ...gotta rinse that.
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♪ ♪ there are two types of people in the world. those who fear the future... and those who embrace it. the future is for the unafraid. ♪ all because of you ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: and now performing "everybody polka," please welcome jack black and the polka king band! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ everybody polka when you're feeling sad ♪ everybody polka it will make you glad ♪ everybody polka polka all day long ♪ everybody polka while you sing this song ♪ hey doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doe,
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♪ dah, dah, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ dah, dah, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah ♪ dah, dah, dah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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[000:57:58;00] ♪ ♪ hey ♪ everybody polka when you're feeling sad ♪ everybody polka it will make you glad ♪ everybody polka polka all day long ♪ everybody polka while you sing this song doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, dah doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee ♪ doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee
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dah, dah daaaaaaaaaaah ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "the polka king" comes out friday on netflix! we'll be right back. >> i love you, stephen colbert. number one. >> stephen: one more time. >> again, guys, one, two, three. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ music i was diagnosed with hiv in 2016, but i didn't want my life to just...stop. i wondered if starting treatment would put my life on hold. my doctor and i chose triumeq, it seemed like the right fit for me. triumeq is one pill a day. any time of day. with or without food. now, i'm moving forward with triumeq. triumeq treats hiv-1 in adults, and does not cure hiv or aids. don't take triumeq by itself
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and ask your doctor >> stephen: thases' it for the late show, everybody, join us tomorrow. stick 5eur7bd for james corden! >> i can't believe we do the whole song again. i can't-- i think that's enough. i love everybody too much. we going to stop. hey, how about the band, huh? number one captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> this is steve. he never thought it could happen to him.

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