tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS March 22, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
>> former adviser j.d. gorden. >> is it sergey kislyak? >> be car careful it's not as ey as it seems. >> rex tillerson was awarded the order of friendship by this person. >> is it sergey kislyak. >> no it's vladimir putin, but close enough. >> everybody wins. >> especially russia. >> so order trumpboo today, available wherever democracy is sold. >> it's the late show with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes, glenn close, michael mn,ckee featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live on tape from new york city, it's stephen colbert.
>> stephen: hey, everybody! >> stephen: welcome to" the late show," everybody. i'm your host, stephen colbert. thank you. lovely people. absolutely lovely people. how is everybody's march madness doing? it continues tomorrow night and friday on cbs. right? am i right about that? yeah. everybody's brackets okay? yeah. >> jon: bracketed up. >> stephen: how are everybody's buckets? i'll explain that in a moment, you see, for weeks now, republicans have been bushing their obamacare replacement plan. >> audience: boo! >> stephen: but the bill has a preexisting condition: everybody hates
( laughter ) i think those were republicans booing. because republicans have been scrambling to sell this thing ever since the c.b.o. report came out that said that trumpcare would kick 24 million people off of insurance. so now they're rebranding. they're introducing the "three-bucket strategy," okay. three buckets is what they're calling it, okay. so no health care, but with all those buckets, think of how much you'll save on urns. ( laughter ) maybe, maybe. >> jon: wow. you could. >> stephen: shore, pour grandma right in the bucket. >> jon: watch out! >> stephen: maybe it's not literal buckets, you know, since so many people are losing health care, they're just saying, "quick, do the first three things on your bucket list." and his failing health care bill isn't trump's only problem. last week, two federal judges ruled against trump's second travel ban.
and apparently, apparently-- apparently when donald trump heard about the ruling, he was upset. so, this is true, "white house officials tried to cheater president up by showing him a segment on greta van susteren's show which argued the supreme court would never uphold the ruling." okay. they treat the president the same way you treat a five-year-old throwing a tantrum. "honey, honey, calm down. look, look, we got 'frozen'. we got the cd for 'frozen'. let's put it in there. now please ♪ let it go ( applause ) but if positive coverage helps calm down the big angry man with the launch codes, i say do it. i want to help. that's why i had "the late show's" in-house news team, "real news tonight," make a
new report that the white house can play at any time. >> welcome to real news tonight. i'm jill newslady. >> and i'm jim ankoton. >> the radical terrorist had secretly teamed up with the so-called judges who stopped trump's bigley safe travel ban. the president used his impressively sized hands to swat the bombs out of bad guy's comparatively smaller hands and unleashed a deep, masculine yell that made them scared-- too scared to be judges and terrorists. >> when i look at those hands, jim, i ovulate. >> would if i could, jill. >> coming up after the break, this spling's hottest look is a giant red tie held together with scotch tape. >> stephen: thanks, guys. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: absolutely amazing. >> stephen: but, you know, i talk too much about donald trump. you know what i mean. i talk about him every night, and it makes me miss out on some other aspects of my
to talk about. like i have not been talking to you about something called "the fat leonard military sex scandal," not because i didn't want to. it's because i just heard there was something called the fat leonard military sex scandal. you guys heard about this? another i didn't. it centers around a six foot, 350-pound malaysian defense contractor known as fat leonard. in exchange for classified information, fat leonard treated u.s. naval officers to decadent orgies in manila including, of course, the carousel of prostitutes is the most popular ride at prostitute world. ( laughter ) that and i think the tilt-a-hooker. ( laughter ) remember, you must be this tall to ride the hooker. ( laughter ) at one party that fat leonard through, "a group drank the
perignon champagne at which point they had to change to moet-- the beer of champagnes. but they did use some of their time to bone up on their military history because during another sex party, in the mccarthy suite of the manila hotel, historical memorabilia related to general douglas macarthur were used by the participants in sexual acts. yes, it's true. and i certainly hope they rinsed off that corn cob pipe. >> jon: oh! oh! >> stephen: wasn't that fun? dishing about fat leonard and the horny old navy guys. so why in god's name did i only hear about it now? i mean, what has happened to us as a nation? we let ourselves, distracted by trump's phony wiretap claims and two pages of his 12-year-old tax returns when i could have been making joke jokes about rear ads and their semen in
>> stephen: hope you guys are having a good wednesday night. i am. yeah. it's hard to tell what day it is sometimes. >> jon: it's hard to tell. >> stephen: you just keep grinding on day after day. >> jon: it's good. we're having a good time. >> stephen: you know who always has a good time and i'm a huge fan of. >> jon: who's that. >> stephen: kid rock. partly, partly, because he is one of america's best singer-song yellers. also, because he is never afraid to make bold, patriotic gestures. for instance, kid just launched his own made in the uat a american ba bad ass grill compa. i believe it is what seal team 6 used to bury bin laden. sure, buried at sea. eventually. a happy image. and-- you feeling bad for bin laden now? oh, no, not bin
and kid rock celebrated the launch of his all-american badass grills by bringing the heat to his foreign-made competition. >> you got grills made in china. we got 50 cals made in america. this is 100% pure american badass. ♪ ♪ >> this is what we think of made in china. wooo! in your face, china! ( laughter ) >> stephen: in your face! that's right. kid rock hates chinese grills so much, he bought hundreds of the them just to blow them up. ( laughter ) although, just-- can we take a look at
explosion again? ♪ ♪ so i guess the grills and the special effect comes from china. ( laughter ) but, you know, folks, this is why i love this man. this is more than just a commercial, since, as i talked about previously on this show, and this is true, kid rock is being floated as a potential g.o.p. senate candidate from michigan. so these videos are basically campaign ads, and here to respond is kid rock's potential opponent in that race, michigan hard rocker, friend of the show, the saginaw psychopath shriekin joe. thank you for being the the show. >> vote for me! i love michigan. kiss my lower peninsula. t-shirts available on line, xxl
only! >> stephen: we all know you from your music career, obviously. we're all huge fans of shriekin joe, aren't we folks? incredible, rock 'n' roll hall of fame eligible shriekin joe. the albumedz booze o'clock and i'm driving, smell my fingers and my toes. what is the one you on the cover with you and two babes on the hearse? >> getting laid at a funeral. fun fact-- that picture was taken at my actual dad's funeral. >> stephen: that is truly awful, shriekin 'joe. >> he of he got shot robbing an arby. >> stephen: he will be missed. i understand you're planning a 2018 run for senate, right? >> that's right, stephen. join me, michigan, and together we'll make the mitten sticky. that's a sex reference. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i imagined it was. i never had sex with mittens on, shriekin' joe. >> you're missing out, bro. >> stephen: what's your reac
opponent kid rock's grill video? >> lame! >> stephen: you disagree with his stance against foreign manufacturing? >> hell, no, stephen i hate foreign manufacturing. i hate it so much, later today i'm having a bare-knuckle m.m.a. fight with a nissan altima. i'll be live streaming it on my website, ballsandbullets.sting. >> stephen: if you're doing that, how do you differ from kid rock. >> what pisses me off, anyone can make a grill seem bad ass. it's a metal box that use fire to burn meat. that's why i'm launching made in the, say, ice cream machine. >> stephen: that is one badass ice cream. >> i scream, you cream, we value sex in the ice cream factory. ( laughter ) >> stephen:
shriekin 'joe, but how are you going to show your base you're going to save their job by crack down on foreign ice cream makers? >> easy, stephen, i made a commercial. take a look! i'm tired of namby-pamby foreign ice cream makers invading our soil, so i'm going to do something about it. pull! hell, yeah! let's do another one! pull! i'm not done yet, america! pull! bongo-dongo! take that, france! or... wherever. because you can't spell ice cream without u.s.a.! >> stephen: shriekin joe, everybody. we'll be right back with glenn close.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, my first guest is the emmy and tony award-winning actress you know from "fatal attraction," "damages," and "101 dalmatians." she's now returning to broadway in "sunset boulevard." please welcome glenn close! ♪ because your kiss, your kiss is on my lips ♪ you know your kiss is on my lips ♪ ( applause ) >> my feet don't touch the ground. >> stephen: your feet don't touch the ground? i wish i could put
>> that's okay. >> stephen: i don't have anything. a little cushion or something like that. nice to see you. >> lovely to see you. i've admired you and just i think you're wonderful so i'm very excited to be here. >> stephen: well, i'm a huge fan of yours, too, ever since i saw you crying in a chowr in "big chill." you're in "sunset boulevard" on broadway. this is a part you played in 1995, 22 years ago. and back then the reviews were unbelievable. this is one of the greatest performances on broadway of the 20th century. and now the reviews saying-- honest to god-- they're saying this is one of the greatest performances probably of the 21st century. but the thing is, is that you won a tony in '95, so you're not eligible for a tony in 2017. that is bull. >> well, does one also alzheimer's do something to win an award. >> stephen: yes! >> no. >> stephen: always, always! >> you could look at it that it takes the pur
>> it's fabulous. i just hope every one of my cass members gets nom nailtd. you play norma desmond. can't you change the name to mary desmond. this is her sister. totally different thing. why did you want to come back to the role 22 years later? what does it say to you now when you-- when the movie was made it was-- >> 1950. >> stephen: 1950, and it's about a female actress, female star who is sort of trying to reclaim her career. >> she was a great silent movie star, yeah. >> stephen: what does it say to you now? how does it speak to what the experience is to be an actress in hollywood now? >> first of all, i think norma desmond is one of the greatest roles ever written for a female, and certainly for a female who is-- you know, 50 and-- and i'm older than 50. so and because of that, it really-- there is a lot of examination. and it's amazing to me to come back 20 years later and realize how much i've learned in life and how much i've
my craft. so it demands everything of you. it demands sing. it demands-- you know, you have to be very strong. and you have to-- it's every night you create a unique community with the audience that comes in. and you have, which i think everybody longs to have, some sort of emotional connection. in real time. that's what theater is. so you come in, and you have this extraordinary emotional journey in real time, and you create together this unique community. so i'm honored to be doing it. i'm thrilled. it's kind of what we do. >> stephen: as an actress performing live on stage, is there any ideal show for you to do? are you ever saying to yourself, okay, we'll get it perfect tonight?" or is it-- or is every night a unique challenge? >> every night-- because the audience is unique. and the audience, i think is my collaborator. so craft will keep you at a certain level of performance. but then you always are searching for,
for-- i thought the other day, don't always read the line the same way. there are other meanings. you know, it's just there's always something you can do. >> stephen: if you have an emotional connection with the audience on stage, what is the emotion? is it always the same emotion? is it a form of love or affection or can can there be a whole range of emotions with the audience? >> well, you should have a range of emotions eye mean, it depends on what you're doing right? >> stephen: i don't mean the emotion of the character. but there's an emotional connection-- i feel an emotional connection with our audience and it's one of-- affection. >> total adoration. >> stephen: but it's mutual. >> yeah, it's true. it's wonderful to be in a piece that people are-- are-- our response is phenomenal, you know. but i have this theory that-- that acting is a lot about physics, neuroscience. you
can-- it can-- on stage-- and it can resonate with somebody in the back row. what is that? i think what we do is set up energy fields. you do it on your show. you set up literally an energy field and you shoot that out into the audience, and they shoot things back, and then it becomes this great exchange. that's what i think it is. >> stephen: wow. that. ( cheers and applause ). >> is that something we're supposed too talk about. >> stephen: i don't care what we are supposed to talk about. i like that. that's very intimate. the energy fields and shooting out and shooting back in, it sounds a little sexual to me. >> oh, well... that would be nice. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: yeah, but-- giuliani qot got all that stuff off of broadway back in the 90s. >> that's true. >> stephen: how did you-- what inspired you to be-- i have my own role models for what i do for a living. who were your
>> when i was really young-- because i wanted to act when i was this big. >> stephen: did you? >> i loved the classic walt disdiz me films and then "old yeller" "littlest outlaw," all those things, and i had a very, very active imagination. i was always pretending, all that kind of thing, like kids should do. and i went to school, went to college of william and mary. and i knew what i wanted to do. i just-- i felt stupid so i went to college. i think everybody should have a good, general education. and it was-- my senior year, i was, you know, painting backstage for a show, and i saw on television that the interview that dick cavett did with katharine hepburn, the only time hepburn had ever been on television, and it was captivating. and i've always had huge respect for her. and what came out of that i just, you know, was holding my paint brush and looking at
want to do that? do it!" excuse me, i just blew out ( applause ) the next day, the next day, i went to my-- the head of the theater department, mr. howard scanlon, he was kind of my mentor. i want you to nominate me for two national auditions. i got to the finals and i got my first job that fall in new york. >> stephen: wow, wow. did you ever get to tell katharine hepburn this story? >> i was asked to help celebrate her at the kennedy center honors, and she was extraordinary. she came in black pants, a black rain coat, a neck thing, and black reeboks. how fabulous is that? everybody is covered with jewels and all this stuff. anyway, so, and i heard-- they showed a scene from "guess who's coming to dinner" with spencer tracy. and i hearer
balcony, from where they were sitting saying, "oh, spencer." ( laughter ) and she-- because i had done the kennedy center honors numerous times. and as far as i know, she's the only person who was celebrated who actually came backstage to thank the people who were there. and so that itself was amazing. but i told george stephens who produced it this story about how important she was to me at a very seminal moment in my life. and he said, "you have to tell her. you have to tell her." and i said, "i can't tell her." so i told her. >> stephen: did she take it well? >> well, she did. >> stephen: some people can't take that very well. when they find out they're an idol they demur. >> i didn't come at her like an idol. i just told her the story and how at this certain moment in my life, you know, it just came together, and she gave meet kind of "do it!" but she wrote me this letter and i brought it. >> stephen: is that what this is? >> it's one of my treasures.
katharine hepburn. >> a letter from katharine hepburn. "dear glenn close, a great big hug for your sweet contribution. i'm glad i persuaded you when you were a mere child to join this terrible profession. ( laughter ) this terrifying profession. and let's face it-- this delicious way to spend your life. with affectionate thanks, cate hep." ( applause ). >> stephen: wow. that's it! >> it says it all. >> stephen: that makes the whole career worth it. >> says it all. >> stephen: it was lovely to see you again. thank you so much for being here. dul"sunset boulevard" is at th. glenn close, everybody! we'll be right back with michael mckean.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh, hey! welcome back, everybody. folks, you know my next guest as lenny kosnowski from "laverne & shirley," david st. hubbins from "spinal tap," and now chuck mcgill on "better call saul." >> i don't understand. i don't understand. it was 12-16. i checked! i double checked. >> it happened, now we take our licks and we move on. this doesn't just reflect on you. an office let it get by. i did, too for that matter. >> it was 12-16, i promise you. >> everyone makes mistakes.
>> this was no mistake. >> stephen: please welcome michael mckean! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> good evening, sir. >> stephen: good evening to you, sir. it was such a pleasure to meet you. we just got to say hi briefly backstage but i wanted to meet you for years. >> it doesn't take that long to meet me. >> stephen: what. >> you've met me. it didn't take years. we had a handshake and went on our ways. >> stephen: i am an enormous fan. >> thank you. >> stephen: you're great in everything you are in. >> you haven't seen everything i have beenn. >> stephen: i haven't, that's true. you're immortal for "spinal
>> stephen: are you. comedically, you must know that. you must know. i'm sure you have talked about it many times but you must know that you are comedically immortal for "spinal tap." you almost singlehandedly created a genre. >> it was a fun gig. the idea of not writing a screenplay and saying, "let's make this up as we go along." >> stephen: was it essential laziness? >> yes, absolutely. we were actually-- initially, we were given a small chunk of money to write a screenplay, and we said no. and we made a demo version of what we wanted to do. we got a rot of our friends who improvised, tony hendra-- >> stephen: was this rob reiner from the beginning? >> yes, it was. we made a 20-minute version with our own bucks, kind of hawked that around and eventually landed a sale. it was fun. >> stephen: did people think you were going to take that and make a script out of it? >> i didn't know what they thought. i didn't ask. >> stephen: were you surprised it became such an iconic piece of comedy? >> well, it had kind of a limping start. it didn't do much in the
theaters. there was one theater in boston that played it for a year, and a lot of other theaters, you know, where people liked the show and moved on. >> stephen: it came out in '84. >> '84 gli heard about it and i heard it was fantastic and was being played at my college at the time, in northwestern, and i went into this auditorium because somebody told me, "you have to see it." i went in early because i thought it was going to be cracked. >> cricket s. >> stephen: and it was. it was absolutely jammed with people but they were there to protest a guy named adolfo colearo who was a representative of the contras, when the sandinist expaz contras were fighting. someone ran up and threw blood on him. >> are you serious. >> stephen: a bucket of red paint representing blood. >> politics ruins everything. >> stephen: and then they ran the movie and it was me. >> did you have a good time? >> stephen: i loved it. i couldn't believe i was the only one who saw it. anyway, you were also were in the great "mighty wind." you're great at playing in a band, a musician. ( applause ) did y-
buck coming up, did you-- did you want to be in a real band? >> well, yeah, sort of. i wanted to be an actor, you know. my dad took me to some plays and stuff. i said looks like a good gig. all these seats are pointing this way, and it's me up here and hello. it just seemed -- >> stephen: at the end they applaud. >> and they pay you and it's great. but my parents loved the idea but they were also very sensitive to the realities of life and they said you have to have something to fall back on. and i said, hey, play the guitar." ( laughter ). >> stephen: that's where the big money is. >> yes, indeed. no, i found a way to use music and the other stuff and it all works. it's fun. >> stephen: it certainly did. you guys did a the love interviews as the lads from "tap." did people ever get confused and think you were real? >> a lot of people who do interviews are already confused before they come into work. i guess so. one of the first ara
ever made-- before the film was even released-- we appeared on the "joe franklin show." do you remember the "joe franklin show?" >> stephen: yes. >> anybody? this guy office tv since i was born. he was always on tv. and he had this very kind of low-budget show. and we went on, and he thought we were a real band, bless his heart. and we just kind of sat there and he was great. and we thought, is this our future? do we have to keep kidding people? most people play along. most people are great. >> stephen: did he think you open forward the stones or anything like that. >> no. i was with a group called the credibility gap, harry shearer, and my partner on "laverne & shirley" and me. we open forward john denver. it was a lot of head scratchers there. like, "what are they doing up there?" we did political satire and stuff. we opened for richie havens one time who had a big following. ( applause ) gr sure, sure, played at woodstock.
and someone decided it was a good idea to give everyone an orange on the way into the gig. ( laughter ) and there were a lot of sailors, you know,. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> they didn't like our exact they let us know by giving us citrus fruit. >> stephen: trying to prevent scurvy. >> yes. >> stephen: headline or nothing. >> stephen: you're on "better call saul," now. and you play chuck mcgill. >> that's right. >> stephen: who is jimmy's brother. and he is-- >> worst man in the world. >> stephen: worst man in the world. your character is a bit of a shut-in because he is very susceptible to e.m.f., electromagnetic frequency issues. >> yes, he has electromagnetic hypersensitivity. >> stephen: do you have anything like is that do you have-- >> i have arthritis in my thumbs which i've had for 20 years. i have arthritis in my thumbs and i can always tell when it's going to getol
to get hot or when it's going to stay the tame saim. because my thumbs hurt, you see. ( laughter ) so that's really handy. >> stephen: very handy. exactly, sure. you're a one-man weather channel. >> i am, i am. but there's a laundry list of chuck's illness and-- a lot of symptoms. it's a genuine thing. people actually feel terrible when they're around certain electronic devices. and so i just have to pick and choose, you know. i have felt vertigo. i have felt muscle aches and pains. you just have to pile up and take it seriously, whether or not it's a psychosomatic thing, for this character, he's really feeling it on some level. >> stephen: there are real people who actually suffer from this? >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: do you think it's psychosomatic or real? >> i don't know, i don't know. >> stephen: or is there a difference between psychosomatic and real? >> all acting is psychosomatic. >> stephen: and at the end of it, people applaud. >applaud. >> and you go home. >> stephen: michael nice to meet you. thank you so much for being
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. my next guest is a comedian who has voiced everything from the title roles in "archer" and "bob's burgers," to a can of vegetables in "wet hot american summer." please welcome h. jon benjamin! >> very nice. ( cheers and applause ) ooooh! >> stephen: welcome. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: now, let's get this right out of the way-- h. jon benjamin,. >> jup. >> stephen: should i call you "h"? h. jon
makes haaahelp. >> stephen: do you go by jon or h. jon? >> jon. >> stephen: jon, you're a prolific joyce actor. you're stemping archer on "archer." ( applause ) i think we have a clip. archer is in an alley for some reason. do you know why he's in the alley? >> he's in the alley a lot. >> stephen: we don't need ton more than that. >> he does some business there. >> stephen: >> go easy, archer. >> i will punch you right in the genitals. >> it's okay, let him go. ubig lummox. woodhouse. you got any leads? what do you think happened? >> i think he got behind on his dope tab so some time last night his dealer punched his ticket for him. >> wouldn't that be convenient. >> not for him. >> you little rat (bleep). >> scram, archer. >> ow! stofn a-- i mean,
>> stephen: now, this is the eighth season coming out right now? >> this will be the eighth, eighth. >> stephen: congratulations on that. >> yeah, it's good. >> stephen: my understanding is that for the first four seasons, archer worked for something called the international secret intelligence service. ( laughter ) or... >> isis. >> stephen: why did you change the name? >> there was a little problem that came up after they named is isis. that was unfortunate. we changed it. >> stephen: did you literally change it in response to them? >> they did, yes. >> stephen: they did. >> isis didn't change it. >> stephen: no. did you even think about asking? >> the group has no affiliation with the show, but they love it. they do love the show. like, i know for a fact that isis are big fans and -- >> stephen: that's great. >> it's a fine line because i-- we appreciate the support. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, right. yeah,
i can't hang out. ( laughter ). >> stephen: no, no. you also are bob in "bob's burgers." i am. >> ( applause ). >> thank you. >> stephween: e hava clip. we heard archer. let's hear bob. >> okay. >> you could be a little more independent, and we could not give you money so much. so, so much money. >> i-- i just want mr. business to be happy. ( sighs ). >> i guess i see your point. you care more about your cat than you do about money, and that's actually nice. even though it's really our money you don't care about. ( laughter ). >> stephen: now, that is-- that's a huge. ( cheers and applause ) that's quite a range you have here there between archer and bob. how do you make the difference? what's the key for jew it's tough. it is. there's-- there's very, very subtle distinctions that are hard to-- yeah. >> stephen: bob
archer sad. ( laughter ) >> bob is like this, and archer is like this. >> stephen: i totally heard the difference. i totally heard the difference. >> it is. and it's tough. it's tough to do that, but i've worked it out, and i do work out quite a bit. ( laughter ). >> stephen: this thing i hold in my hand right now is one-- i'm incredibly excited about this. >> thank you. >> stephen: i heard about this and i love everything about it. this is an album put out by subhop. it's a jazz albem, and it's called, "well, i should have." and the subtitle is. >> "learned how to play piano." >> stephen: that's what it says down here. you got in a studio with serious jazz musicians. >> di. >> stephen: and did not tell them you don't know how to play the piano and cut an album. is this true? >> i mean, they knew a little bit. ( laughter ). >> stephen: they learned fairly quickly? >> they knew-- they knew how to play their instruments, and the
knew where the studio was and so forth. and then it kind of went downhill from there. >> stephen: this is one of my favorite jazz albums i've ever heard. >> it's-- it's-- it's a beautiful -- >> stephen: truly groundbreaking. >> it really is. >> stephen: i want to impress upon everyone he actually did this. >> i did do it. this is not fake. >> stephen: and i'm so honored that you're actually going to play a little selection. >> the first track. >> stephen: this one is called, "i can't play piano, part one." >> yes. >> stephen: and the band is going to back you up. if you don't mind, i don't know how to plate trumpet and i was wondering if i could sit in. >> yeah, let's do it. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ warming up. warming up.
"the late show," everybody. now stick around for james corden and his guests, josh gad and judy greer. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemen, all the