tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 21, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to equal ofall of you for coming. very nice. winter is over. spring is here. can you feel it? do you feel that springiness that a new season brings? it's almost like, hey, it's almost like your heart is bopping around on a pair of skechers shapeups, right? tonight to welcome spring the way it should be welcome the we have a special treat. our first annual baby animal parade. let's bring out the animals!
>> jimmy: this little pig is named jolly. jolly rolling around in her own vehicle. hello, jolly. how you doing, jolly? this is donald the duck. hello, donald. yeah, that's right, donald. look at him go. oh, a baby goat. this is a baby goat. hare name is tubby. bye, tubby. and finally -- oh, what happened? did a car stall out? oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] we've got to get a seat belt on tubby. tubby, i'm taking you out of this car. all right, there we go. guillermo, take tubby in the old-fashioned way. there you go. the weird thin is we taught
three days and she wasn't good at it then and we should have known to put the safety belt in that thing. you know it's funny. well, i saved tubby's life! [ cheers and applause ] it is ridiculous. so there you go. let's have a round of applause for all the animals. [ cheers and applause ] wouldn't it be fun if you called for an uber and that's what showed up? we have a very good show tonight. the artist formerly known as han solo, harrison ford is here with us. from the new movie "i saw the light," elizabeth olsen is here. elizabeth, so we're clear, is the olsen that is not a twin. she came womb an unaccompanied minor. music tonight from cam. but first we have a major -- [ cheers and applause ]
twitter turned 10 years old today. twitter as of today is 10. they grow up so fast. next thing you know twitter will be making a sex tape with tumblr. it's hard to imagine life without twitter. without twitter, how would kanye west let us know exactly what is on his mind in all capps at all times? without twitter how would we know guillermo just had a green juice with two slices of pizza? we wouldn't. we wouldn't know any of that, guillermo. tonight in honor of twitter's 10th anniversary, we put
all-time. >> jimmy: thank you to all. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. there's a lot of college basketball over the weekend. 64 college basketball teams knocked down to 16 in only four days, are you paying attention to this, "dancing with the stars" and "the bachelor"? you're wasting our lives. i am tied for 54th place in our office pool out of 73. guillermo, you're in 28th place, did you know that? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: unfortunately for guillermo, he picked xavier to go to the finals and they were upset by wisconsin last night. [ cheers and applause ] why did you pick xavier, guillermo?
>> jimmy: oh. let's put guillermo's bracket up on the wall. and if you look closely, this good team that he's talking about, xavier, which was a good team, but he spelled it xabier. over and over and over again. or i should say ober and ober again. what happened, guillermo? even your handwriting has an accent? >> guillermo: no, i was just going,ing, i'm going to choose xavier. i just write it down. >> jimmy: you just wrote it down. either way xavier and xabier have been eliminated together. sorry about that. i'm not very good at picking ncaa tournament games. but celebrity dancing, that's really where i shine. tonight a new season of "dancing with the stars" waltzed its way into our lives. over the last 11 years "dancing with the stars" has given us 22
stars, i think. the dancers this time around include nfl players antonio brown and von miller, geraldo rivera is dancing. donald trump's ex-wife marla maples is dancing. wanye morris from boyz ii men is dancing. i don't know who had to tell this year. at the very start of every season before a single foot is touched to the dance floor i make a pick. i predict the individual whom i believe has what it takes to bring home the coveted mirrored ball and i've bet on it. i've correctly picks the winner of "dancing with the stars" 8 of 16 times. i don't know whether to be proud or ashamed but it's true. this year i did my homework. i watched videos of jody sweeten dancing on o episodes of "full house." this is how sick i've gotten. i don't take this lightly. i wrote the name on a piece of
inside a tiny briefcase, it has been stored in guillermo's mouth for the last, i don't know, 15 seconds, probably. guillermo, the briefcase is in there? tell us once again how do you spell xavier? >> guillermo: mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. >> jimmy: still incorrect, all right. drumroll, guillermo, open wide and reveal my selection. the winner of "dancing with the stars" will be -- >> guillermo: antonio brown. >> jimmy: antonio brown! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: of the pittsburgh steelers. he'll win it all. have to say i feel like picking a football player allows me to keep just a shred of my masculinity. joining us now via the wall of america, our big cisco screen, please welcome antonio brown! hello, antonio. [ cheers and applause ] >> how you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. i understand you're in the admit
right now? >> yes, sir. right in the admit of it. >> jimmy: have you danced yet? >> i practiced. have vent danced yet. i'm second to last. >> jimmy: don't even bother, i've just declared you the winner. >> you the man, jimmy. >> jimmy: you know, you're the man. am i the first person ever to pick you in a fantasy dancing league, antonio? >> you're the first, brother. >> jimmy: there you go. i hope you're going to take this very seriously. i hope you look at this as just as important as football, if not more important than football. yes? >> absolutely, now i'm giving it 100%, a challenge and a commitment and i'm definitely going to put my best foot forward. >> jimmy: i like your outfit, i like the look. is that a michael jackson necklace? >> yes, the first down post, jimmy. >> jimmy: our "dancing with the stars" champion for season 22, antonio brown! [ cheers and applause ] thank you, antonio. >> it's an honor, jimmy.
all right. hi, guys. i'm being chased. all right. why are they coming after me? this is what it's going to be like when we have driverless cars. all right. we have to take a break. when we come back, we pulled a little prank on people who think they have the new iphone. and another major celebrity endorsement for donald trump. so stick around, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] honey, did you call the insurance company?not yet, i'm... folding the laundry!can you? no... cleaning the windows! well, the living room'sa disaster! you should see the bathroom! (vo)most insurance companies give i'm looking for my keys! plants need planting!
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>> jimmy: welcome back. harrison ford, elizabeth olsen, music from cam is on the way. i'm sure you know president obama now is in the midst of an historic visit to cuba, he's the first u.s. president to travel to cuba since 1928. calvin coolidge was the last president to visit. so this is a big deal. this morning he met with cuban president raul castro, look at this, who helped set the record for longest handshake ever recorded. watch these guys here. there's some sort of like -- looks like the mandalay bay casino. like, oh, how are you, yep, still holding -- you know, at this point in some countries they'd be legally married. but still they -- okay, there you go. i'll tell you something -- [ applause ] >> maybe he broke president obama's hand. at the end of the day, at the
when a muppet dies. meanwhile, donald trump is still making friends. trump was in salt lake city over the weekend where he wooed the locals with this. >> and do i love the mormons, okay? do i love the mormons? >> jimmy: he never answered the question. does he love the mormons? trump was also in tucson on saturday where he took time to court another group he loves dearly. >> look at that sign. latinos support trump. i love you! i love you! i want that sign! will you get me that sign? look at that, latinos! look at all the latinas! thank you, darling. i love her. i fall in love -- melania, i've fallen in love with her! >> jimmy: poor melania is like, get me back to new york, barney's is open, i have shoes
trump added another feth tore his make america great again cap picking up a key endorsement from a celebrity whose support every candidate has been chasing for months. >> donald trump adds another hollywood endorsement to his list ahead of tomorrow's round of western primaries. 55-year-old actor scott baio says he will be supporting trump for president. >> well, there you go, it's over. he's got baio. what are you going to do? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's our president now. donald trump now has endorsements from dennis rodman, wayne newton, aaron carter, gary busey, tila tequila, and now scott baio. apple today had another one of their big announcement events. they unveiled a lot of new stuff that starts with the letter "i." a new version of ios, a new ipad ipad, a new iphone, the se is a smaller version of the iphone6. this has a four-inch screen.
they keep going back and forth to bigger and smaller. and it's getting harder and harder to tell the difference between these new phones. so this afternoon we went out and asked people what they think of the new iphone se compared to the other iphone5. we gave them two iphone5's, we handed them to them and asked them to compare apples to apples. which of course makes no sense. but that didn't stop people from comparing. >> apple announced a new version of the iphone, similar in size to the iphone 5, so we're having people compare the two side by side. >> okay. >> this is the iphone5, obviously. >> all right. >> and this is the new version of the iphone. >> okay. nice. like i can already feel that -- it's actually a little heavier, i thought it was going to be lighter. it might mean there's extra features which is kind of cool. maybe more battery. >> as far as size, do you notice any difference in thinness?
>> not in thinness. but a little -- i heard it has a four-inch screen, that's new. >> what about screen brightness? >> yeah, they wanted -- the new one seems a bit clearer. >> as far as? screen brightness? >> yeah, you can see the background better. it seems like it's a little bit, you know, easier to notice like the icons and stuff as opposed to the older one. >> i like the way the brightness is. the power doesn't seem like it's going any less than the older one. >> seems like it has better battery life? >> yeah, it does. >> yeah, seems a little bit faster. i mean, it's like a difference of a millisecond but it does seem like it's little bit faster. >> as far as weight? >> almost identical. >> if you had to -- which one is lighter? >> yeah, i guess the new one's like a very, very, very small amount lighter, yeah. >> okay what other difference dozen you notice? >> let's see. well -- there's different buttons.
maybe the iphone5 was a little chunkier. >> this one's brighter. >> this feels heavier. >> feels heavier, interesting. >> this one's lighter. >> okay. >> yeah, it's lighter. >> which one's the new one? >> the right one. the screen still on. this one, this skrentcreen hasn't went off yet. >> if you had to choose between these phones? >> i would definitely choose the newer one. >> why? >> it seems to be faster and brighter and faster. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show. music from cam. elizabeth olsen is here. and we'll be right back with harrison ford. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by emergen-c. help emergen-c and charity water provide clean drinking water to communities in ethiopia by taking part in the 40 pounds
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tom hiddleston will join us. and we'll have music from granger smith. and later this week, kristen bell, jon bernthal, peter krause. music from locash and fifth harmony. and on thursday night, hillary clinton. you know, her husband used to be president. in like the '90s or something like that, right? our first guest tonight was recently certified by the u.s. mint as the highest-grossing actor in the history of the box office of the united states of america. he is here tonight to beef that total up. "star wars: the force awakens" is out on digital hd april 1st, and dvd and blu-ray april 5th with behind the scenes footage like this. >> han and chewy entering the "falcon." >> i turned around there must have been 200 people standing behind me staring at the monitor wanting to see harrison come into the "millennium falcon" for the first time. that was a huge moment.
the door goes up. >> jimmy: isn't it amazing? just like space. >> not so much. yeah. >> jimmy: you were here in october promoting "star wars." and here you are again in march promoting "star wars." >> what the hell? [ cheers and applause ] i think it's quite clear that i've got nothing better to do. >> jimmy: what could be better than this? you told me last time you were here that you've been pushing for many years to have han solo killed off. i don't want to spoil it for anybody. i hope at this point everyone who wants to see the movie has seen the movie. but you succeeded. >> you work for like 25 years for the company. >> jimmy: yep. you do your best. you show up every day. you do your job. and then -- they just let you
>> jimmy: in this case shethey actually killed you. >> shocking. shocking. >> jimmy: when you saw -- >> no, i argued for 30 years for this to happen. finally i wore them down. >> jimmy: i guess you did. so you won't be in any of the other movies, han solo won't be in any of the other movies? >> who said that? >> jimmy: i don't know. i'm asking. >> who made you the boss? >> jimmy: do you know, nobody made me the boss, no one ever will make me the boss. solo will continue or do you not know? it's a good question, right? that means either -- well. hm. interesting. i have no idea what to make of your answer. when you saw yourself or han solo die on screen -- >> >> do you know how much money you can make selling reverse mortgages? >> jimmy: is that right?
[ cheers and applause ] >> you have no idea. it's a gold mine. >> jimmy: is that right? >> it's a gold mine. >> jimmy: explains chuck wollery's fans. anyway. the movie came out great. >> came out good, huh? you liked it? >> jimmy: i did like it. were you surprised that the secret didn't get out, the death of han? >> it's pretty amazing, actually, that people -- sort of respected their fellow audience members to the extent that it didn't get around. >> jimmy: really did. >> it was fantastic. >> jimmy: i think people knew they would actually get killed if they revealed the ending of the movie. >> i think they knew i would show up at their house and beat the [ bleep ] out of them. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i must ask you about this photograph that was tweeted
do you call him -- was this casual, did you run into him? >> does it look casual? yeah, it's -- that's pretty casual. >> jimmy: it's casual. >> he said it was 3:30 in the morning, that's complete bull [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: is that right? >> no, it was like 2:45. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you hung out until 2:45? >> we were up a little late. >> jimmy: how, why? what? >> that's what my wife wanted to know. [ laughter ] we were at the ted talks. ted talks? >> jimmy: oh, you were at the ted talks, really? [ cheers and applause ] >> it kind of wakes up your brain. and there's fantastic people. and you end up staying up too late. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and hanging out -- >> jimmy: getting mc hammered is probably what happened. >> no, no.
serious man. >> jimmy: he's a very -- well, i know he's -- >> not compared to me. [ laughter ] >> no, he is. he's really interesting. >> jimmy: did you know his music? >> yeah, a little bit, yeah. >> jimmy: what's your favorite mc hammer song? it's not on there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> shh! >> jimmy: if we'd planned it out. there's only two to choose from. yeah, there's maybe three you could go with. >> really? >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it's very interesting. i was listening to him explain to some young people that -- how he goes about doing a rap song. and it was fascinating to me.
>> jimmy: is it really? >> he's a smart guy. >> jimmy: i don't doubt that he's a smart guy. but have you seen him in the giant pants? it doesn't seem that intellectual. [ laughter ] i'm going to guess the answer's probably no. >> maybe he needs giant pants, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're probably right. one of his songs is "please hammer don't hurt him." you might be right. you are going to play indiana jones again which is very -- [ cheers and applause ] >> not now. >> jimmy: we got a whip if you want to bring it out. >> yeah, i'm not quite -- >> jimmy: we can get you a fedora. >> i'll be ready. i'm excited about it. >> jimmy: why are you excxced about it?
been somewhat resistant to. did they finally come up with an idea that you loved? >> yeah! yeah. >> jimmy: did you demand they kill indiana jones? >> i haven't read the script. >> jimmy: you haven't even read the script -- >> i'm talking about the contract. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> we're here to kid around. i mean, seriously. i mean -- listen. that's why we came, right? >> jimmy: that is why we came, yes. you're not even getting paid for this, that's how much you love the film? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i heard, i don't know, i could be wrong. >> no, i -- listen. the opportunity to work with steven again on this character that is -- >> jimmy: steven who? [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: oh, spielberg, okay. >> steven spielberg. a chance to revisit this character which has brought pleasure to so many -- >> jimmy: great joy to so many people, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> not to mention me. >> jimmy: especially you. >> no, it's fun. it's great fun to play this character. it's great fun to work with steven. i'm looking forward to it. >> jimmy: can you tell us anything about what happens? >> sure. i can tell you the whole thing right now. >> jimmy: let's begin. >> so -- >> >> jimmy: start at the beginning. again, you'll find nothing there. i tell you what, i'm excited about it. this looks -- by the way, there are a whole -- i saw a whole bunch of stuff from the blu-ray and dvd that i think "star wars" fans are going to go absolutely berserk for. >> j.j. called me up and he said, we've got this deleted scene that we're going to put in the dvd.
deleted scene in the dvd? and he said, well -- i think it's going to be amusing and -- so would you like to see it? i said, yeah, sure. he showed me the deleted scene. and i said -- why would you put that in the movie? and then i found out that the deleted scenes aren't in the movie. >> jimmy: right. hence the word deleted. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> oh! >> jimmy: there you go. [ applause ] >> they're in the back. >> jimmy: they're now undeleted for the blu-ray and dvd. >> to the put in thee deleted scene section. >> jimmy: deleted scene section. >> not put in the movie. >> jimmy: those weren't ever in the movie. >> it took me four days to figure that out. >> jimmy: harrison ford, everybody! "star wars: the force awakens" comes out on digital hd april 1st and on dvd and blu-ray april 5th. we'll be right back.
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i heard you just met harrison ford. >> blew it. >> jimmy: i heard you froze. >> i went -- ah -- ah -- i'm elizabeth -- hi -- hi -- >> jimmy: does that happen to you a lot? >> no. it doesn't hive. it happens -- when it happens it's with a chef or something i saw on "top chef." >> jimmy: really. >> know what i mean? do know what i mean? maybe. >> jimmy: i like chefs too. not necessarily the top chefs. i like the guys on the bottom. >> oh, that's -- oh, i learned a lot about you just then. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm not sure what. how are you doing? everything all right? >> i'm good, yeah. i'm like still kind of shaking from harrison ford. >> jimmy: tell us what harrison means to you. maybe he'll watch this and you can really like -- i don't know, erase whatever happened backstage. >> okay, so first off, like just "star wars" -- i've been a huge fan since i was 5. >> jimmy: okay. >> indiana jones was everything
every gift i gave to people in my house had something to do with box sets that i would open, watch in full, and then give back to the person i'm giving a gift to. >> jimmy: to who, your dad or something? >> my dad was indiana jones box set, watched that for father's day, then gave to it him. "star wars" was the entire box set for my brother for christmas, watched all that, then gave it to him. just real special. >> jimmy: wow, wow, how about that. see, that's what you should have said. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what are you going to do? >> just trying to be respectful. >> jimmy: i heard you got injured. is it correct to say you were injured? >> i don't know. because i feel like such a little -- i can't say that word on television. because i was snow blinded. but i didn't have like the full blindness. i just -- i've been working in park city with jeremy renner because i only work with people
right. >> and so we're filming on the top of mountains, 10,000, 11,000 feet elevation, it was a beautiful day. and everyone has like goggles on or hats or umbrellas. and everyone's like, you want an umbrella? we're there for seven hours on the top of a mountain. i'm like, no, i want the sun in my face. the next day -- and i'm from l.a. i didn't grow up skiing. i don't know these things. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> and -- >> jimmy: i didn't know it was a real thing, snow blindness. >> you could see that my eyelids are peeling from my sunburn. and my eyes were so bloodshot that i was continually weeping. but it wasn't happening on camera. today i feel great but -- >> jimmy: you brought a photograph. >> i was documenting it, it was fascinating. >> jimmy: wow, yeah. that's crazy. >> i was trying to open my eyes so you could see the white and the sunburn on my eyeball. >> jimmy: your eyes are red, white and blue.
>> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> i'm trying to make america great again. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's nice of you. you mentioned working with jeremy renner. tom hiddleston is locationki. i'm just sticking to what i know. >> jimmy: i guess. >> marvel universe. >> jimmy: you're not superheroes in the movie. >> no, it's a great story about hank williams. if you're a fan of old country music. it's a story about his life and his relationship with his -- tumultuous relationship with his wife. and it was a really amazing experience filming it. we're all really proud of it. >> you had to sing in the movie. are you a singer in general, are you sung in film before? >> i sang in a film before but i would never call myself a singer. i would never want to sing as myself. but i like singing. but she was notoriously a terrible singer. so it was fun for me.
>> jimmy: that's a -- but that's got to be tough, knowing you can sing, but then you're -- it's almost like you need to follow it up with a musical or something. >> it's pretty clear that it is for the benefit of the story. >> jimmy: i see. >> so rodney kroul worked on the music. if i could make him laugh i felt i i did a good job. >> jimmy: hank would put his wife up on stage with him? >> she can't be so bad that he looks like a fool for having her. you have the balance of singing poorly and then being okay but maybe to the professional ear you don't sound good enough. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so you don't want to make him look like a fool. just a fun balance. there's not a lot of pressure when you don't have to sing that great. >> jimmy: no, they tell you that you have to be off-key or like, i'll nail that. >> great. >> jimmy: need a big bloodshot eye? i can do that too. >> get me on the top of a mountain at 11,000 feet, i love it.
presented >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank harrison ford, elizabeth olsen and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, her album is called "untamed." here with the song "mayday" -- cam. you are overbearing i'm not in love but i don't wanna tell you we've been contemplating how to give it up but i can't convince you we've been hopelessly holding too tight when we don't even need to
this sinking ship i know we have to leave, too how how mayday, mayday this is an emergency mayday, mayday you've gotta let me leave i'm laying here inches away but you can't hear me call mayday yeah, yeah said i'm moving on 'cause things were getting rough but here i am in your bed i strung it on too long afraid to be alone now we're in over our heads
sink oh, could you please help me leave oh, abandon ship with me mayday, mayday this is an emergency mayday, mayday you've gotta let me leave i'm laying here inches away but you can't hear me call mayday yeah, yeah mayday, mayday you are overbearing i'm not in love but i don't wanna tell you mayday, mayday you are overbearing i'm not in love but i don't wanna tell you mayday, mayday you are overbearing
went up in smoke love isn't all that it seems i did you wrong i'll stay here with you until this dream is gone i've been sleepwalking been wandering all night this is "nightline." >> tonight -- >> my wife just shot herself in the head, please help me! >> a desperate 911 call. was it murder? >> i didn't shoot my wife! >> a former correctional deputy now accused to death. as the emotional trial unfolds, conflicting testimony and unanswered questions rock a community to its core. plus a family must let go. to a 6-year-old girl removed
protective services enforces a controversial law. >> bring back my daughter! >> tonight her foster father's emotional plea. but first the "nightline 5." >> janet. cough if you can hear me. >> don't even think about it. i took mucinex dm for my phlegmy cough. >> what about mike? >> works on his cough too. >> mucinex dm relieves coughs for 12 hours. let's end this. come on and do it come on let's go