tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 29, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
>> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i had no idea people got so excited about leap day. happy leap day to you too. i hope you didn't forget to set your calendar back a day. welcome to hollywood where the oscars are over, the cleanup across the street is under way. did you know they make the losing nominees stay after to clean up? cate blanchett with a big bag of garbage this morning, very sad. it's a big shob job. we spent the day in our studio trying to get the stench of matt damon out of the place. little weasel.
we are back to normal. normal for us is watching crackheads fight over a to go container of fried rice. but normal is whatever it is. the day after the oscars i'll ilsay is always more fun than the day of the oscars. it's when people in l.a. are allowed to eat again. the overall mood improves significantly. the reason they call them stars, interesting fact, star is short for starving. how many of you watch the oscar broadcasts last night? [ cheers and applause ] dwroept to go into it but the message was sent loudly and clearly last night here in hollywood, we cannot continue to exclude people based on the color of their skip. from now on we will exclude them only because they're not thin enough to be seen publicly. [ cheers and applause ]
thanks, everybody. "spotlight," the movie about sexual abuse in the catholic church, beat out "the revenant," a movie about sexual abuse in the wood. "spotlight," it was a bit of an upset winning best picture. the big upset was the best supporting actor category. sylvester stallone was heavily favored to bin. instead the award went to this man who i believe is a high school history teacher, i don't know. that's mark rylance from "bridge of spies." if i was john kasich i'd be very excited. even mark rylance didn't have mark rylance in his oscar pool. congratulations to all the winners except the guys who bon best sound mixing. have to draw the line, i can't thank everybody, i'm busy. if you thought the oscars were white, tonight the second to last episode of "the bachelor." we are down to two this week.
what did you make of what they call the overnight dates. this is where ben and his brides decide whether or not to go to the fantasy suite. and these are the decisions they made. >> should you choose to forgo your individual rooms please use to key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. chris harrison. >> what do you think? >> i think we should take advantage of this. >> what do you think? >> i would love nothing more. than to spend the night with you. >> i'm very excited. >> should we go? >> love to. >> jimmy: then he handed each one of them a number like you do when you're waiting in line at a deli. by the way, there's a great moment with lauren. the last woman there talked about how private and romantic the fantasy suite was. yeah, except for the camera guy and the sound guy and the other
it's about as private as a porno shoot, really. nevertheless, here's what happened when ben took kayla to the fantasy suite. >> tonight could be the first night i share with my future wife and it feels like an incredible start to something very magical. i could wake up in the morning and know for certain that kayla's the woman for me. >> jimmy: yeah, although he didn't. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i will say this to. you know what? let's be honest and start calling the fantasy suite what it really is, sex tryouts. you're already in a bikini, let's see how this goes. now what you're about to see next is to me the meat of the show. supposedly ben is there to find his wife. his soul mate. the love of his life. so for argument's sake let's forget about the fact that he took all three of them to the fantasy suite. three days before he'll probably give one of them an engagement ring.
pay attention now as three different women tell ben they're in love with him and count along to see how many of them he loves back. >> i am completely in love with you. >> i've known i'm in love with you for a while as well. >> i do love you. >> i love you too. >> part of me has wanted to tell you something for a long time. i'm in love with you. >> jimmy: you know, i don't love you but i will stick my tongue down your throat. hopefully i won't have to say anything. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he told two women he loves them. and then the other one he sent home. after taking her to the fantasy suite. now it's lauren and jojo and he loves them both. maybe he'll marry them both. maybe we'll have first bachelor threesome on the show.
some people watch this and cry. tomorrow you may know is super tuesday. this is when they have the primaries and the caucuses in 13 different states. and right now there is no love lost between the republican candidates for president. >> first of all -- >> speaking about polls i'm beating him awfully badly in the polls. >> you're not beating hillary. >> well then if i can't -- hey, if i can't beat her you're really going to get killed. so let me ask you this, because you're gettingbadly. i know you're embarrassed but keep swinging, men. swing for the fences. >> jimmy: sometimes he's sarcastic. this is interesting, for those who are fans of both geography and pornography -- an adult video website released a map that shows the most-searched pornographic terms for all 50 states. this is what people in the country are searching for.
well, allow me to be the first to say, welcome to lesbian country. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who knew lesbians were so popular. based on this a lesbian should run for president, she would sweep. what else do we have here? delaware is a little ebony nook. we've got rhode island is milf country. and nebraska, arkansas, tennessee, vermont all searching for -- you see this here, pornographic cartoons. what are you people hoping to see scooby do for god's sake? we're so divided in this country except when it comes to lesbians. i think the big message is if you live in montana and you have a stepbrother, check your room for cameras. [ laughter ] i mentioned last night was our big after the oscars post show spectacular. we had a lot of talented people
some very talented people. but nobody's perfect. even i'm not perfect. i know it comes as a shock to many of you. sometimes people screw up. whenever someone screws up rest assured our cameras will be there to share it with you. now for your enjoyment -- we were going to call this "bloopers and blunders" but somebody owns that. here they are, outtakes from the making of last night's show. >> is that so? >> yes. that's so. >> you sound a lot like clint eastwood right now. >> the computer did my voice in the movie. >> it's clubber! >> go get 'em. >> it's clubber! >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> i don't know. >> how could this happen? >> well -- [ bleep ]. >> sorry, i thought we were
you know? >> we do things a little differently in gotham. we do things a little differently in gotham. we do things a little differently in gotham. >> puerto rican girl swimming underwater and my log hit her in the head. man, shut the pool down that year. >> i'll see you next week, huh? mwah, i love you, good-bye. >> keep touching me. >> oh, good-bye, darling. >> good-bye. >> good-bye! >> shut your mouth or i'll throw you off this planet. >> i'll rip your [ bleep ] off. >> i hear he's a proven lead history knows how to get things done.
and he's -- [ bleep ]. >> well, it's a fight nobody thought would happen, ray. >> am i going to? i knew that. i was just checking you. just checking you. >> it's a flattering shot of me. >> the lights went out. almost? yep, there we go. nope. yep. nope. yep. wait. all right. ready? you break that soulja >> was this planned? >> yeah, they all came in. >> some racial thing? we needed a chump to put on the stump
>> my toe tuck isn't featherable. >> what? >> is fatherable. >> what the hell does that mean? >> action! goo get him! >> pop? >> quit your jibbering jabbering, fool! quit your jibty jabty, fool! jimmy jabber jimmy jabber jimmy jabber quit your jibby jabber fool! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. guillermo was on the red carpet with tequila and a flock of stars. when we come back, guillermo gets famous people drunk so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] getting unlimited data for your family is a struggle. other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. andy samberg, music from the strumbellas is on the way. the oscars were last night. while there were a lot of stars on the red carpet there was another very big star to the side, guillermo. did you have fun? >> guillermo: a lot of fun. >> jimmy: you seemed sloshed when you came back to the show, how are you feeling today? >> guillermo: not too good, jimmy. >> jimmy: they say you can't make it into the oscars without first stopping to talk to guillermo and that's not true, many people did make it past him no problem. but many did not and here ours man in the golden jacket on the red carpet at the academy awards. >> guillermo: it's me, guillermo, i'm going to talk to
let's go! sylvester, i love you! >> yo, adrian! >> guillermo: hey, leo, what about my hat? leo, leo! leo, leo, leo! he has a hear problem, he doesn't hear me. >> whoa, look at that jacket! i'm wearing dolce & gabbana, what are you wearing? >> guillermo: this is from target. you were in the "star wars" movie. >> i was. >> guillermo: how does chewbacca smell? >> he smells fresh. he loses loreal or something, very soft, very pleasant. >> red cups for red carpet and to share academy water -- tequila. will you drink to much tonight? >> i hope so. >> guillermo: do you want to start now? >> yeah. >> guillermo: do you want
>> academy hot water? >> jimmy: academy water. >> go on then. >> guillermo: aah is nor academy. >> is this going to render me speechless? >> guillermo: i hope not. cheers. >> cheers. >> guillermo: it's not really water. it's special water. >> what kind? tequila? >> guillermo: yeah yeah. >> yeah. what i need. some liquid courage. >> guillermo: all right, here. cheers. >> cheers. [ bleep ]. that's really tequila! >> guillermo: wait, what about my hug? thank you, charlize. >> give me a little tequila. oh, it's the good stuff too. >> guillermo: we're going to shoot it. >> i already drank it! you're too slow. >> guillermo: i'm sorry. >> oh my god that's good.
>> like that? oh my god, you're so cute. you're so cute. >> guillermo: thank you, you're so beautiful. thank you very much. hey, loser! get out of here! get out of here, loser! sorry, loser! no way, there's no way, loser! loser! get out of here! get out of here, loser! what a loser. "room service." >> guillermo: what is your favorite thing to order from room service? >> my favorite thing to order from room service is chicken fingers. >> guillermo: chicken fingers? minute too, yeah. give me high five. are you thirsty? >> you got something for me? >> guillermo: yes. i hope you win straight from the bottom of my heart. >> i hope you win. are you up for something? >> guillermo: not me, no, nothing. >> you should be. here we go, good luck. >> guillermo: good luck. >> i love you!
>> is this legal? >> guillermo: yes. la chaim. oh! i wish i'd had breakfast. >> guillermo: whoopi, how are you? >> i'm good, no kiss? >> guillermo: i love you in "the view." you are great actress. >> thank you. >> how you doing? where do you work? >> guillermo: across the street. >> really, i didn't know that. >> guillermo: can i get a raise? >> yes, you can. >> guillermo: mark, i like you hat, can i put it on? i love your suit! congratulations. >> gracias. >> guillermo: this is the third year that a mexican director is nominated. are you afraid of mexicans taking over? >> it seems to, seems like immigration hasn't done a good job.
of tequila for good luck? >> guillermo: alejandro, i hope you win. sa lewd! >> [ bleep ] to that jacket, man. >> guillermo: oh, thanks, [ bleep ] jacket, man. >> how you feeling? not so good now. >> guillermo, guillermo, guillermo! >> guillermo: that is all the time we have, bye! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gracias, guillermo, great job. we have a great show for you tonight. music from the strumbellas, ginnifer goodwin, be right back with andy samberg! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back
to the show. tonight from the new major motion picture "zootopia," ginnifer goodwin is here. then from toronto their album is called "hope" the strumbellas. from the samsung stage. tomorrow night will forte will be here, from "the walking dead" ross marquand and we'll have music from mike snow.
morgan freeman, jason bateman, martha plimpton, asia naomi king and we will have music from charles kelley and cee-lo green. so please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is the latest in a long line of great tv andy's he spent seven years on "saturday night live" and plays cop on "brooklyn nine-nine" tuesday nights on fox. please welcome andy samberg. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you participate in the oscar festivities last night? >> um -- i can't remember. see, i was thinking about going out. and now i can't remember if i went. >> jimmy: yeah, i know that you did go because i did see a picture. >> did i go?
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think that's you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: could be somebody else. what was going on? >> now i remember, i went. >> jimmy: you did go, yeah. are you okay? >> well -- it's coming back to me now. that's probably also why i sound like i'm about to die. >> jimmy: how late did you stay out? >> twoish. it was fun. >> jimmy: that is late for you? "saturday night live" you stay up all night long. >> i had to shoot "brooklyn" this morning. >> jimmy: you had to work today. >> here's the truth, i was feeling a little under the weather over the weekend. and i was, you know, invited to the "vanity fair" party which is like the party. everybody goes, it's really fun. and i was going to bail on it. and then i was like, i'm just going to face time my mom. do something nice. skip the party. and i was face timing with her and she said, oscars tonight, you going out? oh, i'm probably going to skip it. she's like, what?
sa thanks, mom. i went out. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: your mom's like a fraternity brother. >> she's like b.ro, do it! then funneled a beer. it was trippy. technology's a trip, i can watch my mom do that now. >> jimmy: do you have a nickname for your mom? >> broski, doofus. >> jimmy: i saw a video, speaking of you and your friends, you and a group of guys including azizon. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: tell the story. this is really fascinating to me. >> i'm friends with aziz and his brother, they're friends with me, we had an e-mail thread going. because his brother was following tyrece, singer, actor, mogul tyrece, on instagram. and tyrece has built an incredible backyard in his home.
backyard is a fully functional bennie ben benihana. his last name is called gibson. it's called gibsie hana. how do we get invited? this is the coolest thing. aziz hit him up on twitter. it was kind of like a couple of nibbles but not real. i met him at a fund-raiser, tyrece, we've got to go to gibby hana! i don't know if he knew how serious we were. aziz saw him again. dude, just please let us come to gibsy hana! finally he sent out this instagram. aziz and his crew are coming through tonight and we're getting turned up! so we all went. and true to form we definitely got turked. >> jimmy: we do have video of this. it's short video.
of gibsy hana. so that's it. that's his backyard. >> that's it. aziz is like a dolphin. >> jimmy: remarkable. >> that's pretty good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is the chef a benihana -- did he steal a chef? >> the chef is a real benihana chef. when the lonely island was making a record we went to benihana in encino, it was the same chef. my voice cracked like i'm going through puberty. it's because of the party, mom. >> jimmy: tyrece must love benihana very deeply. >> his backyard's incredible. it's like having universal city walk in your backyard. it's beautiful. a fully functioning club and a recording studio. >> jimmy: that's when i think of when i think of universal city is beauty, and natural beauty.
>> jimmy: what was the name of that fake tennis documentary you guys did? >> "seven days in hell." >> jimmy: i love that, that was unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was so good. so i heard you have another documentary. a mockumentary as they call them. >> yes. >> jimmy: and this one, what are you tackling this time around? >> this one is actually on a much bigger scale. this is a full-on theatrical release movie that jed apatow is producing. it is the lomey island movie. the film? >> no, the title is unannounced. i think we were going to announce it here. >> jimmy: the title is unannounced? announced? >> the title of the movie is "unannounced." no, i'm just kidding. that would be the worst title. >> jimmy: the untitled project. >> yes. we have i think the first poster and the title, can we show it here? >> jimmy: this is for real?
>> jimmy: i think that -- people think you goofing around. >> coming out june 3rd, judd apatow producing. >> jimmy: do we have a drumroll for the poster? the poster's a big part of the movie. who has the poster? am i supposed to have the poster? >> you guys better have it. >> jimmy: we have the poster? there is the poster. [ cheers and applause ] >> "popstar." never stop never stopping. >> very biebery. what is the name of your character? >> conner ferreal. with a "4." naturally. >> jimmy: that looks good. >> it's coming, it's coming. >> jimmy: that's quite a scoop we got here.
i pitched them "gremlins 3." and they said no. >> jimmy: no? >> all right, "pop star: never stop never stopping." >> jimmy: good enough. congratulations on your success and everything. [ cheers and applause ] a bucket list item. andy samberg, "brooklyn nine-nine" tuesday nights at 9:00 p.m. on fox. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] of stuff in a lot less time. like look at a site without going to it. or watch a video without opening it. you can do pretty much everything faster. shooting stuff. music stuff. couch shopping. shoe shopping. running. kind of. checking a flight from an email. i'm peeking my flight. i'm not peeking my flight. i'm peeking my...wait, i missed my flight. owl photos. desert photos. photos of... dolphins! a high-stepping man. pizza gifs. it's all faster with 3d touch on iphone 6s.
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>> jimmy: we're back. still to come, music from strumbellas. today is heap day and our friends at chevy are using
the extra 24 hours to do some good. teachers in l.a. have been trying to raise supply forth classrooms. computers, musical instruments, sports equipment, chemistry supplies, all the stuff schools are supposed to have but don't wide receiver rehave a camera at their school, they do not know this. this is first of all mr. weiss, he teaches eighth grade physical science, and mr. boynton, they
producers are from the website donors choose to help teachers raise money for classroom they think they're making a fund-raising video for the website. organize that they're on the show right now. they're about to start. we'll tell them to start. let's listen in on them. >> all right, here we go, guys, you ready? action, mr. boynton. >> hi. i'm mr. boynton. i teach seventh grade math. >> and i'm mr. weiss, i teach eighth grade science. >> our classrooms need your help. >> jimmy: they're right, our classrooms need your help. they're right. >> all right, action! >> our students need tools for the science lab, art supplies and musical instruments. >> they need computers and tools to educate our kids. providing them a fruitful,
offer. >> please donate what you can. >> jimmy: hey, guys, could we get that with a little bit more energy? i'm not sure we're really selling how much you need -- >> what? >> jimmy: hi, there, guys. it's jimmy kimmel, how's it going? >> are you serious? hey. >> jimmy: we heard you need some stuff for your school so we teamed up with chevy to give it to you. what do you need the most? >> are you talking to me? >> a new laptop computer, wireless speakers, and big printer. >> jimmy: well, we're planning to give you all the stuff you need for your school. we're going to provide your students with everything on your list. even the stuff the kids don't want. does that sound good? >> that sounds great. >> marvelous. >> that would be awesome. >> my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow, thank you. >> thank you.
principal, helped us arrange this. >> wow. >> jimmy: dr. waters? >> yes in. >> jimmy: we want to thank you for going the extra mile for your students by sending all of you far, far away from them. you and all 32 teachers at your school and your spouses are going to hawaii. [ cheers and applause ] >> whoa! >> are you serious? >> really? wow. >> oh my goodness, thank you! >> jimmy: and maybe the best news of all is you don't have to stumble through that video you were trying to make anymore. that you will thanks to our friends at chevy. drink a lot of mai tais in hawaii and mayhalo to all of you. >> dicky: experience more unexpected goodness at chevy pay it forward.com. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with ginnifer goodwin! [ cheers and applause ] get your honest opinion about this new car.
feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. when we're walking, rolling and rocking it feels so sweet when we rock that beat! feels like i'm dreaming, but i'm not sleeping
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