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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  December 25, 2018 11:34pm-12:38am EST

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>> jimmy: uh! >> jimmy, what are you doing? >> jimmy: jerry, i don't know, man. i ate too much, dude. oh my gosh. i can't even do it. i can't do the monologue. there's no way. >> you can't do the monologue? >> jimmy: i can't do the monologue. i just ate too much. i just ate -- >> all right i'll do the monologue.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you'll do the monologue? >> i'ldo the monologue. >> jimmy: you'll do the monologue. >> i'll do the monologue. >> jimmy: you wanna do the monologue? >> why couldn't i do it? >> jimmy: thank you for doing the monologue. >> i'll do the monologue. >> this is great. >> pull yourself together. >> jimmy: just go do it. that's awesome. >> stop eating! >> jimmy: i can't, i'm sorry. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jerry seinfeld, brian regan, animal expert, robert irwin, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: gobble, gobble. >> steve: and now, here he is, jerry seinfeld! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> thank you very much. thank you. i can't believe this. this is not what we planned! so these are the jokes here, thiss what i do? [ laughter ] all right. doesn't look that haer. [ laug welcome to the "tonight show." happy thanksgiving, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the perfect thanksgiving guests. you stay for an hour and you'reo . [ laughter and applause ] that's what we need. today, by the way, was the 92nd macy's thanksgiving day parade
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and -- one of the coldest parades in decades. it was so cold, spongebob's niles got so hard, they popped the other balloons. [ laughter and applaus could be from the carson era, that joke. [ light laughter ] all right.th i read that this year's parade featured over 42,000 dierent costumes, or as that's also known, one lady gaga show.ug [ er and applause ] and i heard that the parade had over a thousand clowns. and it got creepy when macy said, "wait, we only hired a a hundred clowns. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] where are the other clowns coming from? well, listen to
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[ laughter ] i heard about a trend where this thanksgiving, where people made tiny turkeys. yeah, tiny turkeys. you may know them by their other name, chicken! [ laughter and applause ] what, he's ready? all righ okay, i'm hearing he's ready. he's ready? okay.ve great newsone, here to finish the monologue, your host, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! jerry seinfeld, thank you for covering. >>hank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i've digested a bit. and i think -- i think i'm good to go now. but if you want you can stick ar nd and do the rest of the monologue with me. do you want to?,
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>> nm good. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: jerry seinfeld everybody, there. [ cheers and applaus that's what i'm talking about. that's what friends are for. hey guys, tonight's big oo thanksgivingall match up was between the atlanta falcons and the new orleans ints. it was a big game, yeah. now at the end the season, they give out t mvp award, but they also give out other awards. i'll show you what i mean. it's time for "trlight show suives." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tonight show superlatives ♪ >> jimmy: our first player is saints linebacker alex anzelone. he was ved most likely to have a handsome prince try to climb up his hair. [ laughter and applause ] anzelone, anzelone, let down alur hair. next up from thens is matt schaub. he was voted most likely to creeout his uber driver. uilaughter and applause ]
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"i have three pet els. [ light laughter ] they're all named thomas." light laughter ] next up for atlanta, we have takk mckinley. he was voted most likely to a stare obster tank for three hours and whisper, "whoa." [ laughter and applause ] nextp from the saints is vonn bell. he was voted most likely to ask his barber for the doorknob. [ laughter and appuse ] next up for new orleans is . aj kle he was voted most likely to tell you "that's not how things are done here in prison." [ laughter ] [ cheers andpplause ] and finally for the falcons, we have zane beadles. he was voted most likely to be h gaines on steroids. there you guys have it. those are your "nfl superlatives." give it up for the roots! rs and applause ] ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. what a show tonight! come on. how fun already. jerry seinfeld is here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you guys are here. it's a giant, giant show. happy thanksgiving, everybody. we have a funny, funny show. two very, very funny human beings. of course, this person you already saw. the one and only, w rry seinfeld is on the s this evening. [ cheers and applause ] jerris producing a new show on netflix that stars our other guest tonight called "up and away" with brian regan. the very funny brian ran is joining us as well. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow, hilarious. >> jimmy: it's a comedy, packed comedy night. plus, from the animal planet series, "crikey! it's the irwins," his last appearance on our show has gotten over 100 million hits.de our re animal expert, robert irwin is here tonight.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: he's brought some great animals to show us. it's going to be a great show. guys, today is thanksgiving. it's a day all about giving etanks. so, i thought whatr day to write out my weekly thank you notes, right now. is that okay? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] that's fantastic. >> steve: wow, holiday spirits. >> jimmy: yep. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you watching movies with my family, with 30 seconds of fun followed by 90 awkwa minutes of praying this movie doesn't have a sex scene in it. [ laughter and applause ] no, no, no. i'll be right back. ♪ thank you over packed thanksgiving refrigerator for turning my search of left overs into a game of 3d food tetris. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you to weird new boyfriend that my cousin brings
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to thanksgiving. [ light laughter ] i could learn your name but who we kidding, pal, we both know this is last time we're ever gonna see each other. so, yeah, good luck . [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ light laughter ] thank you johnny depp in "the crimes of grindelwald" for showing us what it'd look like if adult bart simpson suddenly came to life.nd [ laughterpplause ] ♪ thank you google maps for e giving me act same shortcut you gave the other 10,000 people on the road. [ laughter and appla i'm sooyal google. ♪ thank you guests who bring salad on thanksgiving. i won't say anything to your face, but rest assured i will judgyou for the entire night [ laughter and applause ]
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it's like, "a salad?" ♪ thank you black friday or as everyone who works at uy calls you the apocalypse. there you guys have it. those are my thank y notes. we'll be right back with jerry seinfeld everybody, happy thanksgiving!pp [ cheers and ause ] ♪ at t-mobile get the unlimited plan with the latest phones included for $40 dollars! we're included? included! ♪ ♪ at t-mobile get the unlimited plan
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and the latest phones included for $40 dollars. feels so good to be included. (burke) parking splat. and we covered it. talk to farmers. we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ we've shown just how far love can go.e the love event, (grandma vo) over one hundred tional parks protected. (mom vo) more than fifty thousand animals rescued. (old man vo) nearly two million meals delivered. (mom vo) over eighteen hundred wishes granted. (vo) that's one hundred and forty million dollarste doto charity by subaru and its retailers over eleven years.ou (girl) thank (boy) thank you. (old man) thank you. (granddaughter) thank you.
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alright, everyone. santa will be right back, but i just got to say, if you're going to ask him for tech this year, you got to ask for fios too. sorry, why is that? because fios is a 100% fiber-optic network. don't you guys want all of the tech on your wish list to work as awesomely as you dreamed? i'm back! and he's back. 100% fiber-optic network. 100% phenomenal. get fios internet for just $39.99 per month and get a $50 amazon gift card when you install by december 31st.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] gh>> jimmy: we are joined now by, arguably, one of the top 200 comedians of all time.er say hello to seinfeld. rs [ chnd applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: jerry seinfeld, welcome, welcome.
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>> top 200 >> jimmy: top 2 -- >> i like that. >> jimmy: i didn't wanna -- >> i'm in there. >> jimmy: i didn't want to overhype. i on't like that. >> jimmy: i know. >> i don't like the big intro. ery time i do that for you. >> i know. it just comes from a nice place. >> jimmy: right.la >> but in come -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> we don't want to over sell it. right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> showbiz thing. we've all seen comedians -- his guy coming out, this is the funniest guy." he's going in the toilet so rd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't start too high. >> yeah, don't bring them up too high. my: yeah, but i feel lik you -- i don't have to set the bar too high. everyone knows who you are already. >> yeah, you know who i am. dyt remember, you know, co we have to work it. >> jimmy: but they're already laughing at that. they're alreadatlaughing at you didn't even say a joke. >> i know. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you said there, "you know what, they know who i am." [ laughter ] >> i really liked the opening. [ laughter ] [ seinfeld gibberish ] that was really good. >> jimmy: i loyo you changed voice for me. because, yeah, my impression is
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not that good. but anay, here you are, thanksgiving. thank you for doing this. this means a lot to us here and everyone watchg. >> well, it's my pleasure. my pleasure. >> jimmy: do you enjoy thanksgiving? >> i love -- it's greatest holiday. you know, of course you have tos mix in tjugation of the native american culture, that's so depressing. you know, what happened. we have to anowledge that. so we're happy and everyone loves thanksgiving.bu let's remember it's an absolute horror. [ laughter ] it's a horror of what happened. but the warmth of it is irresistible. the warmth and the horror of this day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is a combination. >> like life itself. .>> jimmy: like life itse >> life itself. warm and wonderful, underneath horror and tragedy. [ lit laughter ] >> jimmy: do you -- do you stay home? do you have to travel? >> i will be home and i am home. this is home. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i live in new york.
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and one of the things i like -- here's a nice thing that people do, especially at holidays. you know you have that person, the relative, or somebody you really like, and when they leave, you say "travel safe." travel safe. ink that's nice, isn't it? it's like, you know what they're saying. they're saying "i care about you." >> jimmy: yeah. >> but of course you can't travel safe. you can't. you drive. you get on a plane. maybe if you're at a a train-crossingnd the thing's coming down, you think i think, "i can beat this train." you go, "oh, wait a minute. they td me travel safe. i'm not" -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: not going to risk it. >> i'm not going to do tha and the other nice thing about travel safe, is you don't notice when people don't say it. like, if you don't like somebody andhey're leaving you don't go, "travel." [ laughter ] because you would notice that. they get out the door and they go, "that was weird. they didn't mention my safety. [ laughter ] that hurts my feelings." >> jimmy: they just told me to travel. >> i don me.ink people like next train crossing, i'm going
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for it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. but the whole family is there? are your kids going to be there? >> yeah, yeah. family, kids, food.im >>: i love talking to you about kids, because i have two girl going to school now. and raising kids. >> right. and you're in it, right? >> jimmy: oh, i am in it. e.>> you're living their l >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is the part i didn't think was going to happen.ou i t i grew up, i'm done with that. i went to hool, i'm done with that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> no, you're not done with it. you've got to do it all over ag [ laughter ] do it all over again. let me tell you, thiis a true story, okay. when i grew up, when i was a a little kid, my mother would, she would want -- i don't know, she wauted me to bede. or she wanted me to be able to play. so she would tie a rope around my waist and tie the other end to the garage door. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] >> i'm not making this up. and, so that i could play in the driveway and then she went back in the house. [ laughter ]
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now there's a lot of weird parts to this, right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, i kind of -- >> it's like the thousand clowns. welaughter ] >> jimmy: so, yo tied to the -- >> i was tied to the garage. now, of course, as soon as she went in the house, i untied it nt about my business, you know. [ light laughter ] it's not hard to untie a rope. but th was child rearing. >> jimmy: you're in their radius. >> yeah, she felt like -- i think kids when we grew up, we're like parakeets. , i don't lose the parake i'm doing my job. you know? [ light laughter ] i am parenting this child if e theyill here. >> jimmy: if they're still in th cage. >> yeah, that's it. >> jim: and jessica is doing well? your wife. >> yes, jess is doing great. and, um -- >> jimmywe've had -- >> we socialize. >> jimmy: we socialize.es >> somet you and your beautiful wife, nancy. >> jimmy: you know, we talk and i kind of find that sometimes, we drift off -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: into doing a comedy t t. especially when i th you, i start talking --
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>> comedians are like -- they're like pekingese or shar-ps. they're just some weird breed. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they see another br their d, they get very excited, you know. oh, it's one of me, it's one of me. you know, right. [ light laughter ]ye >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and i started going, "is this funny? is that good?" and we start going -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: and feel like, you know, when we tell jokes -- when i've seen your act too, you go, "my wife does this." >> yes, now i use my wife in my act -- and i don't think you were ever in this situation where you say something about nancy that's absotely not true. >> jimmy: i think i -- sometimes. >> do you? >> jimmy: there's like a a comedy -- >> like when you're doing -- you just say -- can you say --is he fine with you saying whatever you want about her when you're doing your comedy? >> jimmy: itepends. >> okay, that's a no. that's a no. [ laughter ] that is not -- >> jimmy: well, i mean, she understands, i think, that there's comedy wife and there's -- >> does she? >> jimmy: i think -- comedians i thi wives have -- it's a little tough for them sometimes. i do a thing about the -- you know in your car, the dual zone
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temperature? >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, gee, i wonder who invented that. i wonder who thought, "that might come in handy to shut somebody up about, you know, i'm freezi, i'm roasting, it's blowing on me." >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know. >> jimmy: yeah.>> o, i tell a -- it's whole bit about my wife and how she gave birth without anesthesia, but can't handle a a waft of air three degrees off her optimal desired temperature. [ laughter ] you know? >>immy: yeah. >> and by the way, how do they keep the different temperature of air molecules from co-mingling? can they actually do that? [ light laughter ] j my: it's science. >> because a lot of times i get my coffee in the morning. i like to get it black on the left side of the cup and cream and sugar on the right. they can do it.im >>: they can do anything. >> they can do it. >> jimmy: they can do any of that stuff. >> but has nancy ever gotten upsewith you about something you've said comedically? >> jimmy: i think she might have. no, depends.ow mean -- it [ laughter ] >> it depends. that's a yes. no further questions, your honor. >> jimmy: yeah. but i go, "no, i'm not talking about you." i'm just saying -- >> no, it's made up.
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jessica never complains about the temperature, but you have to use her. >> jimmy: it's a marriage joke. >> you're here to work on the comedy. >> jimmy: yes. >> everybody in the family has to help with the comedy. >> jimmy say., that's what i i totally agree. everyone's in on it. >> right, everyone's in. >> jimmy: not my kids. comedy kids. >> they're comedy kids. everyone's a prop. >> jimmy: you're part of the act. t's a family business. right? >> jimmy: it really is. >> yeah. >> jimmy about --lking to you i had a weird outfit on when we had dinner. >> yes. d i was talking about how one of the problemof mature men, like ourselves, is the jeans.s there is no jer older men that nobody -- that people think look good. you just don't look -- there's no jns. there's nothing you can do. >> jimmy: you think you reach a a certain age -- >> you reach an age where it's ju bad. it's bad. you look bad. >> jimmy: men shouldn't wear jeans. >> if you try to look cool, is that going to work? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> no! it's not going to work. >> jimmy: i know, but -- >> if you saw me in really cool
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jeans, you would think, "what an idiot." [ laughter ] right? but if i'm wearing lame jeans, there's no answer to this. yocan't wear -- now, we're still wearing jeans, but we don't look good.la hter ] and nobody's going to tell us. go ahead.me show us eans. you got a picture of us in jeans? >> jimmy: gosh, you really got a good photo of me here. >> see those jeans. look at those shoes. you look ridiculous. [ laughter ] lo either. i don't good >> jimmy: but don't worry about -- and the shoes were a mistake. i was trying to, i don't know, bring the moccasin back or something. >> right. [ light laughter ] t i know i don't look cool. and i know there's nothing i can do. >> jimmy: i think this might be my last -- my last year for jeans. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'll ride them out. but i'll do it and i'll celebrate. >> well, all dads ess in the style of the last good year of their lives. [ laughter ] right?
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that's how thedress. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> yeah. >> jimmy: my goodness. i was there, we were having dinner and i was wearing a -- i was wearing, like, a weird -- just a regular golf shirt or somethin a burgundy golf shirt. and i had burgundy checkered pants, or somethin >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: and sneakers. and we had dinner and it was great. and at the end you go, "so, what's with the outfit?" and i go -- ] [ light laught it was just me and you. you weren't doing it for anyone else, just me. and i go, "what are you talking about? this is like a normal outfit. wearing a golf shirt and checkered pants." you go, "no, no." [ light laughter ] you go, "no one wears this outfit." [ laughter ] someone does wear it. i'm wearing this outfit.yo ango, "no, you look like a mannequin from nordstroms." [ laughter ] oh, my god. that mad me laugh for like -- my gosh, that was the funniest thing ever. i r nt to talk quick about y residency at the beacon.es
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>> oh,'m going back to the beacon theater. >> jimmy: i'm so excited for atat. >> i love that t. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what a cool thing. >> yeah. it's like -- you know, i'm, like, at this point where i just wane in those places where comedy just feels and fits. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, because when we're starting out we do comedy anywhere anyone will pay us. ow jimmy: yep. >> and now, you now i want it to be in that test tube perfect chical environment. >> jimmy: acoustically. >> yeah, acoustically and the ro vibe of th. and so, and of course it's new york, so. >> jimmy: people, tourists come here. but it's perfect. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you do it? like once a month? >> yeah, like once a month. starting next year. >> jimmy: i can't wait for this. >> oh, me too. i'm so excited. i love that theater. >> jimmy: i'm happy you're doing that because i'll be showing up there in my nnequin outfit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's talk about, also, the netflix show -- >> would you ever come and work n th me there? you know steve mars worked with me there.
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would with me there?d work just a surprise drop in. >> jimmy: i haven't done stand-up in so long. >> oh, really? you don't have a set? you don't have 15 minutes? you can't do 15 minutes? come on. bring your guitar.my >> ji'll bring the guitar and props. >> bring the guitar and the props and a garbage bag full of stuff.ht [ light la ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'll do it. >> okay. jimmy: i'll do it. >> surprise drop in. you're going to do one of the dates. okay, grimt. >>: 15 minutes? >> whatever you want. whatever you got. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: let's say five to ten. >> i did half of your monologue tonight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, come on. all right deal, deal, deal, deal. -e new show that you are producing on netfl this is called -- >> yes. >> jimmy: "stand-up and away." >> yeah. it's brian regan. i always wanted brian regan to have his own show. >> jimmy: me too. >> because we love him. he's the funniest guy.ve >> jimmy: i rian regan. >> but you get to a point again, it's one of those things, i can't deal with the jungle of network television and the layers of ople.
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and we're going to talk about it -- >> jimmy: casting and writing. >> and all that stuff. so, i said, "let me bru to netflix." they will do it right. they will -- so, i brought him and i said, "let's just make a show with br n." but i'm not really doing the show, okay? lear, that i don't want credit, really. i just brought brian there and said, "you got to do a show with this guy." like at the end of your show tonight -- >> jimmy: yes. >> there are credits, right? >> jimmy: correct. >> and there are executive producer credits of people who do absolutely nothing on the show. is that correct? [ light laughter ] nothing. they contribute nothing.er [ laug >>immy: no. >> it's -- you're on camera. tell america that the are people taking credit for this show and doing nothing. [ laughter ] admit it!im >>: it depends. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thanks. our thanks to a legend, jerry seinfeld, everybody, gh there!
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[ cheers and applause ] brian regan joins us after the break. stick ound, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well it finally happened, zachary. somebody burned down my she shed. nobody burned down your she shed, cheryl. well my she shed's on fire. your she shed was struck by lightning. zachary, is my she shed covered by state farm? your she shed's covered, cheryl. you hear that victor? i'm getting a new she shi-er she shed. she shi-er? mhhm. that's wonderful news. go with the one that's here to help life go right. state farm. hurry in for up to seventy five percent off storewide and fifty percent off all jeans, this wednesday only, at old navy.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is perfming stand-up at the chicago theater on new year's eve as well as the kennedy cent in washington, d.c. on march 21st. he's featured in the tv series "lw dermilk" and also has a show called "stand-up and away with brian regan" that streams on netflix starting christmas eve. please welcome the very funny brian regan everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: brian regan! >> hey!
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>> jimmy: i'm very happy that you're here tonight. what a funny, fun nighun people. >> thank you. i spent the last ten minutes desperately trying to find another pair of pants. ] [ laughter >> jimmy: oh, my god. no, no, don't. they look cool. >> jeans. [ cheers and applause ] as soon as you guys said that, i'm like, "there's got to be another pair of pants back here." ughter ] >> jimmy: why would there be another pair of pants here? >> yeah, you're right. there were none. [ light laughter ]im >>: thank you for coming here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you live in vegas. is that right? >> i live in vegas now. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i used to live here in new york city. >> jimmy: well, welcome back. [ scattered cheers ] >> and new york city is like no other city in the rld. if you get into an elevator -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> anywhere else in thd, people press lobby.ge yointo an elevator in new york city people press lobby, door close, door close, door close, door close, door close. melaughter ] come on, come on, n! >> jimmy: close it! >> if you haven't seen the door close button, it's the one completely worn away -- [ laughter ] from impatience. come on, come on!
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>> jimmy: that's how you know you're in a w york elevator, yeah. >> i was in new york city when the pope came here. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that was a big deal. >> and only in new york city do you hear people say, "please tell me the pope is go [ laughter ] i'm trying to get to t upper west side, the pope and his stupid barricades." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is true. the traffic was -- you got to learn how to relax here. chill out. get -- >> i'm trying, man. >> jimmy: yeah.la >> i got i night. and i got a maage. >> jimmy: good. >> i always feel weird getting a massage, you know. you're laying there. you're looking through that weird doughnut hole -- [ lauger ] trying to see if you can squeeze your head through it, you know.an i was seeing her feet moving around. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she wasn't doing anything. and after ten minutes i said, "i don't know the protocol, but am i supposed to tell you it's okay to begin?" [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and you're talking through the -- >> i'm talking tough this. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she said, "i started ten minutes ago."
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she said, "this is a reiki massage." she goes, "i don't actually touch you, my hands are just above you. ."and it's an energy heali [ laughter ] so when she was done, i said, "i don't actually touch my wallet. [ laughter and applause ] my hand is just above it. you shou be receiving an energy payment." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm going to reiki pay you. >> reiki, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. can we talk about the show that you're doing, jerry's doing "stand-up and away with brian regan." what is the new show? >> i wanted to do a show that's a sketch show, but that the sketches are set up by stand-up bits, some of the older stand bits that i have done. so i do those and those lead into sketches. so i pitched that idea to him. he goes, "all right. let's do it." >> jimmy: so this thing -- so maybe set up this clip. this is a clip. i tha -- this is you at a a restaurant?
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>> yeah, this clip actually comes from when i was living here in new york city. you know whereyou go to a aurant and all of the tables are incredibly close together? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they sit you down and sometimes you are literally physically closer to some stranger than you are to your date. and it's very hard to keep the conversationseparate. so this is a sketch where i'm having, like, a little intimate argument with my girlfriend. and right next to us are two guys planng an armed heist. [ laughter ] jimmy: here it is. "stand-up and away with brian regan" streams christmas eve on netflix. check this out. >> what do you mean by take care of the guard? i thought this was going to be a simple smash and grab? >> oh, you thought, huh? do me a favor? don't think. i'll do the thinking. >> it's our one year anniversary of our first text conversation. tomorrow is our one year anniversary of the first time we facetime'd. >> she knew all those. [ laughter ] >> that's ridiculous. this broad is high maintenance.
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it's too chilly. she's hurt, because he doesn't know what she drinks. the broad's a little needy. >> i am sorry i forgot the anniversary of our first text conversation. >> don't backpedal. that's weak. [ laughter ] tell her she's being ridiculous. >> she's not being ridiculous. he's the one that's being ridiculous. >> i'm being ridiculous? you don't have a driver set. and it's going down tomorrow night. >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: show 'em how it's done. [ cheers and applause ] show 'em how it's done. brian regan! >> thank you very much. [ cheers and jpplause ] my: his new show "stand-up and away" streams on netflix starting christmas eve.o animal experrt irwin joins us after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ba building a better starts with looking at something old, and saying, "really?" so capital one is building something completely new. capital one cafes. inviting places with people here to help you, not sell you. and savings and checking accounts with
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>> jimmy: we're so lucky to do the show from new york city and we got invitedo go check out the big apple circus. a private showing the -- of
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the circus. and so, i said, "can i bring a a friend?" and they said, "yes." and i brought a very special friend. please enjoy this ta ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ laughter ]
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: bob? bob? where's bob? >> there's nobody there. there was never anybody there. >> jimmy: what was in that whiskey?
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[ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you to everyone at the g apple circus. [ cheers and applause ] that was fun.nt i o thank bob dylan for doing that. [ cheers and applause ] he has this incredible new whiskey called heaves door. bob, i'll be having a drink for you right now tonight, buddy. thanks again for doing that. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with ngrobert irwin and his ama animals. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i tell everyone to take the ancestrydna test if you want to get the most details about your family history. my pie chart showed that i'm from all over europe, but then it got super specific.
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[ cheers alause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is a a 14-year-old animal expert from the australia zoo whose hit show "crikey! it's the irwins" airs sunday nights at 8:00 pm on animal planet. please wcome back to our show, our friend, robert irwin everybody. [ cheers a applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you so much. thank you for coming back to
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the show. >> thank you. i feel this is my second home now.me it's awe >> jimmy: we love having you on. i love it. >> thanks. >> jim here --time you were >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- we had -- kevin hart was here. >> we did. >> jimmy: anhai asked -- >>was a lot of fun. >> jimmy: i asked him to stay out -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- and play with the animals. te he's like, "i animals. or i'm -- [ laughter ] no, actually he goes, "i like animals. i'm afraid of them. >> all right. that's okay. >> jimmy: he had -- oh, gosh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it was the funniest -- >> i like to think maybe we helped him a little overcome his fear. >> jimmy: maybe. >> bit more comfortable. but i mean for me, it was really cool. because it actually d over a hundred million people on facebook. - >> jimmy: yeah. >> for me -- >> jimmy: it was the number one trending on youtube. [ cheersnd applause ] 100 million people. >> yeah, it was awesome. and fome that's just such a a great way to get the message of wildlife and conservation out to so many people. so thank you so much.. it was aweso >> jimmy: no, are you kidding me? thank you right back to you. [ cheers and applause ] the show "crikey! --" >> yes. >> jimmy: "crikey! it's the irwins." >> you got to say "crikey! it's the irwi." >> jimmy: oh, sorry. "crikey! it's the irwins." [ laughter ] >> "crikey! it's the irwins." >> jimmy: "crikey! it's the irwins."
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>> jimmy: yeah.. >> perfect. >> jimmy: it was the biggest debut for animal planet in the . last five ye so congratulations on that. over 12 million people -- [ cheers and applause ] have seen it around the world. it's a giant hit. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm happy for you and your whole family. you know i love the whole fa so thank you for coming back. now you brought some animals tonight.ll and hopei'll get along with them. and -- >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> hopefully. >> jimmy: yeah. f>> it's going to be real. so are you ready for the first animal? >> jimmy: yeah, here we go. absolutely, we love them. >> we've got two of them coming out here. >> so this is ping and pong. and they are absolutely adorable. hey guys. hello. hello guys. yeah, you can hold them really nice and tight in there. these are otters. [ laughter ] these are actually real by otters. that's great. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> see those -- those little vocalizations that they're making. now th's actually -- oh, he's eating you a little bit. >> jimmy: all right, watch it. >> that's how they communicate with one another. now asian small-clawed otters, these are the smallest otters in t entire world. >> jimmy: he's eating -- >> he's eati me now.
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>> jimmy: -- microphone. [ squeaking ] >> now these guys are really cool. they're from aama. they'ring. and they've actually got -- [ laughter ] s jimmy: i know it's cute. >> i think he lou. >> jimmy: but you never know. that little squeak. >> they're still babies. they will get a lot bigger than this. all right, here we go. [ laughter ] [ squeaking ] >> jimmy: they'll get bigger, yes. >> they will. they will. aren't they just so special?, >> jimmy: goodness. yep, okay. >> here, let me put your mic back on. there wehio. >> jimmyuddy. okay, it's good. >> isn't that awesome? so they can actually -- [ laughter ] [ squeaking ] >> jimmy: found it again. he's going to find it agn. oh, my goodness. hi buddy. ping and pong. >> all right. there's ping and pong. >> jimmy: hi buddy.ly >> they actuave the finest fur in the world. [ laughter ] oh, he's giving you a kiss. >> jimmy: i think he almost did. or he bit me. he almost bit me. >> oh, they're so -- they're so cute. >> jimmy: i love them. [ squeakinla] >> congraons. well done. [ laughter ] well done. >> jimmy: i'm not squeezing them or anything. >> thanks ping and pong. >> jimmy: i swear. rim just holding him and that's all. alt, i'm ready. >> all right. we're good. okay. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. oh, my gosh.u thank ry much. >> thank you very much. how cute are they? are you all good? >> jimmy: yeah, i'm great. i love ya. that's fantastic.
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>> that's good. okay. so next -- for this next one, i think we're going to come around again. we're going to sit down here. and i'm grab a f pieces here for you of sweet potato. this next animal -- >> jimmy: oh, man. >> -- loves sweet potatoes. >> jimmy: okay. >> so if you want to sit down. >> jimmy: oh, no. and they you can put -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can see what's kind of coming. >> -- you can put your legs out like this. >> jimmy: oh, gosh. >> now, you want to ho sweet potato just here. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> so they don't bite your fingers. >> jimmy: what do you mean they won't bite my fingers, hold it like this? >> so -- [ laughter ] -- it will be good. >> jim: i don't know. it'll be good. i promise. >> jimmy: what is to do with that? >> you can grab that one as we, . >> jimmy: . >> they love sweet potato. >> jimmy: all right. >> all right. so we got quill smith and quillie nelson. and you'll see their names in a a second. come on in guys. these are porcupines. hello. >> jimmy: okay. what do i -- >> there you go. >> jimmy: now, can i -- >> have a go at that. so now these guys, they're african -- [ laughter ] he's quilling up now these are african crested porcupines, the largest rodent .in the continent in afri and see those -- >> jimmy: okay, this might be the most dangerous thing i've ever done in my life.
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>> and see those spines there? yeah. [ laughter that's actually -- that's their defense mechanism. if a predator is going to get them, they'll actually sink them right down into the skin. ] [ laught and that's -- that's how they avoid predators. they're amazing. >> jimmy: all right. all right. >> how cool is that? >> jimmy: does he want -- yeah, it's unbelievable. hat shaking there means they're a little bit -- little bit unhappy. they're thinking just what's going on. [ laughter ] but see, once they've got that -- once they got the eyeet potato, e completely happy. they absolutely love it. >> jimmy: i can feel him eating> it. hat's great. how cool is that? >> jimmy: yeah, man. >> look at them go. >> jimmy: well i'm just happy -- >> so cool. >>s.immy: -- that i had kid >> here you go. >> jimmy: you know? [ laughter ] >> what do you think mate? now they'll get -- they'll get a lot bigger too. when they're full grown, they could easily have a go at a a lion. if it's getting close, they'll just stab right in with those claws. [ laughter ] how cool is that? >> jimmy: this is unbelievable. >> that's amazin>> aren't they? immy: it is -- pleasure to meet you guys oh, oh, my god. [ laughter ] robert. ♪ >> you're good. you're good. >> jimmy: robert. >> all rightimbye guys. >>: robert, be very careful, whatever happens next.
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>> i don't know how we're going to get this. yeah, let's see. >> jimmy: okay. >> there we go. you're good l w. >> jimmy: ght. all right. this is great. >> see you later guys. >> jimmy: oh, my. all righty. that's not the carro all right. here you go. [ laughter ] carrots over here. here you go budd eat this, eat this. good to see these guys. oh, my gosh. >> yeah, they really le you. >> jimmy: security? oh, no. >> all right, no worries. there we go. >> jimmy: yep. okay, good.of >> it's a bi challenge picking them up as you can see. >> jimmy: oh, gosh. >> there we go. well done. [ cheers and applause ] that was great. at was so cool. u want to grab -- for you? >> jimmy: yeah, that's when he was -- yeah. >> no worries. so i think we're going to stay down here for a little while. [ laughter ] look at this guy. now this is -- >> jimmy: not putting hiin my lap. i'm not. >> this is a giant aardvark. >> jimmy: i don't want to move. >> now the aardvarks, they are native to africa as well. see those massive claws there? that's what they use to dig. so they're really interesting animals.
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they've got the big long nose. and that's how they ell. they've a great sense of smell. and the end of their nose actually looks a bita a marshmallow. it's so cool. how special are they? >> jimmy: a randomardvark. this is -- sorry, i didn't even quite hear what you are saying. is he an -- [ laughter ] is an aardvark an ant >> yeah, so they'll eat ants and termites. and, yeah, they're great at digging. they'll find a termite mound. ttey'll break into it. but we've got a mixture here. and that's kind of a mix of squished insects and bugs.an they absolutely love it. see that? >> jimmy: absolutely. [ laughter ] >> it's really good. so it's actually really quite good for them. they absolutely love this.n' >> jimmy: i believe it. >> so we're gog to head down here now for this one. we couldn't really fit this one on this stage. [ audience aws ] so this is debra. this is debra the zebra. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> and i absolutely love debra. so i'm going to come around this side. so there we go. so debra the zebra, she's ly actutill quite young. she's a young little zebra.
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and she still loves he bottles. now she's only about six months old. you're welcome to pat her though. >> jimmy: six months old? l >> ses her pats, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> now these guys, they use those stripes for camouflage. they're one ofhe best camouflage animals ever.ah do you want to grab this bottle? >> jimmy: sure. >> and you can feed hezi isn't that a? she is so sweet. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> absolutely adorable. >> jimmy: this looks fake almost. >> yeah, yeah. [ light laught ] and unlike horses, they can actually be sometimes quite ag essive out in the wild. they are really cool. so that's debra. ben't she cute? >> jimmy: she's evable. and she's for sale at fao schwarz for -- [ laughter ] just kidding. >> oh, good girl, debra. jimmy: this is unbelievable. thank you for -- you kind of took a little bit easier on me this time. i appreciate it. >> no worries. rw worries. >> jimmy: robert, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "crikey! it's the irwins" airs sunday nights at 8:00 p.m. on animal planet. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] hi debra. hi debra. hi debra the zebra. hi.
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always take prilosec otc and take control of heartburn. so you don't have to stash antacids here... here... or here. kick your antacid habit with prilosec otc. one pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. i want y'all to give for stephen curryplause cough,cough today we're going to do some drills stuff like that steph you don't look so good sneezes are you sure you can play basketball? uh... lets bring it in cough,cough
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♪la [ cheers and ae ] ri jimmy: well, my thanks again to jerry seinfeld, regan, robert irwin, once again. [ cheers and applause ] thank you buddy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and the roots right there from philadelphia, pe[ sylvania. eers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. happy thanksgiving to you and your family. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody.[ eers and applause ] ♪

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