tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 9, 2016 12:38am-1:38am EST
only swirled, stacked not on end. after donald trump's decision to boycott tomorrow's debate jeb bush told trump to stop whining. although, i think what he meant to say was, stop winning. just stop winning. my brother was president, my dad was president. stop winning. dr. ben carson said today that although donald trump has announced he will boycott the debate carson wouldn't be surprised if he did show up. then again it's ben carson, he wouldn't be surprised if he was licked awake in the morning by a unicorn. [ laughter ] oh, hello friend. hello, mythical buddy. bernie sanders had a private meeting with president obama earlier today. well, as private as a meeting with bernie sanders can be. [ shouting ] hello, mr. president. i'm ready to discuss the
keep it down, bernie, keep it down -- gotta keep it down -- mr. president -- keep it down. [ laughter ] it's a one man show i'm doing. a recent poll found that donald trump and hillary clinton have the most recognizable faces of the 2016 campaign. while mike huckabee and chris christie just have the most face. [ laughter and applause ] the advocacy group one million moms has called for a boycott of the new fox show "lucifer" because they believe the series glorifies satan. and is complaining to the shows main sponsor olive garden. wait, olive garden sponsors "lucifer?" i always thought it was the other way around. [ laughter ] that's right one million moms wants to boycott the new fox show "lucifer" because they say
to which i say, have you not seen "the bachelor?" [ laughter ] wildlife officials in tanzania announced this week that they found a rare, all white giraffe, here's a photo. [ laughter ] german. german too. [ laughter ] and finally a brooklyn artist is planning an exhibition this weekend where she will sit naked on a toilet for ten hours in the middle of a gallery. and will invite patrons to sit on a second toilet across from her. the exhibition is called "my worst nightmare." [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be talking to the upcoming 2016 election with republican senator john mccain. [ cheers and applause ] also from the msg network, "four courses with j.b. smoove" comedian j.b. smoove joins us. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from a great danish band, singer/songwriter lukas graham.
now as some of you might know, i used to work on "saturday night live" and i was an anchor on "weekend update." i did it with amy poehler. and one of the favorite things we got to do in that time was something called "really with seth and amy." and it was always exciting for me to do. and i was very excited to read this in bloomberg politics yesterday. eliott engle, a democratic congressman from new york. he has introduced a bill a weentroducby clee thalct and so iug tt thin dthourealbeusala word of pele irn is. he even gon and sa g snl n," sangle conde people weough, t'sto it wh e r' ate ught really make the t, "sa eng w credibly honored and fee etooab. to v lthbi
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. as many of you know, the iowa caucus is on monday and every day it seems like there's a bunch of new polls coming out of iowa about the election. and i figured maybe we should get into the act. so, i called a bunch of iowa voters and tried to try to ask them some poll questions about
let's take a look. >> seth: hey, everybody. i'm seth meyers. these are some iowa phone numbers. we're about to do some polling. [ phone ringing ] hi, i'm seth meyers from nbc's "late night with seth meyers" and we're conducting a poll about the iowa caucus. i was wondering if i could record this call? >> no, thank you, i'm not interested. >> seth: okay, thanks. [ light laughter ] hi, i was calling to conduct a poll about the iowa caucus. are you a registered voter? [ dial tone ] hello? [ dial tone ] >> no, thank you, i'm not interested. [ dial tone ] >> seth: are you a registered voter? >> yes, sir. >> seth: are you a republican or a democrat? >> republican. >> seth: who's your least favorite candidate on the democratic side? >> hillary. >> seth: i'm going to name somebody, and you tell me if you would vote for that person over hillary clinton, okay? >> yep. >> seth: vladimir putin? >> no. [ buzzer ] >> seth: hannibal lecter? >> no. [ buzzer ]
[ ding ] [ laughter ] >> seth: why do you think jeb bush looks so sad all the time? >> that's a good question. >> seth: yeah. >> i think 'cause he's getting his ass kicked, i think. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think that's probably fair. >> just sayin'. >> seth: on a one to ten, how sexy do you think bernie sanders is? >> oh, my god. yuck. >> i'm not interested. >> no thank you, i'm not interested. >> seth: okay. [ phone ringing ] >> hello, please leave a message after the tone. [ beep ] >> seth: cruz, bush, kasich, trump, paul, fiorina, rubio, christie, carson, or huckabee? get back to us. [ laughter ] [ phone dialing ] hi, mom, it's me, do you mind if >> no, it's fine. >> seth: okay, thanks. we've been calling people in iowa trying to get them to >> yeah, but nobody does answer a poll. >> seth: nobody answers any polls. >> seth: do you get called a lot? them. [ light laughter ]
land line? >> that's a good question. >> seth: can i tell you the answer? >> i'm much more comfortable on a land line than on my cell. >> seth: yeah, it's because you [ light laughter ] >> exactly. >> seth: would you have a beer with bernie sanders? >> oh, sure. >> seth: would you do cross fit with martin o'malley? >> uh, yeah, i guess so. >> seth: would you eat a honey baked ham with chris christie? >> i might not get much of it, i tell you. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that would be the fear. if i told you hillary clinton would pay for lunch, would you have lunch with her? >> no. >> seth: what if she paid for lunch and was at the restaurant, but at a different table? >> no. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay, what if she's outside the restaurant, she still pays, you can bring a friend? >> no. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, last one. >> she's a crook. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. well, guess what? the end thing was while you were
[ laughter ] so, you are very good that you decided not to go. >> the number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service. >> seth: well which is it? [ dial-up tone ] don't put your fax number in the phone book. hello, aol? i'm calling from the future. i wanted to know how 1995 was. [ laughter ] hi, can i record this call? >> you can record this call, but i'm in the middle of training. but that's okay. >> seth: what do you mean middle of training? what are you doing? >> my trainer's here? >> seth: a guy? >> yeah. >> seth: all right. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: handsome? >> yes. >> seth: he is? >> he is handsome, yes. >> seth: okay. good shape? >> good shape? of course he's in good shape. [ laughter ] >> seth: better shape than dad? >> better shape than dad? oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, have fun with aaron. >> okay, bye. >> seth: can't wait to meet him next christmas. [ laughter ] [ phone ringing ] >> hello? >> seth: hi, this is seth meyers from nbc's "late night with seth meyers."
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lukas graham. [ cheers and applause ] once i was seven years old my momma told me go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely once i was seven years old it was a big, big world but we thought we were bigger pushing each other to the limits we were learning quicker by eleven smoking herb and drinking burning liquor never rich so we were out to make that steady figure once i was eleven years old my daddy told me go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely
eleven years old i always had that dream like my daddy before me so i started writing songs i started writing stories something about this glory just always seemed to bore me 'cause only those i really love will ever really know me once i was 20 years old my story got told before the morning sun when life was lonely once i was 20 years old i only see my goals i don't believe in failure 'cause i know the smallest voices they can make it major i got my boys with me at least those in favor and if we don't meet before i leave i hope i'll see you later once i was 20 years old
i was writing about everything i saw before me once i was 20 years old soon we'll be 30 years old our songs have been sold we've traveled around the world and we're still roaming soon we'll be 30 years old i'm still learning about life my woman brought children for me so i can sing them all my songs and i can tell them stories most of my boys are with me some are still out seeking glory some i had to leave behind my brother i'm still sorry soon i'll be 60 years old my daddy got 61 remember life and then your life becomes a better one i made a man so happy when i wrote a letter once i hope my children come and visit
soon i'll be 60 years old will i think the world is cold or will i have a lot of children who can warm me soon i'll be 60 years old >> come on, kasper! come on, bring it! soon i'll be 60 years old will i think the world is cold or will i have a lot of children who can warm me soon i'll be 60 years old once i was seven years old my momma told me go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely once i was seven years old once i was seven years old [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you very much. lukas graham, everyone!