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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  March 4, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EST

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musical guest the who. anaturinlege roots crew. >> questlove: 431, nathaniel, canada! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a hot crowd right there tonight. [ cheers and applause ] hot friday night crowd. welcome, welcome, great new york city crowd. welcome, please. welcome to "the tonight show." please, please, enjoy yourself. thank you so much for being here.
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[ cheers ] oh, man, you can feel the energy, right? you know it's going to be a hot show. you know it's gonna be a good show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] tonight is the show. we have one of the greatest rock bands of all time. the who! [ cheers and applause ] oh! oh! that's right. the who, not to be confused with last night's debate, the why. [ laughter ] why is this happening? >> steve: what did we do? >> jimmy: everybody is talking about this. the republican candidates had their 11th debate last night. and just when you thought things couldn't get any crazier, donald trump went ahead and said this. >> he referred to my hands, if they're small, something else must be small, i guarantee you there's no problem. i guarantee you. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i guarantee you that nobody was asking. [ laughter ]
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that the trump tower is up to code. >> steve: boy! [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: then donald trump announced his new slogan, "make america gag again." [ laughter ] it rolls off the -- yeah. >> steve: got a hat and everything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and as you would expect, hillary clinton came up a lot during the debate. at one point, ted cruz even asked trump why he wrote four checks to hillary for her campaign in 2008. trump said, "look, with all the women i have to write checks to every month, it's easy to get carried away." [ laughter and applause ] ivana, marla, aruba, jamaica, bermuda. [ laughter ] meanwhile, marco rubio called out donald trump for his clothing collection that is being made in china. [ audience oohs ] but trump defended his chinese workers, saying "i treat those kids like they're my own." [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's nice. that's really nice.
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last night's debate is something called booger gate. do you know what i'm talking about? i don't know if you saw this or not, but at one point ted cruz got a little something on his lip. [ light laughter ] no, people are saying it was a a mouth booger is what they were saying. i don't know what that is, but take a look. if you can see if you can see it. >> $500 billion. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: zoom -- zoom in a a little bit. yeah, zoom in. you probably can't see it yet. zoom in, zoom in. no, wait. it moves. watch, wait, wait, watch. [ dice ohs ] no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, this gets better and better and better. watch. wait. ah! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: oh! oh! >> steve: why? >> jimmy: woo-hoo! >> steve: yoinks. >> jimmy: yeah. that's right. it showed up, turned everyone off, and then disappeared. it was the jeb bush of the debate.
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[ laughter and applause ] guys, some big tv news, you guys. it looks like "the people versus o.j. simpson" is getting picked up for a second season. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] yeah. did you guys hear about this? a new report claims that a a knife was found buried at o.j. simpson's estate. they're now analyzing the knife for evidence, but experts warn that it might not be related to the crime. you know, because it could be one of those regular knives people bury in the backyard. [ laughter ] [ applause ] "honey, i'm going to take the kids and go bury this buck knife outside. so i'll be right back. come on, kids." [ light laughter ] and get this. spotify released a birthing playlist with songs to help women in labor. [ laughter ] it includes artists such as john legend. i guess ladies are like, "hey, his music got into me this mess. might as well get me out of this mess." [ applause ] and finally, bad news for george clooney fans. clooney hinted in an interview this week that he may quit
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on camera. [ audience aws ] or as one guy put it, "good thinking." [ laughter ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: come on. great crowd tonight. oh, man. a great show tonight. [ cheers ] we love her so much, she has a a brand-new skincare line called goop by juice beauty. the lovely, the talented gwyneth paltrow is here. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: it's good stuff. >> steve: she's a delight. >> jimmy: yeah. later in the show, gwyneth and i are gonna sing about some embarrassing and regrettable text message exchanged in something we called "first textual experiences."
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[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: plus from "the amazing race" -- i love that show, i love this guy -- youte sensation tyler oakley is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and i'm so excited for this. we have music from the who! [ cheers and applause ] give me a little -- did you see rehearsal? did you see sound check? the whole place almost broke in half. everything almost broke -- be careful. something might fall. [ laughter ] it is so awesome. and anyone watching at home, just turn up your tv sets as loud as you possibly can. this is the loudest rock band we've ever had and they're the greatest band. the one and only, the who. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're the greatest. oh, they're so good. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: everybody is fantastic in the band. they played a gig last night at madison square garden.
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everyone's great. pino, roger daltrey, uh -- pete townsend, simon. >> steve: zak. >> jimmy: zak starkey. >> steve: zak is drumming. >> jimmy: ringo's son is the drummer. for the last -- well, he's done it forever, right? that i know. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: it's crazy. >> jimmy: i mean, keith moon was amazing, right? but then this guy comes in, you're like, "big shoes to fill." and he's just -- he's unbelievable. you really won't believe -- if you've never seen the who live, get ready for a treat. the who is on our show tonight. [ applause ] i'm just so, so excited. guys, today is friday. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails, and i send out some thank you notes, because it's friday. [ cheers ] but i was running -- thank you. but i was running a bit late. >> steve: today? >> jimmy: today i was running late and i was just wondering if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd like to write out my weekly thank you notes now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ]
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james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? [ laughter ] >> steve: he's dreamy. yeah. >> jimmy: very nice. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kind of -- like a mona lisa. smiling -- >> steve: yeah, you don't know if he's smiley, frowny. >> jimmy: mysterious smile, yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. might be sad. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. there you go. mysterious. sure is cute. >> jimmy: mona lisa, yeah. >> jimmy: thank you, the first starbucks opening in italy, for being the only place where starbucks sizes actually make sense. [ laughter and applause ] a venti latte! >> steve: i'll take a venti. no, i want a grande. >> jimmy: a grande venti? [ laughter ] you get-a the venti. >> steve: get out of my store. what are you doing here? i hate you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're doing like a a kung fu movie or something. >> steve: well -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not italian. i could do it like -- "what are you talking about?
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i've seen you here before and i hate you." >> steve: hey, i don't hate you. what are you talking about? nah! [ cheers and applause ] ha ha ha, ha ha ha, huh? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's always that. ha ha ha, ha ha ha, huh? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve higgins. steve higgins right there, everybody, there he is. [ cheers ] oh, gosh, that makes me laugh. thank you, justin bieber, for turning 22 earlier this week. i totally forgot to wish you happy birthday. is it too late now to say sorry [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ]
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love the pan flute. >> jimmy: i'm into my pan flute dance hall. >> steve: you love it, man. you love dance hall pan flute. >> jimmy: dude that's what i'm all -- that's all -- 24/7. [ light laughter ] three days a week. >> steve: man, you love it. >> jimmy: oh, i put on my play list and i'm like -- [ gibberish ] >> steve: ha ha ha ha ha, huh? [ applause ] >> steve: zamfir. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i know, right? he gets no love. thank you, donald trump, for saying that you don't have a a small penis. [ laughter ] well, it's not like you're overcompensating. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey! hey. >> jimmy: we get it. we get it. we get it. >> steve: we got it! [ applause ] >> jimmy: we get it. thank you, the artist who makes street signs, for clearly having something against hands and feet. [ laughter ] >> steve: they're too hard, man.
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that's too much detail. >> steve: that's too much work for me to do, man. [ light laughter ] i'm tired. >> jimmy: i was out burying a a buck knife all week. [ laughter ] how do i draw hands and feet? >> steve: took the kids out there. >> jimmy: yeah, kids loved it. >> steve: they love burying buck knives. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we probably bury about, uh -- probably 20 or 30 buck knives. >> steve: per week? yeah, sure. >> jimmy: i mean, it's just like, "oh, honey, it's raining, what are we going to do?" we go -- >> steve: bury a buck knife. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't care if it rains. it's easier to dig holes. >> steve: yeah, 'cause mud is much easier to dig. >> jimmy: that is correct. that's why i had a sprinkler system installed. >> steve: really? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. you know how many times i cut the hose? >> steve: how many times? >> jimmy: well, there's about 50 buck knives in my grass. [ laughter ] i cut the hose, i -- the whole thing's a nightmare. >> steve: be careful when you're mowing. >> jimmy: i don't want to get into it. i know, yeah. it's dangerous. right next to me, it's like chinese throwing stars. i'm like -- >> steve: huh, ha, what are you talking about? [ laughter ] ha ha ha ha, huh? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: crazy, crazy how we
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thank you, netflix timer that says the next episode will begin in ten seconds, for giving me ten brief seconds where i remember where i am and what day it is before i'm sucked back into my television. [ applause ] oh, gosh, i'm -- >> steve: i forgot to get up again. >> jimmy: "gilmore girls," yeah. [ light laughter ] thank you, water parks, for being theme parks for people who prefer to hang out in other people's urine. [ laughter ] after 20 minutes you forget all about it. you forget all about it, everyone has a good time. >> steve: mm, tasty. >> jimmy: here we go. thank you, arms, for being nature's selfie sticks. [ laughter ] there you go, everybody. those are my thank you notes. we'll be right back with gwyneth paltrow!
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what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this chevy cruze limited for around $179 per month. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. never undereste wer rgizer. ouloest ing ergix ev hey theriny.wheer we din'? i don'know boss... at about tt reppleu' t is appauce is the kne tht's pama
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to gwyneth paltrow, tyler oakley, the who ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. bye-bye!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- casey affleck, from broadway's "she loves me," actor zachary levi, author dr. david agus, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers! this is "late night!" how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic to hear. let's get to the news. donald trump won last night's nevada republican caucus with 45% of the vote. so it sounds like the people of nevada are putting it all on red!
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night's nevada caucus, donald trump told supporters that he won in almost every voter demographic. and said, quote, "i love the poorly educated." [ laughter ] to which they replied, "us love you, mr. trump!" [ laughter ] donald trump said yesterday that his supporters are so loyal that they would kill for him. in fact, that's who killed that thing he wears on his head. [ laughter ] donald trump's wife, melania, said in a new interview that she speaks at least four languages. melania said she's always looking for a new way to say, "help me!" [ laughter ] donald trump's wife, melania, said in a new interview that her husband's amazing mind helped her fall for him. so it wasn't purely physical like we all assumed. [ laughter ] a recent study suggests that it's harder to concentrate in the winter.

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