Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 23, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EST

11:35 pm
camden catholic and the irish cooking up offense. rob mccoy, camden catholic, 32 32-7. give the trophy back to camden, 8-6 in the battle of camden. triton with high energy against highland. tryptophan has not kicked in. triton wins, 21-18. williams town, cuts through the washington township all day long, caleb expander in for the short score, williams town, 44-7. >> haverford helped form the central league conference culminating 50 years ago, the
11:36 pm
rivals going back and forth ever since. today they are going at it in the cold again. upper darby with the defense. brian la shack with the interception. haverford hangs on for the 14-7 "w." >> a thanksgiving tradition is back on, catholic jay wright on the money. 22-0, winning two straight. >> what a move down the sidelines. scores! winner, winner, turkey dinner, 42-0 the final there. norristown against upper marianne. he strides into the endzone. eagles win, 10-0. down the shore, it's atlantic county's oldest rivalry back to
11:37 pm
1886. they have been stuffing the ball down each other's throat. check this out, unreal. holy spirit, joshua back of the endzone. holy moley, holy spirit doesn't luck out, vikings win, 36-32. pleasantville and ocean city, premier jones on the road, breaks a tackle or two. mychael open. ocean city wins 34-32. england lays an egg against egg harbor township. 41-0 victory. the philadelphia veteran society
11:38 pm
honoring the vets. ca tab joseph into the endzone. 41-14 in the final game for defensive line coach jim caterman. >> frankford jordan price, the price is right. franklin wins 31-34. what's on the menu at ryan and washington in lots of food. lots of football. jefferson eating up the "d." gobble up the yards. later on the drive, jefferson stuffs it down their throat for second. ryan runs away, 38-14 win. that is a wrap for "high school huddle." a special thanks to everyone at "6abc" that makes the show
11:39 pm
possible. goodnight. happy thanksgiving! ♪ ♪ hey!
11:40 pm
>> you're going to have to pay for this! >> you guys live together? >> abc doesn't make you two live together? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. >> guillermo: no. >> so weird. >> strange. >> jimmy: no it isn't. >> guillermo: all right, let's keep playing. >> dicky: from brooklyn it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, billy joel. and tracy morgan. brought to you by coke zero sugar. with cleto and the cletones featuring paul shaffer. and now, you may be right, for all i know -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
11:41 pm
♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome. welcome, welcome. very nice. thank you. hello, brooklyn. appreciate that. please sit. sit, sit. i've done nothing to deserve this. thank you for watching at home. thanks to the rest of you for braving public transportation to be here tonight. we are at the howard gillman opera house at the brooklyn academy of music in brooklyn, new york. [ cheers and applause ] night four of our week in brooklyn. it's so far been perfect, it really has. a beautiful night last night. last night i wanted to feel like i live here so i did maybe the most new yorky thing a person can do. i put on a big, puffy jacket, went down to the subway, and forced people to buy my mix tape. [ laughter ]
11:42 pm
i went to see bruce springsteen last night on broadway. [ cheers and applause ] and you're not going to believe this, he was great. turns out he's really great. bruce almost restored my faith in america last night. and then the president tweeted and it was gone again. [ laughter ] i saw something if park slope this morning i want to ask about. have you seen these? this is a real thing, the dog parker, a place to park your dog. reasonable, rent is $3,400 a month, it's not bad. this is a local invention. i looked it up, it was invented by a woman here in brooklyn who describes herself as a dog mom. she said she wanted to go more places with her dog but wasn't comfortable going into a shop to get coffee without locking her best friend in a miniature prison. [ laughter ] so she invented this. the door is controlled by an app, you pay and the app opens the door, put your pet in and it locks, which is perfect if you want to steal a doghouse with a dog already in it. [ laughter ]
11:43 pm
a quick way to know you shouldn't have a dog is if you think locking it in an easy bake oven while you get coffee is a good idea. this is a new york question. what's the deal with your mayor? de blasio, is there something wrong with his brain? okay, the yankees just won three games in a row. and might very well be -- [ cheers and applause ] -- going to the world series. and this is how the mayor of the city of new york celebrates. >> don't expect to see mayor de blasio cheering on the yankees from the stands, the mayor saying he is such a diehard red sox fan it would be physically impossible for him to root for the yankees. [ audience booing ] >> jimmy: i give him credit for honesty, but that might be the stupidest [ bleep ] thing i ever heard anybody say. sorry for the profanity. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, what the -- you guys voted for a red sox fan? [ laughter ] it's like i don't even know you anymore, it really is.
11:44 pm
anyway, between this and the subway, i just want to say congratulations to bill de blasio on his final term as mayor of the city of new york. [ cheers and applause ] the yankees are now a win away from the world series after they beat the astros last night. game sic is tomorrow in houston. the yankees were down 2-0 games and at least part of this magic is being attributed to a mets fan. are you familiar with the thumb-down guy? this is the mets fan who las >> high drive, left field. there it goals. see ya! off the facing of the second deck. a three-run home run for frasier. and the yankees lead 5-1. >> so apparently some of the yankees players saw this on the yes network and loved it and made it their thing. and now the thumb-down guy is getting a lot of attention. >> it all started with this, a
11:45 pm
todd frasier home run against the rays followed by this guy, gary dunair, the mets fan -- >> they turned that thumbs down into a rallying cry. >> the met fan went this so we followed up with it and kept going. >> if something's good you do this. >> gary has his face on a bobblehead. >> i became a star, i became the latest and the greatest internet sensation. >> jimmy: gary denier. he happens to be in our audience tonight. where's gary? hi, gary. [ cheers and applause ] gary, how are you enjoying the show so far? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think that's a compliment. we have a great show for you tonight. billy joel and tracy morgan are here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] billy joel, i was going through his songs. he's had more hits than willie nelson has taken. [ laughter ] and he will be here with the always hilarious tracy morgan.
11:46 pm
sitting in with the cletones this evening, as he has each night this week, the originalable -- the inimitable -- he's a combination of original and inimitable. so he's the leader of bands against whom all others are measured, mr. paul shaffer is here! >> thanks, jimmy. i'm with the cletones tonight. with the mini residency, here all week. sad to see that it's coming to a close, tomorrow's my last night. great to be with you, though. >> jimmy: you look like the oscar tonight, paul. [ laughter ] >> you know, jimmy, in hollywood, oscar is king. >> jimmy: that's right. >> i dressed up for you. >> jimmy: this is great. just like america, we have canada above in paul shaffer and then, wait, where is mexico? where is little guillermo? oh, there he is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at this.
11:47 pm
oh, wow, look at that. guillermo and his -- [ cheers and applause ] all right. all right, guillermo. go to your spot. yes, you've waved enough, yes. >> guillermo: all right, let's go. >> jimmy: all right, be careful. everyone be careful. we got snakes and fire and everything. guillermo -- >> guillermo: thank you! >> jimmy: are you wearing a cup? >> no. >> jimmy: no, all right. that was the coney island circus sideshow, or members of donald trump's cabinet, i'm not sure. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: thank you. if you've never been to brooklyn, you should know this borough is home to some of the thickest and subcontractingliest beards this side of fallujah. it is remarkable. there are a lot of beards here. even the women have beards in brooklyn. sometimes i'm not sure if we're in brooklyn or at a civil war re-enactment. and so we thought it might be fun to make a game out of that. here's how the game will work.
11:48 pm
i'm going to show you a close-up of a beard, you have to guess if said beard is from -- belongs to someone from williamsburg or gettysburg, okay? [ laughter ] time to play "williams burg or gettysburg?" here we go. our first beard comes from -- this gentleman, is he from williamsburg or gettysburg? everyone says gettysburg. let's see. he is from gettysburg, yes. next, does this weird belong to williamsburg or gettysburg? everyone says williamsburg. let's take a look. >> williamsburg, bitches. >> jimmy: all right. you're doing good so far. let's see another. everyone says gettysburg. and it is -- >> gettysburg. >> jimmy: that's right. wow. very, very good with beards. what is the origin of this beard?
11:49 pm
williamsburg is the answer? let's see. is it? >> i ain't from gettysburg. >> jimmy: next? gettysburg? all right, let's find out. >> gettysburg. >> jimmy: gettysburg is right. so far you've got 100% of them. next? the audience says williamsburg. >> williamsburg! >> jimmy: all right, who else do we have out there? gettysburg the audience says? >> gettysburg? i'm from brooklyn. bata buoy! >> jimmy: wow. hit him with a high view. hipster or soldier? let's see. we have -- the audience says gettysburg. >> get gettysburg. >> jimmy: oh, right. >> are you looking at the beard or me? i don't understand. >> jimmy: dave lives in gettysburg now?
11:50 pm
gary, what do you think of dave letterman's beard? [ applause ] this is our third time taking the show to brooklyn. and even since we were here five years ago, things have changed. i don't want to sound like an old crank. but i remember a time here in brooklyn when if you wanted to take a bike on a one-way ride, you didn't need city bike, you stole a bike and took it on a one-way ride. [ laughter ] bikes are very necessary now. the subway is a nightmare. everywhere i go, people have been complaining about delays on the subway. now the mta is trying to speed things up by replacing regular seats with foldable seats. which is confusing. because if the seats are folded up, where are people supposed to pee? [ laughter ] i guess the foldable seats will go up when the train's crowded? basically the city heard your complaints and said, we have good news, from now on you'll all be standing up. [ laughter ] you know what this train could
11:51 pm
use? more people on it. so anyway, the new york subway is not just crowded, it's a crazy place. and to prove that, we went out on the street here in brooklyn and asked people getting off it to share the craziest thing they ever saw on the subway. >> what is the craziest thing you've ever seen on the subway? >> this one woman spilled her oatmeal. then a kid, someone else's kid, tried eating it. so bad. >> this guy sitting next to me, he reaches into his cvs bag and grabs a deodorant and opens it and starts putting it all over his body. like on top of his clothes. just painting his body with this stick of deodorant. >> it's crazy but i see a lot of rats. ones run across seven people, okay, i'm out of here. >> the buck nakedness, the naked women. >> people peeing in a cup, then when the train like stops they just drop the cup and the pee
11:52 pm
sloshed all over the train. >> i have seen an older gentleman chase a young woman with a cane, to beat her, for no reason. >> i saw a guy, like halloween, waiting for the train late night, and the trash barge showed up. this kid just got on the trash barge and rode it away. and i'm fairly certain he's dead now. >> i don't remember. as i said, i don't use the subway. but it wasn't crazy, it was very common when i was young, that men would stand on the platform outside and as you were in the subway looking out, they tended to masturbate. but it was, you know, sort of normal. you didn't even react to it. >> how fun. >> yeah. >> brought to you by the new york city board of tourism. >> jimmy: that's how grandma met grandpa. all right. we got a great show tonight. tracy morgan is here. and we'll be right back with
11:53 pm
billy joel from brooklyn! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (matthew) my wish was a clubhouse, but we call it "the wish house". (mom) and it just immediately brought something positive in our life. "oh, i gotta get up get matthew on his treatment." (matthew) it's not that bad, though. (mom) yeah. (matthew) the good thing about the surgeries is i get to have a popsicle at the end. (mom) he makes the best of everything and he teaches us to be strong and brave, too. (vo) through the subaru share the love event, we've helped grant the wishes of fifteen hundred kids so far. get a new subaru and we'll donate two hundred fifty dollars more to help those in need. ♪ put a little love in your heart. ♪ ♪ ♪ohhhhhh, ou! guess what i just got? uh! ♪i used to be spellbound hello again. ♪i used to be spellbound hi. ♪i used to be spellbound that's a big phone. ♪in your arms. [screams]
11:54 pm
ah, my phone. ♪you built the flame ♪that warms my heart, ♪but lying and cheating ♪has torn us apart ♪and i'm moving on. my dbut now, i take used tometamucil every day.sh it traps and removes the waste that weighs me down, so i feel lighter. try metamucil, and begin to feel what lighter feels like. ♪ ♪
11:55 pm
♪ and roomba from irobot gets to work using two multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction to grab and remove everything from fine dust to large debris. daily dirt doesn't stand a chance. you and roomba from irobot. better together. ♪ music playing bye scout! ♪ ♪ where is it you wanna go? ♪ where is it you wanna go? check it out! ♪ oh, dude. i'm sending it to him.
11:56 pm
♪ where is it you wanna go? where is it you wanna go? ♪ ♪ where is it you wanna go? where is it you wanna go? ♪ thank you. ♪ where is it you wanna go? where is it you wanna go? ♪ ♪ hey! hey. whatcha doin' on your computer? what's a computer? ♪
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: paul shaffer sitting in with the cletones tonight. tonight on our show, one of the funniest people ever to come out of brooklyn or any place, tracy morgan is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] he's one of my personal favorite people. tomorrow night, another one, woody harrelson will be here tomorrow. we'll have music from tony bennett, the tony bennett, not some knock-off tony bennett like they've been trying to sell on the street, the tony bennett will be here. we just might have a special prize for you tomorrow night
11:58 pm
too. tomorrow night our first guest -- tonight -- will play a record-setting 45th consecutive sold-out show at madison square garden. tonight, though, he belongs to us. he is one of the great singer/songwriters. and i couldn't be happier he's here. please say hello to billy joel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> what's up, man? >> jimmy: billy, thanks so much for being here. i've been wanting to have you on the show for a long time and i'm so excited you're here. you're the king of long island, we know. [ cheers and applause ] long island, brooklyn technically, legally, is a part of long island.
11:59 pm
so you're our king as well. welcome, king. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> brooklyn is on long island. yes, it is. >> have you been to the brooklyn academy of music before? >> yes, i have. my grandfather used to take me here. they lived on flatbush and ditmas. >> jimmy: wow. >> we used to spend summers with them. instead of going out to long island like most people do in the city in the summer, we went to brooklyn. >> jimmy: the other way. >> yeah. this was our hood. we'd walk down flatbush avenue and go to the low east kings and see really cheesy movies. >> jimmy: you were also last night at bruce springsteen, which i was at that show, i didn't see you there. i will tell you that i heard that you were there. we assume you were backstage and were going to make a big surprise appearance with bruce at the end of the show. >> i asked bruce about that. there's no special guest appearances. >> jimmy: no guests. >> no.
12:00 am
so it's kind of a scripted show. i was in the abraham lincoln booth. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] >> in the balcony. i'm looking at -- yes, you and howard stern. i'm trying to wave frantically. hey! i'm over here, you da da da. >> jimmy: we were sure we knew something that nobody else knew, like oh, he's going to come out and he's going to do "born to run" with bruce and everybody's going to go nuts. >> i was trying to wave to you. >> jimmy: and we're going, yes, we knew this was going to happen. turned out no. what's your favorite springsteen song? >> probably "meeting across the river." >> jimmy: really, okay, wow. that's a good one. >> you know that one, paul? >> it's the one i don't know. c major 7? g major 7? >> c major 7. ♪ lend me a few bucks ♪ can you give me a ride c major 7. ♪ i got a meeting
12:01 am
g major. ♪ on the other side. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, boy. it's very -- >> it's a very atmospheric springsteen song. >> jimmy: would you ever consider cog an intimate show like that, like the broadway show -- >> yes, we talked about it with bruce last night, why don't we switch off once in a while? you come do the garden, i'll do your gig for a couple of days. i think we're both making the same amount of money. based on what the ticket price is. >> jimmy: the tickets were very expensive. you didn't pay for tickets to see bruce, did you? >> no. >> jimmy: no, no. >> i get freebies. >> jimmy: which comes first for you, the music or the lyrics when you're writing a song? >> music first. >> jimmy: the lyrics, i think we all know every word from so many of your songs. i know i do for sure. you use a lot of the people's names in songs. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "piano man."
12:02 am
davey who's still in the navy. brenda and eddie. you've got virginia, come out virginia. "only the good die young." are they real people or people you made up? >> they were real names. i caught a lot of flack for, what a cheesy rhyme, davey in the navy! the guy's name was davey. >> jimmy: the guy -- >> he was in the navy. [ laughter ] so, okay, that will work. you know. it's like making love to his tonic and gin. tonic and gin? the old guy was drinking, he didn't call it gin and tonetic, i'll have a ton and i can gin. >> jimmy: you didn't flip-flop those? >> no, he said that. i stole from everybody. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. brenda and eddy, are they people you knew? >> they were kind of a combination. it sounded like people that i would know from my neighborhood. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> brenda, eddie, sounds like people from where i come from. >> jimmy: a couple of paintings from sears.
12:03 am
to me that more than any visual nails those people. because these are people that i grew up with also. and it's just such a -- how did that come to you? do you have any recollection? >> i've been to houses, people's houses, where i'm looking at the painting on the wall going, that's a sears painting. that's definitely from sears. you've been there, you've seen this. >> jimmy: to sears, yeah, for sure. what about virginia? is that based on just virginia? >> it was a real girl. a real girl, her name was virginia callahan. she was a virgin. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> you know. the name worked perfectly. >> jimmy: when her dad heard this song while you're trying to get her to come out -- [ laughter ] did he become agitated, i would imagine? >> i don't know. i saw her years later. and asked her about that. she had no idea that i had a crush on her. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> yeah, i was too shy to do anything. i wrote the song based on my preteen lusts. >> jimmy: for virginia, wow. >> yeah.
12:04 am
>> jimmy: that's something else. >> she retained her virginity. >> jimmy: this album "the stranger" was released 40 years ago. [ cheers and applause ] which is crazy. >> that's right, it is 40 years. >> jimmy: 40 years ago. do you still have any of the stuff? the boxing gloves, the mask, any of that stuff? >> no, the suit's gone, the gloves are gone, the mask is gone. >> jimmy: when you took this, it was a photo shoot, did you have any idea this would become such an iconic photograph? >> no, not at all, no. >> jimmy: you would have saved this stuff, had you. look at this one, a great one too. >> that was a restaurant in manhattan on -- i think it was ninth avenue called the supreme macaroni company. phil ramon founded it. these people on the wall, i've always wondered about them. were these just the pictures that happened to be on the wall? >> they were there, that was the family that owned the restaurant. >> jimmy: they were immortalized on this album for all-time. that is so unbelievably great. >> this you could tell, it's really authentic italian family, look at the wine glasses we're drinking out of.
12:05 am
they're like jelly glasses. >> jimmy: like jelly glasses. that's the real deal. that's what my grandfather would drink out of. we're going to take a break, come back. we have an announcement to make okay. >> jimmy: you know this? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i have an announcement to make when we come back. billy joel is here! we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] if you mumble... (minions gibberish) it gets you. if you talk like this: add worcestershire sauce to my cart. it still gets you. gh: ok adding now. and if you're like: hey google, play my love playlist. (truly madly deeply by savage garden plays) oh really? play my love playlist.(pony - ginuwine plays) oh yeah. it also knows the difference between you and him. it's google home mini, and the rest of the google home family. [♪ ]..
12:06 am
hurry in to old navy. this wednesday through friday only, get fifty percent off your entire purchase. friday in-store only, get cozy socks for the family for one dollar. for every pair sold, old navy will donate one dollar to boys and girls clubs up to a million dollars. get fifty percent off your entire purchase, this wednesday through friday, at old navy. how masterpass.that? masterpass? masterpass. nice chair. thanks. i used masterpass. masterpass? yes, masterpass master...pass? yes! masterpass! pass! pass! was it expensive? priceless. i'll masterpass you a new one. masterpass by mastercard. the modern way to pay. be smart and get the new iphone from sprint hey jimmy, where's your iphone season spirit? -you'll get the best price for unlimited and network reliability within 1% of the other guys. i'm going to sprint!
12:07 am
(vo) get the new iphone 8 or ten and save $350, plus upgrade to the latest iphone anytime for people with hearing loss, with iphone forever. visit sprintrelay.com. well, it turns out she doesn't.ht i knew everything about garthbut now i do. i just finished his new book. yes, he wrote a book. i'm so proud of him. it's not a book. it's "the anthology part 1" of a part 5 series. it's a... it's a book with cds in it. and stories like i've never heard before. pictures i've never seen. in a really sweet package. i know what i'm getting everybody for christmas this year. (announcer) 240 pages, 5 albums, and hundreds of never-before-seen photos.
12:08 am
available now at target. and honey, there's some things in here that i don't think i would've told.
12:09 am
12:10 am
>> jimmy: hey, we're back. billy joel, tomorrow night you're at madison square garden for the 91st time in your career. you've played -- i don't think patrick ewing played 91 times at madison square garden. it's an unbelievable record. and you are -- you're going to extend your residency into january, from what i understand. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. we're going to go into 2018.
12:11 am
i thought it would kind of taper off after four, five years. but they're buying tickets faster now than they were at the beginning. >> jimmy: do you find it's the same people coming over and over and over and over again? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] i mean, i look down, i see the first couple of rows. >> jimmy: these shows tell sell out like that. i didn't know this until today. you don't sell the first couple of rows. >> no, we don't. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i got to a point, this is about 25 years ago, i got tired of looking down -- the first row tickets are always scalper tickets. always somebody who paid way too much money to be a big shot, sit in the front row. you see some guy sitting in the front row with his bimbo, right? [ laughter ] and he's got the gold chains, just sitting there like, entertain me, piano man. [ laughter ] looking down i go, you know, screw this. the real fans are in the back. so we decided -- [ cheers and applause ]
12:12 am
they can never afford to get the front row tickets. so we would -- we don't put the front row, the first two rows on sale. we hold those tickets. we give them to our road crew. the road crew fans out to the back of the room before the show. and they find kids all the way in the back and they bring them to the front two rows. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's great. >> but there's a codicil here. the road crew is all guys. [ laughter ] so who do they bring up? the cutest girls they can find. so we look down, we see, what a good-looking audience! they're all thrilled to be there. so the whole show went like that. and i did this, we told -- i was touring with elton at the time. >> jimmy: elton john. >> he goes, what's going on? i said, this is what we do, give the tickets to the kids in the back. so he gets this the idea. the next show, we look down, there's all these cute guys in
12:13 am
the front row. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that makes sense. >> and his show went -- like that. so it's a win-win. >> jimmy: you are very kind, you're going to do a song for us a little bit later on. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: again, thank you so much for being here. it's really, really great. billy joel, everybody! tickets for billy's january 11th show at madison square garden go on sale a week from tomorrow october 22nd. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" in brooklyn brought to you by the k-mart blue light special. find amazing deals now at k-mart. we combine personalized investment solutions that help grow your wealth with world-class insurance that protects what matters most to you. this whole picture approach is just one of the reasons
12:14 am
96 percent of our clients stay with us year after year. take the first step. connect with an advisor at northwesternmutual.com. bthe less stuff i have, myto carry the better.k. with surface pro, i have one device that does everything. technology has really changed how i do this job. on pacific rim: uprising our characters are 250 ft. tall. where in the heck are you gonna land this big robot? pulled up a satellite image and there is like a giant bullseye, robots here! i feel very proud of what i bring to the screen. i have the greatest job in the world.
12:15 am
gives skin the moisture it needs and keeps it there longer with lock-in moisture technology skin is petal smooth after all, a cleanser's just a cleanser unless it's olay. except for every ladies' night. vegetarian... only glad has forceflex to prevent rips, leaks, and punctures. so whatever you throw in the bag... stays in the bag. be happy, it's glad. [♪ ]..
12:16 am
hurry in to old navy. this wednesday through friday only, get fifty percent off your entire purchase. friday in-store only, get cozy socks for the family for one dollar. for every pair sold, old navy will donate one dollar to boys and girls clubs up to a million dollars. get fifty percent off your entire purchase, this wednesday through friday, at old navy. ♪ sfx: camera clicking ♪ ♪
12:17 am
(cough) it's just a cough. if you could see your cough, you'd see just how far it can spread. robitussin soothes in seconds and delivers fast, powerful cough relief for hours. (giggling) robitussin dm max. because it's never just a cough.
12:18 am
12:19 am
>> jimmy: welcome back. tracy morgan and music from billy joel is on the way. but first, nothing quenches thirst like a good beverage. the wizards at coca-cola just unveiled coke zero sugar, which really tastes like a coke. don't believe me? neither did guillermo. >> hey. there you go. >> what is this? >> jimmy: it's coke zero sugar. >> shh! >> guillermo: no way, jose, it tastes hike coke. >> jimmy: it's not, it's coke zero sugar. >> guillermo: are you sure? it tastes like a coke. >> shh! >> jimmy: i'm positive it's coke zero sugar. >> guillermo: it's not, there has been a mistake, this tastes
12:20 am
like a coke. >> we're trying to watch the movie! >> guillermo: i'm trying to tell my best friend there's no way this is a coke zero sugar, it tastes like coke. >> shut up! >> jimmy: trust me, it's coke zero sugar -- oh, boy. you wanna go, you wanna go, big man? hold this for a sec. >> guillermo: okay, jimmy, i trust you! it is coke zero sugar and it's amazing. it tastes like a coke. >> jimmy: getting very dizzy up here. >> dicky: coke zero sugar. see for yourself. great coke taste with zero sugar. try one today. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with tracy morgan! (avo) if you've been struggling with belly pain and constipation, and you're overwhelmed by everything you've tried-- all those laxatives, daily probiotics, endless fiber-- it could be wearing on you.
12:21 am
tell your doctor what you've tried, and how long you've been at it. linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation or chronic constipation. it can help relieve your belly pain and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. do not give linzess to children less than six and it should not be given to children six to less than eighteen. it may harm them. don't take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. the most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. if it's severe, stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. other side effects include gas, stomach-area pain and swelling. ask your doctor if 90 days of linzess may be right for you.
12:22 am
♪ ♪ and roomba from irobot gets to work using two multi-surface brushes and power-lifting suction to grab and remove everything from fine dust to large debris. daily dirt doesn't stand a chance. you and roomba from irobot. better together. whoa! the mercedes-benz winter event is back and you won't want to stop for anything else. [ barks ] ho! lease the cla250 for $329 a month
12:23 am
at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. mwith incredible black frfriday doorbusters!p! stores open thursday at 5pm. plus, get more bang for your buck with $15 kohl's cash for every $50 spent! toys are just $19.99 and a 55 inch tv is just $299.99. kohl's. for the holidand every year, we get a giwe split it equally. except for one of us. i write them a poem instead. and one for each of you too. thats actually yours. that one. yeah. regardless, we're stuck with the bill. to many, words are the most valuable currency. last i checked, stores don't take "words." some do. not everyone can be that poetic voice of a generation. i know right? such a burden. the bank of america mobile banking app. the fast, secure and simple way to send money. discover card. i justis this for real?match, yep. we match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year, automatically. whoo! i got my money! hard to contain yourself, isn't it? uh huh!
12:24 am
let it go! whoo! get a dollar-for-dollar match at the end of your first year. only from discover. ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody ♪ "squeak" the melody we bring your family amazing value every day. t.j. maxx. marshalls. homegoods. family is the greatest gift. directv has been rated number one in customer satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. but some people still like cable. just like some people like wet grocery bags. getting a bad haircut. overcrowded trains. turnstiles that don't turn. and spilling coffee on themselves. but for everyone else, there's directv. for #1 rated customer satisfaction over cable, switch to directv. and for a limited time get a $100 reward card. call 1-800-directv
12:25 am
>> jimmy: and we're back. billy joel is still to come. our next guest is an indestructible actor and comedian and brooklyn-raised american treasure who will not leave this theater until
12:26 am
everyone in it is pregnant. that's right, all of you. you can see him live at the bergen performing arts center in englewood, new jersey october 27th. please welcome tracy morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i'm home, i'm home! yes! >> jimmy: look at you. >> yes, brooklyn is in the house! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. and vice versa. >> yes. >> jimmy: you look great, you look fantastic. how are you feeling? >> i'm good. oh, baby, oh, what's up, paul? >> jimmy: that's paul shaffer. >> it's like c3po sitting up there. >> i was hoping you'd say that. >> jimmy: what is your favorite billy joel song? >> oh, man.
12:27 am
♪ don't go changing that's a sensitive song. black people love billy joel. >> jimmy: do they really? >> yeah. we just can't listen to him with other black people. >> jimmy: i see. >> in the car with a girl, listen to him. ♪ don't go changing >> jimmy: not as a group? >> no, not as a group. got to listen to rap. >> jimmy: you were born in the bronx, raised in what part? >> brooklyn, i'm a brooklyn dude, a bronx heart. brooklyn dude with a bronx heart. i was based up here, down a block, on tompkins projects. do or die, take the girl, kill the guy. that's what brooklyn is. >> jimmy: do you keep in touch with any of the people you grew up with? >> no! them street taxes is hard. >> jimmy: nobody, huh? >> nobody tapping my pockets, man. no, when i came out my friends from brooklyn called.
12:28 am
jay-z called, chris rock called, moles def, eddie murphy called. >> jimmy: all your friends are famous. >> mike tyson called. i said, who is this? i'm mike tyson! when you get out of the hospital we're going to get matching face tattoos and flying pigeons! no, you're not coming to my house! i don't need your crazy rubbing off on me! >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i've been waiting to tell you this. >> what are you going to tell me? >> jimmy: that wasn't mike tyson, that was me crank calling you. >> what, what? i thought you see you. i was at the kentucky derby. a guy look the just like you. >> jimmy: was he on a horse? >> no, he wasn't. >> jimmy: he was not. i love the idea of you at the kentucky derby. >> it was great. >> jimmy: was it? >> i went to the window, and i said, i want to put $400 on secretariat. they said, he's no longer with us. i said, when did this happen? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> $600 on seabiscuit.
12:29 am
>> jimmy: when you were a kid, were you like a popular kid? did you have a lot of girlfriends, et cetera? >> yeah i had -- i was popular, but not for girls. i was popular because i pooped in the public pool. [ laughter ] i was angry! they took my sneakers! i went back the next day like i was revenging my brother's death. swim right to the deep part. oop! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that the best place to do it. >> a public pool. my name is known. all through brooklyn. i was the kid that pooped in the public pool. >> jimmy: what about halloween? do you remember what you went as? >> i don't remember. i was crazy, creative. this halloween i was thinking about going as two things. dress up as rob kardashian. >> jimmy: really. >> my wife is going to be blac chyna. >> jimmy: that will be nice. >> then i'm going to have to enable her, since the walmart settlement.
12:30 am
i lived in alpine, new jersey. that's our hedge fund. i can go as me and frighten everyone. >> jimmy: do you have good snacks, good treats that you hand out to the kids? >> i give them stuff like live wurst sandwiches. puppy stuff. >> jimmy: that's very kind of you. >> cheese burger deluxe. >> jimmy: what would you dress up as when you were a kid? >> what did i dress up as a kid? i think one year i went as a crackhead. [ laughter ] crackhead. >> jimmy: by the way, i do want to ask you about -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what i say! that's what i say! >> jimmy: you have a show coming to tbs. >> i do? when? >> jimmy: yes, you do. it's called "the last o.g." are you the last o.g.?
12:31 am
>> no, i think cheeto jackson is. >> jimmy: but as far as the show goes, are you the last o.g.? >> oh, yes, yes. it's a great -- i had this idea for about eight years. >> jimmy: what's the idea? >> this guy gets arrested for selling crack, does 15 years. then he comes out and finds out he has twins. tiffany, my kids' mother, she ascended and married a white dude and my two twins, and i've become more humble and wiser and i want to spread this wisdom. thank god she allows me back in my kids' life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so oprah winfrey has this show on own called "released." we were watching it, it's about the effect that you have on the family, on the household, when you go to prison. >> jimmy: right. >> you come out, you try to get back in these people's lives. that's basically what the show is about. there's nothing like that on tv. >> jimmy: it's set here in brooklyn? >> it's set here. we film it -- brooklyn is brooklyn. [ cheers and applause ]
12:32 am
i don't care if you move to china, you from brooklyn. people from brooklyn don't stop being from brooklyn. you lived in russia for 20 years, you're from brooklyn. >> jimmy: when you're shooting out on the street in brooklyn, how did people react? >> how did people react? well, this is what happened when they were shooting, the director said, action! and people started shooting. [ laughter ] it's gentrified. >> jimmy: it is gentrified. >> it really is gentrified. it's weird to see white people walking down myrtle avenue unafraid. [ laughter ] i'm a black man from brooklyn and i'm scared! what's going on here? i come out of a coma and everything changed. >> jimmy: tracy, you've worked with so many people over your career. anyone that you have not yet worked with that you do want to work with? >> eddie murphy. >> jimmy: you've never worked with eddie murphy? >> i will, though. >> jimmy: do you have something planned?
12:33 am
>> i don't know if i have anything planned. i remember when he was on your show, he did an impression of me. when eddie does an impression of you, it's like michael jackson writing a song just for you. that was an honor for me because i love him so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sure, yeah. eddie murphy's the guy. do you do eddie? >> do i do eddi? when i was a kid i did eddie. funny doing eddie, my dad is eddie. growing up everybody in my neighborhood didn't have $150 to go to madison square garden to see him. so i was him on the basketball court. that's when they started calling me fat murphy. >> jimmy: well, you've done very, very well for yourself. thank you so much for coming. [ cheers and applause ] billy joel is here if you want to hang out and watch. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: tracy morgan, everybody! he's on tour right now. tracymorgan.com for the dates. we'll be right back with billy joel! >> dicky: music in brooklyn on
12:34 am
"jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. when i walked through a snowstorm for a cigarette, that's when i knew i had to quit. for real this time. that's why i'm using nicorette. only nicorette gum has patented dual-coated technology for great taste plus intense craving relief. every great why needs a great how.
12:35 am
>> dicky: music in brooklyn on "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:36 am
>> jimmy: the prophecy has come to pass. he knew that one day it would be 2017. and sure enough, it is. here with the classic "miami 2017," billy joel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ seen the lights go out on broadway ♪ ♪ i saw the empire state laid low ♪ ♪ life went on beyond the palisades ♪
12:37 am
♪ they all bought cadillacs and left there long ago ♪ ♪ we held a concert out in brooklyn ♪ ♪ to watch the island bridges blow ♪ ♪ they turned our power down and drove us underground ♪ ♪ but we went right on with the show ♪ ♪ ♪ i've seen the lights go out on broadway ♪ ♪ i saw the ruins at my feet ♪ you know we almost did not

124 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on