tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 27, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
"action news" continues at 5:30 with eva pilgrim, and meteorologist chris sowers. and now for cecily tynan, ducis rogers and i'm not going to have time. >> jimmy: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- from "rising star", host josh groban and experts ludacris, kesha, and brad paisley. youtube's vsauce michael steven. plus brad paisley performance. and now settle down, here's jimmy kimmel! >> thank you. hi, everybody! thank you for watching. thank you for coming to visit us here.
one of the fun things about working here in hollywood is people come to see the show from all over, and you learn a lot of things from them. last night i was talking to the audience during a commercial break, and i met a woman. well, that's the end of the story. i met a woman. don't tell my wife. i met a woman who told me that she called in sick to work yesterday so she could come to the show and go to the big l.a. kings victory parade downtown. i got into the details of what she told me what the excuse was. turns out not just did she call in sick, she drove to a hospital, took a picture of herself in the hospital and posted it on facebook to make it what she called facebook legit. patiently that's a thing. i didn't know. have you heard of this before? i guess the idea is if you didn't post it on facebook, it didn't happen. i asked some people about this today. i'm told that couples don't really consider themselves to be an item until they change their relationship status on facebook. when you declare yourself in a relationship, you become facebook legit.
which you have to be careful with that, because you don't want to make it too facebook legit to quit. you can never break up. isn't that something? we can't be far off from a priest saying i now pronounce you facebook legit instead of man and wife. it occurred to me today that i have never posted a selfie from the show on facebook. this show is facebook illegitimate right now. it's illegit. we need to remedy that. i need to take one with you right now. i'm going to get in here, all right. all right. there you go. that's good. okay. all right. that looks good. now i'm going to tag you all in it. i'm going to post this. what should i write? do you use hash tags? i forgot how to use my phone. facebook legit.
i spelled legit with a w. all right. and now i will post that, and it's going, and i think it happened. i think -- yeah, looks like it happened. can we put it up? that's us. by the way, two people liked it already? how can they like it before i post it? there are facebook psychics out there who know all this stuff. what happened? what are you pointing it out for? what did you do? >> he took his photo. >> oh, you did. well, he facebook legit too. we have quite a line-up of guests tonight. the host and what they're calling the panel experts from the new abc singing competition riis, josh groban, concerns, and ludacris are here.
some sort of weird itunes play list. you know, there are a lot of singing competition shows on television. this one is a little different from the others. for one thing the judges on this show, or the experts will be armed. if they don't like the way you sing, they can shoot at your feet. it's going to be fun. we have some very exciting news coming out of the city of toronto today. the city clerk's office received a letter last night from none other than mayor rob ford that says he will be leaving rehab and back to work on june 30th. i guess this is going to be the best summer ever after all. this is a letter mayor ford sent. it says something about i will resume my duties as mayor of toronto on june 30th. this is the quote. in the later portion of the afternoon. even if n his official notice to return to work two weeks from now, he says he is going to be late. and you can tell it's from him because he signed his name in barbecue sauce. the letter also requests that
they restore the locks. i guess when the mayor went to rehab, they changed the locks on his office. he asked in the letter that they change them back before he returns. otherwise, i guess he just busts straight through the walls like the kool-aid man. he claims to be working out and losing weight in rehab. i think -- if i was mayor ford, when i came back to city hall, i would hire a guy who looks like ryan gosling to pretend to be me. just leap out of the limo. hello, ladies. that's just how i would do it if i was mayor. the world cup continued in brazil today. the big brazil matchup ended up in a 0-0 tie. why does everybody say that's good for mexico, guillermo? >> because we didn't lose. >> jimmy: you didn't lose. so excited about that. do they realize they get the same result if they did not play the game? >> yeah. >> jimmy: they do. all three of today's games
were jam packed with high octane soccer action. but only this moment from the battle between russia and korea is our world cup play of the day. ♪ ♪ >> cleto: why? why would they do that? the united states team plays portugal on sunday, and not only will humans be watching that game, there is a dog that will be watching too. this happened during a game on sunday between argentina and bosnia-herzegovina. now, a guy -- i guess his dog was going nuts watching the game getting very into the action. tvs are so good now that dogs don't know if the ball is in the room or in brazil anymore.
so look at that. he wants to get it. he really wants to get it. it's going to be the opening scene to air bud 2. he really wants it. there's another dog in the room too, which we will see in a second. he is not -- dog is more into golf, that guy. guillermo, did you watch all the games today? >> no, only one. >> jimmy: only one game. which did you watch? >> brazil-mexico. >> jimmy: i know you were watching yesterday too because i followed you on instagram. if you don't follow his social media accounts, here's what you are missing out on. around 2:30 yesterday afternoon he posted this to instagram. it said i can't wait. 30 more minutes. go usa. then after that he posted this. this is after the game. well done, usa. then, finally, this photograph, great game, usa with the same picture. each time you see him you see something new. the hardwood floors. the thermostat. why post the same picture of
yourself three different times? >> oh, because i only have that picture. >> jimmy: are you trying to break kim and kanye's record, is that what it is? >> no. >> jimmy: this is great. new york jets quarterback michael vick hosted a charity event in hampton, virginia. they had a dinner, a football camp, golf tournament, and a celebrity softball game. during the softball game vick smacked a home run despite the fact that it was deemed he has no idea of how baseball works. maybe he learned to play in australia? you go around that way, they subtract a run. one more thing. while we're on the subject of athletes with their own unique sense of direction, in my opinion the professional athlete who has provided us with the most entertainment over the past six to ten years is metta world
peace. you know metta world. he is funny. he changes his name to metta world peace, for god's sake. we must never forget that he changed his name to that. we played an elaborate prank on meta. we set up a fake animal rescue organization, and it went so well we decided to screw with him again. we teamed up with metta's friend and former teammate amar'e stoudemire of the new york knicks. amar'e asked metta to give a speech at a charity event for a charity that does not exist. and the driver that picked metta up just happened to be my cousin sal in disguise. >> there he is right there. >> sorry i'm late, you guys. i got lost. so you a basketball player? sorry, i don't watch sports too much.
>> no, long time ago, but -- >> i love it. was that fun? is it fun being a basketball player? >> not anymore. i don't want to talk about it. >> what do you do now? professional texter? i'm going to give you guys some privacy for a second. >> thank you. i appreciate it. >> you got it. >> you guys, i'm sorry. i don't want to interrupt you. i have a joke. what do you call 12 millionaires sitting around a tv watching the nba playoffs? the lakers. >> that's good. >> right? or the knicks. >> go text that one to your friends. here we go. >> hey, sal.
ask him hey, did you hear about donald sterling? >> hey, did you hear about donald sterling? >> a little bit. >> what a jerk, huh? you know, i went to pick him up one day, and he refused to get in the car because i was black. you get it? >> yeah. >> all right. >> hey, sport, can you do me a favor and sign this ball for me? i really appreciate it. for my daughter. like i said, i don't watch sports, but she loves you guys. all of you. i got a sharpy here. >> do it when we get out. >> here you go. thanks. >> how is that ball coming? good? >> i'm going to do it once we get out of the car. >> oh, when we get out of the car? >> yeah. >> we're not moving until he signs it.
>> you can sign that now because it gets really crazy from getting out. we could get in an accident on the way there and forget to do it and it will be my fault. >> can you give us one second please? >> you want it back up? >> yeah. >> oh, because i was -- >> i don't want to -- >> he is trying to ignore you? >> i think we got off on the wrong foot with the whole signing stuff. >> no, that's okay. >> let me tell you one more joke? >> we have to finish up. >> i'll tell you one more joke. >> no, sorry. >> what do you do to a laker player -- >> hey, sorry to bother you, but for the ride back we have to order ahead. do you guys want chicken or fish? >> nothing. >> nothing? >> no. >> a little salad or something? >> nothing. >> my girlfriend made soup if you want it.
>> you're putting that thing up again, huh? >> sal, play some mariachi music. he hates it. >> i'm going to play you some music, okay? ♪ >> oh, is he trying to turn the volume down. ♪ >> can you pull over right here for a second? >> what's that? >> will you pull over? >> i can't really hear you because of the music. >> right here on the rightment right here on the right. >> i can't -- i got -- i'm going to make a left. i'm going to make a left. >> right here on the right. >> i'm getting a little nervous.
>> he is ready to get out. >> ready to get out. >> all right. here we go, guys. >> can you stop right here? right here. right here, sir. >> got to get you to the destination. i'll get in a lot of trouble. >> no, right here. >> you want to get out here? >> right here. right here. sir, right here. >> are you leaving? >> you going to sign the basketball or what? >> let me out of here. >> i think our job is done here, right, amare? >> right, brother.
>> we got -- >> we're getting him back. >> oh, my goodness. >> i'm sorry, metta. we promise never to do that again. tonight on the show from vsauce from youtube, michael stevens is here. we have music from brad paisley. and we'll be right back to chat brad, josh groban, concerns, and ludacris too. so stick around. [ male announcer ] zzzquil. it's not for colds, it's not for pain, it's just for sleep. because sleep is a beautiful thing™. ♪ zzzquil. the non-habit forming sleep aid from the makers of nyquil®.
the non-habit forming sleep aid ♪ stuck in a contract ? switch to t-mobile we'll pay your early termination fees so you can get the galaxy s 5 for $0 down right now! ♪ nothing will keep you from magnum. made with silky vanilla bean ice cream, rich caramel sauce and belgian chocolate. discover magnum chocolate pleasure.
get this samsung french door refrigerator for only $999. or a samsung 51" hdtv for just $398. get savings storewide on amazing deals and the boxes they come in. come to hhgregg. and fill your home with happy. [casino sounds] >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] [dog bark] >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] [loud kiss smack] >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] [party sounds] >> librarian: shh >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] [fly buzz] [hand clap]
>> announcer: 888 casino.com. the worlds leading online casino has arrived in new jersey. join now and get 50 free spins for the chance to win $1,000,000. every spin could win you $1,000,000. absolutely free. >> man: yeah [speaking excitedly] join 888casino.com now. must be 21 years old and in the state of new jersey to play real money.
tonight on the show, an interesting guy. this guy has an extremely popular youtube channel called vsauce where he answers all sorts of interesting questions like they ask you what would happen if the earth suddenly stopped spinning? >> immediately, everything that wasn't earth and wasn't safely at the poles would continue moving as it had been and be flung due east at more than a thousand miles an hour.
you wouldn't be flung into space because it's 4,800 miles an hour, but your body would instantly become a 9.5 inch caliber bullet. well, really more of a supersonic tumbleweed. >> so that's a bad thing if that happens. the voice behind that and many other videos like it, michael stevens is here with us tonight. he's going to tell us what the biggest hole on earth is. do you know what it is, guillermo? >> no idea. >> jimmy: all right. and then his new album is called moon shine in the trunk. can you get a dui for that? it comes out august 25th. brad paisley. tomorrow night mike tyson will be with us. drogo from "game of thrones." we'll have music from young fathers and on thursday from nba champion santonio spurs tony parker and eric bana and music
from linkin park. tonight four individuals who rc of six names. they have been united to form a justice league of experts to help make or break the spirit of up and comers on the new singing competition show "rising star." it premiers 9:00 this sunday on abc. please welcome ludacris, josh groban, brad paisley and concerns! >> jimmy: well, i have to say, you know, when i heard we were going to do a singing competition show, which, you know, is like whatever, and then i heard they got you guys to do it, this is an impressive group. >> we're starting a singing group of our own called wtf. >> i love it. >> it's going to be really amazing. >> jimmy: is there any
possibility that you will collaborate on a project? i would love to see brad and ludacris doing it. >> everybody is already talking about that. you know what i mean? >> that could be fantastic or awful. >> you never know what will happen. >> jimmy: for those of you that don't know how this works exactly, correct me if i'm wrong, but you download an app. and once you have the app on your phone or computer or whatever, you can then vote on whether the singers get to stay. or if they have to -- it's kind of like a combination of "american idol" and "angry birds." >> the best thing is it's while they're singing. that person is standing there looking at that screen, and they know if they're going to make it or not as they're in the middle of their song. i can't even imagine. >> all based on people swiping yes or no. it's like tinder for talent. it is absolutely. it's so easy, really. you decide. they can see it as they're singing on this giant wall in front of them how america is voting. they decide based on the
immediate votes that come in whether or not the wall will rise or not. it's terrifying. >> jimmy: a funny thing because usually on these shows they start arguing with the judges and they think they're good or whatever. when america tells you -- if 90% of america tells you stink, you kind of have to go with that, right? >> i don't know. i get that on twitter normally. i'm still here. >> not just from me. >> jimmy: now, last night you guys did something interesting. you broke into both the east coast and west coast feeds of "the bachelorette," which is a dangerous thing to do because people take "the bachelorette" very seriously. >> very seriously. >> jimmy: the only people that don't take "the bachelorette" seriously are the bachelors themselves. you break in live, and we have video for this, and help me out. here we go. i want to talk. there's josh. you're the host of the show. >> he is very lonely up there, yes. >> jimmy: you're up on the stage explaining what's going on. >> yes, yes.
>> jimmy: we see concerns, kesha, we see brad. the experts here. where's luda? >> jimmy: this is your first appearance with the rest of the gang. and you missed it? >> i can't do anything but tell the honest truth, right? >> that's not interesting. >> filming fast and furious 7, this is a date that has been on the books for the longest. they would not let me off set. when dealing with multimillion-dollar -- like millions and millions of dollars it was just one of those times that i was not able to make it. i apologized. >> jimmy: did they know there is an app and america is going to vote on this? >> they do. that's why i had to do my best to let everybody know exactly what happened, but, hey, i'm here now. because i'm on jimmy kimmel. >> i'm up there having to explain where ludacris is, and it was explained to me before i went on live across the country that ludacris was in a helicopter and couldn't land, and he is in -- i'm thinking,
man, that is bad ass. that's amazing. like, that is just -- what an entrance. >> he just wanted to say rappers are always late. that's what people always say. >> didn't say that. >> jimmy: in a way you said it, ludacris. tell me about this wall. there's a wall. >> really big. >> jimmy: it's a big wall. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the singers are behind the wall. >> they sing for their lives, and it's terrifying. i would never do it. but i'm so excited to see it. terrifying. >> jimmy: when you say they sing for their lives, do they die behind the wall? >> that's what you don't see. >> that would be something else. >> jimmy: the wall comes down if they make it. >> the wall comes up. you want to raise the wall. haven't you seen the advertisements? >> jimmy: i'm just trying to explain to everybody. >> they sing for their lives, and they see pictures. they see your selfies. you the can take selfies. you can take interesting selfies. >> jimmy: what do you mean by that? >> i just -- i can't wait to see a [ bleep ] pic on the wall.
>> jimmy: oh really? >> is this show live? i think kesha is going to be a problem. >> i think -- >> jimmy: i think we're going to see kesha replaced about three weeks in. debbie gibson will get the call and suddenly kesha will be gone. >> so basically what she's saying is while you're voting -- >> jimmy: josh, you're in trouble as the host of this show. >> while you're voting let's say it's peter or jimmy, you are -- your picture is going up on the wall as you are voting. >> jimmy: if it happens to be nude voting, it's a problem. >> if it happens to be your face, it's your face, but -- >> they're going to do -- >> now we're truly in trouble. >> jimmy: that's the rising part of the star. we're going to take a break, you guys. we'll have brad paisley. we'll be right back.
? aflac! so this is who you brought to help us out? oh yeah, he's the best. he doesn't look like he's seen a tool in his life. oh, he doesn't know anything about tools. aflac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac! but when i broke my arm, he lent a hand. he paid my claim in just four days. four days? wow! find out how fast aflac can pay you at aflac.com. better.
coffeintroducing nespresso vertuoline. now coffee becomes an experience like nothing you've ever had before. nespresso vertuoline. experience the revolution of coffee. daddy, can you play princess fashion show with me? sweetheart, i'd love to, but the guys -- they're outside waiting for me. i've got doritos! steve, what is the holdup? ♪
[ crunch ] ♪ [ guys ] go, neal! go, neal! go, neal! [ mom ] steven! [ record scratches ] is that my wedding dress? it could be. ♪ to try to get every hair. this is what we do. introducing fusion proglide rebuilt with flexball technology. makes maximum contact over tricky contours, and gets virtually every hair. new flexball for the fusion proglide. gillette. the best a man can get.
something big has been erupting all around us. a renaissance of sorts, recognized by those that understand that they too, are big. but to shape the universe that, in turn, shapes them... ...they must align with the best, the network that has the capacity to help them be the best. as it's not just about speed and reliability. it's about being a part of a movement that moves you. for best results use verizon. don'lobster toppers event.ew! four entrées, starting at just $15.99. like our new lobster-topped wood-grilled shrimp... or the new! lobster-topped lobster. and now for lunch, try our new lobster tacos, just $9.99.ends soon so hurry in.
we're considered, you know, experts in the field of this and josh is not. >> what is song? who is singing? i have no idea what is going on. >> we have 7% of the vote for the wall to rise. >> jimmy: you have 7%. between you? or you each get 7%. >> each get 7%. 21%. >> jimmy: all right. that doesn't seem like enough. 21% is all you get. maybe in future seasons you'll be able to negotiate a higher percentage. had you guys met before? did any of you know each other before then? >> brad and i had been on the tv show called the crazy ones before. brad was playing himself doing a country jingle, and i was playing a character named danny chase, who is like a hot shot jingle writer, and in the story i hated him because he voted me off of a singing competition. >> yeah, that's true. >> in the show he punches me in the face. >> that's going to happen. >> he promises he will connect. >> jimmy: you cannot punch the other judges in the face. the other judges, yes, you can
punch each other all day long. not allowed to punch the host. that's how it works. it's me of this show. no punching the host. did you guys know each other? >> no. >> that's not true. >> we played -- >> we've done shows together, but we never formally, formally met. we met for the first time. >> made out with your tour manager. no, i'm not lying. they went -- >> this is why you need to watch "rising star" live on television because of this right here. i love it. >> jimmy: you guys never met. keshas is saying we did meet. >> our tour managers met. >> his tour manager met my assistant. >> jimmy: but you performed together? >> at the end of the day we both of love tequila, so it doesn't really matter. like i feel like i've known her all my life now. >> jimmy: to you do you forget kesha, by the way? ludacris, do you remember? i think it was the third time you were on this show, you had no memory of being on the previous two. >> it happens.
it happens sometimes. i can hardly remember what happened yesterday. it's all good. >> jimmy: you didn't show up. >> there you go. >> jimmy: i think this show is going to be good, against all odds. what can go wrong? what could possibly go wrong? when we come back it's a very important thing. you can't just leap into something like this. when we come back, i'm going to swear you in as experts for this show, okay? i'm authorized to do that, and we'll do that when we come back. ludacris, josh groban, brad paisley and kesha. we'll be right back. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series presented by at&t, mobilizing your world. ♪
it's a double whammy. it could psoriatic arthritis a chronic inflammatory disease that attacks your joints on the inside and your skin on the outside. if you've been hit by... find out more about psoriatic arthritis. take the symptom quiz at doublewhammy.com and talk to your doctor. come to mcdonald's and play peel. play. olé olé. you could win exciting soccer trips, soccer themed prizes, and instant win prizes. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ stuck in a contract ? switch to t-mobile we'll pay your early termination fees so you can get the galaxy s 5 for $0 down
welcome back to the show. still to come, brad paisley is going to sing for us. but "rising star" cannot officially begin until these celebrity panel of experts and hosts have been sworn in. i have been ordained by both the state of california and the kardashian sisters to preside over this important ceremony. please, if you would, place your hands on simon cowell's autobiography. >> i'm putting my left hand on it. >> jimmy:s that find. >> me too. >> jimmy: do you, kesha, brad paisley, ludacris and josh groban solemnly swear to be interested in each singer's personal journey? >> we do. >> jimmy: do you promise to refer to every contestant as a true artist even though they just sang a karaoke song?
>> we do. >> jimmy: do you promise to implement a contestant's outfit when you can't find anything positive to say about their performance? >> we do. >> jimmy: do you promise to leave the show at some point and come back another season as if nothing ever happened? >> we do. >> yes. >> jimmy: josh, as host do you promise not to trick the audience into thinking you're about to give a result only to dramatically throw to commercial? >> i -- we'll answer that after the break. >> jimmy: by the power vested in me by ryan seacrest productions, i now pronounce you the expert panel and host of the show "rising star." let's make it legit. we have to facebook legitimatize it. oh, i got to turn it around. >> want me to help you take that selfie? >> jimmy: will you help me, kesha, because i'm not good at that sort of thing. >> where is the button? >> jimmy: it's right there. wait. we all have to get in. >> scrunch in. i can't see -- >> jimmy: kesha is not good at it, it turns out.
but there we go. i'm going to go ahead and post that. it has begun. "rising star" premiers sunday at 9:00 right here on abc. we will be right back with michael stevens. can i help you? we just wanted to find out about your family plan. sure, you get 10 gigs of data to share with unlimited talk and text. and for a family of four, that's $160 dollars a month. sounds great. sounds like a slam dunk. oh you a basketball fan? yeah, i played a little. hmmm, me too. lily adams. point guard. high school jv. grant hill. small forward. college and professional. oh, good for you. at&t introduces our best-ever family pricing. for instance, a family of four gets 10 gigs of data, with unlimited talk & text, for $160 dollars a month. but we're not in the business of naming names. the volkswagen passat is heads above the competition, the fact is, it comes standard with an engine that's been called the benchmark of its class. really, guys, i thought...
it also has more rear legroom than other midsize sedans. and the volkswagen passat has a lower starting price than... much better. vo: hurry in and lease the 2014 passat s for $199 a month. visit vwdealer.com today. use these innertubes in the so, you're sapool?we can't sorry, sir. it's hotel policy. is it really hotel policy? i'm afraid so, sir. do it. how about now? woo-hoo! i deserve this. you deserve to be fired. full flavors, full shapes. cheetos mix-ups. padvil pm gives you the healingu at nsleep you need, it. helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest.
we showed people a survey that stacked fios up against comcast. what's it like paying for internet that's rated 6th out of 7 in customer satisfaction? not good. it's not the best. no, that's not fun. look at it this way, you're kind of on top. if i was like this, all day. switch from the bottom to the top and see why millions of satisfied customers have made fios #1. sign up for a verizon fios triple play with a 2-year agreement and get $300 back. plus, a free lg tablet or up to $200 off any tablet from verizon wireless. that's satisfaction. that's powerful.
we're back. wear going hear music from brad paisley. if you have ever wondered what color is a mirror or what if everyone jumped at once, first off, you were probably high, but secondly, you will be interested in what our next guest has to say, and you're not alone. he makes educational videos on his youtube channel called vsauce. please welcome michael stevens. >> jimmy: you are very good at explaining things. can you explain how we vote on rising star. i'm still unclear on the wall. >> it requires a knowledge of quantum mechanics. >> jimmy: forget it. forget it. you are not a teacher. you're just good at explaining things. >> i'm excited about a lot of things, and i want to make that excitement sort of contagious, you know. when you see that someone else is now as obsessed with that weird topic that you are.
>> jimmy: i think you do. in fact, i happened on some of your videos on youtube and i thought oh, we've got to get this guy. i would like to talk to him. the questions that you -- well, you don't always answer them. i think you try to answer them. some of them are kind of unanswerable. >> yeah. they're unanswerable, but they are exciting. like why do we kiss? right? seriously. who were the first two people to kiss? hey, i like you. let's pretend to eat each other but not swallow? then what? some other couple is looking over there thinking why don't we do that? actually we don't know exactly why, but there are theories. by looking at what those theories can tell us about human nature, we can learn a lot, and you go hoping to watch people kiss. >> jimmy: do people in other -- like in every culture kiss? don't eskimos have like a butterfly kiss? >> oh, my favorite is the caterpillar kiss? >> jimmy: what's that? >> that's when you kind of go
like this, like right on their lips or their cheek or whatever you want. >> jimmy: who does that? >> just me. >> jimmy: okay. your videos have been viewed like more than 600 million times. >> there are three vsauce channels. vsauce 1, vsauce 2, and vsauce 3. >> jimmy: vsauce 3, okay. all right. i didn't know it was a fill in the blank situation. >> look, i'm not a teacher, but i will quiz you. so they're super fun. the host of the channels are brilliant. jake and kevin are great. all together, a billion views now. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. where do the questions come from? >> they come from everywhere. they come from like a weird thought that i'll have, right? like the kissing one. i just recently got a girlfriend, and i'm, like, whoa, here's an episode idea. this is different all of the sudden. i was just in new zealand, okay, meeting her parents for the first time, and i'm, like, i'm on the other side of the world. right?
i'm about, like -- water circles in a different direction, right? now i'm starting to think about the world and how the world spins and what if the earth stops spinning? that's where that came from. >> jimmy: that's where? meeting your girlfriend's parents is when you thought about -- >> what if i body was flung violently at a thousand miles per hour, yeah. >> jimmy: what about the question i mentioned earlier in the show. is it the biggest hole on earth or the deepest? i would guess that was the grand canyon. >> well -- wow. i mean, how do you define a hole? that's a whole big question. what i want to know is -- >> jimmy: literally. >> literally. >> it's the whole question, in fact. the deepest hole. right? the deepest hole used to be created by the soviet union. used to be in russia. seven and a half miles deep, right? now they dug one that's slightly deeper that's in the middle east for oil, but, jimmy, that's the
deepest hole ever. we couldn't make it deeper because it got hotter than we expected down there. we've never gone back to the hole. it's welded shut now. seven and a half miles deep. we send people into outer space hundreds of thousands of miles, but we can't even go more than eight miles down. >> jimmy: because you get into the molten core of the earth? >> no, you're not even close to the molten core. >> jimmy: what's so hot down there? are there demons? >> jimmy, there might be. right? this is -- it's amazing that the mysteries of space are cool and huge, but there are mysteries right down there. not even as far away. >> jimmy: you sometimes take questions from kids. are they basic questions, or do the kids have -- are the kids questions better or worse than adult questions? >> oh, they're better. >> jimmy: they are? >> adults ask questions that are -- i don't want them to get
mad at a at me. they're fine, but kids are amazing. they'll just be like, michael, what's the opposite of a duck? i'm, like, whoa. let's take that seriously. we might accidentally learn more about ducks than we ever thought possible. right? >> jimmy: yeah. and what is the opposite of a duck? >> stay tuned. subscribe to my youtube channel. >> jimmy: you're going to figure it out? >> i'll try my best. wish me luck. >> jimmy: it can't be -- let's try to figure this out right now. >> okay. so what does it mean to be an opposite? opposites attract. maybe it's just duck food. you see, it's thinking outside the box. >> jimmy: if opposites attract, is that a phrase -- is that meaningful, or is that when it comes to relationships? i mean, like opposites don't necessarily attract, do they? like if fire and water are opposites, they don't really attract? >> they don't get along very well. >> jimmy: no. maybe we have a problem with opposites attract with just to start with. >> all right. do you want to cowrite this
episode? >> jimmy: i would like to be involved in this one. i think i can help you figure this out. the rest i will be of no help, but something as odd as that one, i would like to figure out what the opposite of a duck is, and at the end of the episode i would like to kill it. >> whoa. you know what, i would like this idea. >> jimmy: do you have a vsauce 4 where you kill things at the end of it? >> soon to be hosted by you. let's do it, yeah. >> jimmy: i think i would fit in well with the rest of the guys. >> jimmy, i brought you a fact. >> jimmy: give me a fact. >> i'm super excited to be here. it's mind-blowing to be here. do you realize, this couch is the ultimate piece of celebrity memorabilia. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> okay. thanks for asking. humans are shedding skin cells all the time. like 30,000 to 40,000 every hour. >> jimmy: okay. >> think of all the guest, all of the famous people who have sat here. i did the math. i talked to your producers about how many guests you had on, how long this couch has been used. there are about 5.5 million famous cells hidden inside the
fabric of this couch. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's something. >> excuse me while i try to add, like, more. >> jimmy: you're saying we could hybridize kesha and oprah, both of who have sat on that couch, >> yeah. >> jimmy: and create our own -- >> jurassic park of celebrities that have been on your show. >> jimmy: that's a great idea. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you and i have a lot to work on, my friend. again, the channel is called vsauce. there's three of them. vsauce 1, vsauce 2, and what was the other one? >> vsauce 3. >> jimmy: vsauce 3. very good. that's michael stevens, everybody. we'll be right back with brad paisley. >> presented by at&t, mobilizing your world. nelson: when i started high school in jersey city
making it to the finish line seemed like a distant dream. mr. cunningham: i know how hard nelson works running track and he works just as hard in my honors class. nelson: i thought i wasn't good at history but mr. cunningham, he makes it come alive. now i'm heading to college-- and my teachers helped make that happen. mr. cunningham: we're not just teachers, we're mentors, and helping all our students realize their dreams is the best part of the job. the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by at&t, mobilizing your world. i'd like to thank ludacris, josh groban, kesha, michael
stevens. i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline is next," but, first, this is moon shine in the trunk. it comes out august 26th. here with the song river bank, brad paisley. ♪ ♪ well i won two dollars on a scratch-off ticket ♪ ♪ so i went back to the counter and i bought two more with it ♪ ♪ and i won ten bucks and that was just right so i bought a six pack and a bag of ice ♪ ♪ you know even if our ship came in and this is all we got ♪ ♪ it ain't like we really need a million dollar yacht 'cause ♪ ♪ we got an inner tube we got a trailer hitch we're near the river and far from rich ♪
♪ but we have got each other and gas in the tank ♪ ♪ we're laughing all the way to the river bank ♪ >> it's the summer of 2014! ♪ still can you imagine if we ever struck it i'd go shoot tequila take a lime and suck it ♪ ♪ and we'd tell our bosses they can do the same ♪ ♪ we'll find a big cruise ship and buy the whole dang thing ♪ ♪ we'd sail around the world and go to shore in a dingy ♪ ♪ but till that dream comes true why don't you grab your bikini 'cause ♪ ♪ we got an inner tube we got a trailer hitch we're near the river and far from rich ♪ ♪ but we have got each other and gas in the tank ♪ ♪ we're laughing all the way to the river bank ♪
♪ however it goes whatever happens we've got it made in these shades ♪ ♪ 'cause baby we can float behind this boat we can ride away ♪ ♪ ♪ we got an inner tube we got a trailer hitch we're near the river and far from rich ♪ ♪ but we have got each other and gas in the tank ♪ ♪ and it's a beautiful day we're laughing all the way to the river bank ♪
♪ i've got a '69 camaro i can win the pole at bristol, baby, if i can ride around with you ♪ ♪ oh, hell, we might as well burn this tank of gas ♪ ♪ the bridge ain't going nowhere, girl ♪ ♪ let's go nowhere fast ♪ there's moonshine in the trunk ♪ ♪ moonlight on our tail ♪ if we get caught, they're going to haul us off to jail ♪ ♪ making a midnight run ♪ let's drive tonight like this old town is dry and there is moon shine in the trunk ♪ ♪
♪ nascar started out, they were hauling bootleg ♪ xxxx. this is night line. tonight, nan any nightmare. the family hired her to take care of their three small children. they say when she stopped working, they wanted her out. will she budge is in. >> i hired a nanny, and she refuses to leave. >> why this nanny might be harder to evict than you think. >> i think she spends her day. >> plus shut down for hours today because of this truck. the driver apparently fell asleep at the wheel. like he did, and she did too. they're all caught on camera, and your safety is in their heavy hands. so why is there a fight to diagnosis this growing problem? and venus williams