tv CBS Morning News CBS December 2, 2016 4:00am-4:30am EST
? la-la-la ? i've never seen you so happy. me, neither, which is a really sad commentary on hilda's life. hilda always gets this excited when she's going to see our cousin zsa zsa goowhiggie. she's my favorite relative. she's a great practical joker... tons of fun. er bees in someone's bonnet "fun." well, maybe you were too swollen to laugh. well, i'm going to say my hellos and then get back to work on my subatomic microphone. still trying to prove electrons can hear? don't laugh. because they might hear me? and you, instead of fooling around with zsa zsa you should be practicing your violin. you've got an audition in two days. which is two days away. ( screaming ) oh!
ah, there you go. when did you start selling cosmetics? when the trust fund dried up. oh! here is the latest beauty product from the other realm. "instant hobo"? what, when the jar's empty, you can live in it? ( laughing ) i think i'm getting bags under my eyes. okay, you all missed your cue to say, "no, salem, you look fine."
but your name's all over the bad-check list. ( crying ) zelda... this color could be for you. oh? oh! oh! you know, they must miss you two at the algonquin. whoo! well, i'd love to stick around and wonder what you two have been drinking but i got to get to school. oh, sabrina... sabrina, please, try this blush. i wonder what's going to pop out of here and cause you two to laugh uncontrollably. ( sighs ) hey, nice color. zsa zsa: uh-huh. not bad. zsa zsa: hey. thanks, zsa zsa. oh, you're welcome. ( softly laughing ) bye-bye. ( door closes ) ( cackling ) hey, sabrina. ooh, did you enroll in clown college? ( gasps ) zsa zsa! harvest season at my aunts' vineyard.
e any college prep classes? oh, i decided i'm not taking the s.a.t.s. i'm going to be a mechanic. so, i'm not going to college. really? no college? ( sighing ): what a day. who would've thought an executive vice president would have so much to do? drive! so what if your engine's on fire?! what are you, a girl?! harvey, i'm home. oh, hey, honey. did you see the new car? yeah, it looks like it's and as soon as i find an engine and some tires i'm taking my girl for a ride. ( uncomfortable chuckle ) oh, it's getting exciting now. ( bell rings ) see you after class. wait! so, you're really not going to go to college? nope. not even clown college? ( salem humming ) aha, the concealer at last!
no! beautify now; eat later. do you think i should be worried that harvey isn't going to college? i didn't go to college. aw, he's doomed, i tell you, doomed! oh, i can't imagine what it would feel like to have no drive, so little ambition... not that that's a bad thing. and i can't imagine what it would be like to be so driven you never had time for fun. i have fun. working nonstop to achieve a goal is enormously pleasurable. oh, that's right-- they have that new all-work ride at disney world. may i offer a suggestion? walk-a-mile moccasins-- you each buy a pair and then switch they help you understand how the other person feels. couldn't we just have extensive family therapy? maybe should try them, hilda. it's only a mile and... they're pink. well... i can see why you'd want to be like me but why would i want to be like you? all right. okay. ah, yes.
salem: say, everyone are there still bags under my eyes? salem, where are you? i'm right here, in front... oh, dear lord! i used too much concealer! i'm invisible! and in debt. but on the bright side you really can't see those bags. ( sobbing ) ( knocking ) knock-knock. oh, hi, zsa zsa. i don't have time for pranks so just leave the joy buzzer and i'll shock myself with it later. this is business, honey. r little friend harvey and i've got the perfect product. pure ambition? it's a cologne. a little dab and your man will be more ambitious than the entire william morris mailroom put together. it's a little musky. well, they do say that success is 99% perspiration. gross. i'll take it. put it on my aunts' tab. i'm telling you, man, this east german transmission is driving me crazy.
harvey! i got you a present. what for? boyfriend's day. uh, it's a... holiday that the retailers came up with to fill in the slow sale season between christmas and easter. just put it on. oh, it smells like my dog when he's rolled in something dead! but i like it! ( ring ) hey, after i replace that valve i think i'm going to overhaul the whole engine. you're not talking about s.a.t.s, are you? we just need to be a little more ambitious. but after you fix the car, you're going to drive it to a college recruitment center, right? right? oh! i guess a little dab didn't do him. we've been wearing these moccasins for a while now and i don't feel any different. do you? no... although i do have a sudden urge to track bear. hey, hildie, want to fill up all the holes on the golf course? no, thanks. i'm going to practice my violin.
although... golf course high jinks sounds like fun. hey! oh! woo! oh, the smell! it's not that bad, is it? oh! where are you going? to bathe. (bell rings) and to take the practice s.a.t. test. ah, the sweet stench of success. um, hello? oh, i think you do. excuse me, shopkeeper, do be a sport and let me out of here, would you? ( both laughing ) oh, didn't you say that somebody was coming over from the grant committee for a presentation? oh, that's right.
mm. just one more call. one more. salem? salem: salem's not here. oh, well, then he won't want me to open any of those cans for him. wait, here he is now. salem, how about some of that sockeye? love some. hey, bright boy you might be invisible, but these cans aren't. put these away. party pooper. hildie, your nose is running. no, it isn't. yes, it is. uh-huh. i'm just glad i don't play a wind instrument. ( bell rings ) so, you seem to be working hard. how do you think you did? i forgot about the test. i was drawing up my design for the new race car
it's completely aerodynamic and it has 17 cup holders. i'm going to get zsa zsa right in the goowhiggie. that ambition cologne only made harvey more ambitious towards cars and beverage caddies. well, harvey's ambition needs to expand beyond his usual horizons. the cologne may not be enough. i'm not buying any more stuff. well, i'm not sure i have anything that's appropriate. although, i did sell the ambition deodorant but it's not for harvey. bill gates? mm-hmm. and michael eisner swears by ambition shampoo but it's not for harvey. oh, and he wouldn't be interested in the ambition aftershave. i'll take the whole line of ambition products. wonderful. and with your $40 purchase you'll receive this lovely tote bag. $40? $40. put it on my aunts' tab. ( chuckles ) woo!
almost as good as my favorite perfume... "reverse psychology." man, these ambition products are heavy. ( salem chuckles ) salem... i love these free rides. although, i could've done without your stopover in the bathroom. harvey will never put these products on willingly. i'm just going to have to do it the hard way. ( upbeat rock playing ) ? and yet we have so much beauty ? ? we refuse to rid ourselves ? ? spiritualize your commercial eyes ? ? now we don't believe in hell ? ? to be anywhere else ? ? so if the sky's the limit ? ? let me take you to that other level if you can ? ? and i know that you can ? ? wait for the change ? ? we'll be on our plane ?