tv Moyers Company PBS October 27, 2013 3:00pm-4:00pm EDT
sumed that it was. so, i started looking for my biological mom, i think, as soon as there was a computer in the house, because i never really felt like i fit in with my family, and so i was always looking for something that looked like me. my biological mother found me online several years ago, and we've been communicating ever since, but we've never met in person. i don't want to meet her [sniffles] and feel this way. she really, like, did the best thing for me, like, gave me the best life i could possibly have, and i want to thank her. more than anything in this world, i want roxanna, my biological mother, to be able to wrap her arms all the way around me and just know and, like, a sigh of a hug that i am okay. [ classical music plays ]
i'm here in philadelphia at jami's dance school, where she's a resident adviser. she's kind of like a mom to probably 30 or 40 of these students, and she's spent her whole life giving to other people. and, well, this year, everything's gonna change. so, in the true nature and tradition of ballet, i figured i'd slip into a -- slip into this thing. and [laughs] hopefully she's got a sense of humor, because this ain't pretty. [ music continues ] [ music stops ] [ gasps ] jami, i flew all the way out to philadelphia, and i squeezed into this thing to choose you for the transformation of your life.
[ sobs ] [ cheers and applause ] are you for real? yes. i'm for real. i came all the way out here for you. why? because you're worth it. are you ready? i am so ready. good. this is just the beginning. this is just the beginning. are you kidding? no. this is not real life right now. yes, it is. yes, it is. okay. this year is gonna be full of surprises, but let me tell you -- we have no time. our flight leaves in a couple hours. okay. so we need to go home. you got to pack your bags. [ laughs ] boot camp starts tomorrow, all right? [ sniffles ] what?! [ laughter ] all right, so, let me tell you guys. thank you all. thank you, guys. oh, you are kidding me! [ cheers and applause ] [ laughs ] i've never experienced a surprise like that in --
in -- in my entire life, ever. you got to hurry. okay. [ cheers and applause ] i wanted to know, why me? it's really overwhelming. ♪ chris: to put jami through a transformation, where she's in a place where she's comfortable and she's confident to meet her birth mother, i mean, it's a tall order. well, here we are. what do you think? are you ready? i am ready. i-i-i'm overwhelmed. what are you -- what are you worried about? [ sighs ] what if i can't do it? disappointing you is, like, worse than disappointing myself. for somebody like jami, who -- her self-esteem is so low. she has no value for herself.
then to be chosen for this process, she is so overwhelmed. she just keeps breaking down into tears. how you doing? i'm okay. when was the last time you even stepped on a scale? [ laughs ] uh, about three years ago. and i didn't like the number i saw. it just was validating that i'm worthless, so why would you get back on again? jami is just -- she is so broken. and -- and when she walks out onto that scale, i'll be honest -- inside, i'm thinking, "this is gonna be a tough journey." [ beeping ]
[ beeping stops ] [ voice breaking ] how do you come back from that? we can come back from that, right? i'm so afraid of letting you down. i don't know if jami's gonna make it through thyear. i'm gonna have to resign from my position. the problem is -- your plans become our problem. and later... jami: standing there waiting for my mom was the single most fear-inducing moment of my life. i'm here to say a few words about the power of baking stuff with nestle toll house morsels. you can heal a broken heart with a bundt cake. make a monday mornin' feel like a friday afternoon with some nestle toll house morsels. let's close our laptops and open our ovens. these things don't bake themselves. we have to bake them for one another. we can bake the world a better place one toll house cookie at a time. nestle.
[ voice breaking ] how do you come back from that? we can come back from that, right? yeah, you can. [ sniffles ] okay. jami: it's painful to, like, have to stare your own failures in the face and know that, like, you can't change it tomorrow. like, you're gonna have to put in a lot more work to dig yourself out of your failure. how tall are you? uh, 5'6". you're 5'6" and 292 pounds. chris: in my experience, i've worked with a lot of people who are a lot heavier than that. compared to some of the other transformations i've done, she doesn't have that far to go. but jami's transformation -- it doesn't have to do with weight loss. it really has to do with her learning to love herself and her realizing and discovering how extraordinary and how strong she really is. [ voice breaking ] i want to be powerful enough to change that number. you will. you will. you don't have to believe right now.
just believe in me. and take my word for it when i say i believe in you. and after a while, you'll start to believe in yourself, okay? okay. jami: every step away from 292 is the beginning of 291 or 290. [ voice breaking ] and, like, little by little, i'm gonna make the changes that i need to make. so, it was a -- it was freeing, 'cause i knew that i was -- it's the last time that i was gonna see it on a scale. ♪ dr. schaack: jami. jami: hi. we have your -- some of your medical history here. your skin condition can usually be taken care of with diet and exercise. chris: boot camp has officially begun, and in boot camp, she's gonna be going through a series of medical exams just to make sure that she's ready for this process, because it's going to be intense. and in addition, she's gonna be meeting with paulette, who's gonna cover her whole nutrition schedule. for breakfast, you can have a high-fiber english muffin.
that's one carb. okay. a tablespoon of natural peanut butter on there and a half a banana. and then she's also gonna be working out with me. welcome to my comfort zone. [ laughs ] right. how you feeling? you don't look too comfortable right now. [ laughs ] i'm not. i-i'm exc-- i'm really excited. [ voice working ] i am, and i mean that genuinely, but i'm so afraid of disappointing you and myself right now, and so i'm psyching myself out for that. chris: i'm used to people breaking down and crying during a workout, but jami started crying before the workout. she can't even compose herself. honestly, i don't know if jami's gonna make it through the year. [ crying ] i'm so afraid of letting you down. stop. you have nothing to prove to me. you got that? yes. i want to see you prove it to yourself. i know you want to lose this weight and -- and you want to see your mom and you want her to see you, that you're doing okay. so, what if i disappoint her today?
"what if?" what are you so scared of? you know, it's crazy. you -- you are so a-scared of something that's gonna happen in the future. it keeps you from living right now. the future is waiting for you to live into it and create whatever you want from it. am i hitting on something here? yeah. i don't want to do that anymore. totally. get over it. okay. easier said than done. [ laughing ] yes! [ sniffles ] so we're gonna get over it just one day at a time. yeah. let's go. when it comes to transformation and -- and building jami back up, we're at ground zero. and this is gonna be done one small step at a time. the only thing that would ever disappoint me is if you quit. i'm not a quitter. i'm not a quitter. you ready? um...okay. [ laughs ] you all warmed up? sure. cool. [ machine powers down ] don't go anywhere.
grip the handles and push. i want you to make this -- this belt move. [ sighs ] push. okay. push. push. and i want you to get it moving. okay. now push it. this is a sprint, jami. go, go, go! jami: i just thought like, "he's gonna rev me up. he's gonna make me run." and when he stopped the treadmill and was like, "okay, sprint," i can't. there's no way i can move this belt without it being on. breathe, breathe. keep pushing now. time to explore your body, jami. time to explore how awesome you are. jami: suddenly, as i'm, like, sprinting, i'm proving myself and to him that i can, even -- even though i said i couldn't. beautiful! keep pushing! keep pushing! keep pushing! keep pushing! come on now! and so this is my opportunity, these are my minutes with chris that matter, and so if i'm gonna learn something about myself, i have to put myself through this to come out of it and show myself i can do it.
how bad do you want to love yourself? to never worry about disappointing anybody, because you value yourself enough. come on, kp pushing! 3, 2, 1, rest. [ gasping ] how bad do you want that freedom? [ sighs ] a lot. [ sobs ] more than anything in the world. it has consumed you for far too long. mm. jami: i'm definitely proud of myself. i think i really struggled to gauge my success. and i realized that i've never really lived in any of my success, and if you don't get to relish in your success, then you just live in your failure. how do you feel? um, i feel like i'm at the beginning of a mountain, and it's gonna be really hard, but i proved to myself that i can start taking steps. yeah, those -- those treadmill pushes -- they -- they were kind of weak. [ laughs ] were they? do i need to go back? no, you're supposed to say, "i don't care."
oh. [ laughs ] she spends so much time worrying about what everybody else thinks, what i'm gonna think, what her mom's gonna think, what her birth mother's gonna think. if she just focuses on herself, everything else is gonna fall into place. well, are you ready to go home? uh... [ laughs ] i am ready to go home. i've had -- i've had a lot of time to think here. i need to focus this year on me, so...i'm gonna cry. [ voice breaking ] i am gonna leave my job. so i'm gonna move back to massachusetts and take care of me this year, because i'm -- i'm worth that. wow! [ laughs ] that's -- i'm -- i'm -- actually, i'm really surprised. chris: when jami shares with me that her job at the dance studio -- it wasn't right for her right now, i just thought, "wow. "there's that first spark where, all of a sudden, jami came first." if you're gonna be moving, get settled in. okay. and then i will come to you, and we can help create that environment for success in your new home.
okay. so, your initial weigh in was 292 pounds. your phase 1 goal, in the next 90 days, is going to be to lose 80 pounds. [ sighs ] how does that sound? uh, at this moment, it sounds impossible, but i'm up for the challenge of things that are impossible. to lose 80 pounds in 90 days -- i mean, i'm doing the math really fast, and that's like a pound a day, give or take [chuckling] a couple of bad days. so, how does the human body do that? i don't know if you can actually do that. ultimately, you learned a lot here, but i just want to make sure that you stay on track throughout this whole process. fortunately, we actually have a lot of support in this, as well. our friends at walmart for all of your groceries and produce throughout the whole year. what? yes. that's yours. i don't even know what to say. all right. i am so proud of you. way to put your foot down.
yeah. chris: on one hand, it terrifies me to think that jami's gonna go home by herself for a couple weeks. but on the other hand, she's going home to make these positive changes for herself. and to me, that's encouraging. she's finally thinking about herself. right now, i'm -- i'm, you know, living and dying by the scale. i know there's weeks where i was at 400. chris: she's destroying her body. jami had healthier habits when she was obese. and later... ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the new jami! [ cheers and applause ] see how she looks after one full year.
[ sighing ] okay. what can we do for you? i'm gonna cry already. i just got back from california, and i had an amazing time. i went -- i thank you so much for allowing me to go and have that experience, [ voice breaking ] but i'm gonna have to resign from my position and take the next steps to take care of myself. when exactly is this happening? how soon? i need to, like, pack up and go in the next couple of days. [ gasps ] it's... i know. it's just really -- it's really short notice, and we're almost at the end of the school year. so it just puts us in a tough position to go, "okay, fine, we lose our residence director. who's gonna take care of the 38 kids there?" it was never my intention to -- to just leave you with a few days' notice and certainly -- it's so not you. but the problem is -- your plans become our problem. okay. wonderful. terrific. i think i realized that i need to put myself first, because i'm trying to take care of myself.
i can't listen to anybody else telling me that i should be here, or even that inside voice that tells me that i should stay and take care of the kids because i love them, is not stronger than the voice that's saying i need to go. [ groans ] i love you a lot. ugh. bye, guys! i love you! jami: leaving my job behind is definitely like a weight being lifted off my shoulders in terms of anxiety and finally being able to just do it and pack up and feel like it was right for me to come home. we're only in the 90 days, the first 90 days, but i feel like i'm definitely coming home different than when i left. and so i feel like the new me is strong enough to take on anything that's gonna get thrown my way. ♪ [ breathing heavily ] chris: i've been e-mailing and skyping jami, and every time i talk to her, she's -- she's asking for more exercises. she's asking if i can increase her reps or --
or her mileage on her runs. i just keep telling her to -- to follow the program. i want to make sure that she's truly transforming, not just dropping pounds. jami: i'm working out a lot, and i have not been eating very much at all. every friday, when i should be resting -- don't tell chris -- but i-i run/walk a half marathon, because i feel like every time i do that, i'm a few steps closer to doing my final goal. so, i already got, like, a 7-miler in today, and now i'm gonna go back to running, so... ♪ today is my nana's 90th birthday, so all of the family's getting together. my grandmother is, like -- i always say like, "she's the other pea in my pod." like, she's just -- she's awesome. she's someone that, like, i think of as having raised me, so... she was the one who got me off the bus and made dinner
and often put me to bed, so i love her. she's just the gentlest person you'll ever meet. and i think, for me, she's somebody who always had time for me, and i think that's something that i was missing growing up. my adoptive mom, lin -- unfortunately, she does live right next door to my grandmother, so i might run into her -- not on purpose. lin: see, mom? look who's here. jami. jami: are you surprised, gram? i am just surprised. oh, good. no crying. you can cry. my name is lin. i'm jami's mother. actually, i'm her adoptive mother. i adopted her when she was 2 years old. go make a plate, hon, if you can. i can't make a plate. oh. there's nothing over there that i can eat. woman: you'll do all right. lin will take the responsibility as my mother, for sure. lin raised me until -- until i went to llege. but, like, i think my heart was never really nurtured.
excuse me. yes? the forks, knives you were supposed to bring -- there is none on the table here for us. okay. they're out at other tables. well... is there enough for -- i bought over 100. jami: what she looked at as parenting was putting food on the table and a roof over your head, but, like, i-i needed a parent that could show me that they loved me. there's debbie. wait. i got a mouthful! [ crying ] i love my grandmother, her mother, to death [sniffles] and i will be there for her forever, but, you know, when i was in high school, my mom -- my adopted mom -- told me that the only reason that she adopted me was she had somebody to take care of her when she got older. and i don't want to. [ sobs ] i want to take care of me. [ birds chirping ] [ panting ] right now, i'm -- i'm, you know, living and dying by the scale, so it's sort of like -- every day,
it's sort of like i want to see results. i think i'm supposed to, like, be noticing more changes than i really am, which just makes me feel sick to my stomach that i don't... because it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. chris: jami let it slip she's been weighing herself. that's a huge red flag. i weigh people during their first 90 days just so i can check on their progress, but i don't necessarily want them to see the number. it's just -- it's too much information, too much pressure. [ voice breaking ] i really wish that i could look in the mirror and see somebody different than i saw, you know, weeks ago. [ crying ] like, i feel worthless all the time, so just looking ahead is validation of that. but i still see failure. [ gasping ] and i still feel nothing and no good, and i don't know when that goes away.
i'm in chicopee, massachusetts, right now, and i'm going to see jami. i'm kind of worried because it just didn't seem like she was in a very good place. hooray. oh, my gosh. welcome to massachusetts! [ both laugh ] look at you! oh, it's so good to see you. chris: oh, my gosh. i mean, it's just been a few weeks since i saw her last, and...wow. you know, it's possible to lose weight too fast.
thank you. well, now time for me to invade your life for a little while. okay. oh, this is intense. [ laughs ] all right, go ahead and step on the scale. [ beeping ] ♪ [ beeping stops ] wow. okay. 39 pounds down. [ sighs ] you're ahead of schedule. significantly ahead of schedule. chris: starting at 292 pounds, she's losing weight at the rate of someone who's 500 pounds. you've lost more than a pound a day in this first month, which is a little overkill. now, i might slow things down a little bit, pull the reins back on your exercise, and i might have you eat a few more calories. look, i don't doubt -- you see my anxiety, right? [ laughs ] yes, i-i-i-i-i totally see your anxiety eyes right now. just, it's okay. go with this. okay. this is a marathon, not a sprint. [ sighs ]
there you go. good, jami. great job. i love this sprint. all right, how's your body feeling? any aches and pains? back, but... is your back starting to -- is it starting to tighten up back here? just tightening. yeah, we're -- we're done here. we can't risk a tightening of your body too much, all right? okay. i totally get that she's driven to hit these numbers, but, at the same time, all of a sudden she starts telling me about her hip hurts, her back hurts. take it down low. beautiful, jami. good job, good job, good job. my hips. easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. okay. chris: i don't doubt her dedication, but it's hurting her. if that's her mentality with exercise, what's her mentality like with nutrition? before i even -- before i got here, did you find yourself pulling back on the calories, over-exercising, starving yourself? i mean, were -- were you there at all? i-i see you cringing. i definitely, like, tried to hit my 1,200 calories in a day. i'm cringing 'cause i know there's weeks where i was at 400. okay.
400 calories a day? that's starvation level. she's destroying her body, and then she's working out eight hours a day on top of that? i hate to say it, but jami had healthier habits when she was obese. my job right now is gonna be getting you to eat as many calories as i can and keeping you out of the gym. if she keeps this up, she's gonna develop a full-blown eating disorder. it's gonna take a leap of faith. i won't ask you to do anything that will hurt you in the long run. 3, 2, 1, go! good, jami. good hustle, good hustle, good hustle. bring it back. bring it home. here we go. take it to that goal line. good, jami. big push, big push. get underneath that tire. there you go. i feel excited about the way that chris and i have sort of shifted and changed the workouts and changed some of the dietary things. there's peaches in here that are probably even better than the nectarines. oh, okay. good. pick it up. lunge it back. i-i want dressing. okay. [ both laugh ] by all means. i have found myself focusing less on meeting that goal,
k the only thing i could have felt was fear and anxiety about meeting that goal. and now it's going to reflect my hard work, no matter what. good. now bring your heart rate back down. let's see how fast you can recover. remember, fitness is not necessarily a gauge of how fast you can get your heart rate up. it's all a matter of how fast your heart rate comes back down. the faster you can recover, the fitter you're getting. jami got so fixated on the numbers, i want to make jami's focus all about fitness. i want her to think about push-ups and pull-ups and squats and running faster and jumping further. look at that. it's coming down quickly. i just want to make sure that she's focusing on her health. proof that you've been hitting it hard right here. look how fast you're recovering. ♪ i figure what -- what better place for the 90-day weigh in than right here? chris: i'm so happy with -- with the way that jami's been over the last few weeks, unlike so many of the other times when i -- when i come into the 90-day weigh in, anticipating this big number,
i don't care if she hits the number or not. okay. i'm taking off my really heavy shoes. go ahead and take off your shoes, take off your shirt. three months ago, you stepped on the scale. you weighed 292 pounds. i gave you the goal to lose 80 pounds over the last 90 days. so if the scale says 212 pounds or less, you hit your goal. are you ready? i'm ready. go ahead and step on the scale. let's do this. [ beeping ] ♪ [ beeping stops ] 218 pounds. [ chuckles ] so, 6 pounds shy. [ laughs ] yeah. i don't know that 6 pounds has ever felt so good.
like, i just -- i lost 74 pounds. and jami from three months ago could never look at that number and feel successful. i would have felt like i failed you. and, genuinely, today, i know i didn't. the scale's going in the right direction. mm-hmm. but, most importantly, you're going in the right direction up here. chris: the most encouraging thing about this weigh in was that jami didn't mind that she didn't hit her goal. and to me, that's an even bigger victory than had she hit her goal in the first place. 74 pounds is not anything to stare at and be sad about. jami, well done. thank you for everything. so, i finished the workout and i hurt my hip really bad tonight. and later... i can't tell you -- first and foremost, thank you for sharing that. i had no idea.
she was practically starving herself. she was starving herself. so i wanted to try something new in phase 2. when it comes to a phase 2 goal, you know, a goal i would love for you to have is not a number goal. i think a performance goal would be phenomenal. i want to make jami's phase 2 focus all about fitness. what do you say, in three months, you do a cross-training competition? jami's found a passion for crossfit, which is -- it's gymnastics and it's powerlifting and it's olympic weight lifting and it's endurance training, constantly varied and done at high intensity. does fear and terror read in my eyes? just a little bit, yes. 'cause that's what's happening right now. so for jami's milestone, she's gonna compete in a crossfit competition. and for anybody who knows, we're talking about some of the fittest people on earth. i will recommit right now to make sure that this next phase is about as much of losing weight and eating right as it is staying in balance and in check with myself. i want to see if that focus on fitness translates into weight loss. i don't know if it's gonna work, but it's worth a try. you are reaching that place
where you are so comfortable with yourself, and you just seem to have found the real jami. and i know you wanted to be in a -- in a good place... mm-hmm. ...before you saw your mom. and to me, you certainly seem to be reaching that place. [ sighs ] for your six-month weigh in, i have one round-trip ticket for you to go to chile, and you can see your birth mom. are you serious? yes. [ breathes deeply ] i think you're pretty amazeballs right now. [ laughing ] all right. chris powell. chris: i'm -- i'm feelg really good about -- about the place where jami is right now. i mean, yeah, there's part of me that's concerned about her getting overzealous and -- and reaching for that number again. see ya. bye. but, at the same time, i just -- i'm feeling good that -- that she's gonna do well in phase 2. this is my countdown to chile. "days... "to...
chile!" 35 more days. ♪ this many days. family! 32 days left to...chile! ♪ i-i wish that every adopted child were given the opportunity to say thank you to the people that brought them into this world, because it really is a tremendous gift. 20. 23 days. 23 days. mwah! [ crying ] so, i finished the workout, and i hurt my hip really bad tonight. okay. i'm, like, a mess. i'm sorry. [ sobbing ] chris: jami's injured herself, so i got to go talk to dr. schaack and just get his advice on --
on letting jami do this cross-training competition that i set up for her. but i just -- i don't know if she can in her current condition. chris: hey, dr. schaack. hi. how you doing? good, good, good. good. good to see you. okay. so, what's your problem for the day? jami. she hurt her hip, and i got this crossfit competition set up for her. only thing is that it's gonna require heavy squatting, weighted back lunges, a lot of movement around the hip, and i just -- i mean, i don't want to make the problem worse. and i-i think it could. you know, when we look at the hip joint itself, we realize that all the muscles that come around it. and when you're trying to get her to do squats, this is having to turn huge directions. i think we're just aggravating a system that's gonna make everybody frustrated and make no success. one of the ways we can go when that happens is to try to change, possibly, to a water-based system. okay. is there anything that you can do in the pool that you can do to take some of the weight off those hips? i've got something i could do. okay. all right. thanks, doc.
all right. ♪ i feel like when i visualize going to chile, it never really completes. i get as far as de-boarding, and then it's like, "and the rest of it's just gonna be amazing." going to meet my mom, i was excited, i was nervous. as much as i had worked at i don't have to have everything be perfect, i secretly wanted everything to be perfect. [ cellphone rings ] hello? jami. hey, it's me. [ gasps ] chris! i know that tomorrow is a really big day and that you're meeting with your mom, but first, i do have a challenge for you. [ sighs ] see that in front of you? that's the world's largest pool. and you're gonna swim all the way across it.
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♪ chris: jami. hey, it's me. [ gasps ] chris! i know that tomorrow is a really big day and that you're meeting with your mom, but first, i do have a challenge for you. [ sighs ] i know you hurt yourself and you can't do the crossfit competition, so instead, you see that in front of you? that's the crystal lagoon at san alfonso del mar, and that's the largest pool in the world. 1.2 miles.
and guess what you're gonna do. are you speaking as if i'm gonna swim this? [ laughs ] is that how you're telling me this story is gonna go down? and you're gonna swim all the way across it and run all the way back to the start. [ sighs ] all right. and i'm gonna throw another curveball at you here. i'm thinking you should finish this whole challenge in less than an hour. okay. well, jami, good luck. okay. bye. the most daunting part of the challenge was the time limit, because i have been swimming at home every day and i know how long it takes me to swim that length. so i was sort of like, "oh, my gosh. "i don't know if i can even finish the swim in like less than half the time that he's giving me." whoo. ♪ i think the scariest part of the pool
is that you can't see the other side, so you're just swimming blindly. i relish the moments that are hard. i almost hear my old voice inside of me that's like, "you can stop now 'cause you've worked hard, and it's okay." and then the new me is like, "no! "like, i want to keep going. i've got to do this, so keep pushing through." [ gasping ] after i finished the swim, i was excited to finish up with the run. i've definitely realized, in phase 2, that i love short-distance running. it's one of my favorite things to do. i think i'm pretty good at it. [ breathing heavily ] crazy to think about, six months ago, like, barely being able to -- to sprint on a treadmill.
welcome to the next year of your life. don't stop. and so, to fast-forward six months later... okay. ...i was running fast. and i thought, "i really am gonna crush my time." [ breathing heavily ] maybe i have something inside of me that i never knew existed. i feel free knowing that things will get hard, that things won't always be easy, that life will throw you curveballs. oh! that is amazing! [ exhales sharply ] because on the other side of each of those new obstacles is either a success to relish in or a new challenge to face. chris powell, it's jamaze-balls. i just finished your challenge. it's done. it's over. oh, my gosh! i can't believe how fast jami finished that challenge. i mean, that was half the amount of time
that i thought she'd finish it in. so, how do you feel? i feel -- i feel like a warrior. i also feel like i could go again. [ chuckling ] i mean, i can't believe it. i just -- i can't wait to see her when she gets back from chile. chris: i'll talk to you soon. sounds good. bye. all right, bye now. ♪ jami: i have, like, the worst stomachache of my life right now, and i don't know if that's 'cause i'm so excited or because i'm so anxious. [ breathes deeply ] today is the day that i'm going to meet my birth mom and her daughter, jasmine. and i did not [chuckling] get a lot of sleep last night.
[ horn honking ] [ siren wails ] [ car horn blaring ] i have no recollection of this at all. it is weird to think of me living somewhere around here. driving in to santiago was surreal. there was this tremendous sense of feeling like i was home and also, like, sheer panic about what was gonna happen. i just couldn't wait. like, just the bringing to fruition this dream, this dream of being able to say thank you, i think, was sort of like an overwhelming sense of joy. i bet you're very anxious. yeah. [ laughs ] i am. thank you so much. i'm just here to help you. okay. okay? perfect. good.
tonight, in the first hour of "extreme weight loss"... [ cheers and applause ] ...chris chose jami for the opportunity of a lifetime. keep pushing! come on now! how bad do you want to love yourself? to never worry about disappointing anybody. but she struggled to realize her self-worth... jamie: i still see failure. [ voice breaking ] and i don't know when that goes away. ...and starved herself for results. i'm cringing 'cause i know there's weeks where i was at 400. 400 calories a day?