tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 10, 2016 11:00pm-12:01am CDT
>> dky: from hollywood, "jmy kimmelive"! tonigh morgan freema cooking wi steve martorano. this week in unnec censorship. and c from you giant. withndhe cletones. annow,ace yourselves, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers a appuse ] ? >> jimmy: very nice. i'm ji i'm the . thanor watching. thank you for coming.
on the eve of the olympic games thom rioe janeo where 're hours away froe opening ceremony. it's always very fe cing to see the athletes from all the countries together holding their flags. our american team will wearunifor designed by ralph lauren. are these e uniforms tre to bgoing ing on the field. as you see, they're teible. looks like an a pella oup a fourth of jul performance on a wrf somewher look like vilw las sh autampirereschool studtsls ear inouoppo like a blaz a wte pants. by the way, number one reasoi could never be an olympic athlete. i would spl ketcp on those pantimmediately. all right. mathat's not the number on for sure.it isn the top 20 you know, there have been major electricalnd plumbing issues in rio. one athlete from kenya wrote "please fix my toilet" on a buetin board in the olympic
lives in's cng ya abou your plumbing, i think that's what they refer to as a wake-up call. [ laught ]nitation is a big pro tholympic village is giving away thousands of condfor the athletes to wear over their heads for the swimming events. [ laughter ] of course the zika virus is also a mar concern. especially for women. hope solo, who's the goalie for s. wen's soccer te, posted thi not only is it the worst tinder oto ever, it made the brazilian fans very angry to the pointhat whenever she had the ball yesterday during the thening game against new zealand fans reacted like this. [ boos ] [ chanting "zika" ] >> jimmy: they're chanting the name of a virus at a woman. this is going to be some
tokyo. and the olympic committee ju added some new events. yesterday the ioc approv rock climbing, skateboarding, surfing and kate, which -- i wish they would combine some of these because i would definitely watch surfing karate. [ laughter ] surfing and skateboarding will maistory for the olympicin 2020n thathese will be the first sports in which athletes will be tested to make sure they e dopi. [ laughter ] see, guillermo, because a lot >> i understand. >> jimmy: i want to wish a happy birthday to president obama, who turned 55 today. [ cheersppla a ae ] big cebratioat the white house. the white house staff sang to him. then the president blew out the candles on his vegan whole grain carrot prune loaf. [ laughter ] actually, not true. michelle got him a fudgie the kale. that's what you call meeting someone halfway. [ laughter ] vice president biden tweeted this message today.
and you see he had a photograph of some friendship bracelets. [ laughter ] looks like somebody's having a great time at the ymca day camp this summer. [ laughter ] donald trump also offered birthday wishes on twitter this week. he wrote "president obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the united states." it's sweet, though, because he said perhaps and he wouldn't do that on any other day. [ laughter ] you know, if trump becomes president, he's definitely going to make his birthday a national holiday, right? and you are out. [ laughter ] meanwhile, hillary clinton has announced that she and tim kaine are coming out with a book it this fall. they're co-writing a book. 256 pages of their policy proposals. which she ally knows how to excite vots, doesn't she? [ laught ] i mean, it will be a real page turner. last night on our show i shared a video of a prank britney spears pulled on me. she conspired with my wife to get into my house and ambush me with a bunch of semi-nude male dancers in the middle of the
i'm pleased to say that that incident contributed mightily to our headline news segue of the day. >> jimmy kimmel woke up to find britney spears doing a dance party in his bedroom. ha ha law! i'm sure it was all a dream. first, though, let's get into the headlines. money to fht zika could run out. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great. i'm honored. that is a dream come true. meanwhile, our friends in north korea are said to be working on a big new project. sometime in the next ten years north korea is hoping to plant a flag on the moon. and by that they mean they're looking for someone who can photoshop a picture of their flag on the moon. [ laughter ] you know, they say they want to plant a flag on the moon. they didn't specify which flag. i hope it's the mexican flag. i feel like that would be -- that would show a fun side of
[ laughter ] any of you planning to see "suicide squad," the movie? [ cheers and applause ] it is, if you don't -- it's one of the last big summer blockbusters. so we asked our chief film critic to review it for us. his name is yehya and here he is talking about the movie "suicide squad." >> hi, it's me, yehya. i talk about the new movie, summer movie, that the movie xx. will smith, he's in -- and he get out of jail. will smith is good actor. will smith, all his movie good. i love him and he's nice guy. i got two, three picture with this guy. and he did the movie "bad boy" and he did the movie also "lacol" -- west, west something. and the boy what's his name with the red hair.
he's also joker in that movie, this boy. >> i'm not going to kill you. >> and he's like a jokeroo jack knuckle something. the lady, her name maserati. she drink coffee. you know, in jail with the book. you know what she look like with the underwear, with the hair like britney spear. danny devito is in that movie too. danny devito is funny guy. he's in the movie with mic douglas, kill my mom, i kill your wife. the movie is called is s-u-i-c-i-d-e s-q-u-e-d. that exactly, that the movie. >> i love this guy. >> will smith, donny devito, maserati, britney spear, everybody in that movie. action and action and action. go watch the movie. good luck. [ cheers and applause ]
that's why he's known as the ebert of egypt. [ laughter ] one more thing. before we forward you, it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> clsea [ bleep ] ivanka and ivanka [ bleep ] chelsea. i wish they didn't [ bleep ] each other but they do. >> i think that was the biggest [ bleep ] that i've had in my [ bleep ] in a really long time. >> one of the hard things about being the vp nominee is they make you [ bleep ] mark cuban. >> my family adores you. my future longs for you. my [ bleep ] yearns for you. >> people around the bay area are celebrating world [ bleep ] [ bleep ]ing week. >> it's not good old fashion black [ bleep ]. >> pam. >> shortly after i become president sometime as soon as i can arrange it, come back here
in the streets of omaha together! >> [ bleep ] more than one guy at the same time. don't know if anyone ever can imagine what that's like. >> i've [ bleep ] two girls at the same time before. ? >> that's the biggest pile of [ bleep ] i've ever seen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. when we come back from the goes to the pageant of the masters to meet jesus himself. so stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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? ? >> jimmy: that is the great sharon jones sitting in with the cletones tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she will be with us all night tonight. morgan freeman is here. steve martorano is here. and music from young the giant. there's an annual summer event not too far from here in laguna beach called pageant of the masters. this is something they do every year. it's happening through the end of the month. an all-volunteer cast get dressed up to re-enact famous paintings and other works of art. they have real people dress up in costume to look like mona lisa, the last supper, the scream, and they look exactly like them. it's amazing. i've been to it many times. it's a lot of fun. and this week it was even more fun because our very own guillermo played a role. guillermo, are you an art lover in general?
>> jimmy: you do love art. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> jimmy: who is your favorite artist, may i ask? >> there are so many i -- >> jimmy: there are so many. [ laughter ] just name one of them. just one. just wtever ps out of your head. >> oh, my god. katie. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: very good. katie of course. referring to my daughter. anyway, here's guillermo. great art lover. at the pageant of the mast ? >> hi. how are you? >> hi. welcome, guillermo. my name's diane. >> nice meeting you. >> it's nice to meet you. i'm director of pageant of the masters. >> oh, okay. >> i don't know if you've ever heard anything about our show. >> no, never. what is it? what is the show about? >> well, we are going to recreate famous works of art, paintings and sculpture, with real people. and in france they call it tableau vivant.
>> tableau vivant. it's french. >> tableau labant? >> close. tableau vivant. >> tableau la bon? >> right, you got it. >> i'm going to be in the painting? >> exactly. you'll be in costume and makeup. the curtain will open. the lights come on. and you have to freeze. >> like madonna. strike a pose. >> that's right. >> okay. >> you're going to have to hold still for 90 seconds. you think you can do that? >> that's easy. i do that all the time in the show. i stay for one hour. like that. yes, jimmy, very funny. [ laughter ] i'm standing still, pretending to laugh. yes, boss, whatever you say. ha ha ha! >> this is the show line-up. this is our storyboard. and these are all the pictures of the pieces we're going to recreate on stage tonight. this is by diego rivera. these are men on a construction line. maybe you could be one of those guys.
he was chunky like me. i could be him. >> the finale of the show is the last supper by leonardo da vinci. >> yeah. i want to be jesus. >> well, our cast member, or volunteer cast member, has been working with us for about 15 years and i'm not sure he'd want to give up his role tonight. >> i'll talk to him. i want to be jesus. >> okay. >> where is jesus? anybody? >> i am. >> oh, you are? how are you doing? guillermo. >> nice to meet you. >> i want to play jesus. i know you've been doing it for a longim >> uh-huh. 16 years. >> 16 years. wow. it'sfor you to take a day off. >> not tonight. >> who should i play? >> would you be interested in judas? >> judas. all right. i'll take it. ? >> wow. they look so white. donald trump is going to like me
now i'm going to have oatmeal, half a grapefruit, and coffee with splenda. and toast dry. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. now i look like jimmy kimmel. this is terrible. let's do this. >> hey, guys. teach me. >> show you how to do this? >> yeah, you've got to show me. you and tell you it's very simple. >> like that. >> pretty much like that. your hands just like this. kind of -- it's beside you but in front of you. yeah. more this. >> i'm tired already. >> this arm's resting on the table. >> okay. all right. w much i get paid for this? >> i do not get paid anything for this. i am a volunteer. >> are you [ bleep kidding me? >> i am not. [ laughter ]
>> this is you. >> leonardo da. "the last supper." [ applause ] [ applau ] >>hank you, everybody. i think we did good. so we did the last supper, and now it's time for the last selfie. >> jesus!edy say jesus. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. you were very good judas. very well done. thank you, guillermo. tonight on the show, sharon jones is sitng in with the cletones. we have music from young the steve martorano ertoook with us.
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>> jimmy: tonight, he cooks food and he wrote a book so you can cook food too. it's called "it ain't sauce, it's gravy." steve martorano is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have a big tank of blue crab from maryland and guillermo, you are going to fish the crabs out of the tank. you're going to try. you've got to do it or else nobody is going to eat. steve will be here. and then later their album is called "home of the strange." it comes out a week from tomorrow. young the giant from the samsung outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] all right. our firses legendary oscar-winning actor whose voice is more meaningful even than the one in our heads. his new movie is the biblical epic "ben-hur." >> the world you live in is rome's. their laws. their power. you cannot fight them in the streets. but there is another way. in the circus. there is no law. what happens tre is ort, not
will cheer y. if your brother is the pride of rome, take their pride. >> jimmy: "ben-hur" opens aust 19th. please welcome morgan freen! [ cheers and applause ] ? [ cheers and applause ] th didn't care about me that mu i mean, it's you really they're interested in seeing. ano can blame them? ou were saying legendary that's what -- stuff like that. >> jimmy: that's the sort of thing that -- [ cheers applae ] i was hoping that you'd wear the dreadlks for the show tonight. did you take that home? that wig?
>> no. >> jimmy: forget i even said that. let's start over. [ laught >> iis something, though. i liked it. >> jimmy: did you enjoy it? >> yes, of course. >> jimmy: u had ke a george clinton type vibe there with those dreadlocks. >> i had a wig guy whose family had be in the wig-making business for generations. and he made the wig for me in "driving miss daisy." >> jimmy: oh, heid? wow. [ cheers and applause ] that's when you know you're important man, when you have a personal wigmaker. [ laughter ] who's been doing ifor ration wigs for generat that's pretty impressive. i want to ask you about a photograph here. this is -- i'm not sure where this is taken. you can tell us. you, prince harry, the first lady, and george bush. at an event of some kind. it looks lgeorge bush is -- he kind of recognizes the first lady but he's not sure where he knows her from.
is this -- were you just sitting next to these people or did you socialize with them? how did that go? >> huh? [ laughter ] you're asking me if i -- no. >> jimmy: no, i'm asking the picture. i'm asking george bush. george. [ laughter ] yeah i mean, was it just one of those things you happened to be sitting next to them or were you all together as a unit? >> i know the first lady from back when they first started on the campaign trail. >> jimmy: right. >> fell head over heels in love with her. so this was actually at the invictus games. >> jimmy: the movie -- >> yeah. sort of olympics for wounded warriors. >> jimmy: got you. and george bush, is he -- you'd met him before? >> well, i shook his hand once. >> jimmy: i see. prince harry is royalty, obviously. did you have to observe any kind of protocol before meeting him or does he have to observe some sort of protocol before meeting
[ laughter ] >> no, i was introduced to him. and i was just introduced to him as harry. so i didn't know i was -- >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter ] that's pretty good. >> somebody backstage so, you met prince harry. i said no. sure you did. no, no, i don't know. i mean, he was there, i said. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you just thought he -- just a kid with great seats. >> good-looking kid. >> jimmy: when is the last time yo somebody? can you even remember? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: who was it? >> nelson mandela. >> jimmy: nelson mandela. that's a good one. [ cheers and applause ] and it went well, i assume? did he alleviate that nervousness right away? >> not right away. >> jimmy: noght aw? >> n really venerate -- u like >> jimmy: yes.
>> jimmy:whassup? i don't know. [ laughter ] >>xaly. and then what? >> jim: where do you go from ere? >> wheo you from e? i s thinking. a greonor to meet yo and i'm sure you -- yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, right. heard that plenty of times in my life. well, you probably hear the same thing. and you have to -- i guess it's your responsibility -- >> you try to be -- yeah. i'm getting sort of senile. so the words i want to use go away. civil. you have to be civil to people. particularly when they come up to you and say we love you. you don't say, get away! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you narrated hillary clinton's introduction video at e democratic national convention. >> did i? >> jimmy: yeahu did. [ cheers and appuse ] or someone that sounded -- >> there were a few of us there. >> jimmy: a lot of people imitate you. maybe it was an impersonator
is that something that she contacts you personally or did her people contact your people to do that? >> yeah, her people contact my people and say, you know, hillary would ke for you to help. >> jimmy: and then you say do i get paid? or how does it work? [ laughter ] >> i say lead me to wherever you need me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so you did that for her. does she thank you afterwards? >> mm-hmm. conversation that happens afterwards? >> yeah. ah. >> jimmy: okay. don't know. i don't know how these things go. >> well, you do these things, and i don't go run after her and say, you know i did this thing for you. so how about a -- maybe a position somewhere? an ambassadorship to -- >> jimmy: you should get an ambassadorship. would you be interested in an ambassadorship? >> not even. [ laughter ] jimmy: no, not at all.
>> if i want to go to any country i can go. jimmy: you don't have to he people with their passportwhen you get there. [ laught ] you did something great on our show tast time you were here and i was wondering if you'd do it again for us. last time mr. freeman was here, he narrated a pedestrian, a person out on the street. we put a camera out on the stet -- [ cheers and applause ] and since he is clearly our premier -- no one tops you when it comes to narration. i thought itld be fun to do it again. would you be willing to try it again? >>i >> jimmy: you are not being set up. as far as i know. unless we're both being set up i don't think you're being set up. we have a camera on our -- >> do it! >> do it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the audience is liking it. so here we go, let's take a look. who do we have? all right. >> ah, yeah. [ laughter ] when i first saw the bald man, shirt buttonedll the way to
of him. but then he took a bite of something. there he was. chewing something. "chewing something joe" is what we called him. hmm. look both ways, chewing something joe. there he was. [ laughter ] chewing and crossing. [ laughter ] [ cheers applause ] >> jmy: betiful. morgan -- oh, i have a gift for you. >> oh. >> jimmy: you are promoting the movie "ben-hur" and also supporting hillary clinton. i made you this little sticker you can wear. >> i love it. >> jimmy: it's "i'm with hur morgan freeman in "ben-hur" opens in theats and imax august 19t we'll be right back.
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chef, he doesn't lik eit. he has restaurants in south florida, atlantic city, and las vegas. a cookbook called "it ain't sauce, it's gravy." please welcome steve martorano. steve. how are you? [ cheers and applause ] >> good, good. >> jimmy: it smells fantastic in here already. and i don't think it's because of these crabs. what kind of crabs are these, by the way? >> blue crawl. they're from south jersey. >> jimmy: from jersey. >> from jersey. the water has a lot of chacter. so it's not as clear as, say, flida. >> jimmy: what do you mean character? >> what do you want me to say? >> jimmy: it's polluted? >> no, i didn't say it's polluted. it's got character. >> jimmy: we're going to be eating polluted crabs on the show. >> no, these crabs have more flavor than anything. you can only really do it in the summertime. >> jimmy: okay. great. >> the truth of the matter is if you have a lot of money and you can go crabbing you would get -- you uld buy them if you didn't have enough money you would get a cage and drop it in the water with a piece of chicken in it, pull the cage up, you might have 30 crabs. >> jimmy: wow. >> when you're broke the way i did it you had to it with a piectring with a little
get -- >> jimmy: macaroni. so guillermo's going to be in charge of getting the crabs out of the tank. >> youe got to come over. >> jim: guillermo, this is your job here. [ cheers and applause ] so he's going to do it your way, the old way. >> he's going to do it the old way with a piece of string and a piece of chicken. >> jimmy: how is it that crabs know chicken is good? it doesn't seem like they're getting that down there. >> you can use a piece of salami. >> jimmy: it will go for anything? >> yeah. hot dog. let him bite it. >> jimmy: yeah. let him get it, pull him up, and don't throw him on my head by the way. >> guillermo: no, i won't. >> jimmy: just be gentle and slow. all right. >> you ready to go? >> jimmy: i'm ready. >> if you get your crabs, if you get your blue crab and you go catch him, fine. if you go to your food market you get -- you get two dozen and you tell them to clean them, right? you have them clean them for you. and this is what it looks like. so we've got this hot. this is hot.
the simplest dishes you can make. only really good for the summer. coat the bottom with some extra virgin olive oil. >> jimmy: all right. got it. >> now you're going to get some -- >> jimmy: how's that going over there, guillermo? >> guillermo: not too good, mmy. >> move it around a little bit >> jimmy: put the body into. >> guillermo: all right, sure. >> now fresh garlic. garlic over here. >> jimmy: all right. >> you're going to put three or four cloves of crushed garlic. crushed. >> jimmy: got it. >> we got to be careful -- >> jimmy: true or false, people garlic at the supermarket? >> throw it away. >> jimmy: all right. >> you've got the garlic. nice color, right? we're going to get a little crushed red pepper flake. put it on the bottom. if you like it cuz, a little hotter, you put a little bit in there. >> jimmy: got it. >> now you're going to get your crabs. >> jimmy: hey, guys, this is what you're in for. >> get these crabs over here. two dozen. >> guillermo: oh my god, i missed.
you can hear that sizzle. when you hear that sizzle, cuz, right now if you could smell this, forget about it. it's just unbelievable. get your spoon. you can use a wooden spoon or tong. you can use that. you hear that sound? >> jimmy: yes. >> don't worry about it, we already got the crabs. >> jimmy: i'm worried about him throwing that crab right down my shirt. >> guillermo: no, i want -- that smell good. >> jimmy: right? >> now we're searing it. right? now we've got to season. there's the seasoning. get a little bit of salt. >> jimmy: okay. >> get a little bit of black pepper. now, my key ingredient is granulated garlic. you don't want to put that in anything except season your meats or seafood. put the granulated garlic in there. you smell that already, cuz? >> jimmy: it smells good. you smell good too. is that cocoa butter? >> no. i just sprayed in the bathroom. all right. you've got this garlic. this is my red. so i'm going it take san marzano tomatoes, the best tomatoes in
find but when you find a g tomato, cuz, it's different than california. now, this is what you got. get that clam stock. how do you make a clam stock? clam stock, olive oil -- c, taste it like that. >> jimmy: it's very clammy. it's good. that'delicious, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> if u can't do this at home, get my book, read it. but you n buy bottled clam juice. now, watch. pour it in. pour it all in. >> jimmy: it's all in. >> get some parsy. >> jimmy: okay. >> you g the parsley? >> jimmy: put this in? >> put it in. >> jjustimmy: ike this? >> n ar this thing. you knowow to cook. >> jimmy: but i wa to follow directns. i n't know what i'm doing. >> that's how simple. now we're going to put it to a boil. >> jimmy: okay. get this to a boil. >> jimmy. what's that? >> jimmy: what? >> over there. >> jimmy: that's sharon ov there. >> i just put something in there. it's called como se chiama. in italian. when you don't know what it
to find out what that is. >> jimmy: i see, you tricked me, all right. that's a hell of a cooking segment where you don't te people how to cook the thing. [ laughter ] >> it's called como se chiama. >> jimmy: i didn't realize. did you know that? >> como se llama. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm good. >> you got your tomatoes, you got your clam stock. yotake ts. two hours. >> jimmy: hours, reay? >> somitalia cook this for 7 1/2 hours. it's all it takes. d this takes about an hour. >> jimmy: okay. >> once that's ,do it's cooked. take this down. we're going to come underneath it. >> jimmy: th is the best part of tv because things are done immediately. you don't have to wait at all. >> and this is what it's going to look like. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to put the yo cuz -- wait a minute, c. >> jimmy: it's backwards. >> my whole life sometimes.
i rely do. it makes me feel like a little boy again. >> what we're going to do, give me a piece of bread. >> jimmy: very good. all right. >> like old school. like they did in "the godfather." >> jimmy: i'm going to feed guillermo too. >> what you're about to eat. cuz, this white sauce is like going to the moon and back for free. >> jimmy: in north korea? [ laughter ] >> no. i'm telling you, it's that good. >> jimmy: all right. i'll try it. i'll let you know what i think. >> you tell me what you think of the red -- >> jimmy: oh, my god. it's like going to the moon. >> i wish i could take somebody of it. >> jimmy: beautiful. [ cheers and applause ] >> tell the truth. >> jimmy: look at that. they like the bread. >> this is the red. be honest. i'm not going to get mad at you. i'm not going to fight you. just tell me. >> jimmy: oh, my god. they're both delicious. but the white one is the one. >> when you make -- cuz. >> jimmy: why don't you bottle this stuff and sell it at macy and is people could spray it at you when you walk through? that is really good.
[ laught [ chrsndpplause ] steve martorano. his cookbook is called "it ain't sauce, it's gravy." and steve has brought a copy of the cookbook for everybody in our audience. we'll be right back with young the giant! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. ? we all want what's best for our kids. introducing mcdonald's new chicken mcnuggets. made with 100% white meat ccken and no artificial colors, flavors and now no artificial preservatives.
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this is "nightline." >>toght, no minced words. >> although the second amendment people, maybe there is, i don't know. >> donald ump still feeling the heat for his comments about second amendment people. tonight he's back on the offensive. >> i obama. he is the founder of isis. i would say the cofounder would be crookedlary clinton. >> hillary today had her own stern warning. >> words matter, my friends. and if you are running to be president, words can have tremendous consequences. >> now even more republicans saying a trumpresidency would be too dangerous.