tv FOX 45 Late Edition FOX October 19, 2013 12:35am-1:10am EDT
- gabe! ohh! you got all close to these people, got involved in their lives. let's get ya back to florida. we'll figure out something for ya. - that sounds like a promotion. - it's not. let's get kelly in here to take his place. - um...why kelly? - 'cause gabe's tall and weak. she's short and strong. i'm doing an opposites thing. - [whispers] okay. - how'd my girl nelly do? - oh. i didn't know you knew her. - she didn't mention it? - no. - integrity move. i like it. - yeah, uh, she also gave me reason to think that maybe she wasn't a good fit. - well, i'm not saying you must hire her. if you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. just make sure they fit real good. no more manager turnover. don't mess this up, jim. and give dwight an interview. i like a little bit of crazy. - ah! - erin, what are you doing? - i've been turned into a puppet. - okay. - [giggling]
look at the puppet. hi, puppet. who are you? - i went to drop off the fedex forms, and an evil witch named angela turned me into a puppet! [kevin laughing] yeah. low blow, puppet. - and there's only one thing that can change me back into a real girl. - it's good. it's just that i wish the puppet would talk more about the alphabet. not for me, but... if any kids are watching. a, b, and so forth. you know. m, n, l, o. p. f. - i need the most special thing in the office. - silence? - a date with the best salesman... andy bernard! - [giggles] hey, erin. - oh.
- where'd you learn how to puppet like that? - i've done it all my life-- - listen, i'm really flattered, but i don't think we should. - stanley, i won't be able to invite everyone to the wedding, because we wanna keep it to 350. - i'll get over it. - i mean, we just have to see how many senators and members of congress want to attend before we can open it up to regular people. pam, you know how you and jim did your ironic wedding? do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford? - that was our dream wedding. - niagara falls? pregnant? that was your dream? pork medallions? - i hope... you have a very beautiful wedding, angela. - hmm. - all right. name. - dwight schrute. - thank you, mr. schnoot. we will let you know.
- you have to interview me. - i just did. the answer to that one question told me everything i need to know. - i demand more questions! - all right, guys. good day. a lot of candidates. let's discuss. - okay. if you're not gonna interview me, then i'll do it. - yes. - dwight, let me be frank. in an accident that no one can blame you for, an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. how are we ever to trust you again? [quietly] that's a great question. i am going to institute a strict no firearms policy for this office that extends to myself as well. wow. all of my concerns are disappearing. - thank you, dwight. - thank you. you'll be hearing from us shortly, mr. schrute, and i think you're going to like the call you're going to receive. oh, come on. i'm just happy that i got this meeting. [door closes] - well, that was quick. - [exhales] very, very interesting.
and you know what? i'm impressed. - he's not a real candidate. - i don't know, jim, 'cause it makes me think about something that my grandfather used to say, which is that sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat, that is the hand that you want on the wheel. - you took the deal. - yeah. it was a great deal. - that's not okay. - i don't know. dwight seems like a great leader to me, and i look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. what do you think, toby? - well, we could try him out for a little while. if it doesn't work out, you know, maybe one of us could, you know, step in... - what is happening right now? temptations treats irresistible, wait'll they try cheezy middles. [ shake sound ] ♪ crunchy outside. cheezy inside. new temptations cheezy middles. once you shake 'em, you can't shake 'em. [ female announcer ] only aveeno daily moisturizing lotion has an active naturals oat formula
aveeno® - is it true that you're making dwight the manager? - no. why would you think that? - well, he and kelly said, then they pre-fired me. - okay. okay, guys, just so you all know, no decision has been made. and dwight is definitely not the boss. - that is correct. actually, dwight is not the manager yet. - no, no, no, not--not ever, 'cause that's not gonna happen. - well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? seems to me like someone is getting a little power mad. - am i the only one who remembers
what he did when he was in charge? i feel like i'm going a little bit crazy. - tuna... you're completely sane. - thank you. - who do you like for the job? is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first but now seems like a safe... if not slightly unexciting choice? - okay. it seems like everybody has an opinion, so who else? anybody? - do you mean it? anybody? are you sure? - [wearily] i suppose i am. - okay. well, what do i want in a manager? let me see. what do i want? - i don't think he meant-- - so now anyone gets to talk at any time? - go ahead. - what do i want? i'm looking for someone who... everyone is listening to me. - can i say-- - yes. - i think it should be darryl. - okay. - what a surprise. minorities sticking together. - kelly's on your side.
- i'm sorry, is that all you think of me--a minority? i am so much more than that. i am a dancer. i'm a singer. i'm a fashion designer. - whoever it is, i think they should be lame. kind of a nonthreatening, moderate personality. - i want an outsider. - perfect. there are several outside candidates that we think-- - no, i mean an outsider. like someone on the margins of society who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person. - a homeless person. really? a homeless person. - no. you're right, pam. let's just leave them to the welfare system and let that handle it. - no, i want you to say that you think the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person. - let me guess who you want, pam. rachael ray? i got away with everything under the last boss, and it wasn't good for me at all. so i want guidance. i want leadership. but don't just like boss me around, you know? like lead me. lead me... when i'm in the mood to be led.
- i just want for once a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his 40s. - hey, hey, hey! - okay, fine. uh, the guy with a tiny [bleep]. are you happy? let's hire that guy! - she may have a point there. would a small [bleep] work? small to moderate. - gotta catch a plane. - oh, hey, gabe, i'm sorry. we didn't get you a cake or anything. we're gonna miss you. - oh, well, i'm still the corporate liaison to the branch. - you are not leaving without giving me a hug. [both chuckle] ugh! - okay, you know what? you don't need to make that sound. - i'm sorry. you were just a lot bonier than i thought you were gonna be! - there are plenty of people who love touching me. i'm a terrific hugger. i've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they wanna do. i will see you all soon. - later, man. - good luck. - we'll miss you. good luck at your new job. - uh, listen up. [ahem] listen up, ladies. i want the job. there. i said it.
i'm educated. i'm capable. i like all of you, and i won't make any changes. - i see it. i see it like i see a mountain that i'm standing in front of and i'm facing and i'm liking. - yeah. andy would be wonderful as boss. erin made a good point. no. we're not related. i got the call. i'll tell her some other day. - what about darryl? we can all agree that he's a stand-up guy, right? - well, let me be clear. i only speak for myself and not myself and the senator. i think we have some wonderful candidates, and there is a great lively debate here. but let's think about-- - no. no. no. sorry. we cut kevin off for the same thing. you have to have something to say if you talk. - exactly. - jada. no, no, no. jada, what are you do-- oh. so sorry, guys. i hope my family didn't disrupt your meeting. - daddy, are these the people who are making you manager? - maybe, sweetheart. [sighs]
single dad. challenges. - i don't know if he'd be a good manager, but he's a really great dad. - okay. shush. this was a mistake. let's go. - it seems like we all know enough to vote. should we just vote now? - what? no, no, no. it's not a vote. - then what was this all about? - i don't know. this conversation really got away from me. - i don't care. they can just vote. - no, they can't. that's not how this is gonna work. [exhales] we're going in this room. we're gonna have a meeting. we're gonna make a recommendation to jo, and she's gonna give you her recommendation on monday, okay? what the hell happened out there? - sometimes you hear people talking about failing upwards. i think i'm about to do that. - this job? oh, yeah, i'll get it. jo's an old friend. i think... i'm her best friend. she's not my best friend. - every day, i have a blueberry muffin. today i did not have a blueberry muffin.
should have had the blueberry muffin. especially considering how incredibly superstitious i am. - no. i've never been more sure of anything in my life. i will be the new boss of... vance refrigeration. - honestly, i think i-- i sabotaged myself. it's like i'm afraid of being happy. case in point... i was supposed to start another job today. - [laughs] i will get offered the job. that's a...call i've received many times. the slight... hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause while they... wait to hear mresponse. and then... my response. - [geeky voice] i want the job. i really do. it's just the rest of my family's in the finger lakes right now. i'm supposed to be in the finger lakes right now. i told 'em i was on a hike, snuck away to do this interview. i gotta get back pretty soon. they'll worry. people disappear in the finger lakes.
brushing for two minutes now, can save your child from severe tooth pain later. two minutes twice a day. they have the time. - personally, i think darryl would be good. - oh, it has to be darryl. or someone i don't know. - i thought the woman who came in, she seemed like she had a fun energy. - i'm not a sexist. i just really don't want it to be a woman.
did you know that in morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? in japan, you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. in italy, you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. this is considered to be polite. why are you telling us this? i am jetting off on an international business trip. where you goin'? to can-a-da. where is it? canada. okay. meredith, i would like you to pretend that you are from abu dhabi. [british accent] hello. i am ashamed at your naked face. i must cover it with my jacket. you are now sexy in your culture. [cheerful music] ♪
[whistling jolly tune] [copier whirring] t-minus... 6.5 days. [inhales sharply] one more week. pam comes back from new york next week, and everyone here has just been so excited for me. and involved. and intrusive. and weird. [chuckles] one more week! heh heh. (david over intercom) do you have your passport? i have my passport. got your per diem?
i have my per diem. i already know what i am going to spend this on. i'm going to buy a sweater. michael, the-- that's for your food. well, i'll just--i'll use different money for that. i was happy to send michael on this trip. he's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer holly up to new hampshire and-- but this little perk really seemed to turn him around. [chuckling] and it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to winnipeg... mid-november. and business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothin' but the best. actually, better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people. and to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. i think i am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce. well, i'm just glad you're happy, 'cause, you know, i felt bad. (michael) well, that is all in the past. and in terms of nightlife, when you get there, just ask the concierge. they have one of those?
♪ let's do this wait, why do you need three suitcases? two are empty for souvenirs. you have your money belt? i do. it is right here. no, no, no, no, no. you want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra. no, i don't want to wear a bra. here, let me help you. stop it. stop it! do you want to get robbed in a foreign country? i wash my hands of this. okay. where's my translator? [speaking french] monsieur. there he is. i'm just bidding a bon voyage a la mon petit fiancée. translation: good-bye, my petite fiancée. [chuckles] be good. i will try. meaning what? meaning i will try to get other dudes laid. yeah, baby! that's what i'm talkin' about. that could be you if you hadn't forgotten french. where is my numbers man? here. there we go! our town car awaits. it's just a van. it's not just a van. look, i know my way around a van. that is just a van. dwight, could you get those, please? [sighs] [jet engine hums] check this out. mimosa. ah, sweet! handed it to me.
as i sat down. this was my hot towel. it is still wet. michael g. scott, rollin' like a pimp! take a sip of that. mm-hmm! that good? mmm. don't drink all of it. mmm! os--give some to oscar. that's really good. i'm good. you want one of your own? i can hook you up. i'm sorry. you'll need to keep moving. yes, this is beth. this is my personal valet slash flight attendant, and she will be helping me this morning. we need to keep the aisle clear. yes. oh! get back, get back. all right. come on! get back to the slums! here we go. oh, boy. [whispering] hey, guys. check out. my own personal dvd player and 20 movies. [whispering] andy brought one, too. harry and the hendersons. shh! keep it down. i made egg salad sandwiches. do you want one? could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? [chuckles] oh, my god, oscar. really--do you have a bag of baby poop in there, too, to share with everybody? no, i'll be ordering my own food, thank you very much. hi. hi. um, i'd like to see a menu, please.
oh, i'm sorry, there are no meals on flights less than two hours. oh, okay. doesn't matter, because i am going to take a nap. i think i'm going to use my complimentary blindfold. i will don it... and--oh! look at that. i can't see because i am in a-- [thud] gah! and what would you like to drink? just checkin' out where i'm gonna be pretty soon. when pam gets back. gonna be close quarters. gonna be a lot of tension. for you. i'm with darryl. this looks like where i'll probably do my push-ups every day. is that supposed to impress me? [breathing heavily]
no. not gonna happen. he has hurt me too much and too often, and i am in a healthy relationship now. so i'm not gonna flaunt it, i'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed. [items crashing] what are we doing? this is so wrong. yeah. mmm. mmm. mmm. this is nice! this is nice. move in here. very sweet. ah! i'll check us in. all right. very cool! very cool. we are gonna find out where the action is, my friend. okay. where's the concierge? yes. wallace said there would be one of those. mmm, bingo. follow moi, bro-sieur. wow! [chuckles] what about a nice sushi place? maybe a place with a view? tsk. oh. matsuki. that's a good one. uh, you may walk there if you wish or you may take the number 17 bus until 9:00.
other than that, you can take the taxi, and the number is right there. wow! wow. i'm blown away by this. i, um... i--ah! this is great. thank you. one final question. um. where might you find yourself on a winnipeg night like tonight? oh, the huntsman is good. the huntsman. down here. the financial district. mm-hmm. a concierge is the winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. this is a woman who has been trained in the ne art of fanciness and pleasure. and when you meet one, it is intoxicating. just what the doctor ordered. can't believe this. [sighs] are you sure? (pam over phone) i just talked to my advisor. failing. wow. i thought you were good at flash. i was, and then they switched to acrobat just as i was learning quark. i--i hate computers.
okay, okay. it's no big deal. so you're not a computer geek. i have to stay and retake it. w-- wow. um. well...okay. that means another 12 weeks. can you do another three months of this? it's not-- it's not about me. i mean, this is your dream. and you went to new york to do this. swhenou come back, you come back the right way. right? right. you okay? uh, my cell battery's low, so i have to let you go. okay. all right. all right. love you. bye. love you, too. [hangs up receiver] [siren in distance] [sniffs]
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stop moisture better than the leading competitor. (michael) guys. she's in there. engaging wings. [imitates mechanical noise] i'm probably gonna leave after one drink. let's do this. yeah, with a hot slab of canadian bacon in your hand. excuse me. hello. concierge marie. michael scott. good to see you again. hello. good to see you. um, this is my associate, uh, from dunder mifflin. uh, oscar martinez. nice to meet you. oscar. works in accounting. [chuckles] this is, uh, concierge marie. yes. who works at our hotel. you look, how you say, radiant tonight. [chuckling] thank you. and it is, how you say, a beautiful night-- michael, why? she's foreign. i am-- for madame et monsieur. oh, thank you. oh. you're very welcome. thank you, andy. thank you? let me get a picture of you guys.
(michael) everybody's going to end up dying someday, and i think it's better to die with some people that you like-- like oscar, and andy, and concierge marie-- than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with. all right. i've scoped out the joint. those two dudes are as good as naked. how do you even know they're gay? come on! it's dandy dale and foppy mcgee over there. [snorts] mademoiselle! beer me dos log island iced teas, s'il vous plait. bad decision in a glass. i don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged--whatever. a g needs intercourse. you will thank me when they spank thee. don't do this. you guys like apples? what? do you like apples? uh, sorry, what-- well, how do you like these apples?
all right, on a scale of one to ten how hot is that dude? is he your boyfriend or something? no, but he could be yours if you play your cards right. dude. leave us alone, all right? gentlemen. what are you doing? dude, you struck out. they're totally stuck-up. here, drink up. how about this one, it's christmas eve-- mm-hmm. and everything is closed, and you need to get some dry cleaning done. 12:00 midnight. where do you go? what do you do? what do you do? come on. what do you do? uh... astro cleaners on st. james place is the only place that is open on that day. unbelievable. unbelievable! if you don't mind me asking-- anything. you can ask me anything. okay. i'm your wingman. it's just that i've sat next to angela
for a very long, very long time. right-o. how could anyone stand that woman? what?! what do you see in her? wh-what do you see in angela? what do i see in angela? i want to know. i see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. she is teaching me to be a better person. and she's working really hard on that. and she has the softest skin i've ever seen, and i can't wait to have sex with her. (oscar) you haven't had sex? no. y--are you guys waiting to get married, or? honestly, i don't know what we're waiting for. andy, something is wrong with that woman. what is wrong with her? i'd like to know. you should call her and ask her. i'd like to know what's wrong with her. i should call her and ask her. what is wrong with her? do it. it's a-- call her. oh, my god. don't call her. don't call her, andy. andy, don't call her. too late. too late, it's dialing. now it's ringing. [laughing] shh! (angela on phone) hello? hello?
what is wrong with you? why won't you do andy? what? that's oscar, and he wants to know why you won't do me, and i think it's a valid question. are you drunk? this is andy bernard. i know who this is. i wanna take you to sex school. what? (dwight in background) who is that, monkey? is somedy there? are you drunk? i have needs. we will discuss this later. naked. what? we'll discuss it later naked. i want to see you naked. [whispering] do you want to get some breakfast or something? (marie) i'm so tired. okay. [lock clicks] temptations treats irresistible, wait'll they try cheezy middles. [ shake sound ] ♪