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tv   FOX 45 News at 500  FOX  August 7, 2013 5:00pm-5:30pm EDT

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>> cora, don't it seem just like yesterday when we were arguing about you going to a concert? i said, "you can't go to that concert, cora. there's gonna be too many people. uh-uh." >> that's because it was yesterday, mr. brown. >> i told you you're not going to that circular concert. >> it was gospel music. >> it wasn't no gospel music. how's it gonna be gospel music if they... [ imitating hip-hip beats ] and you see them chairs dancing, doing like -- i can't -- uh-uh. you ain't going to that. you think washing your face is healthy. but if your skin feels tight and dry it could be a sign of damage. [ female announcer ] get a healthier clean with neutrogena® ultra gentle cleanser. unlike ordinary cleansers that can over-penetrate and damage skin's healthy barrier our breakthrough formula cleans gently without the damage, yet removes dirt, oil, even eye makeup. so clean really is healthy. [ female announcer ] ultra gentle cleanser. neutrogena®. #1 dermatologist recommended skincare.
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i just won a new fiat 500 cabrio! [ all ] roadtrip! [ male announcer ] monopoly at mcdonald's is back! with 1-in-4 odds... plus, you could win $1 million instantly on a big mac. monopoly -- there's always more fun at mcdonald's. >> okay, evelyn. oh, it was nice talking to you. talk to you later. love you. can't stand that woman. all she does is run her mouth. >> well, why do you talk to her? >> because she's my best friend. [ doorbell rings ] let me get that. >> okay. >> evelyn? >> edna darling! >> [ laughs nervously ] we were -- we were just talking
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on the phone. >> i know. i called you from my car phone in my new benz! [ laughs ] i wanted to surprise you. surprise! >> well, i -- i wish you'd let me know you were coming. >> so this is the big house you were telling me about. ooh, it's nice. not as big as i thought but nice. [ laughs ] >> hello, i'm cora simmons. >> evelyn west, edna's best friend. i'm sure she's talked about me. >> no, never heard of you. >> no? oh, well, i'm only in town for one day. my husband larry, the doctor, he had a meeting down in macon, so i just figured what the hades? i popped in the mercedes, took the top down. oh, it was a wonderful drive up here. the sun, the air, and then... ooh, cows! oh, you remember my husband, larry, don't you? >> oh, yes, yes. he was my boyfriend larry. >> oh, that's right. oh! that was so long ago, i forgot all about that. i'm so glad we were able to get
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past all that. i was a bit of a hoochie. i was kind of horrible. >> really? >> minus the "orrible." >> so, where is this husband of yours you've been bragging about? >> oh. i, um -- i think he's lying down. >> yeah, in the cemetery. >> what? >> what cora means is that he owns cemeteries all over the country, and on his lunchtime, he likes to visit with them. >> oh, is that what cora means? cora don't need a translator. >> oh. >> well, when we talked on the phone a few minutes ago, you said he was here, so i just popped on by to meet him. so, where is he? >> yeah. i would like to see him, too. where is he, miss edna? >> uh, i need some batteries for this. it keep going dead. edna, go upstairs and get some batteries out your nasty drawer. >> oh, baby. >> what the what?! >> he's back. >> get off of me. get off of me, edna.
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what is wrong with you? [ door opens ] [ muffled dance music plays ] >> what are you doing? >> huh? >> what are you doing? >> i can't hear you! >> what are you doing? >> working out. you know, they say if you listen to workout music, it helps you burn calories. >> uh, i think you have to work out while listening to the workout music. >> what? >> you have to work out while you listen to the workout music. >> what?! ew! well, then i'll get all sweaty. ugh. well, guess i'm gonna have to listen to that new e-30 song later.
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it's the best. >> oh. what do you know about e-30? do you like e-30? >> yeah. ♪ slap her, punch her >> i love e-30, but i want to go to his concert, and sasha's not gonna let me go. >> what? i'll just call that little "e" boy right up and get you some tickets and backstage passes. >> london, wait. you know him? >> yeah. that song's about me. ♪ slap her, punch her [ giggles ] hi, "e." >> hi, "e." bye. sasha said i can't go, remember? >> you know what? that's her job is to be a parent and tell you not to do things, but your job is to not listen. >> so we should probably not tell her that we're going to the concert. >> yeah, exactly. ha. you know, that's how i rolled
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at your age, and look at me! >> well, thanks, london, so much! i'm gonna tell all my friends we're coming. thanks! >> all right. oh, this role model stuff is supercool! >> [ wailing ] why me?! why me?! save me, lord! i feel so dirty! aah! >> mr. brown, what is wrong with you? get up from there! >> save me, lord! don't let me burn! >> get up, mr. brown! >> edna! cora, edna touched me, and you know she's just n-n-n-nasty! >> don't make that sound so harsh. >> 'cause she nasty, cora! >> brown. >> what the -- cora, get her! cora, jump on her for me! get her! i got nasty on me, cora. >> evelyn's in there just yapping away. the nerve of that woman. what kind of friend shows up and visits? >> well, why in the world would you tell her you were married? >> i had to. evelyn and i have been competing for as long as i can remember.
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i get a new dress -- she wants a new dress. i get a new car -- she wants a new car. >> you grow a goatee -- did she grow a goatee? >> and to top it off, she stole my boyfriend larry. so i told her i was married. i didn't think she was gonna show up. >> well, you have to be honest with her. the truth will set you free. >> yeah, set us free. make us... ♪ free >> i don't want to be free. i want to be married in bondage. at least until she leaves. oh, i should have just asked the colonel. >> well, the colonel not here, and i'm sure not gonna volunteer for that. >> and lying won't help, miss edna. >> well, there are no men here. >> i beg your pardon. >> maybe -- maybe i'll settle for brown. >> maybe you won't. the devil is a liar. >> oh, please. please, brown. please, just until she leaves. >> no, edna!
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unh-unh, edna. i'm just getting the hives thinking about it. >> she's only gonna be here a few more hours. come on, just pretend you're my husband until she leaves. brown, please. >> no! edna, get your hands off. get your paws off of me! >> please, brown! >> edna, look. i'm not fixing to sacrifice my religion just so you can tell a lie. i'm not gonna do it. >> i'll give you double my rent this month. >> oh, well, baby, you shoulda said that earlier. [ both laugh ] no, no, none of that. >> come on. >> edna! [ gagging ] i think i'm gonna have a stroke. vamanos dusty! the fans await! roger that. so, el chu... what do i do? i've never done this before! just smile and be yourself! oh! it's dusty crophopper! over here! dusty!!! hey! aaaaaagh! wow! so many fans! dusty my friend, don't let it go to your head. you have to stay humble... like me! aaaaaaaah-ha-ha-hiiiiiiy! fly into target for everything planes.
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>> we went to london... >> oh! >> ...and paris. >> ooh! >> girl, talk about livin'! >> oh, it sounds wonderful. girl, get him in here. i want to talk to him. >> darling, would you come in here, please? sweetheart? puddin'! >> go! go! [ laughter ] >> oh, my. whoo! edna, you two look like you could do some real damage. >> he could do some damage on a piece of cake. >> edna just -- i likes to call her my "boo." boo! >> oh! well, i want details. so, where did you two meet?
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>> paris. >> texas. >> bed and breakfast in paris, texas. >> yeah. >> how long ago? >> two years ago. >> six years ago. what she mean is two years ago, we were living in sin, deep in sin, and edna wanted to get her life right, so we've been living sin-free. she was getting right with jesus. >> oh, well, you two make a handsome couple. >> i tell edna that all the time, especially her mustache when she get it -- ow! [ cellphone ringing ] >> um... oh, that's larry. excuse me. hi, honey. uh-huh. i'm sitting here with edna and her loving husband now. [ laughs ] uh-huh. oh, that's okay. oh, fine, fine. that's fine. [ laughs ] yeah, i'll see you then. bye-bye. oh. >> oh, excuse us. oh. >> oh, that was larry.
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he -- he can't come. >> really? >> yes. he has to stay overnight in macon to put out some fires. >> he can't make it. >> oh! well, i guess i'll be your houseguest tonight! >> no, no. you can't stay here. now, no. >> why not? >> 'cause the, uh, bugs. we got bugs bad. yeah. they take your shoes and everything. they climb all in your hair. you don't want our bugs messing around with -- there go one right -- i got it. there's one right there! >> there's another one! >> ow! quit! you almost broke my arm. >> you two! oh, there are no bugs. you two must like it rough, huh? i'll just go get my things. >> no, you talkin' about -- you -- wait -- you -- but wait -- how -- you can't -- you can't stay here because -- >> so it backfired on you, huh? >> cora -- >> she can't stay here. go on out there and tell her she can't stay here. >> tell her, cora, hurry up. >> okay. okay. wait. just calm down. just sit down. i'll take care of it, lovebirds.
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>> cora, this ain't no lovebird. this is a hate buzzard. >> oh, you watch it! >> sit down, crow. >> i -- what? i'm telling you, you hit me one more time, i'm gonna -- >> and what? >> i'm gonna forget you a lady 'cause you look like a dude. >> miss evelyn, i'm glad you're staying! oh, we have plenty of room! oh, yes. i'll go and prepare the guest room. yes. just gather your things. they're gonna sleep on the couch. all right. okay. i'll see you in a minute. yes, that's wonderful. >> cora, that was just evil. how you gonna tell her she can stay here? that ain't no guest room. that's my room. >> cora, how can you tell her she can stay here? >> to give you a chance to tell the truth. you can't go on living this lie. >> oh, yes, i can! i made peace with my lies a long time ago! >> well, how do you sleep at night? >> like this in a coffin. like that. just up like that in the air. alone just like i'm gonna sleep on this couch...alone!
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>> both: ♪ slap her, punch her ♪ slap her, punch her >> yeah! that was good! [ laughs ] >> oh! oh! gee, london, that concert was the bomb. >> i know. >> sasha would have never let me go. >> i know. >> london, please tell me that you have the power to turn on lights with your mind. >> nope, but i've been working on that one. >> where have you been, and how could you? >> e-30! >> see, i just -- i really wanted to go to the concert -- >> not you. you're supposed to be irrational. you're 15. now go to your room. >> yes, ma'am. >> and you are grounded until you're 16. >> yes, ma'am. >> london, how could you let her play you like that? >> it was just a concert. >> a concert i forbid brianna to go to. >> i got you a tank top. >> london, don't you know better
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than that? huh? >> well, obviously not. teenagers defy their parents. they're irresponsible. >> so what's your excuse, london? look, anything could have happened to her. >> yeah, but she was with me. >> is that supposed to be comforting? london, you walk around here like you don't have a care in the world because your rich little daddy can bail you out of anything. well, brianna doesn't have it like that, okay? she has to work hard for what she gets in this world. >> i'm sorry. i was just trying to be her friend. >> brianna's friends are her age, and you need to grow up. >> you know what? just because i'm rich doesn't mean that you know me, so don't act like you know me, okay? i wasn't gonna let anything happen to brianna. i love her just as much as you do. i just wanted to take her out and have some fun. all you do is walk around here like, "don't do this, don't do that." you know what? you need to grow up and ease up. take a chill pill.
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>> move! >> edna, you smell like goat cheese. smell like burnt bacon. get out of -- stay on your side! >> what kind of man wears a onesy to bed? and stop moving around before you create a fire? >> why your toenails on my side? look at your toenails right -- your toenails -- quit scratching me! you're scratching me, edna. >> look, we're only pretending to be married for one night, and that's it! >> and i want my money. you better have my money, too. >> edna? is this true? >> yes. you were bragging on and on about larry, your husband, and i felt like i had to make up one of my own. >> and you chose him? >> i was desperate. >> okay, in case y'all didn't know, i'm laying right here. >> well, since we're being
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honest... larry and i divorced five years ago. well, you were bragging about your husband, so i just decided to keep mine. >> i ought to have cora jump on her. i'm-a pay cora. >> you mean, you were jealous of me? >> since the day we met. >> oh, girl, girl. >> ohh! >> i tell you what, since you two chicks done got this all sorted out, i'm going upstairs to take me a shower. i got to wash this nasty edna off of me. >> best friends? >> yes. >> both: forever! >> aw, this ain't "the color purple." shut up. >> i'm still not understanding that. >> me either. [ both laugh ]
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>> and, brianna, i mean it. no tv, no phone, no nothing. i'm sorry about what i said. >> i'm sorry about what i did. >> both: you go first. >> no, london. look, i said enough, okay? you go first. >> okay. i messed up, and i'm really sorry. i just wanted to be a role
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model. but i won't ever do it again. >> london, i know you won't. brianna's gonna need a whole lot more than you to break out this time. >> well, i thought about what you said, and -- >> london, i was upset. >> yeah, but you know what? you're right. i've only traveled the world and partied everywhere, and, yeah, i'm rich and famous, but what do i have to show for it? >> a boatload of frequent flyer miles? >> [ scoffs ] i fly private. i mean, look at you. you're a nurse. you have kids. you get a-a -- i think it's called a "paycheck." you're so grown-up and raising a family. i mean, wow. and all i have is this all-access pass to the hottest clubs in hollywood...
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and saint-tropez... and miami... and monte carlo. [ both laugh ] >> but, london, you recognize that, and that's a start. look, you're still young, okay? you're gonna grow at your own pace, but you're gonna grow, right? >> yeah. so you don't hate me? >> of course, i don't hate you. you're my girl. >> ah, you're my girl, too. >> okay, so, um, now that we're girls again, i've got something we can do together. >> [ gasps ] what is it? >> okay. why don't we think about all the chores that we hate doing and make brianna do them? >> [ gasps ] >> ha! ha! >> awesome! what are chores? [ no audio ]
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>> she got those things on her legs. >> yeah. carbuncles. >> and that afro pit up under her arm. >> hey, guys, what's up? what's going on? >> both: nothing. >> no, seriously, you guys. what's going on? >> well, since you asked, we think that you should get a makeover. >> excuse me? >> no, no, no, no, no offense, angel, but i'm sure that your man would appreciate, you know, a new look. >> a new look? me, a makeover? >> yeah, you know, like some highlights, a facial. you know, some new nail color.
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something. >> first of all, me and my boyfriend broke up months ago. >> well, maybe that's why you let yourself go. >> you two know nothing about women. that's why your wife left you. that's why you'll never find one. and that's why you can't keep one. >> what? what'd i do? >> nothing. nothing. that's what everybody's doing -- nothing. everybody get -- hello, angel? >> but, chief, there's nothing for us to do. >> engine company 5, please respond to a multi-vehicle collision at the 75-85 split. traffic is blocked in both directions. please use secondary routes. >> that's perfect. everybody, y'all be safe out there. get going. finally, peace and quiet. [ groans ] oh, boy. >> excuse me. >> oh. come on. may i help you? >> um, i really hope so. i'm going to have a baby. >> congratulations.
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>> let me rephrase that. i'm going to have a baby, like, right now. >> [ gasps ] this is so so soft. hey hun, remember you only need a few sheets. hmph! [ female announcer ] charmin ultra soft is made with extra cushions that are soft and more absorbent. plus you can use four times less. charmin ultra soft. could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. mmmhmmm...everybody knows that. well, did you know that old macdonald was a really bad speller? your word is...cow.
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cow. cow. c...o...w... ...e...i...e...i...o. [buzzer] dangnabbit. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. >> hoo. hoo! watch this. [ video game sounds ] >> whoa! >> calvin, we're gonna miss the movie. >> oh, oh, yeah, tracie. >> can't you just, like, save the game and play it later? >> all: save and play later? >> you can't save in the middle of a level. >> why not? >> all: because you can't. >> this is the furthest i've ever gotten in this game. i'm making history. >> oh, history, huh? so it's about getting to the next level? calvin...if you are not in the car in the next 5 seconds, you will never, ever make it to the next level with me, okay?


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