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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  December 29, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EST

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes vice president joe biden, and dj khaled. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! good to see you. ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you, mark. >> stephen! stephen! stephen.
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>> jon: yeah! >> stephen: what's going on, jon? good to see you. ( cheers and applause ) hey! you're very nice. oh, the people-- wonderful. what a lovely crowd. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. everybody feeling good? everybody feeling good? ( cheers and applause ) nice. people are excited about joe biden, is what they're excited about. ( cheers and applause ) i wish that was for me. the big political news today is that al gore went to trump tower yesterday to talk climate change with donald trump. yeah, yeah. ( applause ) first half of the meeting was convincing trump that al gore was not a hoax invented by the chinese. ( laughter and applause )
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and when gore emerged from the meeting, i've got to say, he was passionately noncommittal. >> i found it an extremely interesting conversation, and, to be continued. ( laughter ) >> stephen: "extremely interesting" and "to be continued," two things that have never been used to describe al gore's political career. ( laughter ) so-- >> jon: hey, now! ( piano riff ) >> stephen: keep breathing. keep breathing. meanwhile, trump's twitter stream is just as polluted as ever. this morning he issued this tweet: yeah, just cancel. just treat a $4 billion plane like a pizza from grub hub. cancel. i hope boeing wasn't close to finishing it.
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it's kind of a custom order. i guess they could put it on the seattle craigslist: "available: bulletproof 747 that can outmaneuver a hellfire missile. $4 billion, or best offer. serious inquiries only." and then later in the day, trump put his tweet where his mouth is. >> we want boeing to make a lot of money, but not that much money. okay? thank you. ( laughter ) >> stephen: a sentiment that is captured on his new hat: "make america great again. not that great." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) now, after his comments, "boeing's stock took an immediate sharp turn downward." now, i don't know if donald trump realizes that for the next four years, his most casual offhand comments could shake the stock market. he could cause the next great depression with a bad yelp
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review of taco bell. "gordita supreme tastes so authentic, i'm having it deported." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) now, a lot of worried people out there are trying to keep trump from being president, even at this point. in fact, a member of the electoral college named christopher souprun, just wrote an op-ed titled, "why i will not cast my electoral vote for donald trump." souprun said trump is unfit for office and as evidence, he cites-- donald trump. ( laughter ) this makes souprun what's called a "faithless elector," also a the name of a lifetime movie about a wife having an affair with a voting machine. this guy suggests that instead of trump, republican electors should vote for someone like governor john kasich of ohio. come on!
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it's a protest vote, you can pick anyone on the planet, and you choose john kasich? that's like a genie giving you three wishes and you saying, "i'll take three old navy gift cards, please." they're great by the way. obviously, one of your wishes would be for an old navy gift card. speaking of gift cards, do you guys use amazon? ( cheers and applause ) of course you do. where else are you going to go at 4:00 a.m. to buy a tent, a nose hair trimmer, and a clarinet? well-- they suggest those together, by the way. >> jon: oh, they put them together, like a bundle. >> stephen: nose hair trimmer and clarinet look a lot alike. don't mix those up, though. >> jon: oh, no, i wouldn't. >> stephen: they're very painful but sound beautiful. well, amazon has announced that it's opening a line of brick- and-mortar grocery stores called amazon go, which, according to their website, is a new kind of store with no checkout required.
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simply use the amazon go app to enter the store, take the products you want, and go! i've done that! it's called stealing. ( laughter ) just take it and go. ( cheers and applause ) and then-- ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) just think-- no checkout means never again will you get stuck in line behind some old person counting change. now you'll get stuck in line behind an old person trying to install an app on their smartphone. anyway, good luck, amazon. i just hope nobody comes up with a way to buy stuff on the internet, or these stores are going to get crushed. we've got a great show for you tonight. vice president joe biden is here. stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) during the final days of it'the ford year end event.ve
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! there you go. hey, welcome back, everybody. give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody. >> jon: oh, yeah! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you know, people watch this show for a lot of different reasons, mostly, obviously, for information. ( laughter ) but a lot of people out there they tell me they think of me like a dad. you know, i often hear that from my own kids, which is nice. ( laughter ) in fact, people tell me all the time that they think of me as their "tv dad." well, i know how important, as a dad, it is to spend quality time with the kids, especially in uncertain times like these. so i guess i should sit you down and check in on how things are
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going with the family. that's right, dad's calling a family meeting. ( cheers and applause ) ( grunts ) hey, buddy. hey, buddy. take a load off. listen. i was hoping we could have a little rap session here, you know, connect. just, you know, sort some stuff out, like you've got to do every so often. but, you know, i'm merely a father figure, i don't have any real power around here. that's why i've also invited a father figure who has actual authority: your pops, joe. pops, come on out here. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) good to see you, pops. ( cheers and applause ) it's so important you do this every so often. it's so important to have these meetings. ( cheers and applause ) >> i know. they don't listen all the time, though. ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: yeah, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) listen, buddy-- ( cheers and applause ) exactly. so, listen. ( cheers and applause ) all right, sit down, fella. sit down, we have to talk. you can't clap your way out of this meeting. we have to talk about this. >> hey, champ. how you doing? >> stephen: look, look, pops and i are worried about the sudden changes. we know you're worried about the changes the family is going through. >> it happens to every family, but i'm telling you, this terrible feeling you're having right now? it's not permanent. it will be over in four years, maybe eight. but, you know-- there's an old saying in this family: it's like a grandfather clock. >> stephen: exactly, life is like a grandfather clock-- maybe the pendulum has swung all the way to one side, but before you know it, it will swing back to the other. >> point is, you should probably get a newer clock. ( laughter ) or better yet, just look at your phone. >> stephen: that's right, time is right on there. hey, buddy, we're not done. sit down.
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we're just getting started, okay. do you need some bug spray for the ants in your pants? ( laughter ) all right? that's a dad joke. get used to it. all right, there's something else we need to talk to you about. >> look, we're not mad. we're just disappointed. >> stephen: i'm actually mad. i'm actually very mad. look, we overheard you using some pretty salty language the other day. we know you're better than that. we don't want to hear those swear words from you-- "hogwash" "baloney" or "malarkey." >> stephen: joe, joe, we're on cbs. they're going to bleep half of that. >> i'm sorry. i'm so gosh damn-- darn disappointed-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: that is the angriest i have ever seen this man! ( cheers and applause ) are you happy? look what you did! >> sorry, i'm sorry. >> stephen: look what you did to your pop! you made him say the "d" word. are you going to be okay? >> i think so. >> stephen: look, i don't mean to come down too hard on you, buddy, i just don't think it's the job of a dad to be your best friend. >> well, i do, i do.
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look, here are some leftover fireworks. i want you to take them, i want you to go out, and i want you to go out and have some fun, have some fun. you know, you know, you don't-- you know, you know, kiddo, don't think i haven't noticed, you've been cutting some corners when you've been mowing the lawn lately. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. that's a thing in this family, there's a saying in this family: okay? life is like a grandfather clock-- >> no, no, we already did that. we already did that. >> stephen: well, then, what's the saying, pops? >> the saying is, "any job worth doing is worth doing well." >> stephen: okay, you've got to always do your best to mow the lawn. it doesn't matter that somebody else is about to get the job of mowing the lawn after you, even though as far as you can tell, that person has never touched a lawnmower in his life. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> look, look-- ( applause ) look, kid, it doesn't matter who is mowing it. the point is, it's the greatest
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lawn in the world, and no matter our differences, we're all responsible for its upkeep. and i've got to believe that in their heart, the next mower is-- is going to do the best they can to make sure that lawn, that everyone feels safe to have a picnic on it. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's a beautiful metaphor. ( laughter ) >> metaphor? metaphor, okay. look, i'm talking about mowing the lawn. ( laughter ) what are you talking about? >> stephen: same thing. i'm talking about the same thing. listen, buddy, just remember, when you're doing a job, always give 110% and always respect your boss. >> especially if he has the nuclear launch codes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: good point. listen to this man. and you know what? you know what? here's-- here's 20 bucks. go have some fun. >> hey, you know, you know what? i need to borrow that 20 bucks. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know-- i'm-- i'm losing my job pretty soon.
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i'm losing my job pretty soon. >> stephen: oh, you're losing your job. oh, yeah, that's right. so what are you going to do next, pops? >> well, i'm going to follow my passion, you know, speedboat racing. i love danger, you know, and you got your whole life ahead of you, kid. >> stephen: yeah, you've got your whole life ahead of you. don't listen to him. okay, speaking of life, i think it's maybe time we had "the talk." don't be embarrassed! up here. don't be embarrassed. it's perfectly natural. pops, tell him about the birds and the bees. >> well, here's the deal-- they're disappearing at an alarming rate. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) both birds and bee populations. they're plummeting. they're plummeting. >> stephen: you know what would get those populations back up? sex. but you're too young to know about that stuff. >> look, go ask your mother. you know, you know what? you're a good kid. here-- here's 20 bucks from your pop. go and have some fun, and remember that we love you. >> stephen: we'll be right back with vice president joe biden.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. ( cheers and applause ) folks, my first guest tonight is the 47th vice president of the united states. please welcome vice president joseph biden. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden joe biden ♪ joe biden ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back. >> it's great to be back. >> stephen: so nice to see you again. >> good to see you, pal. >> stephen: well, this is the first time we've spoken on air in over a year, and it is the first television interview you've done since the election. some people were shocked that night. some people were quite surprised. what was that night like for you? >> well, i've been in a closet since then. ( laughter ) i haven't come out-- no. look, it was a-- it was a-- it was disappointing, to state the obvious. and-- but there were signs toward the end that this was going to be a lot closer than we thought. hillary did get 2.5 million more votes, but the truth of the matter is-- ( cheers and applause ) but, by the way, this is fair and square won.
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we have an electoral system, we're a republic, and that's the way it works. and, but i did a total of 84 campaign events for her, and toward the end, you could feel there was-- there was a change. because this was the-- there was hardly any discussion about any issues in this campaign. and i remember getting off the plane-- i guess i was going to cleveland-- and speaking to a large crowd of a couple of thousand people, and i said, what really has me upset is the fact is that the press has only covered these sort of outrageous assertions that have been made, and-- and there was no discussion of the things that elections are supposed to be about, a referendum on ideas and about what-- what we're going to do about education or jobs or foreign policy. and i, you know, the campaign knew at that time that-- that the concern was whether there was going to be enough turnout among millennials and there was
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a concern about the states that in fact turned out very closely but went the other way. >> stephen: well, the last time you were here, you hadn't made up your mind yet as to whether you were going to run for president. and i asked you at the time, and you couldn't give me an answer at the time. and you've said that you have regretted every day not running. was there a particular day or days... ( laughter ) because for me it was november 9, about three weeks ago. ( laughter ) but was there a day in the last year that you went, "i wish i had jumped in? >> well, look, let me be clear about the regret. i know i made the right decision for my family. i know i made the right decision-- i'm not sure i would have been able to put my whole heart into it. but what i regret is the circumstance that led me not to be able to run. i do think that i-- it's a terrible thing to say, on many people's minds, but do i think i
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was best prepared at this moment to lead the country? i-- i-- i did, because i mean i thought the issues that are of greatest concern were in my wheelhouse, things i've dealt with my whole career. so in that sense, i'm disappointed that i'm not going to be in a position to be making some of those decisions. but i don't regret the actual decision. the decision was the right decision for me to have made. and by the way, you know, i learned-- you want to become the most popular guy in america? announce you're not running. announce you're not running, and, boy, everything moves in a direction. who the heck knows what would have happened had i run? >> stephen: well, we might find out because yesterday you were on capitol hill and you were asked by a reporter, "are you going to run for office again? and you said-- and i quote, sir, "yeah, i am, i'm going to run in 2020." reporter, "for what?" "for president, you know, so, what the hell, man." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )
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>> well, look, stephen, i know. i did that for one reason. so i could announce now i'm not running and be popular again. ( laughter ) i mean, because i learned. >> stephen: there's no way? you didn't mean that? what the hell, vice president? >> look, i've become-- you and i talked about this in a different context before. i'm a great respecter of fate. i don't plan on running again. but, you know, to say you know what's going to happen in four years, i just think is-- is not rational. i-- >> stephen: that is the sound of a door creaking open, is what that is. >> well, look, i mean, i can't see the circumstance in which i'd run, but what i've learned a long, long, long time ago, stephen, is to never say never. you don't know what's going to happen. i mean, hell, donald trump is going to be 74. i'll be 77, and in better shape. i mean, what the hell. who knows? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: arm wrestling? ( cheers and applause ) maybe arm wrestling? >> no, i have no plans-- i have no plans. >> stephen: no plans?
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>> but i'm going to stay deeply, deeply involved. look, every morning i've gotten up since i was 26 years old, there have been some issues. there were issues i am concerned about. my dad used to have an expression, he said "a lucky person gets up in the morning, puts both feet on the floor and knows what he's going to do and thinks it still matters." i think this still really matters. there are things i care deeply about, from violence against women to whether or not we have a rational arms control policy. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you've been-- you know, you've been in washington, in public service for over 40 years. what do you expect from the trump administration? >> now, y'all are going to laugh when i say this. but the honest to god truth is, i don't know. and, no, but i'm being deadly earnest here. i don't think-- i don't think the president himself knows for certain. ( laughter ) no, by the way, presidents who really knew why they were running and had thought they
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were going to win and planned? you get there, and it's a different world, i'm telling you. it's a different world. i served in the senate for 36 years. one of the reasons the president asked me to join him was because i allegedly knew a lot about the government. but it's a different-- ( laughter ) but all kidding aside, it is the largest corporation in the world. it is, you know, if you're going to do it well, it takes you, you know, 10 to 12 hours a day just absorbing information. and if you look at the people that donald trump has named so far, some give me great pause. there's other people he's appointed in the administration that are very solid. you know, elaine chao, is fully capable being a great secretary of labor. so it's just-- i don't think anybody knows for certain, but we have to be vigilant, and when in fact it looks like the administration is moving in a direction that is harmful or
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dangerous, or-- or if-- i'm counting on president-elect trump to tamp down the-- this bitterness that's being promoted about everything from the l.g.b.t. community to african americans to muslims. i mean-- >> stephen: well, what do you make of a president who-- or a president-elect who seems to be responding on the spur of the moment with tweets to personal slights? like attacking alec baldwin on "s.n.l.," or taking a moment to cancel an order from boeing, based on we don't know what? ( laughter ) and, like, it seems a little mercurial. >> well, i can understand going after late-night hosts. i can understand that. it makes a lot of sense to me, to attack you guys. i mean, what the hell, i don't know. no, look-- >> stephen: and i'm afraid that's all we have time for. ( laughter ) >> look, i-- we -- >> stephen: don't we want the
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steadiest possible hands-- >> we do. >> stephen: and the president is saying the first thing that occurs to his thumbs, it's a little unnerving. >> yes, it is. but, you know, look, we've got to do-- look, let's assume the-- the worst. it makes no sense to start this off without the rest of us saying we're going to give this guy an actual even shot. we're going to give him a clear shot to do the job. we're going to actually be there to work with him when he has good ideas and challenge his ideas when they're not. but here's what i hope we get away from. i hope we get away from what is basically an ad hominem argument that takes place today. it's always about the other guy's motive, what the other guy intends, not so much what he thinks or what he's proposing, but the reason he did that is because of the following. i just don't think it gets us very far.
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there's enough-- and one of the things that's going to happen-- you're going to see the debate sharpen very, very drastically because they're not going to be reporting about whether, what he said on a particular show, i hope. they're going to be talking about whether or not his idea to deal with trade makes sense, whether his idea to deal with building a wall makes sense. there will be a real debate engaged which never occurred in the last election. and i think-- and quite frankly, unless he changes some of his views, i think it's going to be-- the reports of the demise of the democratic party are premature. i see them coming back big time in 2018. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, we'll find out, we'll find out. >> we'll find out. >> stephen: we'll be right back with more joe biden. stick around, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're here with your friend and mine, vice president joe biden. now, one of the things-- the responsibility that you've taken on in the last year is what you are calling the cancer moonshot, what you and the president called the cancer moonshot, which is to put the country and our research facilities and put the government support behind the idea of finding a cure for cancer in the next ten years. how do you approach this, as a father who lost his son a year and a half ago to the disease that you're hoping to bring an end to? how does that affect you personally? >> well, look, you and i, in one of our private conversations, i told you about the-- i got a letter-- an awful lot of you, by the way, maybe some in the
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audience, were incredibly generous to my family and me when we lost our son, but a lot of people have had equally bad things or worse happen to them and don't have the support that i have had. and they get up every morning, they put one foot in front of the other and they go out there and they do their job and they move. and that's what i keep thinking about, those people. and i also, as i said to you, i got a letter from vicki kennedy, ted kennedy's wife. he was a great friend and a friend of my son's as well, both my sons. and she included in the letter, a copy of the letter that her father-in-law, who she never knew, ambassador kennedy, ted's father, had written to a friend in 1954 who had just lost his son. and remember, ambassador kennedy lost his eldest son, joe, in world war ii, and joe was the guy thought to be destined to be the president and the leader of the family.
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and writing to his-- she said every time teddy would get really down, he'd go to the top drawer of his bureau and pull out the letter and read the letter his father wrote to his friend. and there's a line in the letter that says to his friend-- i'm making the name up, i don't remember-- john-- "john, there's no way to explain the loss, and there's no answer i know how to fill the void, except one thing. i determined shortly after joe died, i'd ask myself 'what would joe do if he were here?' and i devoted my life to doing what i thought joe would do. that fills the void. it makes it worthwhile." and i know that if it were reversed, beau would be spending his time doing all in his power to try to bring together these great minds in the cancer research world, all across the-- all around the world, to focus,
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and have a greater sense of urgency on what can be done to do in the next five years what ordinarily would take ten. to take some cancers and turn them into chronic diseases, completely cure others. you know, when nixon declared the war on cancer in 1961, he-- '71-- he had no army. he had no tools. he had-- he had no real information. and so the entire structure set up to deal with cancer was sort of a jonas salk model, which is one guy or woman in a laboratory finding a specific cure. well, we didn't know then, there are over 200 different cancers, completely different cancers. there are tools we have now that didn't exist. we can compute to the degree of a million, billion calculations per second. there have been hundreds of thousands, millions of cancer genomes that have been done, sequenced. there's all this data. and one of the things we found out is if you're prepared to share that data-- which the culture of medicine isn't prepared to do yet-- if they
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share that data, we can find answers. i'll bet every one of you know somebody who has had cancer-- hopefully not in your family, but maybe in your family-- and a treatment was prescribed. and for another person who had the same cancer a treatment was prescribed and it worked on one and not the other? why? why is that happening? well, there are answers. and the only way to do that is to aggregate massive amounts of data and use the technology we have to be able to look at patterns and how it changes, what works and what doesn't work and why it works. for example, i did this report for the president with these brilliant, brilliant cancer specialists from around the world, and signed a memorandum of understanding with ten different nations appeared at the u.n. when we had the general assembly to share all this information. one of the things that we found out is that-- for example, the largest hospital in the world is the veterans hospital. they have more data on cancer. they have more blood samples to
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test whether there are markers in your blood for cancer, which they're finding out now, they can figure those things out. and all of a sudden, we got a phone call from-- from the company that happens to have a little machine called watson and said, "why don't we make watson available to you?" because watson has read every single solitary piece of data on cancer around the world. so now someone gets cancer in the military, they go to the hospital at walter reed, they get their human genome sequenced. it gets put into watson. watson, in a matter of hours, can tell you every single therapy that's ever been used on that type of cancer to narrow the field exponentially to know what may work better. and so there are all kinds of things beginning to happen. the biggest thing is change the culture of sharing data, sharing information, not hoarding it.
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and we're beginning to break down these silos and barriers, and i think we're going to make enormous progress. >> stephen: well, one of the things that-- ( applause ) one of the things that gives me hope is that, on this issue at least, you and the president and leaders from the other side have been able to bring people together. there is a bill that has now passed the house and it just passed the senate and it's going to be going to the president's desk for a signature, allocating $1.8 billion to this effort of the moonshot, along with other research. and mitch mcconnell, the majority leader for the republicans, did something that i thought was a beautiful gesture-- >> i agree. >> stephen: --and named the bill for your son. >> he did. you know, it's the senate i used to know. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's something that-- you just don't hear anymore. >> no, it's the senate i grew up in. there was-- there's a lot of decency. we treated each other with respect. it was a generous thing to do.
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and, you know-- and the leaders on getting this passed, which is called "the cures bill," were, among the leaders were two of them were the leading republicans in the house of representatives. this is the one bipartisan issue. and i remember when i was saying i hope i can get, before the year is out, another $1 billion for cancer. we got $1.8 billion. ( cheers and applause ) and i say, "i got," but it's an example of how-- how we used to work-- we have to listen to each other. we don't listen very much anymore. within my party now, there's a debate that we either have to somehow yield on our progressive principles relating to women and african americans, l.g.b.t. communities. i said, look, i take a back seat to no one. i got listed as one of the most liberal voting records in 36 years. i'm the guy that said i was totally comfortable with gay
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marriage and things began to change. i make no excuses for my positions. but here's the deal. ( applause ) but what i've found is that is not at all inconsistent with looking out for the people in the neighborhoods i grew up with, working people, high school-educated people who are scared to death, who, all of a sudden find themselves on a scrapheap because they have good jobs, and all of a sudden their job is gone, and they no longer-- they're not qualified to the new digital age. they don't know what to do. they're frightened. they're scared. the neighborhoods i come from in scranton and claymont and wilmington, they're as progressive-- but they need to know you understand their problem. you understand their fear, you understand their concern. and a lot of them are being left behind. >> stephen: mr. vice president, are you sure you won't run in four years? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> here's what i'm sure of--
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what i'm sure of is that with every ounce of energy in me, i'm going to continue to fight for the things that i've always believed in, which i think are basic fundamental american values. it sounds corny, but there are two things. everyone is entitled to be treated with dignity. and as my dad would say, "joey, a job's about a lot more than a paycheck. it's your dignity. it's your respect. it's your place in the community." and the second fundamental principle is, the abuse of power should not be tolerated at all under any circumstances. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i agree to that. we've-- we've got to go, but before we go, i just want to know, do you know that jon batiste and i have challenged you and the president to a two- on-two basketball game? >> i'm ready. >> stephen: you're ready. >> i'm ready. >> stephen: you're in. >> now, i want you to know, jon, the president is going to go to
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his left. >> jon: oh, yeah? >> yeah, yeah, i want you to know. but i've got colbert. i'm not taking you. >> stephen: hey, hey! so he's in, i'm in, you're in. >> we've got to get barack. >> stephen: mr. president, mr. president, come on. >> and, by the way, he may bring along lebron, i don't know. >> jon: whoa, snap! >> stephen: whatever, see me shake? mr. vice president, thank you for being here. it's always a pleasure to have you here. vice president joe biden. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody. folks, my next guest is a recording artist, business mogul, snapchat sensation, and now author of the new book, "the keys." please welcome dj khaled. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ all i do is win win win no matter what ♪ got money on my mind i can never get enough ♪ and every time i step up in
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the building ♪ everybody hands go up >> so blessed. hey, great. they're great. >> stephen: i'm so excited you're here. i feel like i have to bless up. >> oh, we definitely have to bless up, at all times. we've got life, man. everybody got life. we have to bless up every single day. >> stephen: that's right, life is good. more life is better. >> life is great, god is great. >> stephen: now, music mogul, producer, label exec, snapchat star-- >> yes. >> stephen: recording artist, today nominated for a grammy. congratulations. >> thank you, thank you so much. >> stephen: that's great. for your rap album, "major key." >> that's right. >> stephen: and now you're an author. >> that's right. >> stephen: you're author of the book "the keys." >> and it's a "new york times" bestseller list. >> stephen: what? >> yes, yes, yes. and that's the major key. and that's the major key. >> stephen: that's the major key, right there. when do you sleep? you do a lot. >> well, you know, the key is to
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get some rest. but, but, i have to be honest with you, i really don't sleep that much. i get, like, four hours, sometimes on a lucky day, six. i just had my biggest blessing in the world, is my son. and so i've got to wake up every two, three hours. >> stephen: congratulations. >> you know what i'm saying? i love it, though. i'm not tired. i'm great, i'm healthy, i'm vibrant, i'm blessed. >> stephen: your father came to the united states with $20 in his pocket. >> yes, absolutely. >> stephen: do you think you're living the american dream? >> absolutely, man. i'm living, not just the american dream, a world dream, just a blessing, man. you know what i'm saying? hard work pays off. you know, the key is to stay focused and believe in your vision, believe in yourself. and don't-- don't get distracted. stay away from "they." you know what i mean? never complain. just keep-- >> stephen: that's one of the keys, right here. you've got a handy little list on the front. i have read this book cover to cover, in that i've read both covers of the book so far. but it says, number one, "stay away from 'they'." who is "they," and why?
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>> well, 'they' are the people who don't believe in you, that want you to fail. they don't want us to win. they don't want me on your show, so, i'm on your show. you know what i'm saying? >> stephen: you know what i say, sometimes, like if the show goes particularly well, i say to my stage manager, "mark, i feel sorry for them tonight. they thought they could stop us." i don't know who "they" are, but they didn't stop us tonight. >> i have a solution, i have a key for that-- >> stephen: what is that? >> "stay away from they." i've got a new-- it's called "they block." ( laughter ) and they block is brought to you by myself, cocoa butter and palmer's, because i love cocoa butter. and this is a special edition, called they block. when "they" around, just put a little-- put a little on your hands. and, you good, you good. ( cheers and applause ) you know what i'm saying? ( applause ) you know what i'm saying? >> stephen: that's nice. that's nice. >> so, we good, we good! >> stephen: i smell delicious right now! >> it's amazing, it's amazing. >> stephen: can i keep the they block? >> yes. it comes out december 13. you've got an exclusive. >> stephen: okay, fantastic.
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what is, "win, win, win, no matter what"? >> i mean, you know, all we do is win, man. you know that. you know that. you know that. >> stephen: as a matter of fact, barack obama entered the correspondents' dinner in 2013 to your song. jim? ♪ ♪ ♪ all i do is win win win no matter what ♪ >> thank you. thank you, everybody. ( laughter ) how do you like my new entrance music? >> stephen: how did that feel, to have the president use your song instead of "hail to the chief?" >> you know, i'll never forget that day. i was in new york city at a hotel. and i was taking a nap, and i seen 100 texts, "obama just walked out to your song." and i prayed immediately, and i said, "man, we made it." you know, for a lot of reasons, we made it. that's my president that i love, and also, i passed every security check there was.
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( laughter ) because you know he ain't going to walk out to a song unless you-- unless you clean, you know what i mean? like, so i'm like, i got a great future ahead of me, you know what i mean? >> stephen: yes, i do know what you mean. and it's all in "the keys." >> "the keys!" go get "the keys," right now. "new york times" bestseller. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "the keys" is out now. dj khaled, everybody. we'll be right back.
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>> stephen: well, that's it for "the late show," everybody! good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ whatever you are it's going to work out fine ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from ipswich, connecticut, illinois, give it

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