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tv   Full Measure With Sharyl Attkisson  NBC  February 14, 2016 9:00am-9:29am PST

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i'll have him invite someone to dinner friday night. oh, i'm so sorry! don't worry about it. it's an inexpensive replica. it can be replaced. it didn't look inexpensive. looks can be deceiving. are you gonna be able to come for dinner friday night? sure. but i think you'd be better off inviting hurricane hannah. [ laughs ] don't be silly. see you friday night. thanks. [ tinkles ] what time friday? 8:00.
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honey, i'm home. hi, there, sweetheart. hi, baby.
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the usual. i bet you're glad to have a nice home to return to after work. you bet i am. can i fix you a drink? thank you, sweetheart. i bet some fellows at the office aren't that lucky. none of them are. some of them probably aren't even married. are you driving at something, sam? why would you say that? something about your approach. there are probably lots of attractive bachelors at the office, aren't there? why? darrin, does every question have to have a "why" behind it? look, sam, nobody asks a question like that without having an ulterior motive. now, you own up. what is it? do you have some single girlfriend who's looking for a husband? well, there is one lovely girl i know. uh-huh. who? gertrude. do i know her? you met her at the hospital benefit. oh. was she the one with the... no, that's lola.
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no, i think you're thinking about nancy. i am thinking about nancy. forget about nancy! think about gertrude. i'm afraid she didn't make much of an impression on me. she'll make a fine impression on some poor lonely boy at your office. no, she won't. i don't know any poor lonely boys. what about that artist friend of yours? kermit. oh, you're kidding! kermit's having a ball being single. women throw themselves at his feet. what a life that kermit lives. you were leading the same kind of life when you met me. and you were glad to give it up. weren't you? sure i was, sam. but a girl like you doesn't come along every day. neither does a girl like gertrude. i have an idea. why don't you ask kermit to dinner friday night? sam, if there's one thing kermit is not in the market for, it's a wife. darling, i'm just asking you to invite him to dinner,
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for me? please? hello, darrin. hi, kermit. come on in. thank you. hi, samantha. hello, kermit. ah, what'll i do with this, darrin? oh, my gosh! was it valuable? don't ask. don't kid. don't worry. it can be replaced just like that. stop trying to frighten the poor man. i'll do that. hi. i'm gertrude. oh, i'm kermit. thanks for setting me straight about that vase. my old buddy here had me worried for a minute. well, that vase happened to be an authentic relic. ha. so am i. were you warned about me or do i come as a horrible surprise? you're a delightful surprise. tell me all about yourself. oh, it's a terribly uninteresting story. why don't you tell me all about you? with pleasure. you just happened to hit on my favorite subject. he likes her.
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oh, don't worry about it, darling. it can. [ ding! ] samantha. mm-hmm? is gertrude a -- a what? you know. really, darrin. now, come on. they seem to have taken to each other. isn't that nice? "nice" isn't the word. it's strange. you're surrounded by beautiful girls day and night. i must come as quite a shock. what do you mean? well, i'm not exactly the model type. you're a very lovely type, and i wish you'd stop running yourself down. darrin, this girl is terrific. where have you been hiding her? you'll have to ask my wife that question. uh, what are you people drinking? i'll have a crazy charlie. uh, what's that? it's my own invention. it's composed of -- two parts vodka, one part gin,
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how in the world did you know that? i don't know. i must be psychic. i'll have a crazy charlie, too. it sounds interesting. two crazy charlies coming up. make that three. three crazy charlies and one bicarb of soda... straight. i can't get over you knowing about crazy charlie. i bet you two find you have a lot of things in common. uh, kermit, come here. i need your help. i'll go. i want kermit. excuse me. what do you think of him? as a rule, i don't like handsome men, but he's the exception. be careful. of what? gertrude. what's the matter with her? i'm not sure. she seems perfectly okay to me.
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since when? since i got married. listen, chum, a marriage license is not a master's degree. i know what i'm talking about! so do i. take my advice -- ignore that girl. i've got a better idea. what? i'll ignore you. oh, kermit. here. thank you. it's, uh... different. so are you. [ birds cawing ] the curlew are passing over early this year. don't tell me you're a bird lover! it's my one passion. don't tell me you are. oh, i have many hidden passions. that's one. hey, i've got a great idea.
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gertrude, that's absolutely astonishing. confess. you possess supernatural powers. samantha, can i speak to you in the kitchen for a minute? when? now! excuse me. is gertrude a witch? [ chuckles ] darrin! is that why you've been acting so funny? i've been acting funny? i'm glad you recognize it. oh, come on, sam! i want a straight answer. oh, for heaven's sake. for kermit's sake. gertrude is no more of a witch than -- than you are! i thought so. oh, i forgot myself for a minute. oh, no, you didn't. all right, gertrude is a witch. all of my friends are witches, and we're just waiting for the right time to swoop down on morning glory circle and claim it in the name of beelzebub. oh, come on, sam. quit kidding. who's kidding?
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sam? yes, dear? do something for me, will you? anything. tell me honestly. is she or isn't she? is she or isn't she what? oh, come on, sam. this is serious. kermit's stopped dating all of his old girlfriends. he's gone out with gertrude every single night. ohh! that does sound serious. what i want to know is why. don't you think you ought to ask kermit? i did ask kermrm. he can't figure it out, either. it's obvious they like each other very much. it's obvious she's a witch. does a girl have to be a witch to make a man give up all his old girlfriends?
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that's ridiculous, darrin. i know your tricks, samantha. i didn't use one single trick to bring them together. that proves she's a witch. how does that prove it? how did she know about crazy charlie? oh. well, i just did it to get them started. she's very shy, you know. oh. and the curlew? you brought them over a wee bit early this year, didn't you? they were on their way anyway. it was only a matter of a couple of weeks. sam, do you realize this nonsense of yours could end up with those two getting married? wouldn't that be nice? a joke's a joke, but this is no joke. kermit shouldn't be married under a spell. darling, nobody gets marared under a witch's spell. we haven't got that kind of power. no? no. a man meets a girl, they fall in love, and he asks her to marry him, just like you asked me. how do i know i wasn't under your spell?
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i don't know what i think, except i do think gertrude's a witch. hi, darrin. kermit. did you okay those layouts? not yet. look, kermit, i think we'd better have a talk. about what? about the way you've been treating your old friends. what friends? for example, susan. susan? you haven't called her since you met gertrude. i haven't been going out with anybody but gertrude. is that any reason to turn your back on an old friend like susan? susan's not a friend. she's a girl. susan is a person! and she's interested in you as a person, in your career, in your mind. you've got to be kidding. come on, okay those layouts, will you? i can't now. i'm too busy. when will you be able to? not until tomorrow at the earliest. they have to go to the engravers. maybe late tomorrow. how late? 10:00. at night? we'll have dinner and drinks.
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of course i remember you, darrin. you work with that treacherous kermit, who hasn't called me in more than a month. a spell? well, if he's been sick, i'm sure i can make him feel better. all right. the interlude at 10:00. i'll be there. [ telephone ringing ] hello, kermit? sorry to disappoint you, gertrude. it's only me. if i sound like a giddy girl in love, it's your fault. what are you doing tonight? i plan on going to sleep early. it's the first night in weeks i won't be seeing kermit. and i think i know why. kermit and darrin are meeting at the interlude tonight. darrin says it's business, but monkey business is more like it. he doesn't know it yet, but i'm going along,
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good. you know something? i miss gertrude. that's sweet. it's crazy. she's the only girl i never run out of conversation with. i think i'm gonna ask her to marry me. that's wonderful! what made you suddenly think of a thing like that? i didn't suddenly think of it. i've been thinking about it for weeks. hi. susan! i hope i didn't keep you waiting. oh, hi, susan. waiting? no, no, of course not. i don't believe you've met my wife. samantha, this is susan. hello. you two i'm sure will get to like each other. i'm sure. won't you sit down, susan? thank you. please, take my chair, susan. it's a funny thing. kermit and i were talking about you today. weren't we, kermit? i'm glad to hear that. he said some very nice things, very nice. did you tell him about the night when our car broke down near that funny little roadhouse?
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and you swept me up in your arms and carried me. and i slipped. we went splashing into that muddy water. [ laughs ] i'd almost forgotten. susan's quite a girl. i'll bet. when darrin called me today, i had some misgivings as to whether i should see you again. but now i don't. i bet you two had some marvelous times together. [ tinkles ] don't bet on that. you'd lose. but you said kermit carried you through the rain. and dropped me in the mud puddle. oh, those rippling muscles are nothing but butterfat. but he was doing his best. i bet you had real fun together. fun? oh, it was terrible! i'm glad i finally got the chance to tell you off. now, if you don't mind, i'd like to leave. don't hesitate on my account. darrin: no, wait! for what?
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don't ever call me again. and that goes for you, too. susan's never talked like that before. it is strange. she was so friendly at first. she wouldn't have if my wife had gone and powdered her nose instead of twitching it in other people's business. i didn't say a word. you didn't have to. i'm looking for mrs. stephens, please. oh, of course. right this way. my goodness, look who's here.
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i don't know how you got here, but i'm sure glad you did. i want to ask you a question. would you excuse us? yes, of course. dirty pool. all's fair in love and war. samantha, once and for all, stop interfering in kermit's wife -- life! samantha, gertrude would like you to join her in the powder room. she's crying. what did you say to her? i asked her to marry me. congratulations! well, what are you looking so unhappy about? i'm the one who's getting married. i'm sorry i have to tell you this, but there doesn't seem to be any other way. tell me. you're not gonna believe this. i believe whatever anybody tells me. gertrude's a witch. except that. i'm not kidding! listen to me, kermit.
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a union embodying such an ideal is not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of god. into such a union you come now to be joined. if there be any here present who knows any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined in marriage, i require him now to make it known or... darrin, you wouldn't say anything, would you? well, um -- they're so much in love, and it isn't witchcraft. you do believe me, don't you? i believe you. ...forever after to hold his peace. do you, kermit, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife,
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and forsaking all others, will you cleave to her and to her only so long as you both shall live? i will. do you, gertrude, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold, and forsaking all others, will you cleave to him and to him only so long as you both shall live? i will.
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wasn't that a marvelous party? it was great.
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changed? yes, it's just been a few weeks, and he's -- well, i don't know. he's acting like a... married man. you know something, sam? hmm? love can cast almost as powerful a spell on a man as witchcraft. i'll let you in on a little professional secret. it's a lot more potent than anything we can conjure up. yeah. [ glass breaks ] oh, boy. here we go again. honey, i'm sorry. honey, couldn't you have found a safer place for it? this was bound to happen again. well, i thought it would be all right. would you do me a favor? hmm. would you put it back together again? i thought you didn't like me correcting mistakes that way. i'm making an exception. would you please put it back together again? all right. [ tinkles ] [ ding! ] that's fabulous.
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you? magic? what did you have in mind? something that you'll like, i think. be my guest. well, what do you know? it worked. that's one you can count on. it'll work every time. -- captions by vitac -- well, i know she's a bit vague, but she's never really done anybody any harm. you sit down, and listen to me. last week, she insisted on coming to london with bertha and me. halfway there, she started to lose altitude. oh, that's terrible. oh, you don't know the half of it. we had to piggyback her the rest of the way. poor aunt clara. right in the middle of the convention, she waltzes in
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that's bad? she'd taken it from buckingham palace. that's bad. one more time. aah! abner! abner! oh! aunt clara, what's the matter? you look upset. oh, samantha, i've come to hide out. hide out? why?


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