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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 1, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am PST

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about eight years ago. >> there was a bank robbery? how long ago was that? >> eight years ago. and who would think a small town of 1,200 would have a bank robbery? >> did they crack the bank of weleetka? >> the what? >> was it the weleetka bank? >> the national bank of weleetka. >> did they catch him? >> i wasn't there, but i'm sure they did. >> well, i didn't mean it was your fault. [ laughter ] >> of course without a car it doesn't matter. [ laughter ] >> well, chief, it's really nice of you to come out here. and i really hope that the citizens down there -- and maybe your appearance here will help people to -- we can't ask for donations on the air, but maybe if they feel they want to help out maybe they will do that. >> i appreciate that, because we could use a better car. i'm proud of the one we have got because we can move now. [ laughter ] >> as long as you can move. chief, thank you. give our best to everybody.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> ten-four. nice man. that was ronnie porter, and having come from a small town, they have the same problems as everybody else. but when you can't get in your car and chase anybody, that's not much fun. [ laughter ] >> could put a red light on a cow. [ laughter ] it's not too intimidating though, moo. [ laughter ] >> bob newhart will be here in a moment, and james stephens.
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it's no wonder hair club is the trusted hair loss solutions provider and the reason hundreds of thousands of women just like you have turned their lives around. why do i love life? because hair club brought that life back to me. [ female announcer ] call now for your personal free hair analysis. there's no obligation, and it's available to every woman watching. to discover your personalized, proven solution, call or go online now. [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> my next guest is a good friend who has had much success in movies, television, radio, nightclubs, and his series, of course, called "newhart." it will premier on monday, october 17th at 9:30. would you welcome bob newhart.
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[ music ] >> enjoyed the interview with the chief. >> nice man. >> a thought crossed my mind. it might be a nice gesture on your part to donate your delorean. [ laughter ] >> yes, that would be kind of nice. nice sleek and modern. fully paid for. >> the doors might create a problem. >> that's right. especially if you have to arrest somebody for drunkness. [ laughter ] >> the chief has a problem. >> he sure does. >> do you have an extra car at all -- >> no, no. [ laughter ] >> i have known you for what, 20 years? >> at least 20. >> at least 20 years. you are so successful and you still dress -- you started as an accountant. >> yeah. >> and you still dress conservatively with a vest. you don't see people wearing vests much anymore. you wear them well. >> well, thank you. some people can wear vests and others can't. i found out a long time ago
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[ laughter ] >> it has a certain panache to it. but don't you like to break free occasionally? >> oh, i do. but an important show like this. i like to dress appropriately. >> oh, i see. >> can we get to my notes? they are much funnier. [ laughter ] >> no, i don't want to get to those at all. >> he's doing that to me again. >> i want to make you feel comfortable. >> i am comfortable. >> i didn't mean i didn't like your clothes. >> no, i understand that. obviously expensive. >> yeah. >> okay. moving along. you were in 20/20 recently. >> yes. >> and you made some statements. one was there will always be comedians around as long as people do stupid things. >> that's right. comedians are very lucky. singers come and go, but as long as people do stupid things and we watch them, then we will work.
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>> because we do them. >> that's right. we comment -- >> for instance, i did a stupid thing this week. >> tell us about it. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> and it was one of those situations where i was glad no one else was around, you know, where you do something stupid and you look and you say thank god no one saw that. we changed banks, went to a different bank, and as a precaution, i tore up my checks from the old bank because i was afraid somebody would find them and write a check. then i tore up the deposit slips, because apparently i was afraid that someone would try to deposit money -- [ laughter ] >> -- into my old account. >> sure. >> and -- [ laughter ] >> pictured getting a call, you know, from the police saying, "we have caught the guy who has been doing this." [ laughter ] >> -- do you want to prosecute?" and i would say, "of course, i want to prosecute. if you let him off
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in other people's accounts." [ laughter ] >> how much has he got in there? >> yeah. >> and then you felt foolish. >> yeah, i was glad nobody was around, and here i am telling it. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> another thing, i went to a -- we really don't read labels. i went into a vitamin store. i get intimidated in most stores -- hardware stores and vitamin stores, because i like to pretend i know, but i don't really know. and the woman -- i ordered something, and the woman said, "would you like that natural or predigested?" and i said "predigested," and then i took it and got in the car and then i realized -- i began to picture -- [ laughter ] how do they get it back in the bottle? [ laughter ] >> i would like a picture of the guy that predigested something. [ laughter ] for a living. >> i don't know >> i don't know exactly what that means, either. were these vitamins? >> vitamins, yes. >> you take vitamins?
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i -- i didn't used to. i'm doing it now. there's a whole thing about -- life extension thing that they claim with vitamins you can live to be 120, 130 years old. >> would you want to? that's the question they haven't answered. >> what's the quality -- >> if you retire at 70, what do you do for 45 years? >> well, not only that, but there are going to be you know, and it's going to be pretty crowded and not a lot of space, you know, and you are going to be standing around like this. [ laughter ] >> oh, here comes another one. don't put him in our row, come on! come on! all right. [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's a problem. [ applause ] >> 50 years of retirement, no thanks. you also talk in that show about -- and i don't know why comedians, we always -- we talk about things that have not worked.
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that go down the drain or flop. >> i have seen you at parties and we talk about just deadly routines -- >> and we get hysterical about them. when we talk about them. why is that? self protection of some kind? >> i guess so. i did one -- i did a routine -- i've done a lot of routines that i have done right -- not too many feet away. >> a short walk from here, yeah. [ laughter ] >> on the star spot there, and just -- >> you think it is going to be dynamite? >> yeah, i think everyone you do you think has a chance. i did one on a -- on -- it was kind of a parody on lifeboats. you know the movie "lifeboat" where they all end up in the lifeboat? i did it with an english accent. i don't know if that had anything to do with it. but he explained that their biggest fear -- they didn't know if they would be picked up right away or it could be several days,
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so they had to amuse themselves. so the guy got an amateur hour in the lifeboat so -- to take their minds off of -- off of their plight. >> that sounds pretty amusing. >> yeah, well -- wait. [ laughter ] >> i know it's going to be tragic, but it sounds good. >> one guy raised his hand and said, "what do you do, sir?" and he said, "you are able to take your eyeglasses off with your tongue?" [ laughter ] >> i -- i don't think that's quite -- and that was pretty much the -- [ laughter ] >> i always thought that was funny. it ended with -- it happened to be a flamenco team happened to be in the lifeboat and they danced and put holes in the boat. [ laughter ] >> i had to get out of it somehow. >> didn't you do a routine once about a hungarian singer? >> i have done about three versions of a hungarian singer
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>> that's the premise. >> yeah, i don't know why i'm fascinated by that, but it's a man who -- who he gets on the old ted mac amateur hour, and he says, "i escaped hungary in 19 and 56 and come to america, and i used to listen with voice america in hungary, but is dangerous in hungary you listen voice american, because they can put you in prison and throw the doors away." [ laughter ] >> "keys -- keys away. and -- but i listen in corner of attic listen to metropolitan opera broadcast, and learned to sing the song i would like to do now, which i learn from listening voice america in hungary." >> go right ahead. good luck. [ laughter ] [ music ]
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-- sssssssss -- [ laughter ] [ inaudible ] -- sssssssss -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> but that's possible. >> that's funny. see that's funny. when you have tied that -- >> yeah. >> it has always worked. >> pretty much, yes.
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we'll take a break [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> i would like to bring this young man out, because we got a little behind time. and you'll be back with us soon, won't you? >> thank you, john. >> he is fine young actor, starred in "the paper chase," which is now on cable tv again, starting october the 15th. would you welcome james stephens.
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[ music ] >> we hadn't met until just backstage and i expressed something to you that i would like to say for everybody. i sometimes don't understand television, when you have a show that critically received all of the acclaim that "paper chase" did with good writing, excellence performances and really tried to say something, and there were humorous things and straight things, and you end up on cable tv. do you ever ask how come? >> i do. but i'm so delighted to be on something, that -- [ laughter ] >> i am disappointed that cbs didn't continue with the show, but i'm delighted to be working on "paper chase." it's a great show to do. >> i'm glad it is coming back. nbc hung in there with "hill street blues," and the first year was not highly acclaimed, and didn't have the ratings, but they hung in there and gave the audience a chance to discover the show. and i think the same thing would have happened with "paper chase" if they would have hung in for anher six or seven months. >> yeah. >> good show. >> yeah. >> was that your first major -- >> yeah, that was my first
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i have been hanging around waiting for the phone to ring for a long time. >> where are you from? >> born in new york, raised in mexico city. >> did a light go out, or is it going to rain? did i see a light go out or is my tumor acting up again? [ laughter ] >> all of those actors on the show are good. and, of course, you work with john houseman all the time. >> yeah. >> is he intimidating, in a way? the character he plays is very intimidating in the show. >> very intimidating. you know, when he's not throwing hamburgers around the set -- no. [ laughter ] >> he is great to work with. very shy man. been around a long time. did a lot of things. he is there for a couple of days during the week, and he is a delight. he's a wonderful guy. nowhere near as intimidating as he come out on the show, unless you are arguing with him, of course, in which case you find yourself in the case -- >> always. you play a bright law student. were you a good student
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>> no, no i wasn't. >> someone told me you weren't particularly -- >> no, academics and i -- like oil and vinegar. i couldn't quite get interested as a kid. >> yeah. >> and as a result -- i mean i was delighted -- terrified to hear they wanted me to play a young law student, and as i began to research, and i realized this guy has to go through, you know, college, and then pass an incredible examination. in order to get into law school, you have to be very bright, and i always found that amusing because i did so badly in school, i seemed to do everything but pay attention. >> did that start early in school? >> yeah, very early. matter of fact, i flunked kindergarten. [ laughter ] >> very early. >> that used to be an old joke. how can you flunk sand pile and blocks? >> exactly. that's right. i tell you, i was in mexico, and the reason i flunked kindergarten is i had polio at the age of four and my motor skills aren't really developed enough
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i couldn't write my name in a way anyone could understand. so i had to repeat kindergarten. i had to figure out how to mix those colors to get some other colors. >> children at that age can be rather cruel when they see somebody else having a handicap. did that stay in your mind at all? >> yeah for quite a long time. matter of fact i -- i -- i always felt a little bit intimidated by the world. i always felt that people were looking at me either in a derogatory manner -- the cripple with braces up to his waist, or a very patronizing fashion. "oh, you poor guy. you must be demented if you have braces on your legs, you must not function properly in any respect." and that made me uncomfortable, i used to fight a lot as a kid. it was rough. >> where did you get all of your acting skills? >> well, i started out -- i was crazy about this girl. it was my last year in mexico before i went to high school
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and i was chasing her around, and it turned out her mother was part of some church group that was doing plays. and they needed somebody to understudy a part. and i was hanging around outside the church waiting for her to come out, and she said "come in and read." and i said, "i'll do anything as long as you are there," kind of thing. [ laughter ] >> how old were you? >> i was 15. and i went to read for the part of mr. de pinna in "you can't take it with you", and he was an older man. i was 15 years old. i thought i was very good. [ laughter ]
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[ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> i wish we had more time, i really do, for both of you. i hope cable -- it will be on cable starting, i guess, october 15th. >> i think so. >> so check your local listings, and look at the show. thanks for being us with. good night.
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[ music ] >> i'm humbled by that applause. come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is calling for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous
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do you remember my telling you about mr. davis? warren davis, that customer of mine? you mean that old guy who used to hang around your flower shop all the time? he was a real weirdo. he died. but a real nice weirdo. sorry, janet. i'm supposed
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he named me in his will. his will? i don't understand. were you that close? no, terri. i hardly knew this man. then why would he put you in his will? i don't know. well, you know, maybe he was a lonely old man and-and he remembered that i was always nice to him. i wonder how much he left you. that depends on how nice she was. you devil. no, maybe he's one of those you know, eccentric millionaires that you always read about. like someone is nice to them and then when they die they leave that person a million dollars! terri, terri, don't get janet's hopes up. the guy had nothing better to do than hang around a flower shop all day long. what could he possibly have to leave her? he owned a bank. a bank would be nice. a bank has more than a million dollars. oh, stop. come on, you guys, just, you're being ridiculous. mr. davis hardly knew me, okay? look, if you'll excuse me i got better things to do
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oh? like what? thinking about how i'm going to spend it. yes, i think we can handle that very well. yes. okay. yes. well, janet, it looks like we're the first to arrive. yeah, jack. i'm glad you came with me. well, somebody has to help you carry all that money home. come on, no jokes. i'm nervous enough as it is. there's no reason for you to be nervous. then why did you insist on me wearing black? out of respect for the family, janet. this is a very solemn occasion. hi. you here for the grab bag, too? excuse me? the reading of the will. look, i hope this doesn't take too long. i've got a court reserved in half an hour. excuse me. respect, huh? he's probably the black sheep of the family. i'm surprised at how friendly he was. why wouldn't he be? well, come on, janet.
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about you being named in the will. no. what? well, this mr. davis was an old and lonely guy and here you are, young and attractive... oh, jack! you are the only person who would think a thing like that. janet... you are the only one. oh, hello. i don't believe we've met. i'm phillip dawson. hi. i'm janet wood. oh, you're the one from the flower shop? you're the one that uncle warren was...? yes. yes, uh-huh. he used to come and see me just about every day, until... until his heart gave out. excuse me. jack, he thinks that mr. davis and i... let's just sit down. forget about him, janet. shine him on, okay? just sit down. relax, janet. i don't believe we've met. my name is jack...
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sorry. my name... i've got something in my eye. you do? well, i have a little handkerchief right here for you. thank you. ( honking ) ahhhh... phillip, will you get the door, please? ( whimpering ) well, shall we begin? as warren's friend as well as his lawyer i can honestly say that you're all here because he loved each and every one of you. "i, warren davis being of sound and disposing mind..." etc., etc., etc. "do declare this to be my last will and testament. ( sobbing ) "to my nephew phillip i bequeath all my municipal bonds."
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"to my grandson tony, i leave my house and the rest of my securities." you deserve every bit of it, tony, dear. "and to my sister grace... ( stops sobbing ) my ford station wagon." and?! that's it. ( sobbing ) i should've drowned him when he was six. "and to my granddaughter ann i leave my favorite picasso sketch." the one that hung in the study? oh, my god. that must be worth a fortune. well, in today's market, at least a $100,000. how does he know that? he's an art dealer. did you hear that, janet? $100,000.
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jack, shh. control yourself. right, i'm cool. i'm cool. "and finally, to janet wood-- this is it! jack... "to janet wood, who brightened my every day... sounds good. sounds good. "i leave something that meant a lot to me." his bank. shh. shh. shh. "the vase that i filled with her fresh flowers every day." did picasso make vases? shut up! miss wood. thank you. ( gasps ) oh, it's very nice. what's it worth? jack! nothing. nothing?! well, maybe 20, 25 dollars. i hope you're not too disappointed. no, i'm not. how about the box? is that anything? jack! oh, honestly.
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he didn't have to leave me anything. i'm rather touched that he thought of me at all. um, thank you very much. you're welcome, miss wood. come on, jack, let's go. uh, good-bye. hang on a second, janet. what, jack? this has cost us enough already. only $25, huh? ( doorbell rings ) maybe only 20. oh, come on, you two. it's not how much something costs it's the thought that counts. hey, larry, where's the 30 bucks you owe me?! later, jack. oh, hi, janet. hi, larry.
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imported belgian chocolates? it's only money. what's the occasion? there's no occasion, jan. i was just driving down the street and thinking what a lucky guy i am to have neighbors like... you. and don't you just know it. i passed by a store that was selling imported chocolates, so... larry... this wouldn't have anything to do with janet being named in a will, would it? she was? oh, larry. well, no, no, no, now that you mentioned it i vaguely remember mr. furley saying something about one of you... larry, this is what janet got. wow. jack: it's worth 20 bucks, larry. no. i paid more than that for the chocolates.
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wait a minute, larry! where's my $30?! we're even. i'll go put this room, janet. oh, no, no, no. don't put it in our room. why? well, because it'll... ( stutters ) okay. when i was a kid, i was scared to death of dragons. i didn't know you were that old. anyway, they used to give me nightmares, and... well... they still do? yeah, sometimes. where do you want me to put this? i don't care, so long as i don't have to see it. i'll heat up the coffee. uh, janet, did i ever tell you what freud said about girls who dream about dragons? hmm. somewhere where she doesn't have to see it.
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hi, mr. furls. where's the heiress? huh? janet! what'd she get? you're looking at it. ( gasps ) it's beautiful. you really think so? well, who wouldn't? it's a real object de art. mr. furley, would you like to have it? me? well, you've been so nice to us over all these years... i know, but i couldn't possibly... well, if you don't want it... well, if you insist. that is ridiculous, jack. freud never said anything as sick as that. ( doorbell rings ) maybe it was larry. had to be. oh, hello. jack, isn't it? yes. you're, uh... i'm here to apologize for my behavior this morning. how'd you know roses were my favorite? i think this is for you. mm-hmm. thank you.
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phillip, won't you come in. sure. thank you. i hope you can forgive me for being so rude to you. oh, that's all right. no, no, no, it's not, it's not. you see, some of my relatives said certain things that led me to believe that... you and my uncle were... getting it on? jack! but when i saw how you acted when you got that vase i just had to come over here and apologize. wait a minute. you came all the way over here to do that? well, i'm glad he did. otherwise, we wouldn't have met. terri alden. phillip dawson. hi. so... would you like a glass of wine or something? well, i got a better idea. have you had any lunch yet? she's busy. no, i'm not. well, listen i know this great little place where none of my relatives ever go. janet, janet... what do you want? excuse me. is that your car parked in the driveway? yes, sir, i'm afraid it is. well, i'm afraid you're going to have to move it, pronto.
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you go ahead. it'll give me a chance to change for lunch. oh, terrific. i'll be back in a second. all right. you can't let your people park in the driveway. did you see the way yeah, i did. he was looking at you? he's awfully cute, isn't he? i cannot believe how you both fell for that phony charm. phony charm? well, it wasn't there this morning. and he apologized for that. oh, apologies are cheap, janet. can't you see? he's only after one thing. jack! no, not that. something valuable. ow! i'm talking about the vase! why would he want the vase?! because it's worth a fortune. [daughter] sometimes the hallways felt like a giant maze. [mother] jenny didn't feel like going to school, and she slept during the day and was up at night.
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[daughter] it felt like there was a weight on my shoulders. and the weight was really hard to hold up. [mother] one day my daughter was crying, that's when jenny told us she thought about hurting herself. [daughter] then my parents got me treatment. that's when the bad feelings started to go away. hey dad! how 'bout this one? what's it rated? t nice try.
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and i think your dad will go for it. for more info, there's a rating search app. and you can set parental controls at home alright thanks. i'll check that out. let's see if you can beat your old man at this one. game on. let's do this! [female narrator] check the ratings. because some games are for kids. some aren't. visit esrb dot org. is janet the type of girl who will sweep a guy right off his feet?
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terri! i'll answer that for you. thank you, jack. jan... hmm? you're a wonderful girl, but... but what? but you have to grow on people. like a wart? yeah... no. no. now you're putting words in mouth. there's no room, jack. your foot's already in it. that's telling him, janet. thank you, terri. i'm glad somebody around here has some sense. on the other hand, why would a very rich man leave you something that's worthless? what? oh, honestly! sometimes you two are... well, you're just ridiculous. janet, wait a minute. terri has a... she will not face the truth. that vase is worth a fortune. she's ready to give it away. give it away? yeah. oh, no. what are you doing, terri? wait a minute. where are you going? out. no, terri, we cannot let janet out of our sight. why not?
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to that con artist. hi. larry, where have you been? you're late. give me a little hint here, terri. late for what? larry, i'm in big trouble. you've got to help me. what? i'll explain on the way down to furley's. excuse me. sure. ( doorbell ringing ) phil, come on in. is janet ready yet? almost. did she tell you her great idea--? that the two of you stay here and let me make lunch for you. i was planning on taking a drive up the coast. i know this great little place where we can stop and have lunch. you can still take the drive, phil after lunch. i don't like to brag but i happen to be a gourmet chef. well, in that case, it sounds great. what sounds great? having lunch here, of course. so, why don't you guys make yourselves comfortable over on the couch? i'll start cooking.
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it certainly is. excuse me. jack! what is going on? nothing. i'm just going to make you my special chicken salad. why? because to make up for all the dumb things i said earlier. jack... it's the least i can do. let me do it for you, janet. all right. but if you do anything to spoil this... you won't even know i'm here. go on, be playful. hi, again. it's probably going to be a while before jack gets lunch ready. it will give us a chance to talk. oh, i'd like that. hors d'oeuvre? corn chips? my people call it maize. there you go. enjoy. hey, let me... you think i could ask you a little question, phil? no. isn't she cute? stop that.
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is oriental art valuable? oh, sure, it can be. even vases? they can be priceless. people have been so darn nice to me today. mrs. mcgruden finally paid her rent. then terri gave me that wonderful vase. vase? what vase? right over here. what do you think? i sure am going to miss that painting. huh? yeah, when you get rid of it. get rid of it? oh, come on, don't kid me, mr. furley. a man of your artistic sense knows that the representational tonality of the painting is totally at odds with the vertical extension and harmonious solidity of the vase. you noticed that too, huh? larry! no, no, no he knows what he's talking about.
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what color are you going to repaint the wall? repaint? the wall will be faded where the picture was. oh. but that's okay because you'll want the color to match the new bar. new bar? the one that's going to show the vase off better. wait a minute-- repaint, new bar... this sounds like it's going to cost a lot of money. well, gee, mr. furley, if you want to do it right i can't think of anything else you can do. well, i can. get rid of the vase. and there was one vase from the han dynasty that reportedly sold for a quarter of a million dollars. a quarter of a mill...ion dollars? of course, it was authentic. it wasn't imitation like janet's. what makes you so sure that that's an imitation? well, i did look at it. ah, are you an expert on oriental art? no...
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it is possible, isn't it? sure, i suppose so. if you'd like i could take it to a friend and get it appraised. don't touch the vase! what is the matter with you? we got to talk. we certainly do. we can't let him take the vase. he'll steal it. this has gone too far, jack. phillip and i are leaving. janet, don't do it. the first thing you know he'll ask to take a drive with you up the coast. what? and then... then he'll say "i know a great little spot where we can have lunch." but you'll end up parking in a little cove and you'll watch the sunset-- you'll give away the vase, among other things and he will throw you away like yesterday's newspaper. look, jack, i've only got one thing to say to you. what? ( yells ) come on, phillip, let's get out of here. oh, great. say, would you like to take a nice little ride up the coast? what?
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where we can have lunch. oh! ow! ow! what was that? because i don't want to end up like yesterday's newspaper. i don't understand. just go, please. you heard the lady. get out of here. janet, i told you that guy was no good. jack, you were right. he only wanted me so he could get to my vase. well, he didn't get it, did he? no. i'm telling you, janet you've got to be pretty shrewd to put one over on... it's gone! the vase is gone! no, it isn't. i have all of it right here. all of it? ( ceramic tinkling ) oh, no. this does not sound good... it's broken! all right let's just sit down. relax, don't panic, okay? give me this thing. it's fine. we're just going to glue this together. what do you mean glue it? they do it in museums all the time. i'll go get the glue.
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wait a minute. wait a minute. there's some writing on this. "wan" it's from the wan dynasty. oh, jack. look, jack, look. here's some more writing. wan tai-- it's a genuine wan tai. oh, jack! ( laughing ) oh, you have the pieces wrong. "taiwan." huh? yeah, jack-- made in taiwan. it's an imitation, jack. isn't that what phillip said it was? so! he wasn't interested in me, huh? boy, i guess we misjudged him, didn't we? we?! ooh, jack, when i get my hands on you... you want to be easy.
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how was lunch with phil? i explained everything. what did he say? nothing. he just kissed me. ( gasps ) and he's taking me out again tonight. i knew it. i knew it. you'll never guess who's parking his car. phil! jack... this will give me a chance to patch things up between you two. you don't have to... i want to. ( doorbell ringing ) but, jack... listen, by the time i'm finished he'll be eating out of your hand. hey, phil, come on in. hello, jack. how are you doing? listen, uh, about yesterday... i got to tell you something that... janet thought you were a terrific guy right from the start but i let my imagination run away with me. you look lovely. well, thank you but i just hope it's not too late to patch things up. shall we go? yes. let me tell you something janet's a great girl and once you get to know her she's tons and tons of fun.
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sir? sir?! ( gasps ) what? are you all right? me? yeah. sure. sure. i'm... i'm fine. i'm fine. good. don't leave me! listen, it's all right. i'm sorry. now, this aircraft is perfectly safe.
12:20 am
mm-hmm. so why don't you just sit back and relax? okay, i'll try. thank you, uh... vicky. you're welcome, mr.... jack. mr. jack. oh, vick... vicky! vicky! vicky! what's the matter? uh, that bump-- i think we just hit a mountain or something. maybe i better get you a drink. that would be nice. beer, scotch, bourbon, gin? that would be nice. i'll fix you a gin and tonic. captain: ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. we are experiencing some mild turbulence. this is it. vicky... vicky...
12:21 am
i think the prize is still in here. uh, excuse me. vicky? please go back to your seat. it's going like this. are we in any danger? no. it's just a little turbulence. now, go back to your seat, and i'll bring your drink. well, i'll save you the trip. ( gasps ) i can't believe i... i'll get something to clean you up. i'll get it. just please sit down. well, i'll take... ooh! oh! well, at least you got me to sit down. oh, no. it's stuck. are you kidding? are...? help! excuse me. i'm sorry. are you all right? yes. listen, is it safe in here? i promise i won't lay a hand on you. you come here often? wait a second. boy, you smell wonderful. what is that you're wearing?
12:22 am
i seem to be saying all the wrong things. so i noticed. tell me, uh... is this your usual style or are you just having an off day? this is an off day, all right. ( flushes ) just look at this. you cannot believe the dumb things i've been doing today. first of all, i left my wallet in the taxi. then i miss my plane and then i spill a drink all over you. and then... you get locked in the bathroom with me. ah, no, no. that's the only nice thing that's happened to me today. well, thank you. listen, um do you have to fly right back to san francisco? no. i live in l.a. terrific. do you, um, do you like french food?
12:23 am
uh, no. see, i, uh, i happen to own a little french restaurant and i thought maybe... you know, i'd love you to be my guest at dinner tonight. tonight? okay. great! ( gasps ) she opened the door. excuse me. no, no, no. help! uh, here you are. you know how much you want. go ahead. vicky! hi, jack. hi. welcome. welcome. i've got a table all ready for us. oh, this is lovely. well, thanks a lot. you know, i've... uh, prepared an exquisite meal that i know you're really going to enjoy. sounds like it's going to be
12:24 am
it already is.
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