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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  July 22, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am PDT

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contained. the red cross has an evacuation center set up in the nearby town of wait a minuters. >> tompl, the good news. i don't see maximum winds top ing 30 miles an hour. the next three or four days would be tuesday, wednesday or thursday. we could have one 00 drepds in the same zone that fire is low kated in. let's hope for the best over the next duodays. >> thanks for joining us here at 11:00. have a good day tomorrow. >> bye, bye. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his
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guests norm macdonald, joanna garcia swisher, musical guest jeremih featuring flo rida, and the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 296. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, right back atcha! right back atcha! i love you guys. welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you for being here. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, baby.
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[ cheers and applause ] welcome! we're here. we're all here together. we're going to have a fun time tonight. here's what people are talking about, everybody. of course it's our pal donald trump. [ laughter ] yesterday a major iowa newspaper published an op-ed against trump. they called him a "self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard." [ laughter ] or as trump put it, "you forgot very rich. [ laughter ] i'm a very rich, self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard. very, very rich. feck off." that's what he said. no -- [ laughter ] >> steve: really? that's what donald said? >> jimmy: no, no. he didn't say that. after donald trump made lindsey graham's phone number public yesterday -- did you see that? [ light laughter ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: he wrote it on a a piece -- did you see it? it's fantastic, man. he just wrote lindsey graham's cell phone number on a piece of paper and showed it out to everybody. gave out his cell phone number to the world, yeah. well after he did that in public yesterday, graham said he's getting a new phone. which explains lindsey graham's
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latest campaign slogan, "new phone, who dis?" [ laughter ] it's very hard. it's hard. i don't know whose texting me. i don't know. in a new interview, lindsey graham criticized donald trump's recent actions, and i think you can tell he's getting mad. watch this. >> senator, you seem angry. >> i am really pissed because, come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "i mean, i am just mad, right now. [ laughter ] you can call me apple pie because he's about to get a a piece of me. [ laughter ] that's how mad i am. i'm just so upset right now. i'm going to turn into the hulk. [ laughter ] my shorts get all ripped off. and walking around with my ripped shorts ripped off and mad like the hulk. [ laughter ] that guy just buttered my biscuits just now. [ laughter ] and i don't like my biscuits buttered. [ light laughter ] i like them with gravy, thank you very much." [ light laughter ] sweetest sounding guy getting mad at you. >> steve: angry.
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>> jimmy: he sounds so nice. he's like, "i'm just so mad i could just needlepoint a pillow right now." [ laughter ] needlepoint a pillow? meanwhile, ohio governor john kasich became the 16th republican to announce that he is running for president. yesterday, i read that during his speech he referred to jesus christ, which is ironic because so did americans when they heard another republican was running for president. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] cheese and crackers, another republican. >> steve: cheese and biscuits. >> jimmy: and this is in the news today. joe biden was spotted with a a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. i guess they collided when they both went after the same tennis ball, which happens -- [ laughter ] it happens. you just got to go with reflexes alone. that's where you make a a mistake. of course the other big news, this week is that the u.s. officially reestablished diplomatic ties with cuba. yep, that's great. john kerry spoke on the issue yesterday, and he even gave part of his speech in spanish.
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which brings us to a new segment called, "politicians try to speak spanish." he were go. [ spanish ] [ laughter ] [ spanish ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that last one might have been klingon. i don't even know why that last one -- [ imitates foreign language ] like "game of thrones." [ imitates foreign language ] >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: oh, tonight was the big premiere of "sharknado 3" over on the sci-fi channel. i watched it, and i think the best actor was me just now saying i watched "sharknado 3." [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: boom! >> jimmy: "they'll never be as good as the book. [ light laughter ] and he just makes me so angry sometimes. that i had to put down my spoonful of broth. i don't like chunks in my soup, so -- she just made me so mad, i put my soup over to the side and i just looked out the window and just pondered for two seconds. [ laughter ] that's how mad i was." >> steve: "i was so mad." >> jimmy: "i paused my episode of 'smallville' i'm trying to bing watch, and i said, 'i'll catch up to it when my head is clear and i understand.' right now it's all messed up like one of those puzzle bar games where you see the iron thing you have to solve, and i go, 'i don't know how to solve this. just get me a dang non-alcoholic beer, you know?'" [ laughter ] and finally, everyone was talking about this today. i guess after the vma nominations were announced last
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night, nicki minaj felt snubbed. so apparently she tweeted a jab at taylor swift saying, "your video has to have women with slim bodies to get nominated." taylor then tweeted back that women shouldn't turn on each other. maybe one of the men took her slot. apparently they've already made up, but not before a lot of other people got involved. it was a little messy. because kim kardashian also seemed to throw a shade at taylor by tweeting, "i'ma let you finish." [ laughter ] she then apologized with this tweet, "i'm not trying to shade anyone. that's not my style. i just thought that caption was perfect for that pic. changing the caption now. #ironic." seemed innocent enough. but then, after that, alanis morissette sent her own tweet that said, "hey, are you throwing shade at my song, 'ironic?' how dare you? it was a huge hit in '96. #yououghtaknow." [ laughter and applause ] then after that, larry king responded, "are you throwing shade at my age?
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i'm 96. [ laughter ] but i can still get it done when it counts. #talkinboutsexbaby." [ laughter and applause ] then after that salt-n-pepa responded, "are you throwing shade at our song 'let's talk about sex?" #everybodyhassex." then after that, tim tebow responded, "are you throwing shade at how i've never had sex? it's my choice. #noringnofling." [ laughter and applause ] then after that, tom brady responded, "hey, at least somebody here can throw. #shadethrown." [ audience ohs ] so after that, tim tebow responded, "at least my balls are the right size. #shadehandedoff." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] to which larry king responded, "like i told you, they still work just fine. #laidintheshade." [ cheers and applause ] have a great show. we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: all right, everybody, a fun show tonight. i can't wait to get it started. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, the lovely katie holmes will be here. that's my girl. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: then on friday, we have rachel mcadams, michael peña, robert klein. [ cheers and applause ] and thank you notes. you don't want to miss it. but first, we have a fun show tonight. he is one of my favorite comedians of all time. he's never been on the show. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i love him so much. he's the new judge on "last comic standing." the one and only norm macdonald is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: norm macdonald! come on! >> jimmy: so excited. i love him, man. from the new show "the astronaut wives club," the lovely joanna garcia swisher is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we have great music from jeremih and flo rida! there we go. [ cheers and applause ] oh, it's a fun show tonight.
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guys, as you know, we're always striving to get better here at "the tonight show." ♪ harder. ♪ better. ♪ faster. ♪ stronger. [ laughter ] so before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience, just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you'd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so, tonight let's look inside the audience suggestion box. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: this one is from maria sanchez. "jimmy, i notice that democratic candidate bernie sanders actually looks and sounds a lot like larry david. can you show me what it would look like if bernie sanders were in an episode of 'curb your enthusiasm'"? yeah, we could give that a try. take a look. >> your dad was a painter? >> no. he was a paint salesman. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ isn't that a wonderful thing?
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♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: let's try another one. here is one from ryan walker. "hey, jimmy, what the are buildings behind your desk made of?" oh, the buildings, there. that's a good question. most of them are made of wood, but a few are made of chocolate. let's see what this one is, here. chocolate. [ laughter ] what was yours, higgins? >> steve: mine's wood. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. next one here is from casey redding. "hey, jimmy. you know how donald trump has accused mexicans of stealing our jobs? well, i heard he retaliated by stealing a job from a mexican. can you show that?" it's actually true. donald trump stole a job from a a famous mexican tv star. take a look at the clip. ♪
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>> swiper. no swiping. boots, you're fired. ♪ >> jimmy: very interesting. interesting. [ cheers and applause ] let's try one more from the old suggestion box, here. this one's from dan pittman. "hey, jimmy. i love how musical you are." thank you. "i was wondering if you play piano. if so, can you play me a song?" well dan, i'd love to, but unfortunately, i injured my finger recently. i only have one good hand. so, i guess i could if i had someone who could lend a hand. i could maybe do -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: chevy chase! ♪ this is chevy chase! oh, my gosh. >> listen, i heard you say that. i love music. i think i can help you out, johnny. >> jimmy: jimmy. it's close, though. [ laughter ] chevy, how did you hurt
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yourself? this is terrible. >> oh, i know. it's not good. it's not good. i was whacking off to old episodes of "mary tyler moore." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no, no, chevy. don't tell people that. a lot of young kids watch this show. >> oh, i didn't see any. >> jimmy: they're watching at home. >> okay, i meant to say, ariana grande videos. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no. chevy that's not the point. the point is not that. that's not the point. never mind. >> look, i hurt it, and that at least, i didn't hurt this one. >> jimmy: no, no, don't. that's not -- chevy, stop! [ laughter ] just stop. i was wondering if you'd like to do a duet with me. >> i'd love to. >> jimmy: oh that would be fantastic. >> what do you play, violin? [ cheers and applause ] we're playing piano. >> oh, yeah. now we're talking, yeah. >> jimmy: one, two, and here we go. >> one, two -- >> jimmy: this is great. okay, here. perfect. this is good. where is some walking music? thank you. ♪
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so happy you were here to help me out. thank you so much. >> let's go around. okay. [ light laughter ] what is that deodorant? >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. alright, here we go. >> what do you like? >> jimmy: what should we do here? we have two working hands here. [ light laughter ] >> let's go with -- yeah. ♪ >> do i do that? >> jimmy: you can start. that's good. >> okay. ♪ [ audience claps ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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that's what i'm talking about, right there! chevy chase! [ cheers and applause ] the best! always there for me! i love you! that's all the time we have for the audience suggestion box. stick around. we'll be back with norm macdonald, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a golden opportunity to discover the luxury of freedom. ♪ to venture further. ♪ to experience more. ♪ to make a routine of breaking with routine. ♪ come in to the lexus golden opportunity sales event, where you'll find some of the best offers of the year on our most capable models. for a limited time. this is the pursuit of perfection. why are you deleting these photos? because my teeth are yellow. why don't you use a whitening toothpaste? i'm afraid it's bad for my teeth. try crest 3d white. crest 3d white diamond strong
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a fantastic stand-up comedian. he was incredible on "saturday night live" and you can now see him as a judge on the new season of "last comic standing." it's coming back, it just premiered tonight on nbc. everyone, please welcome norm macdonald! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's the way to do it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're the greatest. that's the way you to do it. >> oh, yeah. nobody is interested in that walk. >> jimmy: no. you came in hot. you came in really fast. >> yeah, you got to get in --
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hi, steve. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] norm, thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: no, we always wanted you to come on, but you're out in l.a. all the time. >> and also i said i would never do a new york show other than david letterman. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> because he gave me my start and so forth. >> jimmy: i saw you on dave last week. that was very nice and funny, but yet emotional as well. we all miss dave. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. i love him, but i love you, too. >> jimmy: he's not dead. you can go hang out with him if you want to. [ laughter ] he's still around. >> yeah. yeah, he'll outlive higgins. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not nice. >> well, i have $10,000 on it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would you bet on him living or dying more than -- longer than david letterman? you have a problem with gambling. >> no. you're looking at it the wrong way. i'm betting on david letterman. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, just drop it. you shouldn't bet on anyone living or dying. >> you're right. i'll drop it. that's because what if i die first? >> jimmy: no, that's not the point of it either. you shouldn't be in those rings or circles of people. it's not good for you. >> yeah, yeah. you're right, you're right.
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>> jimmy: i always love talking to you, because you were at the "snl" 40th anniversary. >> 40th anniversary. wasn't that wonderful? >> jimmy: that's was one of the best days of my life. >> wasn't that wonderful? sound like bob hope. >> jimmy: yeah -- >> i'm just across the hall doing a special with loni anderson, by golly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: loni was there, yeah. >> that's what i'd like to do. just walk in while you were interviewing somebody with a a golf club and just interrupt with nonsense and then leave. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're open to that. we're open to that. we'd love that. that would be fantastic. >> what were we talking about? >> jimmy: "snl" 40th. >> oh, wasn't that wonderful? [ laughter ] but i had a moment at "snl" 40th -- sometimes a moment happens and it occurs to you and you go, "wow, you know, what's going on right here?" and what happened was the stage was littered with celebrities, you know, not only the stage, but everywhere you looked. you know, you couldn't swing a a dead cat -- and i tried -- without hitting a giant
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celebrity and uh -- what i have found about comedians, they love musicians. >> jimmy: they do. >> and i didn't grow up, like, loving musicians. you know, a lot of people would love to meet paul mccartney and go "hey, what about the time you walked backwards on the cover of the album and then the walrus?" and -- [ light laughter ] so i was stuck five minutes talking to him and didn't know what to say. we ended up talking about his daughter is a vegetarian or something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you couldn't have a a normal conversation with paul mccartney? just a normal conversation -- about anything? you couldn't do it? >> i couldn't do it. [ laughter ] you guys have known each other forever. you wrote "celebrity jeopardy" together. >> we did. and the first sketch coming back from the transitional year, steve higgins played -- he went out there in a diaper. you remember that, steve? >> steve: yeah. i played f. lee bailey, my very first show.
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>> jimmy: really, i want to say i remember that. >> very first show. and so they did a review, and they said the show is not good when the best guy on it is the stage hand. >> steve: i'll take it as a a compliment. >> jimmy: you brought that around and showed it to people --. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: see, the great review i got? >> steve: i got a t-shirt printed up and a mug. >> jimmy: but you guys, you would hang out all the time, you'd play games and you do fun things. >> oh, yeah. i love higgins, man. listen, you know, you've changed the face of television with your games. my goodness. every time i turn on the tv there's a new game. neil patrick harris, the funnest games. you know, jane lynch, she's that lady from "glee." game, game, game. you changed it even though you have the greatest games of all. >> jimmy: thank you, yeah. >> but me and higgins we used to do a game, it was the funnest game in the world. charades. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah i know charades. [ light laughter ] pretty famous game. >> no. i'm not claiming authorship of charades.
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>> jimmy: no, no. okay okay okay. >> i'm saying that higgins was maybe as close as you could get to harpo marx when it came to charades, you know? >> jimmy: the most physical of the marx brothers. >> yes. yes. and if he came out -- if he would come out from his podium where he reigned so --. >> jimmy: supreme. >> supreme, ya know? >> jimmy: would you do higgins -- could you do some charades? >> -- imparts his witty bonne marche. oh, here he is. >> jimmy: higgins, what would you do --. [ cheers and applause ] how does it work? >> steve: i always do -- it could be anything . >> jimmy: you can do anything but how does it work, norm? >> steve: we didn't do things, it was more like activates. >> he does something and then we have to guess what he's doing. it's an activity. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: so, it's more like a a mime. >> jimmy: i can play this. okay, mime me. >> activity. >> jimmy: okay, this is an activity.
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hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [ laughter ] >> sorry, i didn't expect this. >> jimmy: what's going on? >> i apologize he's never -- >> jimmy: higgins, you can't do that. >> steve: i'm rolling dice. >> jimmy: oh. >> steve: seven! >> oh, well, in all fairness -- >> jimmy: oh. sorry. i apologize. >> steve: what did you think? >> it was really -- he was doing --. >> jimmy: he was rolling dice. >> he was rolling dice. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i jumped to conclusions. you wanna give us another example? >> i feel ashamed! >> jimmy: no, no. higgins? i'm sorry, sorry. >> steve: what did you think it was? >> jimmy: nothing, nothing. could you just give us another one, just another example. just one more and then we're good. oh my -- hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! higgins, stop stop! stop that! >> oh! oh! this is 11:30. this is 11:30, this isn't seth meyers. >> steve: i'm playing pin ball. >> what? >> steve: pinball. >> oh, i see. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, he's playing pinball. >> steve: playing pin ball.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know what -- i didn't know what was going on. >> steve: it's pinball! >> i didn't either. again, i think the problem is with us. you know, we're -- our minds are so diseased, you know, by this new society that we can't accept a man that sees things through a boy's eyes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can you give us one last example? >> one last chance. he should be giving us one last chance. >> steve: one last chance to redeem your filthy gutter-filled minds. >> jimmy: how do you know what we were thinking? >> steve: i think i do. >> jimmy: oh, here's the last one. and we'll guess what it is. hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! [ light laughter ] what? hey, you said you used to play this game with him? >> i've never seen him do this. i mean, this can only mean one thing, i think everyone knows what this means. >> jimmy: wait, do it -- do it again. do it again. >> steve: no. this is not --. >> jimmy: that is filthy. >> now, come on. >> steve: i'm making sure the bath water is the right temperature for the baby. [ laughter ] my god!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i apologize. we should talk later. guys, more with norm macdonald after the break, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we're back, everybody, with the great norm macdonald. one of the judges on "last comic standing." you were just saying how much you love higgins. and, yeah, i love higgins too. he's a great guy. >> aw, man. my god, yeah. that all was during the commercial. i was saying how great higgins was. >> jimmy: well i appreciate it. [ light laughter ] but -- so "last comic standing" is a a show where a bunch of new comedians -- >> yes, sir. they come up. >> jimmy: -- they get up and they go out and they do stand-up, and then you -- >> i judge them. >> jimmy: you judge people. [ laughter ] that must feel good, huh? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just judging people. >> being judgemental -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- is one of the greatest qualities. there's that phrase -- judge. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or be judged. >> judge not lest ye be judged.
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>> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> was said by jesus christ of nazareth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you were up there and so you're judging people. they're up there doing their act. >> i just realized this. i'm going against something that jesus christ of nazareth said. and i read, and i'm a man of faith. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and for the small pittance that they gave me to do this show. [ laughter ] i will be raped by the devil for all of time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've got to look at your contract, because that's not true. it might not be true. you should look at your contract. >> in my contract? >> jimmy: yeah. it might be in there. >> well, first of all, i signed it in -- in my blood. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wouldn't it be easy? it's fun. you get to hear jokes and funny jokes and get to see good comedians. >> well, you know how it is. you know? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have to, you know -- i have a lot of pretend laugh lines i'm getting. >> jimmy: because some people are just -- they don't have it.
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>> some guys just don't have it, you know what i mean? you can teach -- like my hockey guy, when i used to think i'd go to the nhl. he said, norm, "i can teach you anything but speed." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: just not a fast guy. >> no, sir. and that's what it's like with comedy. you can teach all the craft you want, but you know, a guy is either funny or not. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: that's pretty cool. i like it when you get to see someone -- even someone you've seen before come back or someone brand-new come up. it's kind of good to -- >> well, i'll tell you this, because i've seen the program. [ laughter ] "the last comic standing." >> jimmy: yeah. who hasn't? we all saw it. it's great. >> no, but i'm saying this year is the best year there is. >> jimmy: no, this is not. this can't be. >> it is. and you know why? >> jimmy: this can't be. there's been a long storied history of "last comic standing." >> this is -- well, first of all, amy schumer came from "last comic standing." amy schumer i consider -- [ cheers and applause ] i consider amy schumer the funniest person on the planet. [ cheers and applause ] if you take me out of the equation.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. i meant me. >> that's why you were coughing? >> jimmy: that's why i was clearing my throat. yeah. not you. >> i thought you were clearing your throat for me. >> jimmy: no, no. >> no. taking you out of the equation. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but you're funny in a a different way. >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. [ laughter ] you almost don't get the immediate laughter. and then -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- you may never. you may never. [ laughter ] >> you know what i'd like to see you do that you used to do, and by golly i loved it? >> jimmy: what's that? >> aunt blabby. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i've got to call jonathan and see if i can do that. >> you know what i loved? this is what i loved about -- i was very young when johnny carson was on. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and i sort of had to take it on faith how funny it was, because when i knew him he was
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an old man. >> jimmy: yup. [ laughter ] >> johnny carson. would you like to hear my impression? you know i'm an impressionist? >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. >> would you like my impression of johnny carson phoning 911? [ light laughter ] because he had a heart attack that turned, you know, fatal. so you be -- if we could do a a little sketch. we can do a little sketch. >> jimmy: we'll do a sketch here right now. here we go. >> i will be johnny carson. >> jimmy: okay. >> who worked in this very building. >> jimmy: that's right. this studio. >> this very studio. >> jimmy: that's right. >> i will be johnny carson. you'll be the 911 operator. >> jimmy: okay. >> okay. so, could you make a ringing noise? >> jimmy: higgins can do that. ready? [ ringing ] 911? >> yes, hello. this is johnny carson. >> jimmy: hello, mr. carson. what seems to be the emergency? >> i -- i feel like there's a a yak on my chest.
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[ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a clip of norm macdonald in the new season of "last comic standing." take a look at norm macdonald. watch what he does. >> and when you become a a citizen, you have a test about the u.s. culture. and i think they should make the test harder. they should make the test like "jeopardy." [ laughter ] that would be a great game show, man. just have three immigrants contesting about the u.s. culture. [ laughter ] if you lose you go back to where you came from. [ laughter ] it would be like, alex, i'm going to take "unwelcome" for 1,000. okay, jose. in this state, you are not welcome. what is arizona? you are correct. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> very charming, very intelligent. you know, there's different
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types of comedians. some comedians like to hear an offering of a joke. >> you can say no if you want to. >> no. >> no,i'm good. please, do it. >> what is the alex trebek joke off? >> in what state do you -- are not welcome? >> yeah. we would have also accepted illinois, new york -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he knows what he's talking about. norm macdonald. "last comic standing" airs wednesday at 10 p.m. on nbc. we'll be right back with joanna garcia swisher, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pwhat've we got? 5. bp 64/40 sterilize sites. multiple foreign objects in the body. tweezers. (buzz!) (buzz!)
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented actress who stars on the new show "the astronaut wives club" which airs thursday nights at 8 p.m. on abc. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome joanna garcia swisher. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ >> jimmy: thank you so much for being on the program. you look gorgeous. >> thank you. always nice to be here. >> jimmy: yeah. and well, you've been coming on the show for a while now, and we both kind of have grown up on that. >> i know. we've actually, you know -- we've got kids now and i'm a a married lady. >> jimmy: not me and you. you and your husband have kids. >> yes. >> jimmy: me and my wife have kids. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: we never -- >> not together. >> jimmy: no, we never -- >> although nick always does say that if there was anyone to play him on his lifetime biopic, which he imagines is some day going to be produced, he wants it to be you. >> jimmy: that's so nice. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i could play nick swisher. >> yes. >> jimmy: that would be fantastic. i would totally do that. >> it's either you or matt bomer. just full disclosure, there's two guys up for the job. >> jimmy: matt bomer is a very good looking guy. >> he is. he is. but you've got my vote. >> jimmy: i appreciate that. you now have a child. how old is your baby?
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>> emmy is a little over 2 years old. >> jimmy: come on. how cute. >> i know. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. it was just her birthday, right? >> it was just her birthday in may. it's so crazy to see how she -- >> jimmy: this is her here. come on. look at that. [ audience aws ] >> that was at her birthday party. >> jimmy: my gosh. there's a pony. [ applause ] beautiful kid. congratulations. >> thank you. it's a lot of fun, right? >> jimmy: oh, my god. what is she into right now? >> animals. everything. animals, elsa. she loves to dance. although she has my rhythm, which is unfortunate for her. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're not a good dancer? >> i mean, give me a few cocktails and i'm great at everything. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. but you're not -- >> i don't -- >> give me a few cocktails and i'm great at everything but one thing. [ laughter ] >> by the way, i'm so good at that one thing that if i had a a few cocktails i probably wouldn't even notice. >> wow. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i feel like there's a a yak on my chest right now. [ laughter ] i want to talk about your show.
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this is a big hit. this is a giant thing for a a show to come out in the summer like norm's show "last comic standing." your show came out, "astronauts wives." look at this, this is a real cover from "life" magazine. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's real wives of what? >> it's the story about the wives of the first seven astronauts, the mercury seven. i play gus grissom's wife, bettie grissom. and it's told from their perspective. and i think that, you know we all know the story of us -- you know, our first launch into space and all of these things. but it's told from such a a unique perspective. and i think -- what i didn't know when i was asked to do the show is, these women -- there was so much asked of these women. they were expected to have their lives followed by "life" magazine and they were thrown into the media, and the spotlight. they were socialites and all the while their husbands are being launched into space not really knowing if they're ever going to make it back. >> jimmy: sure. >> it was really stressful, but incredibly exciting. and they're simple military wives and ultimately -- spoiler alert -- gus did pay the ultimate price. so bettie did have to go
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through the worst nightmare. >> jimmy: it's very interesting, but i think an interesting time, because no one knew what space was and we all just thought the future was jet packs and flying around. and just like -- >> i still kind of want the future to be like that. >> jimmy: it's still not the future. even though now it is the future. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, the hover -- hover cars and stuff like that. >> yeah, no. whenever they come out with the hover car i'm getting one. >> people always go, can we time-travel and everything? you know? i go, we're doing it right now, baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very interesting. do you get to go into any of these things? do you get to experience any of this like -- >> go to space? i would not go to space. >> jimmy: no, no. >> i'm terrible claustrophobic. you know, i actually got to meet jim lovell. that was pretty exciting just to hear him talk about apollo 13. >> that's who tom hanks played. >> yes. [ light laughter ] i got to meet his wife marilyn. yeah, it is really exciting to be part of the conversation, the space conversation. it's really an incredible story.
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i think it just evokes a sense of wonderment in a sense of like, you know. there's so much we haven't explored and there's so much that we don't know. certainly way back then they didn't know anything about it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's more technology in our iphone. >> a friend of mine tried to get people on -- >> the mars trip? >> yeah. >> are you interested? [ light laughter ] >> well, his name is elon musk. do you know who elon musk is? >> no. >> jimmy: yes. >> he invented space x and he invented the, you know. >> jimmy: the tesla car? >> tesla. >> oh, that's a nice car. this is your buddy? >> yeah. >> maybe we should consider this. >> really deserves to be incredibly famous person. but anyway -- [ light laughter ] you can buy a one-way ticket to venus. not mars. venus. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah. you can buy a one-way ticket to venus. >> what's going on in venus?. >> well, what's going on is a a lot of early death. >> yeah. [ laughter ] sounds about right.
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>> jimmy: a one-way ticket. you don't want to be the first guy there. >> just say good-bye. >> jimmy: you don't want to be the first one there. no. well, this -- if you want to see how we evolved to get where we are with space x. you should watch "the astronauts wives club." [ cheers and applause ] it airs thursdays at 8 p.m. on abc. our pal joanna garcia swisher. jeremiah and flo rida perform for us next. stick around, everybody! ♪ i'm gonna crack like nobody's watching and eat like i skipped lunch. why? because red lobster's crabfest is back. and i'm diving into so much crab, so many ways. like crab lover's dream with luscious snow and king crab legs, and rich crab alfredo or this snow crab bake. who knew crab goes with everything? whoever put crab on this salmon, that's who.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the biggest names in r&b right now. performing "tonight belongs to u" off his upcoming album "late nights" with a little help from flo rida and the roots, give it up for jeremih! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ wasn't looking forward to heal the scar but today i was riding on lonely boulevard ♪ ♪ wishing all wasn't lost and then there there you came ♪ ♪ ♪ honestly a star shooting through the scene ♪ ♪ in the sky that's where we are and i'm tryna catch a beam ♪ ♪ see them other girls yeah they try but they ain't fly like you ♪ ♪ ♪ tonight belongs to you tonight belongs to you ♪ ♪ and i'm so glad i found you i'm so glad i found you ♪
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♪ you're all by yourself and i came to help i was down it wasn't right you came from outta left ♪ ♪ you made a storm up in ibiza oh oh what a dream ♪ ♪ i close my eyes baby now i don't wanna go ♪ ♪ i'ma star cause if i'm dreaming i don't wanna wake up ♪ ♪ got it heated from the steam full speed ride with you ♪ ♪ tonight belongs to you tonight belongs to you ♪ ♪ and i'm so glad i found you i'm so glad i found you ♪ ♪ flo rida ayo jeremih
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let me talk to em hey ♪ ♪ i know who you are you're a rider girl on fire ghetto superstar ♪ ♪ and i can't deny it girl your body's so damn beautiful ♪ ♪ let me see you turn around like aye baby go on drop it to the ground like aye ♪ ♪ red lips yellow bone green light aye ♪ ♪ eyes popping baby til i get that thing right ♪ ♪ worn down feeling like y'all finally found that one one one one ♪ ♪ slow down pull the trigger too fast and i'll bust my gun gun gun gun ♪ ♪ no conversation don't stop break down and shake it ♪ ♪ them other girls really basic you amazing so glad i got you girl ♪ ♪ and i'm so glad i found you i'm so glad i found you yeah yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! oh my gosh. that was really good. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's how you do it, buddy. jeremih! flo rida!
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[ cheers and applause ] catch jeremih on the "forest hills drive" tour right now. we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to norm macdonald, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] joanna garcia swisher, chevy chase, jeremih, flo rida, and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen.
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[ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. good-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- rachel maddow, from "paper towns" actress cara delevingne, music from neon trees, featuring the 8g band with david lovering. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers a


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