tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 15, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
night. >> have a great night. we'll see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, zach braff. from "love, simon," nick robinson. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from børns. and now, hold fast, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. nice to see you. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming, everybody. thank you for joining us on what is one of -- today is one of, if
not the least productive work days of the whole year. every tv and computer screen in our office has a basketball game on. i feel like i'm working in a buffalo wild wings. everybody is into it. everybody, president obama filled out a bracket. he picked michigan state to win. president trump did not. he likes to wait until after the tournament. [ cheers and applause ] yet another day of march madness for the president. according to the failing "new york times," the special prosecutor robert mueller has subpoenaed the trump organization, the president's company, demanding that they hand over any documents related to business they may have gun russia. in an investigation like this, it is important to follow the money no matter how many porn stars it leads to. so donald trump -- [ applause ]
surprisingly hasn't tweeted about the subpoena yet. probably because he doesn't know how to spell the word subpoena. rumors he may try to fire robert mueller. the guy who is investigating him. that would have to be it, right? at that point, we have to wait until he goes to mar-a-lago and lock him in it forever. trump said mueller looking into his finances is a red line he wouldn't allow to be crossed and now it is being crossed. why do i think this is about melania handing files over in an underground parking lot? meanwhile, there are new developments in the case of stormy daniels, the porn star, who may or definitely did have sex with donald trump. she is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. she launch ad fundraising page on a website called crowd justice.com. so now you can give money to a
porn star just like the president of the united states. she's raised, in 24 hours she raised more than $135,000. who would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism but i never thought a guy who would get in a twitter war with cher would become president. every dollar you donate potentially brings us went step closer to see photos will haunt our dreams forever. stormy daniels's lawyer was on nbc where he gave a tantalizing preview. >> is there a sex tape? it's not just words. what else is there? >> i'm talking about judging the credibility of an individual. >> of stormy daniels. >> is there a sex tape? >> i won't answer that. >> could there be? >> there could be, might be, would be, who knows? >> jimmy: i don't know. i was thinking about it and i never wanted to see and not see
anything more than i either do or do not want to see donald trump butt naked and pumping away. i mean really. would you watch that, right? of course. [ cheers and applause ] so once in a lifetime opportunity. the president was caught on tape of another kind at a fundraiser in st. louis. he was taped admitting he played loose with the facts with the canadian prime minister. he informed the president unlike a lot of countries, canada does not have a trade defense swit the united states, which trump keeps saying they do, and you will hear trump recount, just to contradict him, made something up. >> trudeau came to see me. he said he's a good guy. we have no trade deficit with you. we have none. donald, please, wrong, justin.
you do. i had no idea. we're so stupid. and i thought they were smart. i said you're wrong, justin, you've wrong. no, we have no trade deficit. >> i'm not sure which is more trumpy. blatant lying to a world leader or bragging about it immediately after do you. but trump met with the prime minister of ireland today just ahead of st. patrick's day. it is on saturday. and we have a beloved annual tradition here at our show. before st. patrick's show, this is number one for me. way better than taking kids are for halloween candy. it really is. let us journey back to mobile, alabama. the year was 2006, what i believe to be the greatest local news story ever to involve a leprechaun sighting. >> curiosity leads the large crowds in the mobile community. many of you bring camcorders and camera phones.
>> it looked like a leprechaun to me. else saw it? say yeah! >> jimmy: it's a st. patrick's day miracle! hey, we're just getting started. >> eyewitnesses say the leprechaun only comes out at night. if you shine a light in its direction, it suddenly disappears. this amateur sketch is what many of you say it looks like. >> that's an amateur sketch? that belongs in the louvre, as far as i'm concerned. and some people, there's always somebody out to spoil the leprechaun fun. >> others find it hard to believe and have come one their own theories and explanations for the image. >> it could be a crack head. told him to get up in the tree and play leprechaun. >> jimmy: you know --
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here's is that not so good news. toys "r" us is going out of business. toys "r" us is closing all 735 of their stores and they're putting babies are up for adoption. i tell you, i'll always remember toys "r" us as the store where my children had a complete and total meltdown each and every time we went there. i guess people don't enjoy that anymore. they buy toys amazon. amazon will not rest until every other store is an abandoned warehouse teeming with raccoons. >> hi, kids! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! how are you doing? welcome, welcome. it's the toys "r" us mascot. geoffrey! how are you? >> i'm good. i have a question for everyone here. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> do you guys like toys?
well, i don't have any. because we're bankrupt. [ crying ] >> jimmy: come on, geoffrey. it will be okay. >> no, it's not. no, it's not. because all you bought toys on amazon. now i'm out of a job. >> jimmy: your breath smells a little like alcohol. are you drunk? tell never truth. >> yes, i'm drunk. i'm drunk. ♪ i don't want to grow up ♪ i'm a toys "r" us kid ♪ there's a million toys at toys "r" us that i can play with ♪ ♪ but not anymore >> jimmy: oh no. the saddest thing i've ever seen. can you just take geoffrey and maybe get him another drink or
something? cheer up, geoffrey. maybe target has something for you. don't hit your head on the -- there you go. all right. [ applause ] the tallest and shortest drunks in hollywoods right there. it's thursday night and that means it's time bleep and blur the motels of the week. it's this week's unnecessary censorship. >> a proud american. proud of the opportunity hive to [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> secretary tillerson has just spent on after the president [ bleep ] him. >> i feel great empathy for research tillerson, get go [ bleep ] can be humiliating but i found it to be liberate go. >> all right, coach [ bleep ] thank you. >> have you [ bleep ] a girl and liked it? >> no. i've never been in a relationship.
>> they have the cartels. and the carterels [ bleep ] the cartels. nobody ever [ bleep ]ed them like we did. >> my mother. she was a beautiful girl who played the piano. >> we've all sustain grisly pictures after. so everything would have been covered in blood. >> holy [ bleep ]. >> i wasn't in any way saying should you dismiss that. >> all right. we'll see new little while, my dear. >> [ bleep ] you. >> really, really good horses. >> you're not going to toss us in your done under? >> don't be crazy. no one uses dungeons anymore. >> you're going to arrest us, right? >> arrest you? i want to [ bleep ] you. >> jimmy: when we come back from that break, these two visitors from afar are staying at the youth hostel down the street.
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>> jimmy: thanks. welcome back. zach braff, nick robinson and borns are here. the city is teeming with people from all over the the world. the most budget minded stay in a youth hostel down the street. beds there go for about $48 a night. you share a room, a bathroom, a shower and who knows what else?
it isn't exactly luxurious. we came one a game to give the kids staying there a chance to upgrade to a beautiful hotel street. it is time to play hostel la vista! how are you? >> i'll doing great. i have the kids, junior college fun, 12 ncaa games right now. >> jimmy: sal bets over sporting event that's happening. and yes, he is very tense. let's meet our contestants. >> first we have roseio. where are you from? >> i'm from argentina. >> jimmy: what city in argentina? >> buenos aires. >> jimmy: what do you do there? >> well, i live in london. >> jimmy: oh, all right. well, okay. so you moved from argentina to london. >> yes.
>> jimmy: why? >> because i wanted to study visual arts. >> jimmy: and are you studying visual arts? >> yes. >> jimmy: do y >> yes. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i'm a receptionist. >> jimmy: what sort of a place? >> the the hotel in london. >> jimmy: in a hotel. is that a nice hotel? >> yes. >> jimmy: is it like a big fancy hotel? >> it is. >> jimmy: so this must be quite a transition for you. >> i know. >> jimmy: all right, all right. hi there. how are you? sorry, there are hooligans behind you. our next conhe is theant. >> i never met anyone named branton. what do you do? i fix machines. >> jimmy: you work with your hands then. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: do you know much about the city of los angeles? >> a little bit.
>> jimmy: what about you? do you know much about our city? >> i do. >> jimmy: this is what you're playing for. you're playing for a newly renovated king suite at the hollywood roosevelt hotel where you can have it all comfort style. even a toilet all to yourself. to make the dream come true, you have to know more than your point about our city and state. los angeles, california. are you ready to play. >>? yes. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. question number one. where do our local real housewives do? the real housewives of? brandon? >> california. >> jimmy: we're off to a bad start. do you have any idea what the answer is? >> hollywood. >> jimmy: it is not, no. the real housewives of beverly hills is what we were looking for. we have a tie at zero. next question, what two letters are on the dodgers' baseball
cams? rosio? >> d and o? >> jimmy: d and o? no. branton. do you know what letters are on the dodgers' baseball cams? >> l.a.? >> jimmy: l.a.! [ cheers and applause ] all right. next question. katy perry once sang, california girls were unforgettable. daisy dukes bikinis on top, sun kissed skin so hot will melt your blank. katy perry. no caskatie perriness. >> bikinis on top? >> jimmy: i said that already, brandon. do you know? they'll melt your blank. >> can you repeat? >> jimmy: no, i can't. forget it.
name this green-like seed commonly found in l.a. bowls, restaurant bowls. yes. >> quinoa? >> jimmy: that's exactly right. we have a tie. no. we have a really sad and drunk giraffe in the back. did you hear? toys r us is closing. yeah. all right. one more question. this is going to be our tie breaking question. >> okay. >> jimmy: finish this song lyric. i got in one little fight and mom got scared she said you're moving with your auntie and your uncle in -- rosio? >> l.a.? >> jimmy: you seemed so confident. brandon, do you know what we're looking for here? >> new york? >> jimmy: no.
again, the theme is california. all right. well, let's try another tie breaker. who played axel foley in beverly hills cop. brandon? >> eddie murphy? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations, brandon! cousin sal will grab your bags and bring you to the hotel of your dreams. and don't worry, rosio. we have a provides for you toorgs. shower and toilet seat covers hand in the by a man who appears to be a vagrant. thank you for playing. we'll be right back with zach braff! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the brewers at guinness, who want to wish you a
then, this is his album, it's called "blue madonna," børns from the mercedes-benz stage. next week we have new shows with tyler perry, katie couric, she will give me a colon ostomy. she has a little gift for me. it's a bag. charlie day, judd apatow, jensen ackles, henry winkler, roseanne barr, and john goodman. and we will have music from dua lipa, the decemberists, sabrina carpenter featuring jonas blue, and chloe x halle. the state of new jersey has given us many gifts, >> are you coming with me? >> i would love to but you haven't asked me. >> jimmy: this is a situation where i'm in a compromising position. i'll be lying down with a gown
on. and katie couric will be lurking with our questions. >> i'll be there for you. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. you know, the stafts new jersey has given us many gifts. frank sinatra, bubble-wrap, air conditioning, and our first guest. he has a new show here on abc called "alex, inc." >> quit your job? >> yes. what if i, and this is one of the reasons i want to take to you dinner, start my own podcast company. [ laughter ] >> why are you laughing? >> because you're kidding. you're not kidding? oh, god. >> jimmy: "alex inc" premieres march 28th, please welcome zach braff. >> jimmy: welcome. >> i like that. [ cheers and applause ]
>> this is really, really good. hi, everybody. america of the >> jimmy: i want to begin by saying, i know you're a clean person. you smell exceptionally clean. >> i put on special musk for you. i wanted you to think i smelled good. >> jimmy: it smells like soap. it smells like you just stepped out of the shower. >> i did wash it off but i did pout a little something special. >> jimmy: it's been four years cynic you've been here. let's go through month by month what happened to you since then. you directed a big movie. >> that was the biggest thing. i directed michael caine, morgan freeman. >> jimmy: fantastic. do they take directions? >> oh, yeah. they couldn't be nicer. they're very into being directed. there was a moment, in the movie they all get stoned. so we're sitting around a table in rehearsal. michael cain, morgan freeman and
alan arkin. michael caine stops and says, i don't remember if i've ever been high before. he said i think richard burton got me high once. this is what it felt like. so i'm in the situation describing what it feels like to be high. >> what did you tell him? >> because i know. i said it is like being silly. you're very giggly, he's nodding and taking some notes. i said think of it like being drunk but you're a little bit silly. i am to morgan -- >> he said i'm good. >> jimmy: is that for you as young man, do you love meeting those legends? those guys? >> i've been in this business, i've been working in this business cynic i was a kid. it never gets old. i get so excited.
my friend invited me to go to dinner with al pacino. he's a god to me of i was so excited. i put on this musk that you like. i laid out this whole outfit. i'm not kidding. i took it very seriously. i pictured me in the corner, a candle lit dinner. i get it is and a 12-person dinner at a hotel and it was in the far end. i was sitting there pouting at my end of the table. no offense to the people. but they weren't al pacino. at one moment, almost everyone got up to smoke and i realize i'm the only person left with al pacino. i said this is my moment. come on, you have to have courage. i sat down across from him. he was so sweetest asked me with my work and i asked him about being al pacino. and then at a certain point he
looks around, he reaches in his pocket, and he pulls out a tiny action figure of albert einstein. he said do you see there? he said i carry this in my pocket he have single day. a friend gave it to me and it is in my pocket he have day. okay. and he said, say hello to my little friend. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. then people start coming back. he put it in his pocket lying it never happened. i swear to god. >> i never got to ask so many questions. >> jimmy: that's a beautiful gift he gave you. to do something like that. >> he did and no one will believe me. >> jimmy: i like the imagine albert einstein carrying a little al pacino. i want to ask but. this these are advertisements. these appeared to be from russia. this keeps happening to me.
>> jimmy: yes. are you doing adds in russia? >>. no scrubs was very popular in russia and the u.k. and they've been using my face in ads for years. i don't think they think anyone will walk down street and say, hey, copy right infringement. >> jimmy: we translated this as a computer repair place. >> yes, i'm available for computer repair. >> jimmy: and another one. this is perhaps actionable. this is an erectile dysfunction act. >> yaeflt it's something like problem with your boner? call here. >> jimmy: how many problems could they be having? >> i don't know. this has been translated for me and it says if your penis isn't working, call i'll help you. >> jimmy: are you at all worried that robert mueller will subpoena you? >> only if he needs help with his boner. >> jimmy: who doesn't really.
you know? >> well, you can always get it a little bit better. that's why they picked me. because i can help. >> jimmy: so tell us about this new show. this is based on a real guy. a true story before the a real guy. he used to work at this american life. and he quit his job to start his own podcasting company. what year was it? >> i'm going to guess probably wrong but you'll add are. i think it was about five years ago. he knew nothing about starting a business. i said i know what i'll do. i'll record everything. trying to start a business when my wife and i are fighting, when a pitch is going wrong, i'm going on record everything and it became this really, really popular podcast called start-up. so we thought it was a great family show so we turned it into a great tv show. >> jimmy: and were you a listener? >> no. it was sent to me.
the guy put his whole family on the line to do this. >> jimmy: you're the executive producer and you cast the show. >> jimmy: have you ever played a dad in a show? >> yeah. a movie called i wish i was here, i played a father. >> jimmy: so the kids, do you feel any the kind of, my wife is not only indian but they have to be. >> believably our kids. we found these lovable kids. their little boy is a savant. he is 13 years old but he has his g.e.d. he is very, very bright. >> jimmy: he already flunked out of high school and went back for his g.e.d.? >> no, whatever it is called.
whatever it is called when you're 13. >> jimmy: generally getting your g.e.d. is not a good sign. >> when you're 13 of will. >> jimmy: dougie howser. >> jimmy: he's a savant. well, we went to the guggenheim but i don't like the collection. and my wife is played by tia. and he says, zach, can you believe she hasn't read that book? and he's an amazing guitar player. >> jimmy: shouldn't he be doing something else? like leading our country? >> what's wrong starring in an it's abc tv show. >> jimmy: we've got problems. we need that kid. congratulations on the show. i'm glad you're here as part of the abc network. great to have you back. alex braff, everybody. "alex, inc." premieres march 28th at 8:30 on abc. we'll be right back.
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and did we ever give ireland anything back? no. not until we sent a mustached leprechaun named guillermo to the emerald isle. >> dear ireland. it's me, guillermo. i miss you so much. good morning, ireland! i remember the first time my mustache and i went to ireland. so many years ago. hello! beautiful, huh? may your beer always be spicy. we have such a good time. we came back again. to make beer -- we're actually making beer? >> i thought we were just [ bleep ] around. to beer. cilantro. i love beer. i wish we could all be together
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>> jimmy: welcome back. you know our next guest from the enormously popular dinosaur drama "jurassic world." his first starring role is as a high school kid with an online crush. "love, simon" opens in theatres tomorrow, please welcome nick robinson. >> how are you? you play a teenager in this movie, right? >> do i, right. but i'm actually 22. >> jimmy: that's all right. i think the kids in 90210 were like 98. and they that you told it off no problem. i heard your mom is here with you tonight. >> she is here with me tonight. >> jimmy: does she go everywhere with you? >> just to talk shows. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> i'm from seattler originally.
>> do we have seattle-ites here tonight? >> jimmy: they're just enthusiastic. does she stay with you? >> she has recently. i have i have a roommate and now an extra roommate that i've had about a week now. >> jimmy: your mom. >> yes. >> jimmy: how does your roommate like having her in the house? >> i think he likes her. she is very good at organizing. windex. >> jimmy: i see. she helps keep the place somewhat sanitary? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it typically not clean? >> it's clean enough. i think it is clean but then she gets and she says this is disgusting. so my standard and her standard don't quite match up. >> i have that with my wife. she said to me last night. she's like, i want to you look at this. i want you to go in the other
room and then walk in here and look at it. i said let's not do this. come on. >> just kind of rub your nose in it a little bit. >> jimmy: in a way, yes. you know what's happening there. so is your roommate another actor? >> just a friend of mine. actually, my first roommate ever. so it's been a bit of a learning curve to learn the rope as little bit of the >> jimmy: what are the ropes with a roommate? >> i don't know. that's what i've been trying to figure out. >> jimmy: do you share a bathroom? >> we do share a bathroom. that has been the worst part of all of it. he has a large beard. right? so it's down like here. so every morning when i'm wake up and doing my routine, i have to take this huge lump of hair out of the thing. >> jimmy: my wife does that too. yes. so that's my one pet peeve. >> jimmy: out of the sink or the
shower? >> hopefully not the sink. i haven't had to do the sink yet. it is just the shower drain. it's gross. really gross. >> jimmy: whose name is on the lease? if yours is, you could probably throw him out. >> possibly. yeah. i haven't thought about that yet. >> jimmy: is it weird to be the star of a movie and you're still pulling your room malt's hair out of a drain? >> yeah, yeah. you could say that. it keeps you humble. going in the morning and having to do that. >> jimmy: this movie might be short-lived. it has gotten like 90% rotten tomatoes. >> people really like it. we've been all over the country and kids have been bussing in for hours away to go see it. >> we don't have screens everywhere. >> how do kids figure this out before the movie comes out? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: it is strange. there seems to be, like a sense
that a movie, special when i like a high school movie like that. and there is nothing better than a good high school movie. >> yeah. i think it brings people back. there is been a ground swell of support of people who are really excited to, i don't know what it is. a high school film. a coming of age story that we've seen before. from a new perspective this time. people are lying that. >> jimmy: and you're going to carry that with you the whole rest of your life. like being in the breakfast club or something like that. i'm warning you. just prepare for the worst. that's what i'm saying. did you take any of your own high school experiences and apply them to this movie? >> did i as much as i could. i think you take a role and you take your experiences. what did you remember that you took from high school? >> i remember being totally
confused all the time skochblt couldn't fused. and that's what this character is. someone who is just trying to figure out day after day. >> jimmy: i was confused, too. up until recently ifrgs confused. you don't know. i didn't know anything at all. >> that's the thing. you think you know it all and you have no idea. >> jimmy: even after i graduated, i was like, i guess i should go to college. >> i think that's the next step. >> jimmy: that's what i learned over that summer. and i'm not joking. that's absolutely true. well, congratulations to you. it seems like very big deal. it's called "love simon." nothing to do with simon cowell. "love, simon" opens in theatres tomorrow. and we'll return with music from børns.
>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank zach braff, nick robinson, and apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. this is his album "blue madonna," here with the song "sweet dreams," børns! ♪ ♪ hearts in a cage hearts in a cage hearts in a cage you ♪ ♪ you flipped the page and slipped away never thought that you were ♪ ♪ someone to say things that you didn't mean you didn't even ♪ ♪ call to wish me
at all ♪ ♪ never thought you would take everything we had and loved and leave you didn't even ♪ ♪ call to wish me sweet dreams uh huh really thought we ♪ ♪ made a sweet team uh huh uh huh but don't cry can't you see that ♪ ♪ you're a love of mine sweet dreams always thought you were the sweetest thing ♪ ♪ but don't cry consider this a lullaby bye them sweet dreams ♪ ♪ sweet dreams
this is "nightline." >> tonight a loving parent searching for his own. >> why can't i find my family? >> band only as a newborn in this alley way. >> as soon as i read that article, i immediately filled in to try to figure out who that baby in the alley way was. >> an investigator genealogist uncovering the secret of his past won't an extraordinary journey. i found it under forgivable that somebody could leave a child. >> i was mad for a long time. >> after decades of searching? a family found. >> this special edition of "nightline." face to face will be right back. ack.