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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 9, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PST

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we hope you check in for "good morning america" tomorrow. they'll go on the road with hyper milers, trying to save gas in an extreme way. until tomorrow, then, good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- kim kardashian. >> jimmy: you and i can make so much money together. >> let it snow. >> snow bucket! >> dicky: alec trebek. >> it looks better on you. >> this is a prime assignment what are you talking about? standing in the blep blooep cold. >> dicky: and music from one eskimo. >> jimmy: the only other time there was this much snow in chicago was on the night that baby oprah was born.icicicicicic
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kim kardashian. alex trebek. and music from one eskimo. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now in the blink of an eye, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: well that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i'd like to welcome anyone who is involved with public storage. [ cheers and applause ] public storage here tonight. you know what public storage is, right? that is where, you know, you find a dead body or michael jackson's collectibles are stuck in there. we're delayed tonight after an extended edition of "nightline." christiane amanpour had an exclusive interview with egyptian president hosni mubarak. i was also offered and interview with mubarak but we decided to go with alex trebek and kim kardashian, instead. i think we made the right choice. that stuff is boring. this is night three of the massive storm that has snowbliterated much of the united states. that's a word i made up this afternoon in my office.
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i was very proud of myself. snowbliterated. feel free to use that among your friends. they'll think you made it up. there's a lot of snow falling and it's very cold. finally, america's extra layer of fat comes in handy. take that, michelle obama. it was so -- it was so cold in washington, d.c. today, john boehner's tears were freezing before they even hit the ground. [ laughter ] take a look at this. this is -- this is the side of the highway in new hampshire and -- that's what they call perpendicular parking. it's very difficult. i failed the driver's test twice because i couldn't do that. one of the cities that has been hit hardest by the storm is chicago. anybody here from chicago? [ applause ] well, you got out just in time. more than 20 inches of snow fell. one of the biggest storms on road. the only other time there was this much snow in chicago was on the night the baby oprah was
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born. but -- [ laughter ] people in chicago and you can tell me if i'm wrong in this, had enough of this weather. this morning, an angry mob brutally attacked a doppler 3,000. it was -- actually, things have been very civil. i guess it's too cold to cause trouble. this is from the weather channel. they were in chicago this morning. i don't know if this is because of the snow, but there's almost a christmas-like spirit in the windy city. >> what happens if you are trapped in your vehicle? we're going to -- >> hot chocolate? >> thank you so much. >> god bless. >> so nice here in chicago. >> jimmy: you know, if only the warmth of human kindness could melt two feet of snow, they'd be like florida there. wait until he realizes the guy peed in that cup. it was sunny and 62 here in l.a. today. above zero. [ applause ]
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i feel kind of -- i almost had to wear a track jacket into work this morning. my visor almost blew off as i was rollerblading to breakfast. this is from facebook today. some posts from the midwest and the east coast. tom m said, really, that's a four-foot fence. katie said, here's a picture of the bread aisle last night at schnucks. are you ready for the snowpocalypse? i like that. sean in chicago. lake shore drive this morning. abandoned cars left after having to sit in traffic for more than eight hours. and now here's some posts from california. these are real, from today. i'm so grateful there's no weather in la-la-land. i love san diego. and meet my new puppy harper. [ applause ] what are you going to do? we're jerks. [ cheers and applause ] the weather really is exceptional here right now. in fact, today, we sent my cousin sal to the beach today to santa monica to give people who are visiting us here a chance to
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send warm thoughts back home and also to give them a taste of their own medicine. >> hi, it's amanda from iowa. >> i'm alicia from minnesota. >> and we have a message to all of our friends and family back home. >> hope you guys are having fun in the snow. >> while we are in the sun. >> snowballs! >> that's from iowa and minnesota. >> oh, that's so cold. >> yeah. >> i want to give a shoutout to everybody who is back in nebraska, freezing their asses off. who is not on the beach right now. >> snowballs! >> go corn huskers! >> hi, i'm billy from boston. i just wanted to say hi to -- >> snowballs! >> how's that snow, baby? >> l.a., baby. >> snowballs! >> new york, new york! >> oh, my god. how rude! >> all my friends in new york and philly, i hope you are
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enjoying yourself, freezing your asses off while i'm here in sunny l.a. >> let it snow! snow bucket! >> did i get you? >> you're in colorado while we're loving this california weather. >> you're -- >> snowballs! >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. what is -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's fast. there you go. that really was today. don't worry, we'll have an earthquake soon and you'll feel better about yourself. the weather is affecting the festivities in dallas. the super bowl is on sunday, but it's very cold. it's so cold, there are power outages and rolling blackouts all over texas. they're having to import power from mexico. when mexico has to give us electricity, that's when we know we're in trouble. [ applause ] it's -- we're in trouble if they give us electricity. if they have to send us water, we're dead.
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that means it's over. there's some interesting bets you can make on the super bowl. not just on the game. i like to bet on something dumb. last year, i bet that pete townsend of the who would smash his guitar during the halftime show. he didn't, the bastard, so i lost. this year, you can bet on what color gatorade the players will dump on the coach. who the mvp will thank first. god is even money. teammates pays two to one. family is four to one. the coach is nine to one. that's not a bad bet. but i'm betting, my bet is going to be on how long christina aguilera will hold the word "brave." this is a real bet. how long the word "brave" will go when she sings the national anthem. ♪ and the home of the brave >> jimmy: okay, so, the over-under is six seconds. i did a lot of research on this. more than i care to admit. i watched every national anthem
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christina has ever sung on youtube and i am going with the under. i'm going under six seconds. i think she's going to do it under. now, almost every person i talk to thinks she'll go longer. to show off because it's the super bowl but i don't think she's a show-off. you hear that, christina? i don't think you're a show-off. and only a show-off would sing the word "brave" for more than six seconds, so -- [ applause ] so i think that's -- safe bet. and if i win, i'm going to use the money to buy pete townsend's guitar and i'm going to smash it over his head. new episode of "american idol" tonight. randy jackson, jennifer lopez and the ghost of steven tyler finally got to crush kids dreams where they're supposed to be crushed, here in hollywood. it's a little ridiculous. they're in hollywood, they say, i'm going to hollywood. it's like, women, you're -- you're here. my favorite part of the show
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used to be when simon would say something horrible to the contestants. but my new favorite part is when steven tyler drools on the attractive females. especially when he puts on his reading glasses like, hold on, maybe i'm not being creepy enough. let me put on my granny glasses so i can inspect you up and down. it's very entertaining. and without further ado, it's time for the steven tyler creepy leer of the night. ♪ >> yes. yes. yes. >> wow. you got something you can sing for us real quick? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i forgot, um, sing.
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[ applause ] that's why he's known as the world's horniest beat box. this is interesting. you know, there always seems to be some kind of mystery when it comes to the work of leonardo da vinci. it's been believed that the model for "the mona lisa" was the wife of a wealthy local merchant. now it turns out she might be a dude. yesterday, the head of the national historic commission in italy said he believes the model was actually one of da vinci's male apprentices with whom he probably had a love affair. that's the guy. and if you really examine the painting and fill in some of the areas outside of frame, you can almost make out a masculine shape. who knew they had urinals back then? are you worried about bedbugs? you should be, they're all over your bodies right now. the epa held what they call a national bedbug summit in washington, d.c. this week.
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whatever hotel put them up had to be thrilled, really. that's got to be a good night's sleep. you spend the whole day talking about bedbugs and then you go back to your filthy mattress at the radisson airport. according to experts at the summit, the crisis is unlikely to go away any time soon. their president, hosni mcbedbug is he fusing to give up his position. the experts say part of the problem is that they're hard to eliminate because they can go for a year without eating. they're like the victoria beckham's of insects, and they multiply. [ applause ] and eat us while we're sleeping. speaking of parasites, new episode of "jersey shore" tonight. and -- [ applause ] i have to say, i'm really worried about ronnie and sammi. i don't know if they're going to make it. they might have broken up. i'm not sure. ronnie had a very bad day. he had to go to the doctor because he was bleeding from an
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unmentionable place. there's a fine line between roids and hemorrhoids. and ronnie somehow drew it tonight. at first, ronnie dealt with the problem in the way he deals with all of his problems, by taking off his shirt and making a smoothie. that didn't work. he went to the doctor. and we were going to show you that clip of ronnie's visit to the doctor, but this is a family network and it's gross. so, instead, we took the audio track, the sound from tonight's "jersey shore" and we've combined it with video from a medical-themed episode of "the flintstones." and now this, something for everyone. >> i wake up this morning and my stomach is not agreeing with me. it's just all missed up. i'm bleeding when i used the bathroom. i have to go to the doctor. i don't know if it's from the alcohol or -- >> do you want me to go with you? >> yeah. >> why is ronnie bleeding out of his ass? i have no idea. >> how is it going? >> not so good. >> yeah, i hear. what we're going to do, we're going to check out the area. we're not going to do anything crazy. >> yeah. >> i'm just going to touch a couple of areas.
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tell me if you feel pain. how about here? >> no. >> good. here? >> no. >> how about deeper in through here? >> yeah. >> okay. good. we're done. it was wrong of me to laugh. who wants to bleed out of their butt? i wouldn't. >> i'm like, doc, come on, you could at least buy me dinner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think he needs to slow down. one more thing, it's thursday night. it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> apparently upset someone in management. he's live in chicago. >> prime assignment, what are you talking about? standing in the [ bleep ] cold. >> i'm here at gobbler's nob. he's the president of the groundhog club. he's the one that [ bleep ] groundhog [ bleep ]. >> my wife has this big black [ bleep ] and she has no idea
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where it came from. >> kr nn's anderson cooper [ bleep ] in the head, ten times by a gang of thugs. >> why don't you guys [ bleep ]? >> thanks again, chris, good to talk to you. >> [ bleep ] you, dick. >> how do they continue to allow charlie to work when he's clearly as [ bleep ] up as humanly possible? >> [ bleep ] your face. i love that. >> where's sponge bob? >> i don't know. i've been [ bleep ] on his [ bleep ] for three hours. i need his hot sauce for my milk shake. >> now it's time for a special sag awards edition of, say it with us. [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: sorry i missed that. we got a good show tonight. from "jeopardy," alex trebek is here. we have music from one eskimo. and we'll be right back with kim kardashian, so stick around.
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tonight on the show, the host of "jeopardy" and former prime minister of canada, alex trebek is here. you know, they have -- they got a big thing going on on the show. they have this super computer named watson set to compete against the all-time greatest players on jeopardy. it's man versus machine. and the winner gets to have sex with a robot. so that's going to be something. live on the show. then later from london with music from their self-titled album, music from one eskimo. we have quite a lineup for you next week, too. dr. phil will be here, amy sedaris, matthew perry, morena baccarin from "v," adam sandler, chef bobby flay, and, um, triple triple o-m-g, justin bieber will be with us. the justin bieber. and we'll have music from nelly, pitbull and ke$ha, too, so join us then. hey, uncle frank, who do you --
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who are you rooting for in the super bowl? who is going to win? >> green bay. >> jimmy: why? you like green bay? >> because i was a vince lombardi fan. very sentimental guy. i'm going for them. >> jimmy: guillermo? how about you? >> i'm going for the steelers. >> the steelers? >> jimmy: why do you point to him when you say that, because -- he didn't say the steelers. >> i was going to go like this. >> jimmy: you were going to go like that. >> i'm going for the steelers. >> jimmy: last second change of plans? well, i hope it doesn't get ugly between you two watching the game. >> no. >> we're friends. >> yeah. >> jimmy: name one player on either one of the teams. >> tony roma. >> jimmy: a, you're thinking of the dallas cowboys quarterback, but he's actually a guy who owns a ribs chain. guillermo? >> oh, troy polamalu. >> jimmy: very good. there you go. [ applause ]
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guillermo did a commercial with troy or else that would have been a disaster. you know, we all get into fights with our families, but our first guest tonight is smart enough to get paid for it. her latest reality show is called "kourtney & kim take new york." you can see it at 10:00 sunday nights on e! please say hello to kim kardashian. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look very beautiful. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's a lovely dress. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you look like a snow angel tonight on the show. >> i do? snow angel? >> jimmy: how is everything? >> everything is really good. >> jimmy: things are going well? you've taken new york. >> i've taken new york. my sisters took miami, so we had -- >> jimmy: you had to one-up them. >> yes. >> jimmy: i don't think you can top new york. there's no place to take -- is there any place bigger than new york? >> what about paris?
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>> jimmy: it's not bigger, though. you could take paris. you can go to china or something. >> we want to take over the world. >> jimmy: that would incur a lot of traveling expense. but if anyone can do it, you guys could do it. you have a lot of television shows and a lot of people watch. i mean, it's really unbelievable how many shows you can do and you just move from show to show and as long as it has one of your names in it, people will go and watch it. >> i mean, i guess so. i'm -- it's so funny. now that we're all doing our own thing, i don't even know what khloe and lamar have been up to, or my brother. and so i'm so excited just to watch their show when it comes out to see what they've been up to because i don't know. >> jimmy: you're having trouble keeping up with the kardashians. >> yes. >> jimmy: oddly. >> oddly. >> jimmy: you have -- how many followers do you have on twitter? >> like 6 million something. are you following me? >> jimmy: i don't think so. >> you're not. >> jimmy: no, because -- i'm not involved. >> how many do you have? >> jimmy: not nearly as many. i have, like, 250,000 or
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something like that. >> that's a lot. i'll follow you. >> jimmy: that would be good. if you follow me, then i'll be like justin bieber, right? >> you know, i find that people are really, like, they get really weird about twitter and everyone asks me, like, will you follow me? people tweet me and think, you know, will you retweet me, and people get really in this sense of desperation when they want more followers. it's so bizarre. >> jimmy: how do you handle it? >> you just ignore. or, yeah. >> jimmy: weird thing happened today, actually. i was noticing that kanye west followed one person and that person was you and then mysteriously he stopped following you yesterday. did something happen that we should know about? >> i don't know. no. >> jimmy: did you know about this? >> no. >> jimmy: you had no idea. are you upset about this? >> no. >> jimmy: you should unfollow him. are you following him? >> i am following him. but i don't play the, you unfollow me, i unfollow you
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rule. i follow people if they say funny things. and he does. >> jimmy: he says funny things, yeah, for sure. >> do you say funny things? >> jimmy: yeah, mine are hilarious. >> they are? [ laughter ] i don't say funny things. >> jimmy: yeah, but you have -- there's a lot of fashion stuff going on and i was looking on your thing today and you have friends whose names i can't figure out from the at thing. i really feel like an 80-year-old man when i'm looking at twitter, trying to figure out the codes and the numbers and all that stuff. >> it's not that hard. >> jimmy: you had -- for me it's difficult. you had a little problem with the justin bieber maniacs when you really just said -- you said something pretty benign, i thought. you said -- you were just joking around about thinking he was cute or something like that, right? >> i don't know. i think he said that, like, he -- >> jimmy: he started it. >> i said something back and then i started getting death threats and all these little -- he has this cult of, like, beliebers.
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>> jimmy: yes, he did. >> that are just obsessed with him. and it was all in fun. literally, i could be his mother. it's, like, so weird that people would ever think that we were dating. >> jimmy: did you find, like, a decapitated hello kitty in your bed or anything like that? did anyone take action? that's the thing about these beliebers. they act like this fierce army and they'll strike you but they never do anything. >> they can't. i mean, it's literally, that is a form of bullying and it's not okay. it's not. >> jimmy: it's be-bullying, i think. no, it's not. did you get nervous that you might get attacked by 12-year-olds? >> no. well, the creepy thing is, it could really be, like, a 46-year-old pretending to be, like, a 12-year-old girl. you would never know. >> jimmy: that would never happen on the internet. >> it was creepy. >> jimmy: now, your boyfriend is
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kris humphries from the nets, the nba team. is that true? >> yes. >> jimmy: and he's a physical specimen. he's like -- he is a real man, this guy. true? >> yeah, that's why i started to wear really extra, extra high heels because i used to make fun of -- this sounds mean. not tall people but extremely tall people, like, when khloe started dating -- just married lamar, i -- i was thinking, she never dated him. when i first met him i was like, wait, don't stand up, like, it's going to freak me out. you're so tall. he's taller than me just sitting down. and so i was like, this is so weird, like, there's this -- it just freaks me out, really tall people. and so when i met kris, he's the same height as lamar, and i'm a foot shorter than khloe. she makes fun of me about it all the time. >> jimmy: i would think so. why not? yeah. i didn't think about that. you guys are sisters but there's quite a difference in height. you don't see that -- >> khloe is seven inches taller than me. >> jimmy: is it physically
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awkward being with him, dating him? i mean, like, showering with him you could drown, right? >> um -- it is -- it's fun. it's different. it works out. it's cute, though, because, like, if i want to give him a kiss, he literally has to, like, pick me up and, like, you know, kiss me and put me down. >> jimmy: really? does he give you candy? is that cute? that sounds more humiliating than cute to me. >> no, it's cute. >> jimmy: how long have you been dating him? >> i don't know. like -- i feel like, you know, in this, like, this hollywood world, everyone's always like, we always say, we're just friends, we're just friends and so -- we've been just friends for a few months. >> jimmy: i see. according to khloe, you guys should be celebrating your golden anniversary by now. >> absolutely. yes. >> jimmy: and you like going to the basketball games and watching him play? and then khloe's got lamar on the lakers. what happens when the lakers and the nets play?
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>> um -- khloe and i went together and so khloe is, she sits in the front row and so, you know, we went to go watch and then we moved to the courtside and lamar, like, khloe gets freaked out if he doesn't make a shot and she thinks it's all her fault. because she moved seats and he needs to see her in this seat, and i was like, kris needs to see me in this seat and we were going back and forth. i'll give you a quarter here if you give me a quarter here and so we were arguing the entire game and -- >> jimmy: i think both those guys are having the best scoring seasons of their careers, by the way. and i'm not talking -- i'm not making a dirty joke, either. they really are. you have a miraculous affect on athletes. you and i could make so much money together. can i ask you a question? i want you to really think about this. how long do you think christina aguilera will sing the word "brave" at the end of the -- more on less than six seconds? >> i have no idea. i love her. >> jimmy: who do you think is going to win the game? >> i don't care.
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i'm a basketball fan now. >> jimmy: your sister -- oh, yeah. scott, her -- her man is -- she was here, i asked about this. he's wearing a cane -- he's bringing a cane around a lot. >> but don't you think he looks like so stylish and smooth? like, it's his personality, like, it goes with him. >> jimmy: i guess so, if -- >> i get everyone thinks he's, like, such a douchelord, but he's so -- to me, it's like stylish. like kourtney and i -- i shouldn't say that, because on one of the tabloids it says that scott and i are having an affair and we're in love or something ridiculous -- >> jimmy: is that true? >> i really wanted to confess that here tonight. >> jimmy: wow. that is shocking! >> but it's so funny because my style is more over the top and kourtney is, hers is not, so scott pulled up the other day in, like, a rolls royce phantom
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or something and kourtney was like, where did you get this, take this back, this is humiliating, i will never ride in this, and i'm like, oh, my god, my dream car, let's go on a ride. so -- >> jimmy: you're the only one in the family that seems to be okay with scott. >> i love him. i mean, he's such a good guy. obviously on the show, he's grown up a lot on the show. and he's gone through different problems that i'm sure so many people in life have gone through, except for, it's not on tv. and there are so many of us that, they pick and choose little pieces, what they edit. so, of course, it's exciting to see all the negative things about scott, all of that is real, but you don't see all the good things, too, so -- >> jimmy: and then you see this and the good things are just -- they're gone again, you know? well, thank you for being here. it is delightful to have you here. i'm glad everything is going so well for you. kim kardashian, everyone. "kourtney & kim take new york" airs sunday nights at 10:00 on e! we'll be right back with alex trebek.
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subway is introducing the featured $5 footlong of the month. each month an extra special footlong joins our many $5 footlong favorites. the meatball pepperoni is the featured $5 footlong in march only!
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>> jimmy: i just did it. i'm now following kim kardashian.
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i'm following kim kardashian and i guess i have to obey everything she says now, right? all right. and now we're going to crush justin bieber. he's done. for almost 27 years, our next guest has been soliciting questions to answers every day. from february 14th through 16th, he will attempt to destroy mankind by pitting an ibm watson computer against some of the great human champions of the past. "jeopardy" airs every weekday in syndication. please welcome alex trebek. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you -- you have the mustache back. >> well, they told me you felt more comfortable with the old me. >> jimmy: i do. i like the mustache. >> i grew it backes personally for you. >> jimmy: you grew it back very fast. it seems to be feeling off, though. yeah, oh, look at that. that's -- [ applause ]
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>> jimmy: and now i assume your power. it's crooked, but -- >> yes. it looks better on you. >> jimmy: let me look like i'm sort of -- i'm suspicious. well, thank you for giving me your mustache. this is weird. it's like when ted danson takes off his hair. >> oh, oh. >> jimmy: i still like the mustache on you, but you look good. >> that's the past and i'm all about the future. >> jimmy: you are? you're looking to ruin the future -- >> no. >> jimmy: but encouraging the computers to crush us and to become smarter than us, which i fear is -- i'm actually scared of when the day when the computers become smarter than us. and, in fact, they might be smarter than me right now. >> well, i'll just quote elmer fudd to you. be afraid. be very, very afraid.
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because -- >> jimmy: i am. [ applause ] >> ibm has come up with this computer system which is truly awesome. it understands human language. this is not like when you call up to change a reservation and they say, just tell us why you're calling. pay a bill, change your reservation, complain. this thing understands. and it competes. and it competes very well. i've seen some of the practice games and it's scary. it really is. >> jimmy: you did this a few years ago, right? and humans beat the computer. >> no, we didn't do that. >> jimmy: i thought you did. >> no, this is something new. ibm came to us four years ago with this idea. now, keep in mind, this is the same company that came up with deep blue, that computer that they taught to play chess. and they put it against a world champion and the computer beat the champion. so, ibm is worried, i've seen
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some of their executives in conversation, and they're scared, they say, what if the computer doesn't beat ken and brad, what are we going to do? >> jimmy: ken jennings. >> who is the most successful player in terms of games one. and brad, the most successful in terms of money won. he won $3.25 million. so, these two guys are going up against watson, the computer. >> jimmy: it sounds like the beginning to a "terminator" movie. [ laughter ] >> well, the computer just keeps going and going and going. and you can't throw it off. so, it comes down to luck. whoever finds the daily doubles. now, keep in mind, at this level of competition, the guys are just as intelligent as watson, so, they're going to bet a lot if they get the daily doubles. if it's a short clue, that favors the guys, because watson needs about a couple of seconds to process all the information. if it's a long clue, watson has an advantage. so, luck is going to be very important. >> jimmy: i'm trying to figure out which side you're on here,
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because i don't think it's ours. i'm not certain that it's our side. >> i -- listen. i'm a washington redskin fan, so, i have no dog in this hunt and -- >> jimmy: who do you like in the game? >> the washington redskins. >> jimmy: yeah, well, no -- >> i'm still in recovery over that one, believe me. so, it's taken a long time. >> jimmy: as a canadian, you're okay with watching the super bowl, the nfl and all that stuff? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: who do you like? who do you think will win, i should say? see, now watson would have beaten you already. >> all right, yeah. i've gotten older and i'm slower on that signaling device. my reaction time has gone down. i don't know. i think maybe it's green bay's turn. >> jimmy: you think it's green bay's turn? >> i think. >> jimmy: were you a good student? >> pretty good. i was pretty good. but -- >> jimmy: because i watch you and i go, he's a genius, he knows everything in the world. >> no. but when i went to college, i had to pay my way through the first two years because my
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grades kept going down because i was working part time and i'm glad i got out of school when i did and i was lucky to get a job in broadcasting. i started like you in radio, then got into television. wound up being transferred to toronto, after two years, to host a groundbreaking television show called "music hop." which was a precursor to "shin dig" in the united states. except that ours was live. >> jimmy: we dug up a clip of that -- >> oh, gosh no. >> jimmy: we did. i understand you genuinely did not know we got and let's look at "music hop." >> every once in awhile, well, we get a lot of letters on the show and we like to read a few of them on the air. i made a few notes today, some of the letters we've received recently. first one comes to us from a young friend who said, dear al, i watch you all the time and i especially like it when the four bugs are on the show. i wander if you can answer a question for me, though. who has the longest hair, the
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beat ms or the four bugs? well, i don't know who has the longest hair, but the four bugs assure me they have the greasiest. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i want to watch this. i want to see who wins. i'm rooting for the humans. once the computers win, we die. that's it. we're doomed. >> well, somebody asked me the other day, they said, are you really impressed with this technology that ibm has come up with? and i said, i'll be impressed when they come up with a computer that can tell jokes. now, the other aspect to that, that does worry me is, i said, you know, if they've got a computer that plays "jeopardy" as a contestant right now, we're about five years away from having a computer that can host "jeopardy." >> jimmy: it's up to you to stop that thing. throw some molasses in it. >> you don't have to worry, because you're funny. >> jimmy: oh, no, there are some robots telling jokes on television. >> oh. >> jimmy: alex trebek, everybody. "jeopardy" airs weekdays in syndication. ibm watson, february 14th
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through the 16th. we'll be right back with one eskimo.
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i'll see you next thursday. [ tv announcer ] welcome back on this beautiful thursday morning. next up, the segment... ♪ ♪
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[ keys opening the door ] ♪ grandpa!? mikey? mikey! grandpa i missed you.
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>> dicky: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live," jamie foxx and sarah shahi. get the new "jimmy kimmel live" app and see what you've been missing. search jimmy kimmel in the itunes app store or go to jklapps.com to get it now. [ female announcer ] introducing purifying facial cleanser from neutrogena® naturals. developed with dermatologists... it's clinically proven to remove 99% of dirt and toxins and purify pores. and with natural willowbark it contains no dyes, parabens or harsh sulfates. dirt and toxins do a vanishing act and my skin feels pure and healthy. [ female announcer ] new purifying facial cleanser from the new line of neutrogena naturals. all the flavor of mint chocolate chip ice cream... ♪ ...in a delicious 5-calorie stick of gum. dessert delights gum. from extra.
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>> jimmy: hi there. we're back. here with the song "amazing"
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from their self-titled album, one eskimo. ♪ ♪ i feel sweet do you feel sweet it's amazing ♪ ♪ i have no skin and i feel everything it's amazing ♪ ♪ i feel good when you feel good i knew i would and it's amazing ♪ ♪ i've wanted this for so long now the deed has been done we shall rise ♪
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♪ with the sun we'll spend our time as one ♪ ♪ now there is no sin in anything it's amazing i love life i hope you do too ♪ ♪ cause i love everything it's all amazing ♪ ♪ i feel new do you feel new i understand when they say we're born again ♪ ♪ cause i've been born again i'm born again and it's amazing this feeling ♪
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♪ this feeling ♪ it's in the stars in the sun it's everywhere and everyone and it will be every day ♪ ♪ from now on from now on we are one and it's amazing ♪ ♪ it's in the stars in the sun it's everywhere and everyone and it will be every day ♪ ♪ from now on from now on we are one and it's amazing ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] escape convention. ♪ escape definition. ♪ escape compromise. ♪ introducing the most fuel-efficient luxury car available. the radically new... 42 mile per gallon ct hybrid from lexus. ♪ welcome to the darker side of green. ♪
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and then a 3:15, with my guilt. [ female announcer ] new special k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. mmmmmmm...good meeting. same time tomorrow? [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle.
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i see a bag and think... i could have a chip. yeah right. that's why they're called chips? [ female announcer ] new special k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. another cracker chip? don't mind if i do! [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. i love when they come visit, and so do my roommates. try our new artisanal ravioli filled with asiago and fontina cheeses and served with pan-seared chicken. just $10.95. at olive garden.
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elelelelelelelelelelelelelelelel with pan-seared chicken. got the mirrors all adjusted? you can see everything ok? just stay off the freeways, all right? i don't want you going out on those yet. and leave your phone in your purse, i don't want you texting. >> daddy... ok! ok, here you go. be careful. >> thanks dad. >> and call me--but not while you're driving. we knew this day was coming. that's why we bought a subaru.
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um, these days we're all trying to save money, that's why i'm shooting this commercial myself, at home. it's really easy and i can pass the savings onto you. okay, ready for the food part? check it out. my warm and flaky croissant sandwiches. supreme or sausage. both made with fresh egg and melting cheese. you get 2 for just 3 bucks okay, i'm back, whoa- oh, i am so ready for this recession to be over.
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twizzlers. the twist you can't resist. >> jimmy: i want to thank kim kardashian, i want to thank alex trebek. i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. this is their self-titled album, it's out now. playing us off the air with "kandi."
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once again, one eskimo. good night. ♪ ♪ you've been my queen for longer than you know my love for you has been ♪ ♪ every step i take every day i live everything i see ♪ ♪ and if i get things wrong i don't want you to think that i'm running away ♪ ♪ but i heard from jo about this guy and i want to know what did he say ♪ ♪ he called me baby

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