Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  September 20, 2022 11:00pm-11:48pm PDT

11:00 pm
hey, dwight, uh... send in the subs. ohh. >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight, podcast dlimps justice de santist under scrutiny and general ich-- jenifer lewis, this is the daily show with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: what's going on, everybody. welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah.
11:01 pm
thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out in person. thank you for being here. thank you so much for being here. take a seat, please, take a seat, thank you so much. take a seat. we've got a really fun show for you tonight. water is the new cocaine. podcasts are the new defense attorneys and the republican party now has two donald trumps. so let's do this, people, let's jump straight into today's headlines. (applause) all right. before we get into the big story let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. first up, an executive from the vegan burger company beyond meat was arrested after a fight in which he allegedly bit another man's nose. which, goddam, when vegans have a cheat day, they really go hard. they go hard! (laughter) in health news, the fda has officially warned people not to do a tiktok trend called the
11:02 pm
nyquil challenge. which is where people are cooking chicken in nie gill-- nyquil. i don't know, this sounds fake to me. but if it's not, why would you stop it, huh? (laughter) white people are finally seasoning their chicken. that's a win. let them do it. let's them go. oh, and in international news canadian prime minister justin trudeau is faces criticism after a video circulated showing him singing bohemian rhapsody at a london hotel two nights before the queen's funeral. yeah, people are saying it was disrespectful. and they are right. you don't sing a song by queen when the queen has died. that is insulting. you sing wu tang, it was her favorite group. i don't get why people are so angry who cares t is not like he sang. ♪ another one bites the dust. ♪ people are too sensitive. but let's move to the bigger stories of the day, starting
11:03 pm
with a criminal case that was probably in your ears every thursday morning back in 2014. >> a judge in baltimore today overturned the murder conviction of adnan syed whose case was featured in the hit podcast serial and ordered his release from prison. know 41 he walked out of the courthouse after spending more than two decades behind bars. >> in vacating the ruling the judge found that the original prosecutors did not turn over evidence to the defense that could have helped syed. >> and evidence uncovered since would have added quote substantial and significant probability that the result would have been different. >> the decision to vacate syed's conviction came down just hours ago and tonight he's back home with family. and as you can see in this video, one of the first things he did was go right for the frimg and dive into some leftovers. >> trevor: i'm sorry, this is an insane story. this guy was sentenced to life in prison. then years later, a podcast brings attention to his case. and now after 22 years later he gets to go home.
11:04 pm
i know people are celebrating this and i understand why. but i'm going to be honest i find it weird that america confuses fixing a mistake with a happy ending. you know what i mean? like good new, we got out of afghanistan. why were you there in the first place? good new, we got emergency water to jackson, michigan. why-- emergency water. good new, we took all the pink slime out of the meat. >> the pink what now? and so yes, happy but come on, people, you know? also i will say it was heart warming to see him back home with his family eating leftovers, you know? yeah, no, just because knowing families there is probably one uncle is like who ate all my leftovers? i know did you 20 years but i was saving that. you can imagine that guy was in prison since the year 2 thousand, think about all the things he missed out on. he will be chatting to his friend, i'm so excited to be free, let's go to an r. kelly concert. >> a bit of booed news.
11:05 pm
but this does raise a big question, what does it say about america that it takes a podcast to help free a man from prison. cuz what i think it says is that either america needs to reform its justice system or podcasts need to become part of the justice system. yeah, think about it. everyone lates jury duty but everyone loves podcasts. so maybe we get rid of juries and just have everyone in america listen to the podcast and then they all vote, it becomes a nationwide jury. they are paying attention. they actually care. yeah, because this is something i have realized. if you add entertainment, americans are always interested. nobody wants to sit in a court room. but people have watched 700 seasons of law & order. sometimes during jury duty, this is boring, i'm going to watch more law. think about it, if the trial was a podcast everybody wins, justice is served, jurors on board and best of all everyone
11:06 pm
gets to go home with a promo code for a shirt that you don't have to tuck in. >> now here is the thing, the full story is this, it wasn't just the podcast that helped free syed. what happened was syed got lucky enough that his case came up for review to a prosecutor who used to be a public de nender, all right. and that prosecutor dug through the case files, deeper than she had to, and found all sorts of problems with the original prosecution. so she asked the judge to vacate the conviction and let syed go. yeah, and they did this while they decide whether or not to put him on trial again. but remember the prosecutor didn't have to do any of that. she could have just said yeah, maybe, it wasn't a completely fair trial but tough shit. but she said no, if we're going to put somebody in prison it has to be without any doubt. and that shows you its difference between a justice system that wants justice versus a system that just wants to put people in prison. this prosecute certificate like those employees in the shoe
11:07 pm
store who offer to check in the back when they don't have your size. you know what i mean, let me check, as opposed to the employees who are like sorry, man, ain't got your size, you can check in the back, no, it would be better if you just chop off your feet, i'm not going to lie. get more people like that but let's move op to some news about climate change because no matter what else is going on, climate change is still happening. the ice caps are melting it is not like oh damn, did you see that adam levine story, because you have to check this out. no, climate change is still getting worse. it doesn't mean that it has gotten worse for everybody, though. in fact in mexico, the effects climate change have created business opportunities for drug cartels. >> an investigation by vice news has found that mex co's notorious sinaloa drug cartel is now in the water business after a major drought dried up lakes and rivers across northern mexico, the cartel began siphoning off anything that remained and selling it to
11:08 pm
farmers and businesses. in some cases, they even hijacked water trucks at gunpoint. >> trevor: yeah, you hear that? drug cartels are running water now. controlling the water. we lost at the fyre festival guy but sooner or later every one of us will be sucking [bleep] for a bottle of poland spring. here is the thing, just because climate change happens gradually doesn't mean it is not a crisis, people watch mad max and they are like that say bit unrealistic, but remember, that's not day one. it didn't start like that. they didn't roll into the office like that. it was gradual. and if drug cartels are now going to be selling water, that means now we have to be worried about whether or not it is pure. they might start cutting it with like urine or even worse, das-- dasani, you never know. and if you are not disturbed about what is hatching in mexico, you should be.
11:09 pm
because water is a resource, people, a resource that everyone needs to survive. it is not something that should be controlled by drug cartels. that is nestle's business, and sinaloa is stepping on their goddam turf, speaking of climate change, as the world tries to become more green one of the major challenges has been airplanes, the problem is it is hard to make them green and we need them. we use them for everything. ships products, people, dragging giant signs across the sky so people know that there say mattress sale. without planes how are you ever going to join the mile high club, huh? have you ever tried to smash in a hot air balloon, the splinters get everywhere. that old man is judging you the whole time. well, you paid for an hour so you still got 57 minutes left, kid. so the truth is we're going to have to get serious about fighting climate change even if it means taking some big swings which is why air canada has made
11:10 pm
an exciting new announcement. >> air canada is buying electric planes for the first time it is purchasing 30 battery powered regional aircraft from hart aerospace, a swedish company. the plane ktion carry up to 30 passengers and will generate zero emotions. >> trevor: now that is what i am talking about, people. electric planes. cleaner, efficient, quieter. so now you will really be able to hear the baby crying behind you, you know? like oh, that's what they are saying. i don't know about you but i'm excited for this. like i can't wait to fly on maybe the second or third one they make. yeah, like let them fly for a year and then i will jump on, i won't jump on immediately. here is the thing, they won't even let us fly with a big battery on a plane because they are squared it will burs into flames but now the whole plane say big battery, you want me to be comfortable with that. i'm just saying. i got to know. maybe we just make everything on the ground electric first,
11:11 pm
before we do it in the sky. going to be dope when you think about it, because once electric planes are going, it will be easy, just leave them plugged in, charging at the airport, and boom zero emissions. we should also prepare ourselves though for that occasional flight when we find out at 30,000 feet that the plane wasn't fully charged. because the plug did that thing where it just hangs off. you know when the plug does that. now are you on 4%. like oh, ladies and gentlemen, does anybody have a portable charger? i'm joking, that's not how technology works. come on people f the plane gets low on battery you just put it in airplane mode, problem solved. come on. all right, finally, finally-- (applause). >> trevor: here's a story i have to share with you guys because i can't till if it is amazing or terrifying or both. like how many ants do you guys
11:12 pm
think there are on earth? huh? a billion? a trillion? well, it turns out are you way avenue. >> and "the washington post" reports scientists calculated how many ants are on earth. and they say the number is unimaginable. scientists from the university of hong kong analyzed hundreds of studies and concluded that there are nearly 20 quadrillion ants burrowing around the planet. there are about two and a half million ants for every person. >> trevor: wow. 20 quadrillion ants on the planet. i heard that news today and i was like what, that doesn't even sound like a real number. sounds like i would make up if somebody asked me how many ants are on the plan elevator, i don't know, 20 quadrillion. but no, an actual scientist has counted them all. and i mean that is the person i feel bad for. cuz they were probly like 17 quadrillion. and 35rbgs 17 quadrillion and
11:13 pm
76, hey, sam, you want to grab a coffee. oh, i was in the middle of something. oh, one, two, three-- and you heard what they said, they said this mean there are 2.5 million ands for every person. and that is really bad news. yeah, cuz i can fight like 20 ants, tops. after that i'm leaving the picnic. all right, that is it for the headlines but before we go to the break it is time to check the social media trends with our very own ronny chieng, everybody! ronny chieng, look at that face. look at that face. hey, trevor, hey, how is it going. >> what's happening online, ronny, how is it going? >> online, it's [bleep] terrible. read everything all day and it feels like somebody is taking a
11:14 pm
sledge ham tore my crotch, and not in a fun way, you know what i mean. but other than that, doing pretty good, excited for fall, halloween is coming up, right, probably going to dress up like a cat, meow, meow, meow. so anyway, as you know, the big dumb trend of the day is happening on tiktok where people are cooking chicken with nyquil, other than known as chicken a la cosby. my question is why are people complaining? okay, this might be the best tiktok challenge yet. i mean dumb teenagers are going to eat this, get sleepy and then what, go to bed. where is the downside? and everyone is like i know, looking at this going that is disgustk. who could eat this, it's gross. guys, this isn't even close to being the grossest food i have seen in america, okay. let me tell you, i eat in a
11:15 pm
middle school cafeteria twice a week and that shit is indeadable. you call those fish sticks. now for legal reasons the party poopers otherwise known as the lawyers have said that i cannot encourage anyone to abuse nyquil, so for the record, do not eat delicious nyquil chicken. but the most annoying thing on the internet today is cuz of this serial podcast everyone is espousing the benefits of podcasting. all these people trying to free other people from prison using podcasts. let me tell you something, okay, right now in prison is mostly trump advisors and january 6th, rioters, so let's just think this true a little bit. do you want to get the capital destroyed, enough already, enough with the podcasts. enough pod kation. it has gotten to the point where every unqualified loss we are a mouth and a microphone has a podcast now. all right. i mean just look at this guy,
11:16 pm
all right. new podcast episode drops tomorrow, okay. first of all, you don't drop a podcast episode, okay. this isn't a kendrick lamar album. also on second thought, that say really nice title. here say third thought, do you need a tv show and a podcast? i mean how much do you need to hear yourself speak? and look at this penceive podcasting, i'm so curious, look at me, it almost looks like you freed someone from prison with your podcast, you have, have you gotten anyone out of prison? free steve bannon, yorks bannon what is up, hang in there we're getting you out. and by the way, 20 quadrillion ants, that is too many ants, someone should get on that. that is it, back to you, trevor.
11:17 pm
>> trevor: thank you so much, ronny cheen. when we come back we'll tell you who is outtrumping donald trump so don't go away. i was born here, i'm from here, and i'm never leaving here.
11:18 pm
i'm a new york hotel. yeah, i'm tall. 563 feet and 2 inches. i'm on top of the world. i'm looking for someone who likes to be in the middle of it all, but also likes some peace and quiet. you hungry? i know a place, and few others nearby. it's the city that never sleeps, but hey, if you need the rest, i've got you covered.
11:19 pm
it's the city th (dog sniffing), ♪ ♪ alive with delicious mexican flavors delimex find us in the frozen aisle ♪ ♪ ♪ from the mountains to the coast, ♪ ♪ el estado with the most. ♪ ♪ we do tacos from the city to every little town. ♪ ♪ best bites. best vibes. ♪ ♪ california, hands down. ♪ ♪ go on and check my drip. ♪ ♪ take a bite. feelin' fit. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado. live in the golden state ♪ have you seen my new phone yet? it like, folds in half.
11:20 pm
i would never switch to samsung, i love my phone. what??? ♪♪ (...it folds in half.) you see i love my phone. i would never switch to samsuuu... (gasping) ♪♪
11:21 pm
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
11:22 pm
(applause). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as you know, last week the immigration debate in america was reignited once again by ron desantis. florida governor and the dad of your school bully. you see for months now republican governors in arizona and texas have been trying to draw attention to border security by busing migrants to places like new york and chicago. but the desantis took things up a notch by hiring a plane to take 48 venezuelan my grants from texas and drop them off in martha's vineyard, and if desantis was looking for attention, he definitely got it. >> some democratic lawmakers want the justice department to open an investigation after 50 venezuelan migrants from flown to martha's vineyard last week. >> this morning a texas sheriff wanting a criminal investigation against florida governor ron desantis. >> massachusetts authorities
11:23 pm
want a federal human trafficking probe into what it calls inhumane acts by desantis and others. >> they were told there was a surprise for them and there would be jobs and housing waiting for them when they arrived. this was obviously a sadistic lie. >> they were lured by false pretenses and then transported across state lines. that is enough evidence to open a criminal investigation for the federal crime of kidnapping by inveigl ement. >> trevor: kidnapping by inveiglement, i swear to god, republicans are going to give me a law degree before this shit is over, we keep learning about new things, inveiglement. but yeah, de santdist tried to pull a stunt that may have turned into an actual crime it doesn't surprise me that ron desantis is doing this. he looks kind of like a human trafficker. for real, look at him, tell me, tell me that's not the pose of a man who is smuggling a group of
11:24 pm
venezuelans up his butt. look at that guy. i'm going to explode. so to many democrats, especially, desantis is basically just a kidnapper in a flumpy suited. but over in maga record, desantis has been getting a hero's welcome. >> this weekend in kansas florida governor ron desantis received a standing ovation from republican voters. >> as stunts go this has been an incredibly brilliant stunt. >> obviously a boss move by desantis, i think this is brilliant. >> they need to do more. tomorrow martha's vineyard needs a hundred. the next day they need 200. the next day they need a thousand. martha's vineyard lost their mind. >> ron desantis is playing chess here, democrats and allies in the media are playing checkers. the hypocrisy is out in the open. >> this is amazing. this is check mate. >> trevor: ooh, check mate, yeah. i like how republicans are like no, no, we're not using imgrafnts as pawn but also check
11:25 pm
mate. as you can see, conservatives are just [bleep]-- [bleep] their paints over this, it was brilliant, a boss move, question queen. martha's vineyard lost their mind. and by the way, did it really, did it? did martha's vineyard lose its mind, 50 migrants showed up out of nowhere and the people gave them food and shelter and exchanged hugs with them as they boarded buses to leave. now i know ted cruz has never been hugged before so he may have felt that they were trying to strange el each other but that doesn't look like people losing their minds to me. this really shows you how america is living in two completely separate realities right now. in the democratic world this was a heartless and illegal stunt in maga world this was the most brilliant thing anyone has done since jesus invended the ar-15. democrats say martha's vineyard proved desantis wrong by welcoming the migrants with open arms, maga says they proved him
11:26 pm
right by shipping them off to a military base after two days, at this point the plaryk is the multiverse, one university where desantis is a god and simultaneously another universe where he is headed to prison with hot dogs for fingers. but believe it or not, believe it or not, there is actually one conservative who is upset with desantis. and will you never guess who if is. >> rolling stone reports that trump is upset about desantis' decision to fly nearly 50 migrants from texas to martha's vineyard last week, not because he thinks it was a depraved and irresponsible and inhumane practice to, trump is angry because it was his idea first. according to the story the former president quote vented that desantis' latest stunt was yet another one of my ideas that the governor allegedly stole from trump. >> trevor: oh man, poor donald
11:27 pm
trump. he is sitting at home like you stole my idea. and by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea, read the news. read it and weep. my idea. (applause) but you know what is really telling here is that in a way trump has a point. right? he is the guy who came up with the idea of turning all politics into a series of stunts. that is what he does. the muslim ban, build the wall, that shit didn't solve anything but got the people goingment and now pulling stunts has become the driving force of the republican party. but trump is stuck watching on the sidelines. yeah. and i feel bad for you. mr. trump. but the fact is ron desantis, you see what he is doing, he is slowly becoming the republican party now, stealing your tricks, making it his own. so you got to get used to it. got to get used to being smuggled in his butt hole for
11:28 pm
the ride. stay tuned because when we come back jenifer lewis is going to be joining me on the show. only on prime video. the steelers. the browns. our hopes and dreams out on this field right here. how does he do it time after time?
11:29 pm
an afc showdown. it's the steel city and the dawg pound. they gon' need the whole bench to tackle me! a rivalry renewed. thursday night football. only on prime video. ♪just the two of us♪ ♪we can make it if we try♪ ♪just the two of us♪ the lg washtower redefine laundry in half the space. ♪building castles in the sky♪ ♪just the two of♪
11:30 pm
i can't. ah, my toes! turns out, it is hard walking a mile in someone else's shoes. and it turns out the general is a quality insurance company that's been saving people money for nearly 60 years. i gotta go, ah. for a great low rate, and nearly 60 years of quality coverage, go with the general. meltin', breadin', bakin', shreddin'. slicin', dicin', spicin', ricin'. if you're swissing it, then you're missing it. fryin', flyin', savorin', favorin'. over rotini. inside a panini. egging, maining, siding, plain-ing. debunk the inglorious. one shape's victorious. kraft singles. square it. before we begin, i'd like to thank our sponsor, liberty mutual. they customize your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. and by switching, you could even save $652. thank you, liberty mutual. now, contestants ready? go! why? why? only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty.♪
11:31 pm
try and keep up, trev! ♪ hey, you said no blitz! you said no blitz! ♪ back in the days when i was young, ♪ ♪ i'm not a kid anymore ♪ start playing... ...and never stop playing. you get the most from the game when you're having fun.
11:32 pm
at chipotle, our garlic guajillo recipe brings a whole new dimension to steak. our most tender cuts, hand-seasoned and grilled fresh. mixed with garlic and guajillo peppers, finished with fresh lime and cilantro all new garlic, guajillo steak. it's a whole new dimension of flavor. shh! stealth mode? yeah. [cricket sounds] shh! shh! [light switch clicks] don't pta meetings end at nine? -it ran... late. -oh got lost. the lexus rx built for modern families. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is an award-winning actor and singer you know from blackish and everything else, she's here to talk about her new book walking in my joy. please welcome the legendary jenifer lewis. (applause)
11:33 pm
>> howdy, howdy, handsome. >> oh. >> oh my god, don't think i'm not going to flirt. i am ready, ready. i wore this, look it. i wore skin. >> trevor: mice jenifer lewis, welcome back do "the daily show." >> thank you, pumpkin. >> trevor: how are you. >> i'm on a whirlwind book tour, guys, no, no, no. i'm having the time of my life, baby. you know this is what i do. i love the audience, the live audiences. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: you don't just do it, you do it well. you know, i was reading through your resume, like this is
11:34 pm
insane, you are a part of america's entertainment culture. i mean everything, 400 different episodes of tv shows and you know, you have what, almost 17 movies that you have been in, full broadway shows, you have been in animated shows, you have been. >> i am doing 15 animations right now. >> 15 in. >> and wait, wait, wait n15 different voices. >> crazy. >> wow. >> crazy. >> wow. >> yeah. >> and so it feels very belated but have i to say congratulations on getting your star on the hollywood walk of fame. >> thank you. >> what a moment. >> yeah, it was you know -- it was just-- it was a glorious day. that is the only word can i use for it. i was so happy to be in my skin to accept something that wonderful, to become part of that cultural treasure that you
11:35 pm
know, my name carved in marble, i'm like hey! >> all right, you know what was important about that day is i told the audience when i accepted that it wasn't my work on camera and on stage. it was the work off stage. i'm bipolar, i went and took care of myself, my soul. and the disease itself, the disorder itself. i wanted to enjoy the fruits of my labor. i never thought i would run around quoting the constitution. but we all have a right to pursue happiness. >> i love that. >> wow, i love that. >> yes, and i tell people, baby, baby, wait, you, you don't-- think you are going to get somewhere and be happy. you got to be happy on your way
11:36 pm
to happy. no, really, you know, we think we're going to get somewhere. look, baby girl, you take yourself with you. if you depressed at home, you will be depressed at work. if you depressed at work, you will be depressed when you have sex. well, i wasn't, i'm sorry. >> the book is all about that. >> yes. >> obviously you were on the show and we enjoyed your memoir which did exceptionally well and this is a different type of book. i loved it because the memoir was your journey. the memoir was a linear storytelling of how you came to be the legend that we know and love. but walking in my joy, i love that, in these streets is a series of essays that i feel like gives us an incite into the things that inspire you to be joyful every single day. >> absolutely. i live on purpose. i write if down, journaling is one of the greatest tools to pulling one's self together, to
11:37 pm
gather your thoughts, you know, we think the same thoughts every day, over and over, we go to bed the same way, we eat sometimes the same food. come on, guys, when we get out there in the streets, especially after covid, we have to be more kind to each other. more kind. i say it, i could say kinder but more kind. the difference, we have to be patient with one another. you know, there are flu workers. the world has changed. the world is also in mourning. i just left cambodia, i went down to agkor wads, jesus, go when you can have i never seen anything like it, stunning. i am not going to tell you what if is, look it up. and i went on to agra india and saw the taj mahal. i went to petra and jordan, the hills of mosses.
11:38 pm
and i thought the grandmask in an you dabi, baby, i went around the world. but listen, when i go to these places, i don't just go see the touristy sites. i tell my guys baby, take me to the trenches. i want to see the people. what is going on. i went to south africa, i saw where mandela stayed for 27 years. and when i got back home i said hey, little jenny lewis. you owe, time to give it back. trevor, i got everything i wanted. i did. i got fame, i got for steun. listen, listen. i got joy, i got joy but listen here, that fortune i'm talking about, don't ask me for no money. don't ask me for shit. ha ha ha. you got to love me. >> trevor: you have some of the best-- can i see now, i can
11:39 pm
see now how the book comes to be. because you have these stories in the book. you talk about traveling, coming face to face with a water buffalo in africa. >> baby. >> trevor: you talk about one of the craziest meements i have ever heard of somebody having in an airport where the swat basically got called because somebody said you had a gun. >> don't ask nancy the piano player. i'm on my way to nevada springs, spring beauty nevada to do a concert in the '80s. we are walking through the gangway. we're joking around, me and my piano player, right. she gets up to the door, oh my god, she looks at the stewardess because we had been laughing and i might have said way back there, girl, i'll kill you if we don't stop. so we are laughing and laughing. she gets down there, and says to the stewardess, careful, she's
11:40 pm
got a gun. dumb ass nancy! they took that bitch to jail. i said what? they took us both off the plane, but i hadn't done anything. honey, they put our hands up and searched us. i told that cop, i said a little to the left, baby. oh, and then they put her in handcuffs. i said wait a minute, that's my piano player. who the [bleep] is going to play for me in nevada. and the only reason she got out was i still had a new york address and they let her out. they knew, they knew she didn't have a gun. they used it as practice. >> trevor: really. >> in case, they knew that-- they knew i didn't have a gun and they knew we were just kirksd we were not 20, nobody has a [bleep] gun. and they knew it but they used
11:41 pm
it as a drill. they stormed through the back of the plane, there were swat teams, tangs. i was like damn. for little old me? baby, so don't joke at the airporou know it now. that was bou say that shit now it's over. they'll take your ass off. >> trevor: every single story in the book is like this, thank you so much for joining us. >> i love you. thank you. >> trevor: it's like a private show. thank you. am walking in my joy, jenifer lewis, everybody. we're going to take a quick break and be back after this. (cheers and applause) our internet isn't ideal... my dad made the brilliant move to get us t-mobile home internet. oh... but everybody's online during the day so we lose speeds. we've become... ...nocturnal. well... i'm up. c'mon kids. this. sucks.
11:42 pm
well if you just switch maybe you don't have to be vampires. whoa... okay, yikes. oh sorry, i wasn't thinking. we don't really use the v word. that's kind of insensitive. we prefer day-adjacent. i'll go man-pire.
11:43 pm
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight but i want to reminds you before we go, before we g much of puerto rico is still without power in the wake of heuer hurricane fiona so please consider supporting his pan-- hispanic federation they are already on the ground and providing relieve to communities most affected so please do flait at the link below. the next few days are essential to getting all the services to the people who need it. until next time, stay safe out there and remember, if someone you don't recognize knocks on your door, don't open it, it could be two and a half million ants in disguise. now here st, your moment of zen. >> they made life tell on earth with their wanton killing, i don't know what a wonton killing is. >> now we have nancy pelosi guess patcho police. >> i hope they take a look at the oranges, the oranges of the investigation, the beginning. >> they want to you eat fake meat that grows in a petri dish.
11:44 pm
>> oreo race, do you know what an oreo is. >> r-- no, not an oreo. you know, doctor is supposed to be such a prestigious occupation, but it's really one of the only jobs where you have to have your diploma right up there on the wall. it makes them seem so insecure, doesn't it? [slacker accent] "i really am a doctor, you know. [audience laughs] if you think i'm not, just check it out." [audience laughs] i mean, i don't know why they need these little bits of psychological leverage over us all the time. "go in that little room, take your pants off, wait 15 minutes, then i'll give you my opinion." [audience laughs] i mean, after that, anybody that comes in with pants on seems like they know what they're talking about. in any difference of opinion, pants always beats no pants.
11:45 pm
oh ms. flores. you're the leader of many and pet wrangler, too. so becoming a student again might seem impossible. national university is here to support all of you. national university. supporting the whole you. ♪♪ ok jake from state farm, i really want that personal price plan... mr. and mrs. alvarez... i save my shrimp tails. i have a whole collection. i keep them in jars under my bed. you don't need to get that personal. the state farm personal price plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. she also plays piano. yeah. with my feet! like a good neighbor, state farm is there.
11:46 pm
call or click to get a quote today. super emma just about sleeps in her cape. but when we realized she was battling sensitive skin, we switched to tide hygenic clean free. it's gentle on her skin and out-cleans our old free detergent. tide hygenic clean free. hypoallergenic and safe for sensitive skin. another busy day. tide hygenic clean free. of course it is - you're a cio in 2022. so what's on the agenda? you guys have a look at that and see... morning security briefing - make that two. share that link. send that contract. see what's trending. check the traffic on your network. in real time. with the next generation in global secure networking from comcast business. lunch? - sure. you've got time. onboard 37 new people. with 74 new devices. does anybody have any questions? and just as many questions. shut down a storm of ddos attacks. protect headquarters. and the cloud. with all your data on the nation's largest ip converged network. whoa, that is big.
11:47 pm
ok. coffee time. double shot. deal with a potential breach. deal with your calendar. deal with your fantasy lineup. and then... that's it? we feeling good? looks like we're feeling good. bring on today with comcast business. powering possibilities. i have moderate to severe ulcerative colitis. so i'm taking zeposia, a once-daily pill. because i won't let uc stop me from being me. zeposia can help people with uc achieve and maintain remission. and it's the first and only s1p receptor modulator approved for uc. ♪♪ don't take zeposia if you've had a heart attack, chest pain, stroke or mini-stroke, heart failure in the last 6 months, irregular or abnormal heartbeat, if you have untreated sleep apnea, or take maois. zeposia may cause serious side effects including infections that can be life-threatening and cause death, slow heart rate, liver or breathing problems, increased blood pressure, macular edema, swelling and narrowing of the brain's blood vessels and increased risk of pml--a rare brain infection
11:48 pm
that usually leads to death or severe disability. tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to be. ♪♪ don't let uc stop you from doing you. ♪♪ if you're living with moderate to severe ulcerative colitis, ask your doctor about once-daily zeposia. can i say one word to you? lobster. the lobster here is unbelievable. [chuckles] ooh! a little expensive.

44 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on