tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central October 22, 2020 1:14am-2:00am PDT
internet. >> they claim the tech giant has been engaging in anticompetitive tactics, paying phone manufacturers and tech companies billions to allow google to be their default search engine. prosecutors alleging that ties were so deep a senior apple official wrote our vision is that we work as if we are one company. >> today google responded saying the lawsuit is deeply flawed and would do nothing to help consumers. google say this would only prop up lower quality search engines. >> trevor: yo! google versus the u.s. government, this is going to be huge, and honestly i don't know who is going to win because the u.s. government has a lot of experience here. they broke up standard oil, they broke up at&t, they even broke up nsync, uncle sam is heartless, on the other hand this is google, this is google they are going up against, people, are you sure you want the smoke? they can probably just tweet their all gor is-- algorithms and. >> now to win in i just need to google this antitrust law.
wait a second, all my results are child porn? i don't want this, undo, undo, i didn't ask for this. oh no. now i have to arrest myself! and honestly i get where google is coming from, man. like i tried using yahoo search the other day and even yahoo was like i don't know, hold on, let me google t that is a tough one. but to be fair, this is what monopolies do. they get rid of all their other petition competition and then say they're the best which is technically true but also it is partly because of their action strks like if i guy named greg set up the dating app where the only option was greg. how about greg. >> no, i want to see some one else, swipe left. >> okay k i interest you in greg. >> no. >> what about greg? >> okay, i guess i will take greg? >> fine choice m lady. >> staying in the world of tech, last night alexandria ocasio-cortez, new york congresswoman and supreme villain of your uncle's facebook feed decided to pick up her controller to own the noobs and
get out the gamer vote. >> alexandria ocasio-cortez made her debut on twich urging everyone to vote. >> if are you able to vote we are here, i will vote.com. make sure you make your voting plan. >> nearly half a million people tuned in to aoc first ever twich stream, that is the third largest audience ever. is. >> . >> how did i get in there? >> trevor: this is what i am talking about. aoc for the win. not only because she's helping to get young people to the polls but because it gives me a great excuse to spend all day playing video imgas. yeah, mom, i am playing video imgas because our democracy is at stake! take that jimmy, you camping bitch, and don't forget to vote. and funny how politicians show you their age based on how they think they need to campaign. you can tell aoc is young,
right. she connects to voters through online gaming. and then kamala does he events on zoom and joe biden greets shoppers at wal-mart. kudos to aoc because there is a great way to appeal to young voters and it is much better than that time trump streamed himself playing wolfenstein and said there were fine people on both sides. speaking of trump, a few weeks ago "the new york times" reported that he hadn't paid any taxes in years. but now it turns out he was paying taxes. just to a different country. >> "the new york times" now reports that mr. trump pursued a range of business projects in china for years and even maintained a previously unknown chinese bank account. trump spent a decade chasing business deals in china without organization, a lawyer told the times the company opened the account to pay local taxes and no deals ever materialized. >> according to the times trump international hotels management is the trump company with the chinese bank account. and which the tax records show
paid more than $188,000 in taxes in china while pursuing licensing deals there from 2013 to 2015. >> trevor: well, well, well, turns out someone had a secret bank account in gyna. maybe that's why trump with the chinese all these years, you know how annoying back fees can be. >> one time i try to withdraw pun you about they said i have no money. but then they charge me for not having any money. which makes no sense. because they know i don't have money. so that's why we did a trade war. >> trevor: and look, remember t is not necessarily weird that someone luke donald trump has a chinese bank account. what is weird is that he kept it a secret from the american people. like if you have a photo of don cheadle, it's kind of weird but whatever. but if you have a photo of don cheadle locked inside a giant safe, then it's like what are you doing with that picture, man. now on the other hand, maybe you
want an american president to pay taxes to china. i mean this way when he is sitting down with xi he can say things like listen buddy, i pay your salary, and this is what i think needs to happen. now i'm willing to bet that trump wishes he had that chinese tax money back in his pocket. because with less than two weeks to go before the election, his campaign is almost broke. i know, which is really surprising for a trump enterprise. meanwhile joe biden has been setting fundraising records every month. and some of that money is coming from a whole new type of fundraiser. >> the cast of veep is reuniting to put joe biden in the white house. >> fonzi, ritchie, potsy and other members of the happy days cast are reuniting for one night only, a virlt all event is a-- virtual event is a fundraiser supporting the democratic party of wisconsin. >> an avengers reunion for biden and harris. >> hoping people cast their ballot ares for joe biden.
>> the cast of hamilton rompled the room where it happened as a virtual fundraiser for the presidential nominee. >> cast members of seinfeld will reunit for a virtual fundraiser for the texas democratic party. the event named a fundraiser about something will take place on friday about 8 p.m. >> yes, the cast of hamilton, veep and even seinfeld are getting back together to raise money for the democrats. and not only that, but emily in paris promised if they get enough donations they won't make another season. and personally, i hope it doesn't stop with these reunions, if biden can get the cast of seinfeld to make another season, yo best believe he will win the election by like 40 points. so come on, how bad do you want to see a seinfeld set in pandemic new york. george would claim he has covid just to get out of work. kramer would be selling bootleg hand sanitizer he made in his bathtub. elaine will be dating a pharmacist to get the vaccine quicker. and jerry will probably break up with a beautiful woman because
she wears her mask slightly below her nose, she's leaving her nose uncover. she is a nose nudist. but i do kneel bad for donald trump, he is at a huge disadvantage when it comes to big-- big reyawns because no one in hollywood likes him, although luckily for him there is one blockbuster reunion coming up to show support. >> coming this friday, a reunion to support the trump campaign featuring all the vilans from star wars, for a donation of just $50,000 or dirt on joe biden watch a table read with all your favorite bad guys. darth vader. >> trump is the only candidate. >> jaba the hut. >>, that robot guy with the arms. and jar jar binges. >> and for another 50 grand stick around and hear the villains reveal behind the scenes moments. >> i could have stopped luke from kissing leia, i just didn't
want to. >> a one-time event live streamed from don, jr.'s instagram account. do your part to make the galaxy great again. >> let the-- flow through you. >> all right, we have to talk a break but when we come back we'll take a look at why lindsey graham is begging you for money and chris rock is joining us on the show later so don't go away. ♪
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with less than two weeks to go until election day most of the attention is on the presidential race. but don't forget, the senate is also in the balance, and that's just as critical because joe biden could win the white house, but it's the republicans control the senate, well then they'll just block his entire agenda. in many ways having the white house without having the senate is luke getting an iphone without a charger. >> congrats. you own a thousand dollar rectangle. >> so with many crucial senate seats up for grab, let's check in on some of the most crucial races in our latest edition of vote gas am-- gasm 2020. we start in south carolina. the state that is just there to make north carolina seem reasonable. lindsey graham the republican incumbent and the nation's only opossum center is stsh-- senator is facing a tough battle against democrat challenger and comeie
schmidt best friend jamie harrison. lindsey is in trouble. harrisson just blew away the all-time record for most money raised in one quarter. which is why lindsey graham has been doing a lot of this. >> i'm getting outraised 3-1, outspent 4-1. if you want to help me fight back go to lindsey graham.com, 5 or 10 bucks from half your audience would fill in the gap that i'm facing. >> get on our website, lindsey graham.com, five or ten bucks goes a long way. >> lindsay graham.com, help me. >> if you want to help me, lindsey graham.com. >> lindsey graham.com. >> lindsey graham, lindsey graham, lindsey graham.com,.com, help me, help me, help mee. >> you need to have my back, please, lindsey graham.com. >> trevor: god dam it, man, lindsey doesn't sound like is he running for senate, he sounds like he is being held hostage by somali pirate, help me, help me, sen money, they said they are the cap pain now it is sad to watch because lindsey graham has basically turned fox news into
one long infomercial for his campaign. although fox news usually airs ads for adult diapers so they are used to seeing a grown man crapping his pants. and i love how when you cut his deses operation together it sounds look a brand new cli hit. >> lindsey graham.comk lund see graham.com help me, help me, lindsey graham.com. >> but at least lindsay and the republicans are still ahead in south carolina. because in iowa republican senator joni ernst is trailing a couple points behind her democratic challenger theresa greenfield. and it doesn't help ernst that at their last debate she failed to answer a farming question that apparently everyone in iowa should know. >> my question is as simple ag question, theresa greenfield you answer first, what is the break even price for a bushel of corn in iowa this week. >> well, a bushel of corn is going for about 3.68 today, 3.69 and break even really just depends on the amount of debt someone has. >> i might have missed itment i
don't think, what is the break even price por soybeanses in oy what, you grew up on a farm. >> i think you had asked about corn and, it depends. >> i asked her corn. >> it depends what the inputs are but probably about 5 boy 50. >> well, are you a couple dollars off here cuz it is 10.05. but we'll move on to something else. >> and i-- and i don't think miss greenfield answered either. >> the price of corn we asked for the price of soybeanses from you, do you want to take another crack at it? >> no, thank you. >> okay. wow. this is the most iowa controversy imaginable. because remember iowa is all about farming. so not knowing the break even price of soybeanses is a pretty big deal. you know it's luke how in nevada everyone should know the price of a gambling license or how everyone in new jersey should know what a hitman cost.
well you know it all depends, is he leaving the body in the street as a message or chopping it up and throwing it in the river because that's going to cost extra t is like a deluxe package. and you know i get why they ask questions like these but the truth is if you want to find out if someone is ready to be a u.s. senator, you shouldn't ask them if they know the price of soybeanses. you should ask them how to get mitch mcconnell to get their bill up for a vote. the answer is gently stroke his neck waddle. >> oh yeah, that, that is it. >> i will say trump better pray they don't ask any of theas questions at the debate on thursday because there is no way he knows what anything costs. >> that is so important because it was terrible under obama and we caught him, red handed and nobody is talking about it. and that's why burisma is stealing the ballots. so we're going to stop you and we have already stopped you. >> i'm sorry mr. president, the
question was how much is a gallon of milk. >> there is burisma. >> finally let's look at georgia, the world's top producer of mumble wrappers. georgia is usually a safe republican state. but right now republican senator david perdue is struggling to keep a razor thin lead against democratic challenger. and senator purdue had a couple of options to increase his lead. either reach out to the state's growing minority population or whip up the trump base and this week he seems to have made his choice. >> republican senator david perdue of georgia is facing backlash after appearing to purposefully mispronounce the name of democrat you can vice presidential candidate kamala harris during a trump campaign rally in georgia on friday. >> here is what he said. >> but the most insidious thunking that chuck schumer and joe biden are trying to perpetrate and bern yea and elizabeth and kamala, kamala, cam malla-malla-malla i don't know, whatever. >> perdue has served in the
senate alongside harris for nearly four years. >> trevor: come on man, really. how are you going to pretend you don't know how to say her name when you are coworker bhos see each other all the time for years. if anything, perdue is just showing off that he doesn't pay attention at work. it is luke hearing someone on the lakers say that they have teammates with labirn germaiz, like dude, you have been checked out for awhile, haven't you. the question is, why would senator perdue act like kamala harris' name is that hard to say. camma kamalaalality, what is he doing. he is making a racist joke, was he doing racism? that sounds like a case for trevor noah racism detective yeah, it's racist.
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check it out. >> every time trump tells a lie. >> i paid millions of dollars in taxes. >> the media comes at him with a raging truth boner. >> we rate that as false. >> this is so false i think it is safe to say it is ridiculous. >> yeah, trump lies. >> if tried chicken isn't going in, a lie is coming out. but i wanted to dig a little deeper. so for the last presidential debate i gathered three professional liars. brett johnson former fbu most wanted conman, timon cross, hypnotist and alexis magician and de ception expert. i wanted to know were these masters of de ception impressed by trump's lying. >> trump followers and listeners are almost in a constant state, transwhere his simple messages get through but they are mostly critically challenged to make sure the critical thinking of the listeners is eliminated. >> i would add in what is the expectations of the person that
you are lying to. do they want to believe your lies. >> we have this perception that is our followers are donald trump or fall for scams are idiot or stupid or ignorant, they are not. they are just looking to make sense out of something that doesn't make sense. >> people want to be deceived like when my high school girlfriend told me she was going to prom with the football captain but just as a joke. >> boy. >> that poor guy only knew. >> and speaking of public humiliation, in the first debate i thought trump was a mess. >> mr. president. >> totally. >> please, to the tally discredited. >> but these guys liked his aggressive style. >> he is just showing confidence and dominance over his opponent, over the moderator, cuz what he is saying is i don't care about the rules. >> power move, he saying i got your debate rules right here. you can't see cuz it's on zoom but i just crabbed my crotch. >> trump style might have annoyed some voters but maybe he
was trying to connect with another group he could spend the next four years with. >> i served steven and a half years in federal prison, what we saw was basically a prison debate. >> there are debates in prison like podiums in the yard next to the bench press, sick. >> no, no, this is might versus right, loudness, just boiling over, steam rolling over your opponent. >> brett, are you the only one i'm talking to now that i can't see their background. are you still in prison? >> no. and as a professional hypnotist timon claims the great trumpini was using some of his spell-binding techniques. >> much like a skilled hint no tyes, trump is using imagery to his advantage. >> one way to put somebody into a transis using censory overload, i say focus on your breathing, the rate of your blunging, my words, your heart rate and deliver a simple message like sleep and it will go by unchallenged because are you not thinking critically, trump said a lot. when he said forest management then suddenly to cuzs on clean
forests and leaves on the floor shall at a certain point the audience is in you translight state and delivers a message and that is why you got to vote for me. >> i'm going to vote for trump, that has always been my plan it from day one. >> in the most talked about moment of the debate trump seemed to whiff on a softball question. >> proud boys, stand back and stand by, but these professional liars claim he knocked it out of the park. >> trump almost got himself into real deep trouble there. so then what happened, is trump turns into a magician. >> he is asked to condemn, okay, and he uses the word condemn, it is right there, who do you want me to condemn. but in a split second as if by magic. >> i will do that again. >> when someone says hey, there are just two cards and when you hit it you split it with your finger, how do you handle that. >> i say i don't know what are you talking about. >> just denounce the trick,
alexis. >> and after alexis finally nailed his card trick, he talked me through how to spot a con on both sides of the aisle. >> you saw biden at his best when he talked about the empty chair at the dinner table because you've lost someone to covid-19. now the conman, you want to put people in a situation, something that is going to be familiar to them that is a universal image. i thought that was really clever. >> wow, these guys can see through the de ception like lines of code in the mat rucks. so they in a-we of bull shut's chosen one. >> would you vote for trump because he is a great liar just like you three? or would you never vote for him because he's horning in on what you do? >> you got to land it to him but would i ever vote for him, hell no, never. >> absolutely not. >> brett? >> well, you know, felons can't vote. >> okay. >> is there respect that he is in the same class as you or is
there disrespect because he's make it look ugly when you have done masterfully even though you were convicted of 39 counts. >> i have no respect for a guy like that, no way i would vote for him, no way. >> that is the first time i felt like are you truly speaking from the heart. >> yeah. >> and that is the god's honest truth. >> i think. >> trevor: thanks for that, meuk el. all right, when we come back i will talk to the one and only chris rock. you don't want to miss it.
welcome back to the daily social distancing show, earlier today i spoke with the legendary comedian and actor chris rock. we talked about him starring in the new season of fargo and what st like to live a brand new life. >> chris rock, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> yes. >> good to have you here. i feel like you are a human being who has tambourine your special, it felt like a turning point in your life and i feel like you have been on a journey of just kreelting the renaissance of chris rock, you know? it is like tambourine was a point where you talked about family and your marriage and what happened after that. and you have been really open about going to therapy and
changing your life and changing your meund. now are you in fargo. you know, in a role that, luke i don't think any of us would ever dream of seeing you-- have you ever even played a villain before? >> i have never, you know what, i did one episode of oh, god, empire. and i did this movie nurse betty years ago, with morgan freeman t was a little movie where we were kind of hitmen. but you know, this was like a series so you got to be, you know, a villain for ten weeks. it is real easy to be exposed in this realm but you know, i'm an old black man, i got anger. i tbolt something in it. >> your performance is electric, your vibe is different, you are playing a victim who also-- without we like at the same time. we like the essence of the character. we almost go luke well this is the life he crime he was thursday into and he just livers
it. >> yeah, black man, 1950, so it is like, his choices weren't-- you root for him because like wow, he actually created a comfortable life for himself and his family. i mean he's got the flaws of every criminal, every criminal thinks they're smarter than they think they are. >> you know what i mean? >> they are smarter than you think they are but they are not as smart as they think they are. and you know, we'll see what happens to him. you know, you watch enough fargo you know where this is going. >> i also like the premise. i feel like just one part of the story, i don't want to spoil it for anybody who hasn't watched but one of my favorite parts is how you have to raise each other's children as just like a measure of keeping the peace whichi think could be a fantastic thing to did in america. like maybe that is the solution to how americans care about each other, you swap kids in the country, you know, republicans
and democrats, swap your babies at birth. >> i will take some maga kids, yeah, i would love to. >> i don't know if my kids want to leave, you know, their posh living conditions. but yeah, i will take a couple of maga kids. >> what do you make of everything going on in the country? is this now the craziest now or does it just feel like it because we are living now. >> is it the craziest? it is ultimately like what is going to be the ak, okay, we're rising and rioting, and shutting down cities and we have all of the attention of the whole world. we're like oh, this is going to change everything. but what are we really asking for. are we asking-- are we asking for things that the powers that be will have to make real renovations to happen? cuz we were here in the '60s.
but the act was actually not that great. like we're asking to sit at the lunch counter with you stvment not really a big-- that doesn't really require anything from the powers that be. >> trevor: right. >> you know, taking down colored signs. so you have a situation whatever years ago, martin luther king, andrew young, abernathy, all these guys. and they have an audience with the richest government in the history of the world. and they didn't ask for any money. they didn't ask for anything that couldn't have been done with the snap of a finger. >> yeah but i feel like the money would have been easier because when you think about that lunch countser and you think about, think of it this way like us comedians, when we are at the comedy, and are you at the comedy table, for somebody to sit at the comedy table when they're not a
comedian is quite an ask, you know, if an audience member was like yo, ask i sit at this table. i don't know if that is possible. >> they don't belong at the table. >> but that is how they felt about black people in the america at the time. >> but you are talking about how they-- who gives a [bleep] how they felt, how do we feel about ourselves. if we felt about ourselves as equals we would have said [bleep] you lunch count ear, do you really about a [bleep] lunch counter, if you told me we had equal education but had to sit at separate lunch counters i would say okayq cool. if you said we are equal access to capital. >> trevor: interesting. >> money to have businesses but we had to sit at separate lunch counters, okay. like who gives a-- i don't give a [bleep] about sitting with white people. i care about opportunity for my children can my kid go to school easily and get the same education as a white man.
can my kids, you know, if my kids want to start a business, do they have that opportunity. other this other shit is cosmetic it is just clothe, dude. so now what std ask. >> trevor: that is a good question, because now it feels like, now it feels like the arc has become a lot more than just a lunch counter. now the arc is let's look at your board of directors, let's look at the people you hire, look at the police, you know what i mean. it feets like this is a different arc in 2020. >> with the mindset that we're equal. that, not only equal, shit, we have to live at the bottom, there is parts of us that are superior because we've had to live underwater damn near so we can hold our beth longer. so that is the real deal, this other wanting to be a part of something is bull sz hit you know, jackie robinson got to play baseball, that is a great thing. those other [bleep] got to play with him.
that is what i am trying to say. they got to play with him. and you realize when jackie robinson got to play baseball, it destroyed the negro league, some of the only black businessmen that were making real capital at the time. >> trevor: right. equity at the end of the day. >> yeah, yeah, it's like-- . >> trevor: having a stake in your own future. >> having a real stake in your own future, yeah, the pride of the civil right movement was great but don't get them confused with like real things. the things we got were, you know, we deserve. >> trevor: right. it is not, yeah, st not a gift and it is not a privilege. >> it is not a privilege to be treatedly, when you release a hostage trk is not like you don't have a party stvment just like oh, good, like i'm glad that shit's over. >> trevor: right. >> you know. and that's, you know, black people, are like basically
hostages in our own land. yeah, look at us. chris rock and trevor noah! breaking it down. >> trevor: i feel like in some ways the journey america has been on now is not dissimilar to the journey you have been over the past maybe year and a half where it's been an stra dream journey of intro speks and also self-work. maybe chris rock's journey has paid off sooner. were you doing what, like nine, 11 hours of therapy a day? >> i am still-- i do about seven a week right now, yeah. >> trevor: explain to me like how you even do that. are you trying to finish yourself? you sound like you are trying to finish a video game. >> i do a group, two shrinks and a learning specialist, four people. and yeah, i do it like, put it
this way, if i was working on my body, that is not a long time. >> trevor: right. >> i'm sure the rock does that just on, you know, just on leg day, you know what i mean, just on his legs. so i have the ri sources and-- resources and i notice certain patterns in my life that i was tired of repeating. and yeah, man, i'm just exploring a lot of things. i'm doing ioofta friday night with a shaman and the whole thunking. i'm like doing deep, i'm diving deep, trevor noah. >> trevor: i'm excited for you. i'm happy for you as a human being, as a friend, as a fan, i am excited to see what the next chapter is going to be like. >> i'm excited to see what you are going to do. and boy, so you, are you covering this all the way to election day. >> trevor: covering it all the way, sir. >> oh, man.
can't wait. i don't know what's going to happen. >> trevor: right? >> i don't know. neither, neither outcome would shock me. >> trevor: yep. >> neither outcome would shock me. but i'm hoping for change so you know. i'm with mr. biden. so yeah, i said it. i don't believe in celebrity endorsements anyway. i don't believe, i mean i do them but it's not like-- i don't think anybody is like i was think being voting for trump until chris rock said that. i don't think one person is like hey, man, i was just getting ready to right in trump but i remembered how much i like-- . >> trevor: chris rock, thank you for talking the time, look after yourself. >> take care. >> trevor: thanks again for that, chris, don't forget the new season of fargo is on fx sundays at 10 p.m we're going to take a quick break but we'll be right back
after this.well that's our showt but before we go, we are partnering with the world central kitchen for their new chef for the polls program. they are activating local food trucks, restaurants and caterers owned and operated primarily by people of color to serve foods to people in voting linesk especially in underserved communities where the voting lines are historically long certificate. if you can help out with this great initiative all you need to do is donate at the link below.
and don't forget, tomorrow is the final presidential debate before the election. and possibly ever. we'll be doing live commentary during it so follow us on social media so you don't miss out. until tomorrow though, stay safe out there. wear a mask. and remember, if you assume everyone around you is borat, you can never get borated. now here it is, your moment of glern. >> st rare and i will confess that when i was 20 years old, i wasn't all that woke. cuz i had other stuff that i was interested in. we won't go into the details-of. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - ♪ do do do doo ♪ da da da da daa ya da da daa ♪ ♪ do do doo da da daa ♪ ♪ hey-de, hey-de, hey-de how's it going, guys? ♪ - what the hell are you so happy about, fat-ass? - oh, nothing, no big deal, really. - what's no big deal? - well, guys, it seems that i am the first one of us to reach manhood after all. - what the hell are you talking about? - well, because unlike you guys, i just got my first pubes. ♪ ya da da da ya da da dee ♪ - [muffled] you got pubes? - what's pubes? - pubic hair. he's saying he got his first pubic hair. - oh... no, you didn't! - oh, yes, i did. i'm becoming a man. - he's lying. - you wanna see 'em? - hell, no! - here, check 'em out. - we don't wanna see them, cartman! - there, see? how do you like them apples?
ha! - what are those? - my pubes. - what? - i got 'em from scott tenorman. - scott tenorman-- the ninth grader? - yep, he let me have 'em for just 10 bucks. ha, ha, ha! ♪ i got pubes before you guys did ♪ ♪ i got pubes before you guys ♪ ♪ ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ - cartman, you are so goddamn stupid, it's unbelievable. - ah-ha, don't be jealous, guys. this doesn't mean we can't still hang out. it just means that i matured faster than you. you'll get your pubes, guys, someday. - cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself. - wh-what? - when you get old enough, you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you, you [bleep] dumb-ass! - nah-ah. - yeah-huh. - but then why would scott tenorman sell me his pubes for $10? - because, retard, you're dumb enough to buy scott tenorman's pubes for $10. - you're telling me these pubes are worth nothing? - yeah. - i'm gonna get that son of a bitch. - and so i told him, i say, "here, i'll sell you my pubes for only 10 bucks." and the stupid asshole buys them. [both laughing] speak of the devil. what do you want? - uh, yes, i've come to return these pubes that i purchased, please. - unh-uh, i don't take returns. - right, but you see, i didn't realize
when i bought these pubes from you, that you were full of [bleep], so you can either give me back my $10, or i can go tell my mom on you. - you would actually tell your mom that you were stupid enough to pay for my pubes? uh-uh, i don't think so. - just give me back my money. - buyer beware, dude. - give me my $10, scott. - hey, i said no. now get your fat little butt out of here before i kick your head in. [doorbell chimes] - hello, sir, my name is kris kristofferson. i'm with the i.r.s. i'm here to collect $10 that you owe in back taxes. - you're not from the i.r.s. you glued my pubes onto your face. - tax evasion is a very serious offense, sir. i suggest that you-- - all right, all right. i'll trade you my pubes back for the money. - you will? oh, cool! - how much did i charge? oh, yeah, $10. you got change for a 20? - oh, uh... i only got six dollars and 12 cents. - oh, well, that's okay. here, just give me the $6. and then i'll give you the $20. - okay. - now, give me the pubes, and i'll give you back $2.