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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  March 24, 2016 11:31pm-12:02am PDT

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captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause). >> larry: thank you very much. welcome to the nightly show. look at this crowd! oh my gosh! thank you very much. please have a seat. please have a seat. such a great crowd. yes. >> larry, larry, larry. >> larry: thank you so much, i'm larry, larry, larry, larry, larry. thank you very much. man, we have a great show for you tonight. i'm very excited.
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comedian neal brennan is here tonight. very excited. hilarious. also someone asked earlier, we will be giving a flat larry update online, so look for that, okay. i'm very concerned about flat larry's where bs, okay. i think there is some bad stuff going on out there. oh, but first, march madness is back in full swing again which means it's boner time update. >> march madness racquetball, dar il mania, 2016. it's boner time. >> larry: i have no idea what the fire means at the end. can't figure that out. but yup, as the sweet 16 round begins their 16 days-- dares with my name on them. every time a team win that dare advances all the way to the chim. so if the reigning champs win again have i to host the show dressed as a klingon, okay. all right. this is really going to piss off the romulans on my steaf, i'm just telling you right now.
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bad joke, thanks for the idea. al scarfo 63. if syracuse wins i get the host the show drunk, all right? (cheers and applause) although, have i to say, i don't know how that is any different from any other night is all i have to say. it will give me an excuse to finish off my box wine, so come on, orangemen, let's do it you can do it. so guys, so check out all of the sweet 16 dares on the nightly show website, with the hashtag to see which way i will embarrass myself on national television, okay. have i to sell tell you, i don't know what kind of dare president obama lost but look what he had to do last night. (laughter). >> larry: all right plrks president, not bad. kind of looked like she was in charge though. okay, republicans, now he's leading from behind. okay? now i get it. okay. but is the president like in a
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spring break world tour or something? he is like baseball game in cuba, clubbing in argentina, i mean what is next, beer bonging with merkel in germany? (applause) he is having a good time, you guys. okay, move on to our next story, richard nixon. now i have never known a dead man who gets himself in more [bleep] than richard nixon, you guys. i just want to say that for the record. check out the latest on tricky mcdick. >> forbs reports on a remark by a former nixon aide hinting that the war on drugs had a hidden purpose. that president nixon saw the descrug crackdown as a way to arrest blacks and antiwar protestors. ehrlichman also claimed the white house knew they were lying about drugs. >> larry: now, i know, i know, this may sound shocking to a lot of people out there but the to most black people, this confirms what they already suspected. to get thoughts on this and the
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black perspective let's go to mike yard for an edition of no [bleep] news. mike, mike? your thoughts on the nixon aide admission that the war on drugs was based on lies and really about oppressing black people. >> yeah, no [bleep] >> larry: okay. sounds about right, mike yard with a no [bleep] news, everybody. thanks, mike. (cheers and applause) mie favorite news, where i get all my news, you guys. shortest news program ever. now the nixon aide in question is the late john ehrlichman who admitted that the war on drugs was created in 1971 to silence nixon's greatest opposition group, ehrlichman said and i quote by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin and criminalizing both heavily we can disrupt those communities
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and vilify them night after night on the evening news. i know, now look, guys, i just got to say, i have to formally apologize to any conspiracy brothers whoever reports a conspiracy that i dismissed. including the moon landing at this point. yeah, which i just assume was produced by mar paramount, you're right, brothers, sorry, buzz, that was some good actingk okay. but look guys, this [bleep] is even worse than i imagined and it could explain why black people despite representing only 12% of our nation's drug users make up 59% of americans currently in prison for drug related offenses. well, that is before obama lets all the brothers out of prison on his last day. (cheers and applause) payback is a bitch! sorry. i had a black attack, i apologize. but seriously, if the man was able to pull off such an elaborate conspiracy just to keep the brothers down, than that must mean-- o.j. really
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didn't do it. (laughter) now seriously, i just find this just so, so-- detestable, the word you are seeking is detestable. >> exactly. hey, its joe martin,-- morton, everybody. joe morton. how is it going, joe? >> from scandal, of course. no one understands detestable government act better than papa pope, right? okay, so what would he say about the situation? >> well, he would address the people who needed proof that the war on drugs was a war on black people directly. >> larry: may i? >> by all means. >> thank you, larry.
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>> oh, yeah. >> now i would like to address america. you ignored what happened and you are ignoring what is happening. this dear, sweet america is what happened. nixon chose to keep black folks under control by arresting their leaders, raiding their homes and have i vilifying them night after night on the evening news. but you chose to watch reality tv eat fast food, screw your spouses or your battery operated products, and only think about the freedoms that your fellow americans did not have when it was convenient for you. >> yeah. >> if i were you, america, i would be afraid. very afraid. you are on the brink of giving your country a way to a man whose only interests are money and tv ratings. trump, he like nixon promises to make america great again. that's code for profiling muslim. raiding their homes and vilifying them night after night on the evening news.
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(cheers and applause) trump will get you and leave you whreed bleeding out of your wherever. that is the trump presidency versus america. maya angelou once said when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. (applause) we didn't believe it when it was nixon but today i'm telling you, america, believe it and stay woke. the american people need to get rid of this tiny, figured microdigitted rotting papaya face hate geyser vulgar vulgarian-- come hell or high water. because to be clear, if trump gets elected it's the american people who are the hell and the
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high water. >> larry: joe morton, ladies and gentlemen, laying it down, we'll be right back. oh, man. this is our lab. it's where we learn everything we know. where we study the athletic body... what it does... and what it's capable of doing...
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welcome back. before we go any further, i have to talk about this latest example of intimidation on hate crimes on college campuses, in the past we have seen incidents like schools like connecticut college where last year someone wrote no niggas in the bathroom of the campus building. interestingly no niggas was what nbc called "friends." little known fact, i'm the messenger, i'm the messenger,
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all right. okay, so what hate graffiti are they dealing with now. >> it all started over the weekend when there were a couple of protrump chalk writings seen throughout emory university's campus and on monday a handful of students complained when they saw those, they used terms like that they were traumatized and that they felt this was a violent action against them. >> larry: traumatized? just by seeing his name in chalk? that's-- how do you think i feel living in new york. i got to see that [bleep] gold every day that is a hate crime. >> now vowing to hunt down whomever wrote "trump 2016" on a sidewalk in chalk. the student government is now releasing some photos and the school is offering emergency counseling. >> larry: emergency counseling? how is counseling, honey. >> i don't know, my therapist just laughed at me. look, guys, i agree that a lot
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of what donald trump says is hateful but not his name. he's not voldemort. you guys were getting-- from here. okay, now here now to discuss this story are two students currently enrolled at emory university, justice daf enport and piper lydon. (applause) guys, i want to ask you, i'm just going to cut right to the chase. don't you think this whole thing, come on, is a bit of an overreaction. >> no! i'm scared! i had no idea that i went to school with, with people who have different opinions than me. it is terrifying. >> yeah, look, i'm personally open minded. i will hear any idea on a political spectrum from liberal all the way to progressive. >> larry: okay, look, i understand not liking donald trump. >> oh, oh! trigger word, trigger word! >> larry: calm down, calm down, guys.
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guys. what the hell just happened? >> you just used our trigger -p>e before saying upsetting things like the t word. >> let me get my grief counselor on face thyme. >> larry: don't face thyme anybody. listen, this is what i mean. this feels like an overreaction. i understand not liking done-- done-- dt, but why is writing his name in chalk tenant mowbt to an assault? >> it was written in all caps. that is like scream on the internet. you can't be personally screamed at, larry. >> and the chalk was white, larry. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i mean, a little obvious. >> yeah. >> larry: are you blowing this whole thing out of proportion. you need to stop being so sensitive. >> how dare you! >> you are attacking us, you far
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right wing radical. >> larry: i'm not a far right wing radical. i just don't know how you have all the time to do this. especially it being march and mid terms-- wait a secretary, why do these things always happen around mid terms. >> huh, weird. >> yeah, well, one thing we can all agree on is that due to the trauma, we won't be able to take our mid terms. >> no. (applause). >> larry: i don't think we are agreeing to that. >> sorry, larry, got to go to another protest. somebody saw the word "slave" in a history book. >> larry: it's a history book. >> we'll be right back. >> we'll be right back. >> i don't agree. this is the all-new 20wow, it's nice.. let's check it out. do any of you have kids? i do yes. this car has a feature built in called teen driver technology, which lets parent's see how their teens are driving. oh, that's smart. it even mutes the radio until the seat belt is fastened.
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will it keep track of how many boys get it in the car? (laughter) cause that could be useful. this is ahead of what my audi has for sure. wish my beamer had that. i didn't even know that technology existed. i'm not in the market for a car but now i may be. man,puppymonkeybaby...l tonight. puppymonkeybaby... ♪ puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... puppymonkeybaby... mountain dew kickstart. dew. juice. caffeine. ) verizon is the number one network in america. i know what you're thinking, they all claim stuff like that. yeah, but some of them stretch the truth a little bit. like this. faster, more reliable and better coverage than ever. and it shows the coverage there. uh, oh, hold on. oh! map is not a depiction of coverage! well, then what's the point? i'm speechless. only verizon has the largest 4g lte network in america. and now if you buy a samsung galaxy s7 edge, you get one free.
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>> >> larry, hey welcome back. our contributor mike yard, jordan and writing and director, you can see him in his new show three nights' lynn redgrave theater, comedian neal brennan. (applause) and for everyone at home join our conversation on twitter@nightly with the hashtag tonightly. we went through this earlier in the show. a group of students at emory university said they were frightened for thaifer their lives after someone wrote trump 16 in chalk on the sidewalk. one student asked if emory would send out a university wide e-mail to deny supporting trump. the university said no. and then a protest took place with students speaking you are not listening to us. come speak to us, we are in pain. >> do they know what pain means? >> larry: is this a real problem or an overreaction? >> i'm not too sure. >> i think you are sure.
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i'm on the same-- here's what i think. you know how black peernlings you guys are looking for a racial epithet for white people? that is as powerful as the "n" word? >> go on. >> trump, i think we have. >> it stirs up a lot of emotions. people say i feel unsafe, i need my inhaler, i need someone wrap a blanket around me. >> here is my problem. the thing was written in chalk, if are you that offend, just do this. >> that's true, that is true. you can also write [bleep] above it or suck below it. >> i like that. >> either way. >> that's nice. >> larry: what happened to creativity. >> i done know what they are teaching at emory. >> pour your latte on it. >> that is a waste of a late. >> larry: why do people think it's hate speech, why is that term used? >> have you seen donald trump rallies? >> larry: yeah, but his name, just, he is running for president. >> yeah, i don't know what their case. is it just-- .
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>> larry: yes, you do, neal, come on. >> so they just, it's just offense-- the idea of him is offensive or like what do they do when it's on the news. like-- when it's like-- they grab you like that. >> i get it he is a hateful dude but reading his name, like really, dude, you know what i mean. come on. >> i wish i could call my dad when i was younger. when i was in college and say they wrote something on the wall. i can't handle it. >> my dad would come to to that school, come to my classes, slap the [bleep] out of me and then go hem, that is what he would do. >> i agree. st a poor reaction. i find it funny, college kids, we don't take them seriously because they drink too much and they want to put the noodle in everything. you know, but we hold them. >> yeah. >> but we hold them accountable. i have something. >> that is what you just said. >> if it's a noodle you are probably not doing it right. >> you have to boil it.
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>> but i'm just saying, i'm just saying this, we hold them-- we hold them accountable for their political views. i know, everything else-- yeah, that's true. >> we hold them accountable? >> yes, we do, that is what we are doing. get it together, college kids, they can barely-- they barely, they wouldn't be anywhere without their parents, you know what i am saying. >> that is who i blame. >> your paragraph made no sense at all. >> you started with noodle and ended with their parents. >> are there any-- i don't know. i'm just saying, i feel like. >> you're saying we're too hard on them. >> yes, are you way too hard. >> i blame the parents, though, i blame the parents, this is what happens when you grow up in a society where they give out participation trophies and [bleep], okay. that's what happens. okay. >> there are no winners there are no losers. yes, there say winner. the guy that blew past you and crossed the finish line first, he won. you lost.
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>> >> larry: so is this an entitlement issue. >> of course it is, without a doubt. ain't no kids in the hood mad because somebody wrote trump 2016. i-- all i'm saying is by the time they graduate they will probably be-- these kids are so young. they will get it right. you should drink mattie ice, i don't-- now i drink like a real man. you know. >> larry: where do you think this energy is coming from on college campuses that want to tamp down speech. >> i don't-- i mean obviously it's the trigger warning, sort of thing. i think it's just from-- i think there say genuine thing when people say politically correct speech, it's basically just giving respect to people that haven't got respect in the past. but i think now there's an overcorrection to the point where i heard a story of kids getting upset that there is trump written in chalk on the street. did you see this story.
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>> it's so bad, larry, i did a showu nc wilmington. and i cursed on stage. and everybody-- haa, that is the response. and i was like what -- what the [bleep]? haa. >> larry: and the nu n who booked you said this is a. >> i wish it was a catholic school. i got banned from a school because i asked, i did a show during black history month and i found out that the president of the black student union was a white girl. right? true story, i'm not making thup. she was a white girl and so on stage. >> larry: that sounds like hate speech already. >> you know what i am saying. there was black people in the audience soirks asked the black people, so none of y'all? could have took this job? none of y'all? >> are you doing standup. >> and so what happened was they said, they wrote a letter to my agent saying that i was banned from the school. >> no. >> yeah. >> you were band. >> they banned me because they said i didn't promote racial
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harmony. >> larry: how did you say it, how did you how come you [bleep] did you say it like that? >> no, i looked around the room and i was like but there's black people in here. and i was like, so none, not one of y'all-- . >> larry: like you did not create a safe space in that college. >> it was a white woman in charge. >> in charge of the black student union. >> and it was not raiks. >> it was pre. >> larry: it was not inkog-nigro. >> and here is the thing, she wasn't even trying to blend in. she didn't have curly hair, she had long blond hair. she had blue eyes, her name was hannah. >> i think-- i think that all makes a lot of sense. all right, we'll be right back. >> if you live in new york city or are planning to visit, grab or are planning to visit, grab tickets to the nigh
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>> larry: that's our show. a special thanks to joe morton for being here tonight. we're almost out of time, before we go i will keep it a hundred with you guy, tonight's question from an audience member, let's take a look. >> hey, larry, keep it 100. if could you have any useless superpower what would you pick, for example i would want to toast bread just by looking at it. >> i would want to make uni corns fake. >> larry: how did you get in there. >> a useless superpower s that keeping it a hundred. i would be laundry man. then i could just look at my laundry and it's done. >> thank as for watching, don't forget to ask me keep it a hundred. challenge me guys, challenge me, happy easter. everybody.
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>> chris: it's 121 im 59 and 59 second, this happened on twittedder, i would like to take a minute to talk about one of the greatest states in our fair union, yeah! nebraska! that's right. yeah! i ain't afraid. let's talk about it. let's get into it. america. cornhusker state produces pork and soybeanses, birth place of swoosie kurtz and larry the cable guy. it ranks 41s in population but 1s in population density are right here in my heart where it counts, it troubles me that people are making making fub of nebraska new license plate t was tweeted out by their governor ricketts who i am told does not actually have ricketts so why is he named that, but this say really great thing about nebraska. have i not seen it, but i can't imagine why pe

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