Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 10, 2016 1:37am-2:11am PST

1:37 am
and you're going in the butthole. you can also do the "got your nose," make 'em sniff your butthole. all right, send in your own nude, dirty finger 'tudes, and i'll put them on tv before the censors figure out what's happening. who wants to tuck me in? good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. our guest ton, i'm a huge fan, from the new move ye "the brothers grimesby" sacha baron cohen is here. (applause). >> trevor: the big news last
1:38 am
night came out of the democratic primary in michigan. that's right, people, bernie sanders figured out that since hillary started stealing his platform, he would start stealing her poll numbers. >> bernie sanders with a big upset victory over hillary clinton in michigan. >> the biggest upset in primary history. >> the polls showed clinton leading sanders by 20 points in michigan, and she lost. >> that is as big a polling failure as we have seen. >> trevor: yeah, that's right. people still don't know why the poll numbers were so off. you know, was it the fact that the polls didn't account for young voters turning out or was it because of the independent voters, or was it because of that snapchat face swat that confused the [bleep] out of people. that totally threw them off. (laughter) you know, i'm not normally attracted to either of them but-- now bernie, hey. so bernie sanders victory in michigan caught everyone off guard. and i mean everyone. >> bernie sanders was not expecting a win in michigan at
1:39 am
all. he was in miami last night. he gave a speech earlier a-- early and went to his hotel really to retire and watch the results come in. he had to come back out and make a statement. >> trevor: that is so-- like bern ye went off to retire. i can imagine bernie's people waking him up to hell tell him he had won. senator sanders, what-- waws, waws! waws billionaires! what? what? but you know, even more than for bernie, the michigan primary was also a big win for the city of flint. because the fight for michigan's delegates brought flint more attention from the candidates than they have ever had before. >> it is raining lead in flint. and the state is der elect. >> it was beyond belief that children in flint michigan in the united states of america in the year 2016 are being poisoned. >> trevor: he's right it is beyond belief that kids are being poisoned in the year 2016. although the year isn't really
1:40 am
the important part of what that is. no, no, i mean like no one is like when were those kid.sond, 1996? oh, well, never mind then. you see, as bad as flint's problem is, the one thing on their side was timing. because if are you going to have a massive lead poisoning problem, it turns out you might as well do it just before politicians show up to win your votes in an important presidential primary. because that's when you have leverage. you know, it's like when a kid's birthday falls just before she's due to testify in her parent's custody battle. dad is like now just remember to tell the truth up there, sweetie. and again, what color pony would you like? so much focus has been on the flint crisis that it's gone beyond just the world of politics. >> beyonce has set up the bay good fund to provide fresh water and filters to the people of flint. >> cher and water company icelandic glacial announced they are partnering to send more than
1:41 am
100,000 bottles. >> mark wahlberg and diddy have donated a million bottles of water from their company automatic aqua hydrate. >> trevor: that's really fantastic. all of these celebrities coming together is really, really-- well, except for the name of their water company. i mean aqua hydrate? the most redundant name since marky mark. that is the kind of name you come up with when its minutes to go before the big investor meeting and you realize you forgot to name your company, oh [bleep], what are we going call t aqua eye drait? -- hydrate? the truth is i'm glad that flint is et going the help they desperately need. because they do they desperately need it anyone in this type of situation does. but that's the thing. sadly flint isn't the only flint. right now america has more color in its water than in its oscars. hashtag water so brown. take jackson, mississippi. >> the people of jackson, mississippi, are facing a scary and unfortunately familiar sounding crisis over lead found in drinking water.
1:42 am
>> random tests of 58 homes found 13 had high levels of lead. >> jackson, mississippi, leaders say the water is safe to drink but they're warning pregnant women and small children to avoid it. >> you have beyonce doing a whole concert and sending the proceeds to flint. well, we need the same type attention to jackson, mississippi. >> trevor: this does need attention because if jackson doesn't get money to replace their cor rose control systems the levels of lead could keep getting worse. and also, just a real quick kudos to this guy for rye trying to squeeze in a free beyonce concert at the end. i like how he did that the only thing that will solve the jackson water crisis is a formation tour and four vip tickets to the beehive. i like how he says it like just beyonce, like that was on the tip of his tongue. could you know if his assistant said we can get meek mill and nickleback he would be like, haven't these people suffered enough? we need beyonce.
1:43 am
so jackson, mississippi, has a lead problem too. and just a few hours away in st. joseph, louisiana, they've got some iron issues with their water. >> imagine turning on your tap only to have brown water flow and then state health officials tell you it is safe to drink. we questioned the town's mayor ed brown about the problem. would you drink that? >> i wouldn't. i haven't drank the water in st. joseph since i moved back here. >> he says he moved back here 23 years ago. >> trevor: i wouldn't-- i wouldn't drink that. yeah, the mayor of st. joseph hasn't drank the water in 23 years. and you can blame him? that [bleep] looks like donald trump's bath water. it is more like h2o hell no. and it's not even always lead or iron that is con tam naturing the water. >> since last november the residents of the tiny upstate village of hoosick falls have been using bottled water for drenging an cooking after
1:44 am
contamination was discovered in the local water supply. one of the sources of contamination is the san dovan plant located in hoosick falls. the plant manufacturers plastics and uses chemicals including pfoa. >> trevor: hold on, hold on. this say horrible story, again, but we have to address the fact that this town getting sick from its water is called hoosick falls. (laughter) talk bay self-fulfilling prove see. what named the place. its lee like the residents cornered mark wahlberg, we need you to think of a name now. he's like, okay, so there are sick people, okay, who's sick? oh, man, anyway i got to run, goit to name my water km. have i this big meeting coming up. before flint, i thought, and a lot of us did, that the run-up to the election takes too long. but now i'm starting to think that maybe it should take even longer because then over time america's candidates would have to campaign in every poisoned water town in the country to try
1:45 am
and win their votes. and then maybe, just maybe, thing was get fixed faster. because just like when they have to go to iowa and they have to eat corn dogs and deep fried butter, we should make them drink the local water. every time they go to these places, they should have to drink the local water. yeah. in fact, it should be up there on the podiums at the debate. and sorry little marco, it is probably going to hit you the hard es, but i'm willing to take that risk. we'll be right back.
1:46 am
your credit is in pretty good shape. chuck, i know i have a 798 fico score, thanks to experian.com. kaboom... get your credit swagger on. go to experian.com. become a member of experian credit tracker and take charge of your score. getting unlimited data for your family is a struggle. other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! introducing the best data plan ever! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! yup!-we'll give you a fourth line at no extra cost. so tell those other guys you're done worrying about data. get three lines of unlimited data for fifty bucks each, and a fourth line on us. hurry, only at t-mobile. ♪ ♪ eyes, toes,
1:47 am
noses. hormones know too. dogs know. kids know. kids who think they're dogs know. (howling sound) scotts. it's good out here. do you sign invoices likeour fathey're autographs?en, then you might be gearcentric. right now, buy two get one free on all pens, pencils, and markers! office depot officemax. gear up for great®. -totally, right? -kinda reminds me of when i had it all. high-powered job, sports car.
1:48 am
had to walk away from it all. i've known you since middle school. -when did all this happen? -fourth grade. with all white meat chicken on a brioche bun, the ultimate chicken club has it all. (clicks) when the thirst is real. there's no substitute for that classic, crisp, lemon-lime flavor. ♪ those bubbles cut right through. to give you exactly what you need. nothing else comes close. you want the real eddie huang you better keep up because no matter where i'm going, i'm obey my thirst. ♪ obey your thirst. ♪
1:49 am
>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. let's turn to last night's republican primaries where the big winner was once again donald
1:50 am
trump. and that makes me so happy because you never know what is going to happen when trump get gives a talk. for instance last night in his victory speech ended up with a secret service agent guarding a table of wine 57bd steak. that is a real thing that happened last night. secret service agent was guarding food. so how did we get here? well, it started when 2012 republican presidential nominee a really nee gave a speech last week pointing out some of trump's embarrassing business failures. and that lead to the bis,-- best, classiest infomercial ever. >> mitt romney got up and made a speech the other day. he said the steak company, and we have trump steaks, and by the way, you want to take one, we will charge you about what, $50 a steak. we sell water and we are have water, and it's a very successful, you know, it's a private little water company. and i supply the water for all my places and it's good, but it's very good. >> trevor: hmmmm. $50 steak and very good water.
1:51 am
you sure know how to treat a lady. so we've got trump water, and trump steaks. how much would you pay for all of that? well, don't answer yet. >> trump airlines. well, i sold the airline. and i actually made a great deal. trump magazine, this comes out, it's called the jewel of palm beach and it goes to all of my clubs. i've had it for many years and the magazine is great. anybody want one, here, take one. >> trevor: donald trump what make a great jehovah's witness, have you read about-- here, take one, take one, yeah, whatever, see you in hell. whatever. just to remind you, this is an acceptance speech for a republican presidential candidate now some of the haters out there might be saying how am i going to make it through a trump presidency, i'm literally going to have to be drunk every single day. well, once again, trump's got you covered. >> and by the way, the winery, you see the wine. cuz you mentioned trump vodka. it's the largest weinery on the
1:52 am
east coast, i own it 100 percent, no mortgage, no debt, you can all check, you just have to go check the records, folks, in fact, the press, i'm asking you, please check. >> trevor: well plrks trump, if you insist. so to check it out we go live to senior political correspondent jordan klepper, people. (applause) jordan, trump challenged the media to check his claims. so what did you do. >> i [bleep] checked it, trevor. and right there on the website of the thing he boasted he owned 100 percent of it says that trump weinery is not owned, managed or affiliated with donald j. trump. >> trevor: but jordan, what kind of balls does it take to dare the press to check something that is so untrue? >> the kind of balls that gets sworn in next january. but the weinery is just the tip of this. take these trump steaks. now these are not trump steaks. because there is no such thing as trump steaks.
1:53 am
jz but jordan he called them trump steaks. >> there used to be a thing called trump steaks back in 2007. trump used to sell them through the sharper image catalog. i assume between the doing segue and ionic mass tur baition water. >> trevor: well, who buys steaks at the sharper image. >> well, the jury is still out on that one, trevor. because according to sharper image's then c.e.o. they literally sold almost no steaks. (laughter) i'm no businessman but that might have been a factor in them being discontinued. >> trevor: what is donald trump doing, jordan. no wine, there is no steaks. >> he's coasting to the republican nomination, that's what he ask doing. let's just keep it rolling because like a mid week chicago brunch, steak and wine are just the appetizers. how about the trump magazine. >> trevor: let me guess, there is no such thing as trump magazine. >> see, there was a trump magazine from 2007 to 2009, they published about ten issues. like this one with its hard-hitting cover story about champagne and tits.
1:54 am
>> trevor: the magazine doesn't exist, what did he hold up last night. >> well, trevor, while claiming he was holding trump magazine, his trump brain accidentally told us the truth, it was a different magazine. >> we have trump magazine t is called the jewel of palm beach. >> jewel of palm beach is basically the brochure for trump's resorts. it's like if sky mall [bleep] a chinese takeout menu and gave birth to an ad for a topless brazilian steakhouse. >> trevor: wow, okay so basically all of trump's claims of business success. >> they're crap, just crap, trump airlines, [bleep] the business defaulted and was sold off, trump water is gernic bottled water he slap is his name on. trump university say joke. i spent all night looking into this stuff. and spoiler alert, it's all bull [bleep] tdz wow, wow, that is fantastic work, jordan. it really is. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: great job on that. real quick, since we're fact
1:55 am
checking, what about trump's trade policies or tax plan. >> trevor, look, yes, those are all very important but i have only had time to deal with the bull [bleep] that is literally on this table. i'm in over my head and to be honest with you i'm feeling a bit light-headed. >> trevor: did you have some of that trump wine? >> yeah, and i chased it with some trump clams. don't think those were clams. >> trevor: you should get to a hospital, jordan klepper, everyone. we'll be right back. oh hon, why is this a wine fridge now and not a freezer for my leftover christmas gravy? check the freezer freezer. oh! let's get this chardonnay and gravy party started. (squeak and giggle) when you can choose to smooth? choose suprises over dull. choose design, over in a lull. choose for women. choose leader. choose bars. choose movement. choose delight. choose to love your knees
1:56 am
and treat your underarms like queens. choose skin you adore. choose venus. choose more. choose to take a stand. choose to smooth. venus but with new odor blocker. the most powerful old spice antiperspirant in the world. i found a new one. 1207 mph, it seems to be...
1:57 am
♪ ♪ ♪ pepsi cola this turkyeah. natural? it's too good to be true. don't say that. it's called the 60 second six pack. it's called the abinator. it's called the pulsator. (buzzing sound) (groans) finally, something that's not too good to be true. it's oscar mayer natural turkey breast, and it tastes great. ♪ the candy man can 'cause he need some help, guys? yeah. no. ♪ living for tomorrow, ♪ lost within a dream ♪ let the sun shine through ♪ to lift your spirits once again ♪ ♪ 'cause love makes the world feel good ♪ ♪ and it feels so good ♪ oh yeah and it feels so good ♪ the candy man can 'cause he mixes it with love ♪ ♪ and makes the world taste good ♪ hannah's recipe for a successful bistro.
1:58 am
feed the garden all year long. feed people all year long. hire cute waiter's. miracle-gro. life starts here. this nah, i don't live far. sound system and low apr. it's got tons of room. i do own a broom. this is pretty fun. yeah, i've been thinking of growing a man bun. ♪ during toyota's 1 for everyone sales event, get 0% apr financing for 60 months on a 2016 corolla. offer end april 4th. for great deals on other toyotas, visit toyota.com thanks, jan. no, it's jan! toyota. let's go places.
1:59 am
what would help is simply being able to recognize a fair price. that's never really been possible. but along comes a radically new way to buy a car, called truecar. now it is. truecar has pricing data on every make and model, so all you have to do is search for the car you want, there it is. now you're an expert in less than a minute. this is how car buying was always meant to be. this is truecar. ♪ (cheers and applause).
2:00 am
>> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a comedian and actor whose new movie is called the brothers grimsby. >> four, three-- my gun. >> koment on, chap. >> mission to abort now. come on, acknowledge. >> good-bye. (laughter). >> trevor: please welcome sacha baron cohen. (applause) >> how are you?
2:01 am
(cheers and applause). >> trevor: the people love you. >> i love the people. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: and you have treated them well. welcome to the show, my friend. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you very much, happy to be here. >> trevor: i'm a huge, huge fan of yours. i mean-- changed my life. >> how, wait a minute. >> trevor: how, i didn't think that you could do anything like that in the world. and it did. >> really? >> trevor: yeah. >> i like that you could
2:02 am
actually, you know, with the beard, the top. >> trevor: don't say that. >> can you? that's good, that's good. >> trevor: yeah. >> all right. >> trevor: and i just got to learn a few of the phrases and then i will get in. >> yeah. >> trevor. >> there was something called booyakasha syndrome which a lot of kids started doing that, and if you do it repetitively you actually, you tear the muscles, there was literally they created this new thing called booyakasha syndrome. i never got seud for, that but that was one the few things. >> trevor: i love that. let's talk about the movie the brothers grimesby. there is weird. i'm glad i got to watch it because i didn't know what the hell was going on. >> that clip is not very representative. >> trevor: i was like wait a minute. >> i did all of those stunts. what happened was we decided to create this kind of very authentic action movie that was, you know, could rival bond and bourne.
2:03 am
it is kind of borat meets bourne, essentially. >> trevor: an-- and i can be even work the mouth. and so the problem was we had about 160 million dollars left to make it. so what we did was we found this director, louis leterriel, he has done a bunch of marvel movies and connected with this russian guy who basically discovered if you stick a go proin your head, you can shoot action scenes for real. so what we did was we got a complete nut case action guy, action stunlt man, that guy without does all the marvel movies. the guy when downie, jr. goes back to his trailer, he-- and we stuck a camera on his head and this guy fought everyone for real, jumped off bridges, went through exploding cars. basically the guy was a complete
2:04 am
idiot. and i would say as well there were seven other stunt men that died, unfortunately n that scene. but it was cool. we sent them chocolates and flowers, a huge borat poster. >> trevor: the families. >> the families, yeah, so you know. what would you prefer? >> trevor: yeah, that's part of the job for them. >> yeah. >> trevor: you also gave donald trump aids in the movie. >> yes. i haven't done it outside the movie. only in the movie. well-- actually, i've got to say, that was-- originally i thought how can i give donald trump aids in a movie. and then i worked backwards. >> trevor: which is a question everybody has. >> yeah, exactly. it has always been a dream of mine. and i worked backwards and then created the movie that would allow me to give him aids, you know. (applause) but we, we have had a legal threat today representatives for aids are very upset that they're
2:05 am
associated with donald trump. >> trevor: real quick, let's just chat about the undertone of the movie because it is a fascinating story about two brothers who come to find each other. but you actually are talking about, i guess, what bernie sanders is preparing about, and that is income inequality and social structures that de fine us. was that like your intention. >> i'm a huge trump supporter, what do you think? well, yeah, i mean, i don't want to get too preten shus, you know. essentially i deliver movies that are tro january horses for-- trojan horses for big [bleep] jokes. but there is a social message. there are these two brothers, what would happen if james bond originally was this kind of tough, hooligan as a kid in the north of england. so these are two brothers that get split up, the james bond guy played by the wonderful mark strong. you have never heard of him? (applause) >> pretend you have.
2:06 am
he's great though, he's great. he's a brilliant actor. and then i play this member of the kind of working class, actually the nonworking class. he is kind of the type of person who is seen here as a scrounger, somebody who is like a welfare cheat, he's got nine to 11 kids. he's-- . >> trevor: i like that it's not specific. >> yeah, he's not sure. he's not great at counting. his girlfriend is played by the wonderful rebel wilson who is hilarious in it. >> trevor: oh, yeah. >> and you know, he drinks quite a lot and does a kind of very modest amount of heroin, you know, a safe amount, a safe amount, it's okay for family. and ultimately it's a family film. but you know, we kind of-- you know. but it is quite emotional. it is a family film with [bleep] in it. >> trevor: an emotional [bleep]. >> an emotional fill wrm [bleep] in it.
2:07 am
>> yeah. >> trevor: the brothers grimesby is in theaters friday. sacha baron couldhen, everybody. >> thank you very much. >> thank you very much.
2:08 am
hey there, can i help you with anything? hey siri, what's at&t's latest offer? oh, i don't think that siri can...
2:09 am
right now, switch to at&t for an iphone and get one free. wow, is that right? yeah, it's basically... yes. that is the current offer from at&t. okay siri, you don't know everything. well, i know you asked me to call you the at&t hostess with the mostest. okay, shut her down. turn it off. right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line.
2:10 am
>> that's all we have time for, join us tomorrow night at 11. your moment of zen. >> i know you follow the news and you listen to bbc. i'm just curious if you have any views on the presidential candidate in this country who is making the most noise, trump. >> oh, tha ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause )

156 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on