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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 6, 2013 7:30pm-8:01pm PST

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yesterday, toronto mayor rob ford today clarified his earlier denials he had been caught on video smoking crack cocaine clarifying by admitting he had in fact been caught on video tape smoking crack cocaine. >> yes, i was smoking crack cocaine. do i? am i aam i am addict? have i tried it. probably in one of my drunken stupors. a crack user. i'm a social crack user. when i drink i smoke a little crack. obviously today the scandal was disgraceful and the only thing left for him to do. >> i was elected to do a job and that's exactly what i'm going to continue doing. on october 27th, of 2014, i want
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the people of this city to decide whether they want rob ford to be their mayor. [laughter] >> that's huge. [bleep] your sister. i'm going to stay married to you? [laughter] >> i'm hoping to continue [bleep] >> he decided, didn't he, good. i'm going to run for election. mayor ford, we need camera
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three. [laughter] you need help. and i don't mean help carrying a case of beer down into the basement so you can get drunk enough to smoke crack. i mean help help. let's just talk to toronto for a second. you can go. we want to smoke some crack. [laughter] all right. we're alone now. >> i heard that you met forth's- ford's approval ratings went up after it came out that he smoked crack. [laughter] do you know what that makes you as the city of toronto? enablers, ey. now let me ask you a question. are you waiting for this man to hit rock bottom. are you waiting for him to what text pictures of his [bleep] >> i'm going to say this, i don't know you, i don't live in your city.
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mayor ford's a lot of fun to ridicule. but my guess is not a lot of fun to all gize and that's where this thing's headed. now even though i will lose precious material, please go to rehab. [laughter] i lose jokes in the short term, of course. but my guess is it's a long term investment. [laughter] you'll be back. get some help. >> now here in the states we're still working out some of the fine print on our new healthcare system. right now there's talk that the president of the united states was less than a hundred percent honest with the rhetoric. >> if you like your current plan, you will be able to keep it. >> did he just say if we like our current plan, we'll be able to keep it. >> let me repeat that. if you like your plan, you'll be able to keep it. [laughter] >> i thought that was what you said. if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.
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>> without any caveats to that because it sounds definitive. >> we will keep this promise to the american people. if you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor. period. if you like your healthcare plan, you'll be able to keep your healthcare plan. period. >> period. [laughter] first of all i do not think you're supposed to read the punctuation in the speeches. [laughter] i'm pretty sure. how would the definitive statement sound post implementation of the healthcare act when it's abundantly cool you cannot keep your plan or your doctor. >> if you had or have one of these plans before the affordable care act came into law, and you really like that plan. what we said was you could keep it. if it hasn't changed since the law's passed. >> well, no, no, no.
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no, what you said was, you can keep it. period. now what you said, what you said there was more like you can keep your healthcare plan ellipses comma because it may no longer meet the requirements or your insurance company may not be extending your plan. period. noticed by incompetence and arrogance. did i do that. no. not when the president's somewhat dishonest. somewhat dishonest about the promise of his healthcare program. but here's the weird part. his opponents have been lying like [bleep] >> it's estimated that obamacare will increase taxes over a trillion dollars and add $6
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trillion to the deficit. >> we're looking at probably $20,000 in premiums next year. and we don't even have insurance for our daughter who has a preexisting condition. >> $95 fine that a lot of young people are going to take in order to avoid prison time or whatever ramifications. >> vladimir lenin he said socialized medicine is the keystone of the arch to the socialist state. >> obamacare is really i think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. [laughter] >> jon: it's okay that he's dishonest but it is sort of weird if that is the worst law nobody to maknown to man kind, f something's generally bad telling the truth is tough.
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12 years of slaves doesn't mean that. [laughter] not to mention some at arguments against the affordable care act. >> the point is who should set minimum. a lot of people are saying why should somebody in washington tell me i needs to have these ten items in every plan, tennis seven benefits. it's like passing the law the only car you can buy is a fully loaded cadillac. what if you can only afford a honda. >> jon: so your point is why should the government said ten standards for healthcare when they don't said ten standards for cars. what? this is the federal standards for automobiles. [laughter] the reason is because the federal government sets at least 50 standard items that must be in either a cadillac or a honda if they would like to be referred to as a car. [laughter] so my guess is you're going to be able to find some people who did not benefit from this law and some people who are actually
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burdened by this law. don't pretend that the old system was d cocoon. we won't ever get old and we won't ever die. seriously man [bleep] before sucked. i give you the shrank law o shre medicare. >> i had a bill for $180,000. >> blue shield rejected me. >> backlog and improperly denied claims encouraging its employees to drop policy holders and actually paying bonuses based on how much money the company saved. >> jon: and you know ♪ you were then ♪ [laughter] i know you're worried about some
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of these new cases. you know who is getting these coals out from under them it's not wealthy people. but you can't pull that concern [bleep] when this is the way you acted to the millions without insurance in the old system. i'>> i'm not sure why we need to revamp multitrillion for a handful of people. >> a million handful of people. if you don't like having a doctor you got to keep not having a doctor. period. we'll be right >> jon: havior.
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a certain news network shall remain nameless has been occasionally, like when there's a break in news incident there are fans out in the streets and
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guesses that [bleep] might be happening. >> we can look at this chopper right here if we can. this is apparently some kind of rescue chopper. >> look at the cars that are coming. something these happened. we don't know what it is. >> it's really bad. what is it. >> i think it's important we praise them for doing things we like even if we like them for fa facetious and nefarious action. >> it's time for the day award but before we get there let's go to the couch. [laughter] >> jon: let me real quick, what we're about to watch, what we see is a seam pull mechanical docking issue that could have taken care of during the commercial break but they look at it as an opportunity. >> every day we're working for even better company and to keep our commitment. and we made a big commitment to
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america. in fact, we've invested over $55 billion here in the last five years making bp america's largest energy investor. our commitment never been stronger. >> jon: what just happened. they came back from commercial to a commercial covering what they could have done during the commercial. and the cherry on top. the company that responds to this news segment is actually in the news quite a bit. about how hard they've been working to get gulf course aquatic birds without of their oil. the couch walk is so gloriously unnecessary i think i'm in love with them. they're banging them out left and right. sometimes it's on the couch on just a whim. >> does the expression brain food mean anything. what when you eat can affect your mental health but i feel like it's a couchable
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conversation. [laughter] >> do i have to sit on a couch to hear it or can i -- >i -- let me say something to the heads of cnn, people who run cnn. don't make these people do that. they seem like nice people mostly. don't crush their spirits. >> unfortunately there are sometimes stories that are not exactly walk to the couch friendly. >> the woman who just defied all the odds finished the motion difficult ironman race ever the kona race without her legs, the ultimate good stuff and we'll give it to you early today but wave we dbefore we do we're goid over to the couch. [laughter] >> look at us with our functional legs as we head over to the couch. look at us ladies. da, da, da da da da. i'm going to do a little jig.
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not to look a gift horse in the mouth but i'm seriously thinking they just brainstorm waves. [laughter] smell the news. >> jon: my point is this. we're actually going to be rolling out the sponsored segments that it might be time for bring the news look. [laughter] that leads perfectly into tonight's, if you only need this much to filibuster why do they have to get this to filibuster. wow, that was terrible. the perfect entree to -- sponsored by arby's because your hunger is stronger than your memory. in case you're wondering ... so >> jon: you can see we have
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coming movie. >> everything as changed. >> how has it changed. >> he had another stroke last night. he was good in the race. >> that's good. not for him obviously. [bleep] that's an outstanding development. >> wow honey bear, guess who just announced he's running? can't you see you're in a man cave anymore. he's waiting to get re-elected. >> jon: john goodman. [crowd cheering]
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john goodman. >> am i here to be barked at? >> jon: not at all. >> actually they thought they were going to see arsenio tonight. >> jon: may i say something to you. i would like to say this to you anyway and this may be embarrassing. you never suck in anything. i have never, i have never ever -- everything you do, it's awesome. and i always love watching you do. is there anything you've done where you go boy i didn't like that. >> oh yeah. >> jon: really. >> yeah. >> jon: are you critical of yourself. >> all the time. it gives me the creeps to watch
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myself. we're doing this show alpha house and these a big bus and they have a ten foot picture of my face on it. which is owe owe oh. >> jon: it's not just the face but the characters you've played and it's always interesting. that's why the koen brothers use you in everything they do. you are in everything naturally and organically. >> their writing's almost fool proof and i'm living proof of that. >> jon: how does this amazon thing, i didn't know amazon do television shows. is that a button you click on the site? is that how it happens?
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[laughter] >> i don't know. i'm just a cog in their machine of world domination. as long as, i'm cool. there's a gyms mow you bu gizmoh amazon and you get free tv. >> jon: it runs only on amazon. >> yes, as far as i know. [laughter] if it's on real tv we have to bleep all the stuff. it's the only pleasure doing television these days. >> jon: here's what. do they pay you in amazon points. >> who doesn't get paid in amazon points. >> jon: how did they, who was the creator of this program. >> gary trudeau, the greater of
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doonesbury. >> jon: that's wonderful. >> he writes these incredible scripts. very funny. and johnathan altar. he's a producer and got the political angle on everything. he's great to have around. >> that's assume. he's bun of th one of my heroesg up and reading doont doontz do . a remarkable guy. >> disabled veterans. >> jon: yes. >> incredible. >> jon: is he on the set -- >> crossing t's and dotting i's. he loved that sentence, jom. -- jon. hey you went to yale.
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>> jon: understanding it's a prestiges institution let me just say there are thing that happened there that would make me feel better about your self. let me just tell you briefly if i may, we have a little bit of time. there are five kids from yale. so before the show. i come out and there he is, nice to see you, vegetarian, next question that kind of thing. we're from yale was the question. it's not like i don't know, i don't know the answer. here's his question. someone on campus that's been urinating in dryers. and recently they've taken up to defecating in dryers. what do you think we should do about that. [laughter] >> ask john schuler. >> jon: exactly.
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[applause] >> jon: i didn't get what they got on their sat's but anybody can [bleep] a dryer. is that what it's going to take to go to yale. i can't believe i didn't braj -- graduate from there. >> i've done worse than that. i went to a state school. >> jon: john goodman, amazon dot com on november 15, watch the first three episodes for free and then you end up ordering a power washer for no reason. >> but they're damn good power wa
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according to your analysis, the
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average increase in any state 4-41% in the united states. >> that's an average. the
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>> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. we found this on gawker today. >> have i tried it? probably in one of my drunken stupors. >> chris: that's toronto mayor and all around crack enthusiast rob ford admitting at a press conference he smoked crack after a video was released in which police confirmed that he, in fact, was smoking crack. and he still gets to be mayor! oh, canada! i love it up there. (laughter) it's fantastic. we were trying to make out the tie but we couldn't see past this part right here. (laughter) which we determined are potentially the crack sacks. that's where crack can be stored and then metabolized in the body throughout the week. (laughter) we're not 100% sure. anyway, he's the mayor and covers a very large city. so comedians, please give us the campaign slogan for rob ford's reelection. rhys darby, go. >> don't let your vote slip

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