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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  May 29, 2013 9:30am-10:01am PDT

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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> jon: that's the show. join us tomorrow night here at 11:00, your moment of zen. >> to go through this i would ask all of us to avoid talking about who is liked by president bush. who is liked by president obama. let's all be
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captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you with us. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: oh, i love a zombie army. have a seat. nation, you know, folks, if you watch the news like i do, it seems like lately president obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of
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scandal. which reminds me, what's he doing with all these dead cats? the challenge is, folks, which one to cover. as always, i look to my journalistic heroes: cronkite, murrow, barker. so tonight, i am proud to introduce for the first time on the colbert report the obama scandal booth. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. welcome to the obama scandal booth. brought to you by mazda and the scandalously sleek redesign of the all new 2014 mazda six. mazda: it's not your father's oldsmobile. because it's a mazda.
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now inside this booth are slips of paper, each with the name of a white house scandal: i.r.s., a.p., benghazi, immortal scorpion soldiers. oh, it's coming out. and just moments from now, ladies and gentlemen, i will enter the booth and, like my colleagues, grasp wildly at any accusation that floats past. ten seconds... [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, ten seconds on the clock, please. jimmy. let's get ready to scandal. [ cheers and applause ] and tonight's scandal is benghazi. [ cheers and applause ]
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yes, benghazi. following the tragic attacks of eight months ago, benghazi and the rumored cover-up has become problem number one for the obama administration. >> some republicans say the benghazi scandal will cause president obama's downfall. a survey from public policy polling shows 41% of republicans consider it is to be the biggest political scandal in american history. >> stephen: yes, benghazi is the biggest scandal since sliced bread was caught funneling money to nicaraguan death squads. folks, if republicans are angry now, imagine how they'll feel when they learn where benghazi is. >> of the republicans 39% don't know where benghazi is. 6% think it's in cube i can't...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: folks, i say this just proves that the scandal is global from benghazi, argentina, all the way to benghazi, japan. this could even hurt obama in his hometown of benghazi, illinois. now, republicans have accused the white house and state department of partisan, political white washing of the talking points that ambassador susan rice used on the sunday shows after the attack to help obama's re-election. but white house spokesman jay carney repeatedly denied the white house or state department made substantive changes to the talking points but on may 10, abc news super sleuth jonathan karl uncovered an email from the white house's deputy national security advisor ben rhodes and john karl quoted, quote, we must make sure that the talking points reflect all agency equities including those of the state department.
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a white house email implicating the state department and boom goes the scandal-mite. you see with this email jay carney is a liar and these folks are in this scandal up to their ball-ghazis. end of story. except the actual story. >> we obtained an actual copy of the ben rhodes' email. and he doesn't mention the state department. he doesn't mention talking points. >> there is no evidence, scott, the white house orchestrated these changes. >> there is no indication in any of these emails of any partisan deleting, scrubbing of the facts. >> stephen: shut up, chris. you're on fox news, for god's sakes. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, what part of "fair and balancedded" do you understand? anyway, so what. jonathan karl didn't need the original email. he has a simple explanation. "this is how i reported the
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contents of that email, quoting verbatim a source who reviewed the original documents and shared detailed notes." yes, karl never saw the email so when he quoted from it, those quotes were in quotes. i mean, that's just what you call journalism. now i was surprised... [ cheers and applause ] i was surprised that this past sunday jon karl wasn't on "this week with george stephanapolous" or at the very least "walking back your statements with the stars." but nation, tomorrow night, i will have an ex-clues i've interview with jonathan karl to discuss the benghazi emails. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. that really wasn't necessary.
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i just received a confirmation email from jonathan karl himself in which he writes, quote, i would love to appear on the colbert report. my name is jonathan karl. p.s., my lower body is mostly racoon. ( applause ) now, i am aware that some questions have arisen. is that email real? yes. did i write it myself? perhaps. did i personally sign up for the email address "hot karl 4 you at g-mail dot-com? yes. but it had nothing to do with this story. the point is, i quoted that email verbatim. and if need be, i will get confirmation. let me just make a little call here. it's confirmed. are you sure? yes. confirmed. [ cheers and applause ]
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so benghazi, done. what's next? let's head back over to the mazda scandal booth. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the mazda scandal booth. mazda, it's what's for dinner. all right. all right. jimmy, let's swirl up some journalism. [ cheers and applause ] irs. [ cheers and applause ] the internal revenue service, which reminds me, if anyone
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asks, that booth is my home office. also my son. folks, the i.r.s. has recently admitted singling out applications for tax-exempt status from groups with words like tea party, patriots, 9-12, or said they wanted to make america a better place to live. these flagged groups were which led to massive dplais a process which fox news describes as slow walking which also describes their viewers. ( applause ) and last week, the scandal claimed its first victim. >> now to washington where the i.r.s. scandal has caused the man at the top to lose his job. steve miller had been acting commissioner of the agency for just six months. >> stephen: yes, obama dumped acting i.r.s. commissioner steve miller and i say it's about
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time. my sources tell me he's a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker. ( applause ) and often uses the alias maurice. now, the tax exempt group singled out by the i.r.s. are all social welfare organizations known as 501(c)4s. warning: the following footage con tapes graphic depictions of the u.s. tax code. >> the c-4 designation grew in value in 2010 right after the supreme court said corporations could spend unlimited cash on elections, c-4 applications more than doubled. c4s are specifically forbidden to make politics their primary activity but one advantage, they don't have to reveal their donors >> stephen: a c-4 is like a super pac that doesn't have to reveal its donors which means they could be anyone from one of
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the koch brothers all the way to the other koch brother. and it is all perfectly legal as long as politics isn't the group's primary activity meaning your 501(c)4 can spend 49% of its efforts producing ads calling barack obama a socialist as long as it spends the other 51% doing something good for the community like educating our children that barack obama is a socialist. ( applause ) now, many of you may know i have my own 501(c)4, colbert super pac s-h-h or shhhh. and folks, i hope you're sitting down because i have never received i.r.s. approval for my c-4. (audience groans) >> stephen: very good. is it possible that this whole
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scandal is really about me? i'll check. >> it's about you. knew it. [ cheers and applause ] when we return, we will get to the bottom of me. with super starry leches lawyer trevor potter. we'll be right back.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. folks, in case you just joined our broadcast, in the a-block of tonight's program, we discovered that my 501(c)4, colbert super pac shh was targeted by the obama administration despite the fact that ever since the scandal broke the i.r.s. has approved dozens of conservative tea party groups. yeah, the scandal breaks and the i.r.s. caves faster than a spelunker on meth. here to tell me why i am on obama's hit list, please welcome general counsel for the 2008 mccain campaign, former f.e.c. chairman and my personal lawyer trevor potter in the mazda scandal booth.
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trevor potter, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] trevor, thanks so much. have a seat. all right. now, trevor, let's talk scandal. this i.r.s. thing is actually bad. isn't it? >> it is. it's a real problem for the i.r.s. and those employees did something they should not have done >> stephen: let's get to the heat of the meat. why has my application for tax-exempt status for my 501(c)4 never been granted? >> because we never filed it. stephen: but i have a 501(c)4. >> yes, you do. it's delaware corporation. >> stephen: yeah. it's doing business stephen: hundreds of thousands of dollars have passed through it. >> at least
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stephen: now how is that possible that i didn't apply? am i breaking the law? >> no. your lawyers advised you that there is no legal requirement that you file with the i.r.s. an application for exemption >> stephen: so, wait a second. so you can form a 501(c)4 without asking to form one. >> right stephen: so these tea party anti-big government organizations didn't have to ask big government for permission, but they did anyway? >> right. stephen: what? what a bunch of pussies. ( applause ) okay. all right. the i.r.s. is taking a lot of heat. >> a lot of heat stephen: anyone who applied for tax-exempt status right now, like conservative tea party organizations the i.r.s. would
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be under some pressure to approve them. wouldn't they? >> that would put them in a very awkward position. it would look political. >> stephen: that sounds like something i would like to do. okay. so could i apply now? >> yeah stephen: okay. where would i get an application? >> your lawyer would draft one for you, a 1024, give it to you to sign and then we'd file it >> stephen: do you know of anyone who might have one of those? >> i just happen to, yes. it's right here. >> stephen: all right. all right. okay. trevor, can i file under a different name because colbert super pac shhh isn't sufficiently tea party enough for me. >> sure. you can do a nickname like a "doing business as" name >> stephen: something to put a little bit more pressure on the i.r.s., okay. i was thinking maybe "making america a better tea party patriot 9-12 place to constitution america tea party nominally social welfare
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conservative political action tea party secret money liberty i dare you to deny this application of america tea par party." >> that ought to do it. stephen: all right. right here? >> right there stephen: there that is and, trevor, let's do this thing. trevor potter. >> thank you. stephen: trevor potter, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a pulitzer prize-winning environmental journalist. to pick him up tonight i sent a flaming limosine. please welcome david sassoon. [ cheers and applause ] hey, mr. sassoon, good to see you. thanks for coming on. you are the founder and publisher of something called inside climate news. three of your reporters won the pulitzer prize this year. those stories have been collected into an e-book called "inside the biggest oil spiff you've never heard of." >> that's correct stephen: first of all, what is inside climate news? >> inside climate news is a face of the new journalism. we are an on-line publication. we cover energy and climate news and fill the gaps that
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mainstream journalism is leaving uncovered >> stephen: you're the face of the new journalism out there. do you guys have a scandal booth? >> we don't stephen: everyone is going to do that. from now on, everyone will have a scandal booth. why are you covering environmental stories? because a lot of news organizations are closing their environmental desks. "new york times" closed their environmental desk last year. that's all the news that is is fit to print. doesn't that prove that your environmental news is not fit to print? >> no. stephen: or blog or whatever you kids call it. >> they made an error in closing down their environment desk and getting rid of their two environment editors >> stephen: you're more lefty than the "new york times." that's what it sounds like to me. >> not at all stephen: yes you are. the environment wraps everybody together in one >> stephen: it may, but talking about the environment is lefty. >> no, not at all stephen: it is totally left.
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the far right fringe talks about climate incessantly. >> stephen: why? because they want to say it's not happening >> stephen: it's not though. it is stephen: the climate isn't happening. we're in the climate. it's not happening. see this air. see this stuff between us. that's climate. nothing happening. >> right stephen: that's the environment. this is our environment. can't see it. >> we in the business don't say climate change. we just say climate. i meant to say climate change is happening >> stephen: let's talk about pipeline security. you guys won this thing because of something called the dilbit disaster. it happened in kalamazoo michigan. >> that's right. one million gallons of dilutedded buy due mean that comes from the tar sands of alberta. it starts out almost mike peanut butter. they dilute it >> stephen: with what? jelly? >> that's good. it might be better.
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>> stephen: this is stuff that's still in arkansas. >> that's right. in arkansas too. >> stephen: i heard about the arkansas story a lot. how come i didn't hear more about this kalamazoo? >> because it happened right after the big b.p. oil spill in the gulf. nobody was paying attention. everybody thought it would be cleaned up in a hurry. guess what. it's not cleaned up yet. three years later. the reason is the peanut butter and the diluted stuff, they make it flow through pipelines with, okay, when the pipeline ruptured, the diluted stuff evaporated and the peanut butter sank to the bottom of the river >> stephen: so it's gone. no. stephen: i can't see it. i can't see it. out of sight out of mind. you've heard of that. >> you can swim in it stephen: i don't swim in
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kalamazoo. >> you can eat the fish that comes out of it >> stephen: don't eat fish in kalamazoo. >> it's a problem stephen: i'm sure it's a problem but why do we have to talk about it? if we ignore the environment won't it just go away? >> no, it will hit you up side the head >> stephen: good luck being the new voice of journalism for the world. thank you very much. david sassoon. inside climate news dot-org. thank you very much. we'll be right back.
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